Sunday Sentiments

 

 

A Moment in Time

 

 I'm sitting on the sofa watching the early morning news...... the lil one is sitting in the kitchen (in full view) eating her breakfast ... HE is putting his coat on to head out to work.

He comes over to me - leans down to kiss me goodbye with his back to the lil one blocking her view - his hand grabs my thigh - then slowly teasingly slides up towards my pussy - I am kissing him and giggling like mad - I am squirming away - my body is responding - 

He whispers "it's mine!"

And I melt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

a visit this afternoon from youngest daughter and SIL

Home Schooling

I haven't done a home school update in awhile......... 

We've been muddling along - most of my work this year is instilling confidence in the lil one that she 'can do this' ....... she's such a perfectionist.  Took me a while to realize but if she makes 1 mistake in math she thinks she is failing......... le sigh........ so I've been working on 1) no one is perfect 2) we don't expect her to be perfect 3) she's got this!  It helped that her report card came home last Friday and she really is acing the year.  And her math was a solid B YAY!!

We've also been doing her cooking club ..... in January Sir Steve pitched in when he got home from work to make the meals cause I was down for the count with my back/ass/leg issues.  This month is family fun month.... and we made her first recipe this week - corn muffins with cheese and bacon.

 

Her ability to read a recipe and follow directions has really improved - even her measurements are dead on now...... no getting confused by the fractions of measuring etc.  YAY!!

The one thing I found curious was this picture..........

 

It was for french class and she had to draw a picture of her family.  It's been an ongoing project all week and I haven't been allowed to see it.  But yesterday she brought it out to share with me......... she drew "Daddy and Mommy and S and herself" ....... on the far right is Mommy and Daddy...... then on the left is myself and the lil one.

Daddy and Mommy are holding hands
the lil one and I are holding hands
There is a gap between the 2 sets

I'm honestly not too sure what to make of it... I do know not to make too much out of a kid's drawing  -- usually it's just what it is - a drawing.  

We have declared Thursday - movie night - which means supper in front of the Disney channel.  This is a big treat as there is no television during the week.  Last night we had homemade individual pizzas and watched the latest super hero movie.......it was really good!! we all had a good laugh 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

for Fridays!!!

Time for a Change

 

 

 I'm not entirely sure when this attitude adjustment happened -- I have been cranky and unhappy for a while now.... (gee isn't that surprise for everyone!!) I have pre-existing conditions that makes living inside my head challenging (to say the least).  I think everyone is aware of my OCD .... and maybe my anxiety..... but add to that borderline agoraphobia... and a couple of eating disorders... and social anxiety. 

This pandemic has fed most of my 'conditions'.  Since Christmas I was aware of how hard it was to leave the house... how sad I seem to be all the time - hell I cry at sappy TV ads.... how I am either overeating/binging secretly - or barely eating at all ... I would look in the mirror and almost not recognise the person looking back at me.

A couple of weeks ago I had a 'Eureka' moment....... don't ask what prompted it cause truthfully I don't know ... but suddenly I felt as though I was no longer in charge of my life... and it was time to take back my control. 

 

I am so good at making lists and making schedules ... I made a mental list of what I was going to do EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
* devote time every morning and night to washing my face and moisturizing not just my face but my body (my skin was so dry I looked like a snake shredding it's skin)

* start making an effort to clean up before Sir Steve comes home - at the very least brushing my hair  and adding a spritz of his favourite perfume

*  spreading out the household chores - giving myself more time for ME - even if that ME time is only spent answering comments on here... 

* logging my food and paying attention to the calorie intake........ ideally I would like to lose 10 pounds before June and summer clothes...... that is doable !! 10 pounds in 3 months yes very doable - safely!  (considering a few years ago I lost 70 pounds NOT in 3 months but still  - 10 pounds is easy peasy!)

*  and the big one - EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. find one thing - just one thing - that I am thankful for 

 

 I am striving for one step at a time - one day at a time........ slow and steady ....

TTWD

 

Is everyone clear on TTWD?? I know for a long time I had no clue.... finally felt safe enough with a submissive friend to ask....... "These Things We Do" ....... sort of like a big HUGE umbrella to tuck us all under............. cause there are so many different shapes sizes and styles in BDSM.

Around blog land these days .. we have DD and HOH and maybe even 50's household.  We have D/s and S/m and Daddy/little girl.  ok so who did I miss??

A long time ago it was very important to me to have a label.  After all how can you fit in (or be accepted in some cases) if you don't know who/what you are??  I identified as submissive - maybe even slave on a good day.  I am by nature submissive (raised to be submissive - talk about nurture versus nature)  -- and have a strong BURNING desire to serve .. .to please.

But interesting fact here....... at munches or meetings I was often seen as Dominant.  You have no idea how many male submissives approached me to play....... le sigh...
I did try - more than once - but it just isn't in me.  And doming is exhausting!! and a lot of work.... it was so much easier to kneel at someone's feet and let them do all the work.

BUT - I was more than submissive.  I was a masochist.  And that desire for pain drove me stronger than any desire to serve.  For a long time I didn't talk about it - was ashamed maybe? of my masochism.  AND in the community I was in - masochism was not valued as much as submissive or slave. 

Then I met Sir Steve ....... he was a Sadist.... other submissives whispered about him.. he was a S A D I S T  -- that made him scary...... oh and he did look scary and intimidating in his leathers with his cover on.......... I remember being mesmerized by him.... (and yeah - he was HOT in my books and made my knees go weak)

And when we played ....... OMG it was heaven!!  I had finally met my match... The Sadist and the masochist - a match made in heaven.  

BUT I didn't understand why he didn't want me to kneel - or to serve.  Once the play was over he wanted me sitting beside him - standing beside him - an equal ? that was very confusing to me.  I figured it was because I was NOT his submissive... 

Fast forward to 4 years ago when we started to renew our friendship.  I figured "YAY!!  I get a Sadist and a Dominant"   Was I wrong!!  Sir Steve is dominant yes... but he isn't looking to dominate anyone.  When we aren't playing he wants a partner.

A long time ago I read a description of each of the types of BDSM relationships.. long ago and far away - so of course I can't find it now.  BUT I do remember skimming over the S/m relationship.  IF memory serves me right - S/m relationships are different from the other forms because for the most part both partners are considered equal - only when it comes to 'playing' do the roles manifest themselves.  And they play to satisfy each person's need for pain - either giving or receiving.

I still have a very strong need to please and be pleasing.... but we're working on releasing my spirit and letting it fly.  I am slowly learning I do not HAVE to serve Sir Steve - I fulfill him with my masochism. IF I want to serve him that's my choice!  not his demand. 

Life is good when your TTWD is a perfect fit.

 

Let's Clear the Air shall we?

 

 

Last week I dumped all my pent up emotions in The Explosion.... some people took it very wrong and blamed Sir Steve... tried to fix my problems maybe?? tried to offer advise/comfort/empathy maybe?

I felt uncomfortable -- and it's been nagging at me ever since....... 

I need to clear the air......... 

Roz - dear Roz - got it!  she said between the usual stresses I was also dealing with the pain ... AND she recognised that I had posted what a good weekend we had actually had - how the venting had helped. 

When I vent or rant....... it is basically a 'moment in time' ... and is most definitely only MY side of the story.  (let's remember here - this is MY blog and it's perfectly ok to only write my side )  

What you don't see .........

Sir Steve comes home from work and....
basically takes over..
He and the lil one clean up after dinner
He puts the lil one to bed and reads with her every single night
He is more than willing to work from home so I can go to appointments
He offers to do the groceries
He is always telling me to not over do it
He treats me to Tim Horton's french vanilla and a donut every friday
From time to time he will come home with flowers to brighten up the house

He will order in dinner on the weekends

AND you don't see .......
how I do NOT ask for help
how I take over situations
how I give the impression 'I got this!' even when I don't
how I believe I have to be perfect

Please understand - we are both doing the best we can under less than ideal circumstances...... and sometimes I just vent....... at home and on here....

BUT interesting enough - the fall out from that blog made me realize I have the tools to make my/our life better...... last Friday morning Sir Steve suggested I leave the groceries till Saturday and he would come with me........ my knee jerk reaction was "NO it's MY job" but Saturday morning I asked if he would come with me.......... OMG groceries went so smoothly....... and I didn't feel guilty about sharing the shopping with him

So one small step towards working together .. one GIANT step towards admitting I can not do everything..........

Life is good when you realize you really aren't alone in this battle..........

Thank you Oprah!

 

On Friday I posted "It's Friday" ... what you might have missed though was the declaration by Windy in the comments "Is Oprah visiting blog land or something?"
(I know it made me laugh) 

Well I am here to say....... "I did get one" !!!   It was better than best! 

Let me explain ...... 

Sir Steve and I have been dealing with health issues over the last year.... the issues have kinda taken the shine off our adult time ya know?? worrying / stressing about health issues is not conducive to relaxed fun in the bedroom ya know??  And the longer it goes on the more stress develops..... more pressure - and then...... then you just get depressed about it .. and then you just don't wanna ........... know what I mean??
 

Well ................ a miracle happened this weekend........ we had a plan ........ could we do it?? would it work??? what if it didn't work???!!!!!  

First I had to change my 'role'?? not sure what to call it - but I had to participate more... 

At first it was tentative on both our parts - don't forget I am still suffering with back /bum problems ...... and Sir Steve didn't want to aggravate the problem....... I was scared that my 'ministrations' wouldn't have the desired effect............ but it didn't take long at all for both of us to relax.. I was able to sorta bounce around the bed and be playful and just a little devilish.... soon we were laughing and relaxing......... and even sooner we were both responding

AND then....................

 

it was the BEST we've had in a long long time.......... with practice we'll both become more relaxed ... after all we're over the worst of the slumps ........ and in my opinion it can only get better from here.............

An added bonus was after....... we snuggled more ... we kissed more.. we groped ... we teased ... we laughed... it was amazing!!  better than multiple orgasms!  trust me !!!

Life is good when THE plan comes together

Sexy Sunday

 

 

HALLELUJAH!!!!

 

 

This was definitely hair cut week around this house....... much needed hair cut week I might add.  I was SO done with my sticky up hair... and as it turns out so was the lil one.

She got her hair cut on Thursday night - Sir Steve picked up supper from McD's on the way home - we gobbled it down and then the lil one and daddy headed off to the hairdresser.  (and I got an hour all to myself - in peace and quiet - le sigh - heaven!)

 

(the pic is from a summer cut - same cut - and sooooo damn cute!!)

She was so funny when she got home..  she announced 'it feels so bouncy again!'...  

 

Yesterday was my turn.......... it felt so good to know I was going to get 30 minutes of pampering... and new faces to see - and someone new to talk to....... I love my hairdresser!! She's such a cute 20 something... and pregnant with her 2nd child!! I try not to think about her maternity leave.......... GAH!!!  but for now....... all's right with the world........ 

I think I may have mentioned I have my hair cut in an asymmetrical cut which is cute - but needs to be trimmed every 3 - 4 weeks - otherwise - OMG I look a bit like the Bride of Frankenstein ............ 

Here's a pic that sorta looks like my cut........ 

 

actually is pretty damn close !  only the colour is different - and my hair is no where near as thick -- but I love it !!! 

Life is good when you can finally get a hair cut!!! 

It's FRIDAY!!

 

 It's Friday!! And the weekend is almost here....... 

The lil one is learning Time this week - OR - how to read an analog clock!  So this morning we took it one step further..... IF it is 7:30 and you go to your Mom's at 2 - how many hours to go?? turns out it's 7 1/2 hours. 

SO I have 7 1/2 hours till my weekend starts!  YAY!!!!

I haven't done a 'check in' blog for awhile now.... sooo thought I might do one this morning......... 

In pandemic news - on Tuesday we were finally allowed out of lock down...... not that it makes a big change in my life.. but still hope springs eternal.  Our numbers which had really soared for a small little town are finally on the down swing........ YAY!!  we have gone from over 200 active cases to 39 yesterday ... YAY!! and our daily numbers are averaging one or two a day....... YAY!!

Health Wise - some good news - last week I stopped taking the Tylenol at night.  I was still waking up at 3 am with twinges in my bum/hip and leg so there didn't seem any point in continuing.  I noticed that the pain during the day wasn't nearly as bad......... unless I over did it... vacuuming was the worst.  This week I have spaced out the heavy stuff - vacuuming/moping ... not doing it all in one day - instead spreading it out over a couple of days...... et voila!!  hardly any pain!  YAY!!  I still have pins and needles in my right shoulder blade which is more of an annoyance then painful......I have added some yoga to my daily routine - mostly doing easy warm up stretches.. I'm thinking they're helping.. AND I'm actually starting to feel a need for some sex..... WOW!  I AM feeling better (cheeky grin) ... told Sir Steve - am hoping he puts sex on the agenda for this weekend - I don't think there'll be any sort of 'play' not sure he will want to risk re-injuring the nerves/muscles - but I am trying to convince him sex is ok... told him I would lie very still (LOL yeah right!!)

OH yeah -- the big news !!! (and to think I almost forgot) ...... I have a 4pm appointment for a hair cut!!!!!!!!!!!!  OMG!! sheer joy!!!

How are you all doing???

Thankful Thursday.......

 

 This morning I was going back through posts from 2018/2019 looking for pictures - cause dontcha know my external hard drive died on the weekend (le sigh) My life is on that external drive GAH!!!!  did everything you're taught to do  -- back up back up back up.... and my 'back up' died GAH!!!

Anyway................

'cause I had nothing better to do (like cleaning the house) I started reading some of the posts and the comments....... and some names jumped out at me... like NJ - Windy referred to her in a comment and I had NO memory of NJ - slap me upside the head!!

I have been thinking how things are changing just a little bit in blogland.  Really it feels like it started to change since I found kdpierre's blog... I know one thing that changed - kd kinda slapped my wrist and scolded me for not replying to comments - that led more than one 'lurker' to affirm they WOULD comment if they thought I would answer.

OMG!  I felt so .......... so......... not sure - bad?? lazy??? I promised I would start answering comments - as much as possible.  

BUT before I go any further - I have to recognise two visitors who cut me a whole lot of slack and commented despite my not answering - Roz and Boosghost. Roz is a constant on this blog (and many others!!)  Every single day I look for Roz's comment - and worry just a little if she misses a day (though she will make up for it the next day!!) Boosghost commented - but she also contacted me by email........ and LOL... right when I was having major issues with my email....... remember Boo??

kd was right - answering the comments has brought more comments......... and even some 'new' folks........ but more than that .. much more than that.. I feel like I am getting to know my commenters a little better.  When I started this blog I was gonna mention everyone by name.......... but then I thought dear god what if I miss someone??!!!  So I chickened out......... 

I realized (slowly cause I am slow like that some times!) that each of you who stop by The Journey are becoming good friends... and you all feel like my cheering section.. my support group... and I hope you can feel my presence when I visit your blogs - and know I am cheering you on... offering hugs if/when you need them... and my honest opinions (looking at kd and grinning)

You are all amazing ....... and I thank each of you - every single one of you - for reading The Journey and just being there for me !

Life is good when friends surround you............

Explosion

 

The long weekend finished off on a good note - I did nothing - absolutely nothing all weekend - didn't even make a meal -- remember all that chinese food?? well it fed us till Monday night!!!

BUT
it didn't start off well........ After the lil one left for her mother's on Friday I went to get groceries - and was feeling really bitchy about it .......... 

When Sir Steve got home I was in A mood.  I'm not sure what happened - what was said - but suddenly all those emotions I have kept pretty much bottled up inside just spilled out and over.

- does anyone realize how much I needed March break in MARCH not f*cking April!

- I'm exhausted from feeling like I am carrying the whole f*cking family on my shoulders

- HE gets to go out every single day and see other people - talk to other people 

- the lil one gets to go to her mother's every single weekend - see other people - get out of the house

 and in the midst of all these emotions spilling over - I did manage to say that I knew there was nothing anyone could do...... it is what it is......... BUT everyone needs to understand I am exhausted

- is the MOTHER inconvenienced even a little bit for HER daughter

- that I am tired of the pain in my bum - in my leg - down my back - the headaches

- that I am tired of feeling responsible for the lil one's school work - for her health ... cause her weight is slowly creeping up - mostly after she's been with her mother - but since the summer she has put on 10 pounds which is NOT good when we're fighting diabetes BUT it feels like I'm the only one who cares/worries about it

- I can't make any appointments for myself without thinking about schedules - for him for the lil one - and it's just easier to not try and make any appointments

- I can't even get my hair cut when *I* want - it has to be late on Friday cause of the lil one 

- does anyone even try to understand how much my life has changed??!!! does anyone even CARE???!!

- I'm too old for this sh*t

and through all this spillage I was ugly crying 

and then................ well it just stopped - the ranting the crying and the headache was gone too.... and I told Sir Steve I loved him very much - cause ya know I wouldn't be going through this if I didn't!  and reinforced that I knew there was nothing anyone could do...... I just need to vent occasionally . 

Weather Update

 

 

Because I know you are all dying to know if we got our predicted snow........ 

 

ahhhhhh - yup we did!

And were Sir Steve and I happy???

ARE YOU KIDDING??!!!  Of course not!  now all that white stuff has to be shovelled!!

AND we had to worry about the lil one coming home from her mother's... which is about 45/50 minutes away - on 2 lane highways.... GAH!!  Fortunately her mother has learned and she texted me to tell me they might be a bit late.  They were only 10 minutes late but the lil one got home safe and sound.

We were told school would be all on line today - no problem we're always on line
EXCEPT
their work for the day is put on line and she's on her own to do it...so no interaction with the teacher or the other kids.

The snow will end during the day - so when Sir Steve comes home he can clear out the back driveway.............. 

AND guess what??!!!  they are saying there might be another storm - more snow - coming in on Thursday/Friday.

On the upside - in the country we are on well water ... and the past couple of years we have had dry summers and not much snow - so the water levels have been quite low.  IF we get lots of snow from now till spring maybe we won't have to worry about water usage this summer? maybe? hopefully??

Life is good when the weather outside is frightful but all my loved ones are safely home

Pandemic Excitement......

 

 Yesterday the weather warnings started - BIG snow storm coming.... starting Monday morning and continuing through Tuesday - as much as 25 centimeters (9 inches - which truthfully isn't that much BUT considering we've had hardly any snow this year.......... ) It's a holiday here in parts of the Great White North............

We got up and looked out the window............. nothing

Mid morning we looked out the window......... nothing

Lunch time we looked out the window........... nothing

Mid afternoon we looked out the window.................... 

I turned to Sir Steve and said 'we're like a couple of kids waiting for the snow..... what's up with THAT??!! He didn't miss a beat "It's the BIG excitement of the pandemic!" 

We both burst out laughing............. 

Life is good when you can laugh.............

Valentine Sunday Sentiments

 

We have this sickeningly cutesy thing we do - Sir Steve will say 'I love you'  - I will say 'I love you more' - each of us trying to 'love more' than the other.  One night I said "love you muchly" - then another night I said 'love you mostly' - then realized that muchly and mostly are absolute opposites.... and we both howled with laughter......... 

Then one night I said ' love you mostest'.......... 

looking for a suitable - not too over the top - Valentine Sunday Sentiment - I found this....

Soooooooooo for my every single day Valentine Sir Steve................. 

 

 

Hobbies......

 

I've touched on the subject of hobbies here a few times.... and getting back to some of my hobbies might be an answer to my 'blues' and inertia.  Then yesterday kdpierre was looking for pics of our Asian wear for our celebration and he challenged me to do some photo editing.......... 

So first a little history........ when I was 8 or 9 my father gave me my first camera ... I LOVED it and dragged that camera everywhere - in my late teens my dad gave me his old 35 millimeter camera - I would venture off to downtown and find 'arty farty' subjects.

BUT then life took over - got a job - got married - had kids - went back to work and my love of photography disappeared.

Fast forward to the year before I retired - I purchased my first DSL camera...... it was SO complicated -- but I loved that I could just shoot and shoot and not have to worry about wasting film.  BUT ya know spending hundreds of dollars on a 'point and shoot' camera seemed ridiculous.  SO I made plans to take some photography classes when I finished working.

Fast forward again to 2014 - am now retired with a whole lot of time on my hands... so I registered for Photography 101 at our local community college... The teacher was a well known photographer...... and she was OLD SCHOOL.  We were warned when we signed up - absolutely NO photo editing allowed.  She banged it into all our heads that if you take your time... you shouldn't need to photo edit.   She had cut her teeth - made her name - taking 35 millimeter film pictures........ I remember one of the younger students (working towards his photojournalism degree) asking (while she was showing us SLIDES of various shots and techniques) what photo editing program she used!!!

I loved my classes with her!!  I took 101 and 102 with her...... 103 was by invitation only at her home studio.  I got the coveted invitation!!  BUT I also got cancer......... so photography 103 was put on hold..............(and because life stepped in - I never got to take it)

Soooo - all that to say - I don't now own a photo editing program...... it's a matter of pride/ego to be honest.  I've had fun the past couple of days going back through hundreds of pictures ...... bringing back memories...... and making me smile... 

Here's some of my favourite pictures that I took back in 2014 and 2015............. 

winter ice....... 

 

walk in the woods........

 

 some arty farty shots...

And as it happens an old friend sent me a challenge this morning... take a look at this picture - is it a fairy?? or something else??

(it's actually a dragonfly )

She challenged me to try my hand at creating similar photos this summer.......... and who knows I might just take up the challenge............ 

Happy New Year

 

 

Dontcha love it when a plan comes together??!!

Yesterday the lil one was SO excited to celebrate Chinese New Year...... at her mid morning break she was at the fridge picking out some fruit for snack when she looked over at me and declared she was SO excited for the celebration.

When school finished she was twitching - wanting to decorate the kitchen ...... BUT 'Dad' wouldn't be home for another 3 hours so I suggested she might want to go play outside for a bit.......... 

Finally at 4 she set the table - choosing what she wanted for the table center piece AND we discovered (more like I remembered) that her kimono had been stitched so that we could hang it on her bedroom wall. 

So I scrambled and found an old kimono of mine.. I quickly tacked the hem up ... and she wore that happily.  I did indeed clean up and put on my authentic Chinese jacket ... and yes kdpierre - we did take pictures but unfortunately I didn't think about no faces on my blog so the pictures aren't appropriate.  You'll all just have to take my word on our outfits.

The table was set..................... 

 

and the food arrived....................... (we have enough leftovers to feed us for the weekend!!)

 

 

As the lil one was going to bed she announced that our celebration was even better than Valentines !!! 

Mission accomplished!  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just for kdpierre .....

 

 

I love You ?

 

Thank god for February 14!!  Cause we need to be reminded to tell our partners that we love them right?? Cause 363 days of the year we're too busy - or don't think of it - or it doesn't count - right??? Thank god that Hallmark - or some other big business - decided we really needed to spend money to prove our love - one day a year.

I don't believe in Valentine's Day (or Mother's Day or Father's Day for that matter).  Sir Steve and I were talking about it... and I think this dislike of those holidays comes from the way I was brought up.  I can remember my father stressing 'we don't need - or shouldn't need - one day to remember our Mothers.....or Fathers.' shrug - not sure but I'm thinking my family didn't celebrate those commercial holidays.

That's not to say I didn't do something special on the 14th for my girls or their father.. I know I always made a heart shaped cake for dessert on the 14th - and renewed that custom when I moved in here with Sir Steve and the lil one.  This week the lil one was playing outside in her snow fort - I was on the deck watching her - and she looked up at me and announced "I'm sad" ...... "WHY??" was my immediate response.  The reason - because there was no Valentine's this year - no giving out Valentine's cards to her friends at school - no Valentine's dance (She's only 8 for god's sakes!!!  BUT her school has been doing dances for the last 3 years!!!) and it's sad.  

Soooooooooo I had to do something right?!  Sadness is not allowed !!  I have been determined to not let this bloody pandemic ruin anything for our lil one (and her Dad too if truth be told!)  BUT the lil one will be at her mother's from tomorrow noon till Tuesday morning.......... AND don't forget I do NOT 'do' Valentines. (and truthfully - just didn't have the energy to make a heart shaped cake)

Then I had a brain wave.  Friday is the start of the Chinese New Year. Why not have a Chinese New Year's celebration?? So I talked to Sir Steve and he agreed - tonite we will celebrate the Chinese New Years......... we'll order in a feast of Chinese food...... and she and I can decorate the kitchen in red with oriental touches.  She's so excited !  She's even going to wear her kimono that a friend made for her last summer. I might even make an effort and pull out the gorgeous authentic  Chinese jacket I have and dress up a little bit........... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And - a little update on my health - yesterday after lunch I was so desperate to feel more like myself - that I popped a Tylenol....... one Tylenol ....... and in just under an hour I felt more like myself...... the pins and needles in my back were all but gone - my leg didn't hurt ... and the low grade headache was gone!  One little Tylenol.

Life is good (again - for now) when celebrations bring some joy in the middle of the dark......  

February Blues?

 

So let me ask you - February Blues?? Lockdown/Covid Blues?? Back Pain?? or a combination of all three?

I'm in such a funk...... I haven't put make up on in ages!!  I haven't fussed at all over my appearance in ages.... talk about quarantine casual!!!  I just seem to be going through the motions of daily living ya know?? 

Yesterday all the talk shows were talking about Valentine's Day - and how to celebrate it during the lock down... and I had an EUREKA moment.  I looked in the mirror - like really looked - and was aghast at what looked back at me.  This winter has taken a toll on my skin - it's soooooo dry and I haven't been using any of the lotions/creams ... my hair is long cause no hairdressers ya know and it sticks up all over the place... I look - well not ugly - but pretty damn close.  

So I turned on the shower and scrubbed and washed and scrubbed some more.  I moisturized every inch of my body.  I made an effort to blow dry my hair and try to tame the sticky up bits.  I even put on some mascara and lipstick.  (I mean who the hell wears lipstick now anyway?? You put a mask over your mouth anyway and it doesn't show and it smears all over the face mask) I even sprayed some of my favourite perfume in all the right places and I felt a little bit better.

Then Sir Steve came home....... 

I don't really know what I was expecting...... but I kinda thought he might say something about my appearance .......... or that I smelled good - something ya know? BUT nothing... we just went through the evening routine.... and I felt blue... like why did I even try?? 

I know I am frustrated with being in the house day after day - not seeing anyone - ANYONE - except Sir Steve and the lil one.  I even mentioned to Sir Steve that maybe? when this lock down is lifted we might see if eldest daughter would like to have a sleepover weekend......... I just need - maybe we both need - something to look forward to ya know? And a trip to see eldest daughter and SIL would definitely be a change of scenery.  BUT then eldest daughter messaged me (talk about timing ya know?) and in our conversation she talked about the stress of work... and how SIL's son is coming for dinner every Sunday night....... and I just kinda did a mental shrug.  This is not the time to be visiting them.........I'm not sure how I could handle worrying about the higher risk of covid..

Then there's the back / leg pain........ I have stopped all pain killers and sleeping pills....  and it's doable .... before the pain was definitely 10 - but now - if I'm honest - it's only about 3... manageable......... BUT it wears on my nerves ... I'm sure some of you live with chronic pain and can kinda understand what I am talking about....

I am not eating very well either.... and I'm not sure what it is .. but food just doesn't taste good any more... I eat about half what I normally eat... have no cravings not even for sweets...... on the plus side I am losing some of this quarantine weight I have put on since last March - YAY!  but lack of food may be contributing to my lack of energy? I don't know.. 

I've always had 'February Blues' but this year it just seems worse.......

 

4th Week

 

This is the 4th week since my fall.  I have finished my prescription for muscle relaxants and still have another week of pain pills and sleeping pills.

BUT 

I have been living in a fog ......... my energy comes in fits and starts... I go to write a blog and it takes forever to put the words together and have them make sense.  AND I don't always have the ability to answer the comments .... all I want to do is sleep.

Yesterday I cut my pain pills in half...... and I didn't take the sleeping pill.   I had a so/so night.... waking up frequently with pain in my ass and leg....... tossing and turning.  BUT on the bright side my head is clearer today - not so foggy. 

I'm tired of this ya know?  I just want to feel like me again.
 

Sexy Sunday

 

                                           In my opinion - just a little gross 

 

                                                     Bejewelled anyone?

 

                                                    a little sense of humour

 

                                      nothing says "I love you " like a heart ??

 

 

                                                          the 'landing strip'

 

                                                      the great pussy hunt?

 

 

               just because it caught my eye....... and made me go 'ewwwwwwww' 

                                                                     dental floss?