Monday, December 31, 2018

Count the Trees

I don't remember ever having so many Christmas celebrations....... 
let's count the trees.......... 


Christmas Eve in Montreal -- the celebration where I brought all the food from here to there ...... and fed the masses .......... played some holiday games and we all opened presents before toddling off to bed............


on Christmas morning -- soooooooo many more presents you couldn't get to the tree !!!


After Christmas morning breakfast we headed home for more presents under our tree... repacking the suitcases ... quiet evening at home before heading off for the last tree............ 


6+ hour drive to arrive at Sir Steve's parents house and the 4th and final Christmas celebration. 

We had a Christmas miracle of sorts -- each time we had to travel we managed to miss the storms (mostly freezing rain) and arrive with little to no stress.  By yesterday both Sir Steve and I were more than ready to come back to our lil home... to our bed... to our routines... to the peace and quiet that is our life.  Sir Steve spent some time in the lil one's room trying to find room for all the new toys -- like a dollhouse and a talking Olaf (can I shoot it??) -- her own portable DVD player -- books and more books -- and I have a pile of laundry of all new clothes that she received.


Life is good when Christmas is filled to over flowing with family ... laughter and love... 

Thursday, December 27, 2018

X rated Christmas

(you can click on the pic to get a closer view - if you dare)

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Day After.........

We have survived 2 separate Christmas celebrations - one on the 24th and of course the BIG one on the 25th after Santa had visited......... 

We were all spoiled -- very spoiled -- the lil one got everything on her Santa list and I got everything and more.  We feasted till we were ready to burst..... and then ate some more........ 

Then we stuffed everything into the car and came home........ we unpacked -- had a good night's sleep... and now we're packing up to head off to Sir Steve's parent's house for a few days ....... and more Christmas celebrations..

It does seem a bit too much ya know?!  I was sitting in the stillness of the very early morning and wondering if I asked the lil one what her favourite present was, if she could even think of one -- just one...... honestly she was a very spoiled lil girl this year.  (and it makes my heart happy)

I hope that you all had a happy celebration ..... with family, friends or strangers.... as long as it brought you some joy......... 

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Merry Christmas

from Sir Steve and myself 

Wishing you all a happy loving Christmas........ 

Monday, December 24, 2018

The Excitement Peaks.....

Everything is wrapped and packed ... we just have to load it all in the car (dear god!  thank god Sir Steve has a huge van)

We're heading off in a few hours to celebrate Christmas Eve (and Christmas morning) with the youngest daughter and the family.  I won't be around much for the next week or so -- cause on the 26th we're on the road again driving 6 hours to spend a few days with Sir Steve's family........  


for those of you who will actually still be roaming around blogland looking for some amusement -- I have some blogs scheduled to go up for the next few days......... 

Play nice everyone ......... I'll see you all in a week or so........ 

Saturday, December 22, 2018

Snow and Dreams

We didn't get the forecasted freezing rain yesterday -- in fact it was so mild it felt like spring and the rain was soft and smelled good.  Sir Steve and I had consoled ourselves that it was most probably gonna be a green Christmas this year (seeing as there was virtually no snow in the forecast till the end of the month)

This morning we woke up to snow........... not a pretty Christmas card snow.......... 

BUT more like a blustery yucky typical Canadian snow storm.......... 

 Besides dreaming of a white Christmas -- I've been having some strange dreams since I started the drug withdrawal......... but last night's took the cake so to speak....... 

I was sitting at a table and someone put a plate of snowballs in front of me....... the snowballs were imprinted with a pattern that made these snow balls look like baseballs.......... and I was supposed to paint the lacing on each of the balls to make them really look like baseballs....... le sigh........ do ya think maybe I have been doing a wee bit too much decorating of Christmas cookies???

BUT we're down to 3 days till Christmas Eve and 99% of the food is ready..... tomorrow I will make the casseroles to take to youngest daughter's for the big family dinner........ Today I will do some laundry and clean the house (hopefully I won't have to do another major cleaning until the end of the holidays)....... Best thing of all -- Sir Steve came home at 3:30 yesterday and is home for 2 weeks........ see me doing the happy dance?


Friday, December 21, 2018

Winding down


As I sat on the sofa last evening I realized everything was winding down.  I did go out yesterday and found the cute lil fuzzy toy for the top of the lil one's stocking.  Believe it or not it is a 6 inch platypus.  For some reason this year the lil one is obsessed with platypuses so I am expecting much awe and excitement that Santa found a platypus!!  Stopped at a couple of other stores and picked up last minute stuff and headed home. 

Before I had to meet the school bus I managed to get some chocolate/coffee cookies baked and dipped in more chocolate.  Then dragged out the decorating kit and made icing so everything would be ready for the great decorating adventure...... turning gingerbread men into reindeer.

I was pleasantly surprised how well our reindeer turned out ... how cute they are.... 

Today is tying up the last few details (which yes means more cookie decorating) .... Sir Steve comes home at 4:30 and then I will be saying "Let the holidays begin"  


Thursday, December 20, 2018

Decisions... decisions

Today I had planned to decorate all the cookies -- and do the reindeer cookies after school with the lil one ('cause I'm a sucker for punishment)

the other day I bought this cute lil pomsie ....

and I was so excited about it ...... then last night Sir Steve and the lil one were cleaning out her room to make room for all the new toys arriving........ and lo and behold I found a pomsie in her toy bucket....apparently she got it for her birthday (I forgot) and she really hasn't played with it (or I would remember it) 

le sigh

So I decided to give this cute lil pomsie to another lil one who will be spending Christmas Eve with us...... which means I don't have a cute fuzzy toy for the top of lil one's stocking........ 

le sigh

I didn't sleep last night fussing over this lack of fuzzy (yeah I know I am 'nuts') 
Then this morning I heard that we will be hit with freezing rain starting tonite into tomorrow........ and I had this brain wave.  I'll go out this morning and see if I can find a cute lil fuzzy for the top of the stocking........ and the majority of the cookie decorating can be done tomorrow when I am stuck inside....... well except for the reindeer cookies which I will do with the lil one after school as promised.

The road to Christmas this year sure has some bumps in it... and a couple of detours.

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Roller Coaster

I have survived (physically) the 4th month of withdrawal symptoms.  Only this time my emotions don't seem to be evening kind of feels like a roller coaster ride.

In one day I can go from feeling euphorically happy to down - low as a snake's belly.  Oh and the fun bit -- I cry over every thing...... and I do mean everything.  

Christmas can make me emotional at the best of times ...........but this year sappy commercials make me cry -- sappy love stories make me cry -- hells bells even baby videos on FB make me cry.  All these emotions are exhausting ya know?!   

All I can do is hope these emotions settle down soon.......... and in the mean time paste a smile on my face and repeat "everything's fine everything's fine"......

And Because

And because I didn't have enough to do .......... 

The other evening my daughters and I were chatting on FB and somehow the conversation came around to more company coming for Christmas Eve.  I had bought the small ones lil gifts to open........ but I hadn't really thought about the adults.  

Yesterday I had an appointment to get my hair trimmed for Christmas - not really a hair dresser appointment - didn't have time for that -- just a quick trim.  When I was done - as I started the car to head home I decided to run to the mall and see if i could find a small gift for the adults.......... because I love shopping ya know.... love it even more during the Christmas rush!

I found a Christmasy sort of gift........... BUT I found the cutest stuffed animal thingy for the lil one's stocking.  I was remembering how I used to top off my girls stockings with a special stuffed toy...... and how the best Christmas ever for me was the one where Santa left a small doll in a knitted dress in the top of my stocking - how could I not get it??!!   AND AND if you push it's nose it talks and it's eyes change colours and sparkle !!!  AND AND best of all -- it was more than 50% off ..... yay !!!  

Life is good when you survive a 'week before Christmas' trip to the mall.......... 

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

More Baking

Because I need my head examined
and because I don't have enough to do already for Christmas
and because we couldn't decide on a gift for the teacher
and because I promised the lil one she could bake with me...... 

Yesterday (late afternoon) she and I made Scotch Shortbread for the teacher in a fancy cookie mold I have.  She had a blast ......... and that's all that really counts right???

Sir Steve took pity on me (I had really REALLY over done it yesterday) so he ordered pizza for supper and we all ate in front of the TV watching the Muppet Christmas Movie - Letters to Santa.

After supper and the movie -- and before she toddled off to bed -- she packed the cookies in a Christmas tin....... all set to go to school on Friday........

Life is good even when you're so tired you could just sit down and cry......  

It's a Wonderful Life

It was a wonderful weekend !!  

On Sunday Sir Steve helped me make a couple of batches of Christmas cookies... I honestly couldn't believe it!  Never in my life have I ever had any help baking for Christmas -- never mind having the man in my life helping!!  

And damn he was good!  not just standing around with one arm as long as the other -- but actually cutting out exactly the holiday dipped chocolate shortbread -- helping me dip them in chocolate and cover in crushed candy canes........... 

And he cut out all the gingerbread boys...... that with any luck and some artistic talent will be magically turned into reindeer cookies... 

what they should look like when they are done.............. 

And if that wasn't enough --  we had some sexy loving time ........ have I said how damn good he is??? if not -- trust me He is THAT good !  I purred for the rest of the day........ and in exactly 3 3/4 days I will have this man home full time for 2 weeks...... oh my - be still my beating heart !!

My life is really a 'wonderful life' ........ 

Monday, December 17, 2018

Moose Milk and More Memories

Another fond memory from when I was young was visiting people....... neighbours friends and family.... before the holidays.  We would bring small Christmas gifts or holiday treats and visit for awhile....... the visit usually involved tea/coffee and sweets.

One neighbour I remember visiting - always served homemade chocolates and something called 'Moose Milk'.  We kids weren't allowed to even taste it..... we got chocolate milk instead. 

And of course folks would drop in at my parent's house ....... I remember one Christmas Eve lying in my bed and hearing the doorbell ring over and over.. people were dropping by and I was in bed ..... it so wasn't fair!!!  I discovered if I moved to the end of my bed and twisted so I was almost falling off I could just see the people coming in carrying sparkling Christmas presents.  I have no idea how my father discovered I was still awake and watching...... but he came and stood in my doorway and told me I was supposed to be asleep!!  Then instead of getting cross with me... he made me squiggle round and move over...... he tucked the blankets in tight around me ............ 


he laid down beside me.  I will never forget the feeling of drifting off to sleep all snuggled in tight with my father lying beside me.......

These memories came pouring back this weekend because Sir Steve and I went visiting......... (we've had a postal strike here and didn't even bother mailing Christmas cards or invites to the party we're holding on New Year's Day)  We surprised folks... shared coffee and laughs and moved on to the next house..... I had such warm fuzzy feelings....... it was just like the 'good old days'.  It made me realize how much the electronic world has taken away from us......... how good it is for the soul to sit and talk and visit face to face........ 

Life is good when old memories are new again........


And in case anyone is interested...... here is the recipe for Moose Milk -- no wonder we kids weren't allowed even a taste


  • 1 gallon vanilla ice cream, softened
  • 1 gallon milk
  • 4 3/4 cups dark rum
  • 4 3/4 cups coffee-flavored liqueur (such as Kahlua(R))
  • 4 3/4 cups vodka
  • 1 pinch ground nutmeg, or to taste (optional)


  1. Whisk vanilla ice cream, milk, rum, coffee liqueur, and vodka in a large punch bowl until frothy and liquid; garnish with nutmeg. Ladle into punch mugs.

Saturday, December 15, 2018

Rituals versus Routine

BDSM (old school that is) used to be built on rituals.. and protocols.  

The other day I was comparing the rituals I have had in my life since I started in the community right up to the present.  I was thinking Sir Steve doesn't put a whole lot of stock in rituals.  There's no kneeling at his feet.  There's no subbie running around naked.  There's no asking for permission to enter a room or to use the bathroom or to speak.  I was remembering we had one ritual -- way back 10 years ago -- and that was when we went to a play party -- He would put his cover (hat) on and then buckle my collar around my neck.  It was a ritual -- a time of putting us both in the mind set.  Now we don't go to play parties and he doesn't wear his cover and my neck never wears his collar..

The other day I wondered if I missed the rituals -- they have always been so much of my BDSM life.  It got me thinking about all the routines around here (I love routines!)  Which then got me wondering what the difference is between ritual and routine...... so I googled it.  (google is my friend)

 The difference between a routine and a ritual is not necessarily the action, but the attitude behind the action.

Then I started taking all the routines and seeing them a little differently...
(for example)
Most evenings I sit at Sir Steve's feet and massage his dry feet with moisturizing cream  
Every night I go into the bedroom first and turn down the bed covers and plump Sir Steve's pillows

These actions remind me how much pleasure I get out of serving him ...... even in the most mundane daily tasks.......

The biggest difference between these rituals and the old ones....... these rituals fit in to our vanilla/normal life with ease.  They feel natural....... not forced.  They are not a 'game' but an act of love and submission. 

Life is good when the 'fantasy' becomes an easy reality.

Friday, December 14, 2018

Check Lists

Santa isn't the only one making lists......... this is my season for list making........ 

Check list:

* food for Christmas Eve -- decided -- still to be made next weekend

* cookies/baking -- 2 batches of cookies in the fridge to be baked this weekend 
                           -- cause Sir Steve wants to help 
                           -- one batch to be made next week (they're a last minute     
                               sort of cookie) 
* cookies to be decorated next week
* gifts -- family gifts wrapped and under the tree
            Santa's gifts still to be wrapped
* clothes for traveling - sorted in my head -- two lots for 2 different trips
* suitcases -- still to be brought upstairs
* teacher's gift -- to be baked on Monday with the lil one (Scotch Shortbread)
* last minute shopping with Sir Steve this weekend
* planning food for Open House on New Year's Day
* order / pick up Yule Log

*  remember to breathe................. 

Life is good when your lists are done 

Thursday, December 13, 2018

Party Time

Last night the lil one's school had their winter/Christmas celebration at school.   All the classrooms were open and filled with crafts for the children to make........ Last year we went and I remember being so impressed...... most schools I have worked in hold Christmas concerts during the day (at most) ....... but the lil one's school holds this party like event from 5 - 7 pm

We made our way through a few of the classrooms - making a Frosty the Snowman face -- a '12 days of Christmas Acts of Kindness' wall hanging - an Elf hat ....... then we popped into the gym where Santa was waiting to visit with the children.  (I have to say -- he was the best Santa I have seen in a long time!!  He had a real beard - nicely trimmed - and a gorgeous costume!)  AND we hit the kid's shopping room - where - for a donation - the children get to buy gifts for everyone on their list.  (This was a bit of a sore point for me.  Sir Steve made the donation and the lil one bought her mother and myself a gift -- nothing for Daddy.  grrrrrrrrr  Mother never even encourages the lil one to make her father a card never mind buying him a gift!!  Next year -- if I have any say in it - the lil one will not buy her mother a gift.... let mother's family organise that!  am I wrong?)

On the way home we picked up KFC and had a feast for supper (one I didn't have to cook which was the best  part of this Christmas adventure in my humble opinion)

Life is good when you can make Christmas memories......... 

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

It's Complicated

For as long as I can remember I dreamed of a "Norman Rockwell" Christmas... like the ones I enjoyed as a child .......... 

Reality has taught me a couple of things... first there probably was no "Norman Rockwell" Christmas when I was a child...... and it's next to impossible to create a "Norman Rockwell" Christmas in the present.

Christmases got complicated way back when I got married and had 2 families to celebrate with.......... and feeling conflicted over the celebration schedule

Christmases got more complicated when I divorced my husband........  

Christmases got a whole lot more complicated when my girls grew up and started families of their own.... with in-laws to accommodate...... 

For a long time I have played an ostrich - hiding my head in the sand - ignoring what my inner most feelings were telling me......... the youngest daughter always has to hold all holiday celebrations so she can have her in-laws.  IF she came to me -- or her eldest sister for the holidays she wouldn't be with her in-laws.  I won't lie -- when I lifted my head from the sand and really looked -- it tore me up.... BUT bury those feelings for the sake of "family" ...for the sake of the illusive "Norman Rockwell" Christmas.

I thought I had found a perfect solution -- Christmas Eve with Mom and family -- Christmas Day with youngest's extended family and friends (which spells noise confusion and most often hurt feelings)

Then things got more complicated between my eldest daughter and her father and younger sister.  For whatever reason father is - basically - shutting the eldest daughter out...... from not answering her phone calls/texts to not telling her about his need for open heart surgery........ 

I can stay out of that particular situation as it is between eldest daughter and her father......... why father seemingly favours youngest daughter is anyone's guess -- and it does make my blood boil -- but still not my problem to fix.

Now the proverbial shit has hit the fan............ father is not coming on the 24th - his one time to visit with eldest daughter over the holidays......... eldest daughter had a melt down....... Norman Rockwell's Christmas is melting a way like a snowman in a rain storm..  

It's definitely time to re-organise family celebrations -- especially Christmas.  (not this year though!!!) IF it comes down to Christmas with one daughter or the other I feel like it is going to tear my family apart.... and that breaks my heart.  But the truth of the matter is........ a quiet loving joyful Christmas with eldest daughter is more appealing than the 3 ring circus that my youngest hosts......... 

Tuesday, December 11, 2018


Yesterday I had great plans to bake peppermint patties, gingerbread, shortbread, meatballs and a meatloaf for supper......... 

As the saying goes "Best laid plans of mice and men"

I was doing laundry while I started the baking -- I started the peppermint patties.... a new recipe.  AND like so many new recipes it didn't go as expected.  They made it sound sooooooo damn simple... and it was simple until I had to dip each of the patties into the chocolate.  The peppermint patties were in the freezer and each time I dipped one into the chocolate it altered the consistency of the chocolate...... ugh...... I got half way through when I had to throw out the chocolate left and start over for the remaining ones.... IF I made it again I wouldn't do the full amount of chocolate all at once.  I would do one cup at a time........... BUT ya know -- considering how much it cost me for baking supplies -- and how long it took -- next year I think I will go buy my chocolate covered peppermint patties........... 

OH and because it took so long to make 60 peppermint patties -- and my levels of frustration -- and muscle cramps -- the only other thing I got done was meatloaf for dinner.......... 

This is what the majority of them looked like.............. 

BUT there were a handful that looked perfect .................... 

Today -- god help me -- I am gonna try another new recipe that involves dipping chocolate.................. I'll let you know how it goes

Monday, December 10, 2018

15 Days -- ARRRRGH!

15 days till Christmas -- and I am probably more organised/ready for it than I think........ 


I haven't even started my baking........ le sigh... and am on this side of panic!

On top of that....this weekend was a curl up on the sofa and hurt weekend.... for both of us.  Sir Steve hurt his back last week at work and has been living on Robax and heating pad thingies... I cut back on my meds again..... so I spent the weekend being very emotional -- when I wasn't feeling nauseous or suffering with sweats and muscle cramps.  Sir Steve was amazing though..... both Friday and Saturday nights he ordered dinner in so I didn't have to cook.  (I did manage to roast some potatoes and cook some lamb on Sunday night)

Saturday I pulled all the Christmas gifts out and started wrapping...... to add my greenery 'bows' I had to use a hot glue gun..... I managed to spread hot glue all over my ring finger .. including my engagement ring which heated up and burned my finger.... can I say OUCH!!!? that did me in for Saturday ........

Sunday I got back to wrapping and Sir Steve did the Christmas cards..... we both managed to finish our jobs without any paper cuts or hot glue burns.... could things be looking up????

The gifts are all stacked under the tree -- not the 'Santa' gifts obviously!!  But the family gifts -- the lil one gets family gifts........ 

Life is good when you manage to slowly get the jobs done for the holidays and don't kill anyone (including yourself) 

Sunday, December 09, 2018

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