Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Seasonal Songs...

I know even the hardest of heart Grinches love the music at Christmas.  There is an American radio station that starts playing Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving.  W found it a few years ago - I remember being surprised because most Canadian stations (well the ones I listened to ) didn't start until at least December 1st.  

W is a Grinch and a Scrooge all rolled into one.......... (that's what he says - though last weekend he brought the Xmas tree and decorations down and has already put the decoration up on his front door - and he always gets his shopping done and gifts wrapped long before the appointed hour - but I always believe what W tells me - cheeky grin)

I was thinking the other morning as I drove to school through rain .. RAIN... listening to the Christmas music station playing "I'm dreaming of a White Christmas" that music is part of what I love about Christmas - but I also love the decorating - the lights - the finding just the right gift for everyone (if I manage that then I consider Christmas to be a success) - the baking..... (ok maybe I lie about that one - don't much like doing the baking - but do love having all sorts of food for family and friends) - the magic of the season.

While I was qualifying what I love about Christmas - one bit stuck like a bit of fluff to my mind - music.  And I questioned why it is I like the music so much.  

I will explain........ most of the Christmas music makes me either teary eyed or downright cry.  Now how happy and cheerful and Christmasy is that??? a crying celebrant??? I started to question why so much of this seasonal music makes me cry.......... 

If we discount what Aunty Olive always said about me - that my bladder was too close to my eyeballs - then what is it that makes me cry........ And I think I have the answer.  If you really listen to the words - or the thought behind the song - they are NOT happy songs.

Take the worst song for making me cry..........

"I'll Be Home For Christmas" is about someone dreaming of coming home for Christmas.  In my mind there is nothing sadder than not being with family and loved ones at Christmas.  It makes me think of all the family and friends who won't be coming home for Christmas this year........ and trust me my personal list is a long one..... so every time I hear that particular song my eyes will well up - hell if I am alone - I will have a good old fashioned heart breaking cry....... over a song !!!

I am wondering ........... am I alone in this ??? Or is there a Seasonal song that makes you all teary eyed.  Wanna share which one??? Trust me - it will probably be on my list too.......... 

Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Do any of you know - remember - the Monty Python song Spam... the lyrics were very catchy and thought provoking - 

"lovely spam, wonderful spam
lovely spam, wonderful spam


Lovely spam
Lovely spam
Lovely spam

spam, spam, spam, spam"

Truthfully the only reason I even know that song exists is because my ex-husband was is a HUGE Monty Python fan. I personally didn't get the humour - didn't get most of the British humour he watched... ummm.. while I think about it.. didn't much get his humour either.. 

Have any of you ever eaten spam???? I can remember way back when... I was in elementary school - money was tight - very tight - and one of my favourite lunches was fried spam and macaroni.. I couldn't eat it today..... god just the thought of it makes me gag now.

I know I know you are all wondering what the hell I am going on about.. I promise there is a point to this.............. 

Those of you who use Goggle's blogger - do you know that they now have a spam detector??? yeah they do!!!  Ever since I put moderation on the comments here.. I now have to look at the comment section on the dashboard... 

It took me a couple of days to actually see the notice that I had spam .... geeez I thought all those weird ads that used to show up on old OLD posts had just they hadn't they had gone into some spam box that blogger developed.  How did I miss that???!!

Anyway - I am totally enjoying reading some of the spam that shows up.. some of it almost sounds like someone who has / is reading The Journey - of course there is always a dead give away somewhere towards the end........ like one the other day that said they were taking notes of my ideas and going to use them this week....and asked me to give them more ideas - immediately followed by a promise (if I hit the link) of finding out the answer to having a longer thicker penis...... Yay right.. like I need a longer thicker penis.. hell if I did - I would simply buy another dildo.. 

Anyway... I just thought I would share with you the exciting news about blogger now having a spam box.. in case you didn't already know.... now you can have hours of fun reading spam.. lovely spam - wonderful spam, spam, spam spam.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Nothing to See - Move along

No matter how exciting the holiday season is.......... no matter how much I love it....... there are the mundane things that must be done - BEFORE - the fun starts.  

So this weekend was me and the lil condo - cleaning.... scrubbing.. polishing... preparing.

There were cobwebs where there shouldn't have been cobwebs!!  I think that was my biggest shock.  The lil condo had cobwebs !!  And not one or two........ but hundreds of them !!!  (ok ok I exaggerate - but there were a lot !!)

And Friday night as I climbed into bed my eyes strayed upwards ...... to the ceiling fan.... WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT????   I threw back the covers and stood on the bed to get a better look........... MY GOD ........ the top of the fan blades were covered - 2 inches deep - in dust and cat hair!!!  What the devil has miss ashes been doing while I am out of the house??!!  throwing parties - swinging from the chandeliers (so to speak)???

On Saturday while I was clearing out rooms to clean - I glanced up at the china cabinet and my prized silver was tarnished.... TARNISHED!!  I was sure I just cleaned it... didn't I just clean it???? ummmmmm yeah I did....... last spring.  

As I mopped the dining room floor - after cleaning ALL the silver - I noticed foot prints all over the floor - from the back door to the living room - to the kitchen - everywhere !!  When was the last time I washed the hardwood floors????? oh yeah - must have been last spring !!!

By the time I collapsed exhausted Saturday night........ the floors had been washed - the rugs vacuumed - the silver cleaned - the fan cleaned - the cobwebs were gone.  And I had managed to put all the every day knick knacks away so the tables are bare and ready for Christmas.  I had dragged the Christmas tree up from the basement and set it up complete with the candle lights - put the garland around the china cabinet - took down the garland around the china cabinet (the lights wouldn't light and I never really liked it anyway) - put the garland up around the mantle - hung my Christmas fairies (that no one BUT no one touches except for me) and then ........ re-vacummed the lower level .. AGAIN... because of all the artificial needles littering the floors/rugs.  (Artificial needles stick like glue to whatever they touch - floor, furniture, rugs......... too bad they don't stick as well to the damn tree / garland !!)

Sunday morning I finished up the odds and sods I hadn't finished on Saturday - like finding / organizing all the Christmas gifts I have bought...... worked on the accounting program (which I still don't get!!)  and even managed to give myself a much needed manicure - had a shower and was out of the house by 1:00 pm to pick up eldest daughter to go out to the Island for baby grandson's second birthday ............ (oh yeah late Saturday night I did manage to find some birthday paper and wrap up the birthday gifts)

Then it was home in time for dinner - put my pjs on and watched the Grey Cup game - which ran way past my bedtime - but it was a GOOD game and I couldn't not watch it !!!

Finally I climbed into my lil bed - satisfied the house is ready - or as ready as it is going to be - for next weekend.  That's when the 3 grandkids come to granny's house to decorate for Christmas.  

I DO love the holidays - it's just - well - it seems to be mostly vanilla - thank goodness there is one play party between now and the 25th and one more munch........a girl needs some distractions from the mundane - dontcha know!

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Sentimental Sunday

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things..

Saturday, November 26, 2011

morning star

i am sitting here at 4 something AM listening to the silence - complete silence.... even the house is not creaking. 

There is something about this hour  that I love.  The silence is so complete .. so total.. it seems to blanket the house with peace and tranquility.  

This is more "my" time than any other time in the day.  The phone will not ring... the dogs do not bark.. the car engines do not idle... the silence is complete and total and silent.

The bedside lamp casts shadows in the hallway - the monitor from the pc lightens up the space around my desk........ the quiet seeps into every corner.  Even lil miss ashes doesn't stir but sleeps on... cuddled up on the corner of the bed........

This quiet time does more to renew my spirit than any other time of the day ... or night.  My body slowly wakes and stretches - my mind flows at will from one mundane thing to another... sometimes a profound thought will flitter past my consciousnesses and move on.. leaving a ghost of a whisper behind.

This is my quiet before the storm......... the storm of schedules and jobs and promises ... this is my time when I am renewed... when I am able to soak in the simple joy of just being here.   

This is why I am now and have always been "morningstar"

Friday, November 25, 2011


About a week ago on Facebook - someone posted a picture of Albert Einstein and challenged everyone to study the picture and if they looked hard enough they would actually see Marlyn Monroe.

Well I studied that picture and all I saw was a photo shopped picture and wasn't impressed at all.................

Then this week I went to a conference at the School Board and was learning about "Destination Imagination" and the animator quoted Albert Einstein as saying "Imagination is more important than knowledge".  (I totally agree with that statement - in fact have believed that from my very first day teaching - so I was pleasantly surprised that someone of some repute agreed with me)

Then on Tuesday - I think it was - I was standing at the stairs greeting the kids coming down to lunch and one young chap came down sporting a t-shirt that said " Strive not to be a success - but to be of value"   (I love reading his t-shirts - there is always some smart comment on them)

Then last night I was reading some post or other on Fetlife and a saying flitted through my head "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".   I had no idea where it came from and decided to look it up........ because I know so many people who do that... keep repeating the same mistakes... hell even I have been guilty of that one!!!

Lo and behold ...... it was Albert Einstein who said each and every one of those quotes.  Yeah yeah I know all of you already knew that right???? 

Well it got me thinking (probably stupid thoughts) ... but I couldn't help it.. the thought I had was............ HE was more than just mathematics !!!  

See to me - the silly lil blonde who sat in the back of math class with huge butterflies fluttering about - knowing .. KNOWING.. I was never gonna GET it....... figured someone like Albert Einstein was so far removed from my world there was no point in learning anything about him.

And yet - here I am - some 50+ years later finding out that the man had a wealth of knowledge for the common folk - like me - who could barely add 1+1 and come up with 2.    

I figured after this week of Albert Einstein quotes / pictures popping up in my life I should maybe take a look at this man that I figured was wayyyyyyyyy beyond my simple mind.  And I discovered he said a lot of down to earth - smack you upside the head - kind of things.

Figured I would share with you all the one that spoke to me the loudest........"I have no special talent - I am only passionately curious."

And so I have something in common with this genius who has intimidated me for most of my life.............. Curiosity. 

Curiosity has driven me to learn science in my 30's and 40's ... curiosity has driven me to find out about the history of BDSM way back to WWII.. curiosity has driven me to study child psychology and try and figure out what makes some of my more difficult children tick.......... curiosity is what keeps me sitting quietly in the corner at most social events - studying the interactions of people around me........... (and tends to lead people to think I am a snob) ......... curiosity is what has lead me to learn about religions - a lot of the world's religions - and to accept them for what they are.... a belief system for people. Curiosity is what keeps me getting out of bed every day - and wondering what the day will offer me...... what new challenges .. what new surprises.. what new things of beauty..... 

And who knows........ maybe knowing Albert Einstein believed in the power of persevering one of these days I will actually understand/ get / SEE the math in front of me... and discover it isn't really all that daunting ! 

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Die Hard

I awoke yesterday morning prepared to face an extremely busy day................. Mother Nature decided I needed just a little twist to add some excitement to my day - so she sent 10 cms of snow.

Now under normal conditions that wouldn't bother me in the least - EXCEPT - I had gotten lulled into believing winter wasn't coming this year....... and had not put my snow tires on.  Soooooooooooo the 10 cms of snow posed a driving challenge........... But we folks up here in the Great White North are a 'die hard bunch' - well ok maybe a stupid bunch......... But we do believe that a little bit of snow doesn't stop us from doing anything......... 

I had a Board meeting in the morning - 15 minutes from my lil condo.  I left an hour early.  I was 30 minutes late for the meeting. I saw 3 accidents on the way to the Board - some pretty major........ 'die hards' all of us!!!

Then I flew out of the Board and back to school for lunch - and then was faced with preparations for our Mexican fiesta!!

Did I tell you (I honestly can't remember and am too brain dead to look) that the program I planned this year for my kiddies involves visiting countries all around the world??
We started the year off with each kiddie making a biplane with their picture.............It makes a great welcoming board to our room......... 

The first country we visited back in October ........ was ....... you guessed it.. Mexico.  The kids have learned about the customs (well some of them) and have made all sorts of "souvenirs" to bring back from their first trip.  

They made .......... Day of the Dead masks..maps of the country and mexican flags ....... mexican pottery (the orange round things on the wall )....... they made worry dolls... and fiesta flags... sombreros...pinatas...and the list goes on and on........ 

 I wanted plants from the region and god bless W he went hunting and actually found an out of season pepper plant for me.. an aloe vera plant and i managed to find a flowering cactus.

Yesterday was our last day in Mexico ... and so I decided to have a Mexican fiesta.. with a food tasting event.  Sounded like a great plan back in September....... yesterday not so much.  One other woman and I worked for a couple of hours setting tables with brightly coloured tablecloths and napkins... cooking taquitos and dishing out salsa and taco chips... we worked in a small galley type kitchen with one small oven.... and still managed to get 160 taquitos baked in record time for our hungry excited "tourists'
Die hard......... that's us !!

I wish I could post the pictures of the kiddies faces as they put on their very best "party manners" for me and came to the fiesta.......... but protocol prevents me from doing so.  Trust me when I say they had a blast and the hugs and thank yous I got when it was all over made it worth every aching tired muscle !!!

10 hours after I started my day - I trudged out to my car and started the challenging drive home.  Even then...... after 90% of the streets had been cleared and salted and sanded I still managed to come across another major accident - 5 cars involved - with fire trucks, ambulances and police.  I was never so glad to arrive home safe and sound......... 

This morning (a day late and a dollar short) I am getting my snow tires put on the car.. the weather forecast for tomorrow - sunny and mild........ sigh.......... but I know .. as do every other 'die hard' nut case up here in the Great White North - that the white stuff will be back !!!

Oh and in case you are wondering........ for the next 4 weeks we will be sticking around Canada and getting ready for the holidays.  We will however take a quick trip to Israel around mid December to learn about the Festival of Lights.........  I LOVE my job !!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

It's coming............

 (I'm the one on the left....on the right is my long suffering 'grinch' - W)

I am early this year ... I know I know .. there are 30+ days before Christmas... but I couldn't wait.. honestly couldn't wait....I had to start preparing The Journey for the holidays... 

Last weekend I started making my Christmas lists... no no .. not the naughty or nice list... but lists of events over the holidays... lists of foods - main meals and sweets - and lists of groceries I need to buy to accomplish all the cooking/baking.  Monday I went grocery shopping and came home laden down with all sorts of goodies ... well ok not exactly goodies yet... but soon..............

At school I am fleshing out my program for December.... getting masters of Christmas cards ready for the kiddies, Hanukkah crafts, baking ideas, angels and elves....... all sorts of excitement.

This weekend I hope to give the house a good cleaning - the traditional pre-Christmas clean.  Then I want to drag up the Christmas tree and the garlands and get them all up.  Yes yes I know it is early........... BUT......... the following weekend  the grandkids are coming for their annual "decorate granny's house" day and the basics have to be ready!!

W and I already have one party to go to....... and I am planning to resurrect our New Year's Day Kinky Open house.............. 

Over the next 4 weeks I will be adding "decorations" to The Journey ........ so keep an eye out for them.... you never know what I'll find.........

It's going to be a busy 4 weeks........... 

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

VBA award

I received a VBA (Versatile Blogger) award from a hidden slave........she embarassed me by saying:
  morning star: what a strong woman, in so many ways , she has inspired me, given me strength and yet she does not take herself too seriously.

Honestly - I am embarrassed !!  But pleased to think that someone out there thinks that of me (geeeeeeeeez - my PR is working eh?? LOL)

Anyway.......... from what I can gather this award is a way of introducing folks to some new blogs you haven't stumbled across on the net - yet.

I am supposed to tell you 7 things about myself..... 

  ugh don't you guys know all there is about me??? what more can I say that I haven't said in over 1800 blog entries??!!!
Ok let me try....... and if you have heard it before .. well it sucks to be you.. (cheeky grin)

1)  I am a hard cover book snob - who has been converted to Kobo (digital books)
2) At one time I was known as "bondage granny"
3)  I love post-it notes - and have them plastered just about everywhere
4)  I use an old fashioned bulletin board - and agenda - to keep track of all my "stuff" instead of the new digital smart phones/Ipads/ electronic gizmos
5)  I love the colour RED
6)  I work hard and play harder....... 
7)  I LOVE ... LOVE.... LOVE Christmas !!!

Now as for passing this along to 15 other bloggers???!!!  Seeing as I am a day late and a dollar short...... most of the blogs I read have already been nominated ...multiple times.... so I am going to take the easy way out and point to the left hand column and suggest you go read any and all of those blogs....... each and everyone of them are versatile bloggers that have in one way or another touched my life........ 

There are two new blogs up on my lists - one is Slave Interrupted ...... and she might well enjoy having some new readers - and a bit of a cheering section......... The other one is And All I loved - she is a brand spanking new blogger - a law student here in the Great White North and sweet kid (and yes she is a KID - hell I have children older than she is) but she is well worth a look see......

And then when you're done taking a look see - raise a glass to all us bloggers who write with or without receiving awards.......... take that giant step from private to public ... who dare to tempt the god's (and anonymous commenters) by writing from the heart ...... what's in our hearts !!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Busy Bee

What a busy day I had on Saturday...........

Eldest daughter had given me an "IOU" for birthday celebrations... so we had made plans to meet up around 10:30 Saturday morning and head off to a book sale - then out for lunch.

She greeted me with a birthday present - and two cupcakes with gobs.. and I do mean GOBS - of icing on top (to replace those roses I was talking about back in October) and an invite for lunch at a Chinese restaurant.

She gave me a cane bundle - with bamboo handle.  She suggested I could hang it in my bedroom as it goes with the oriental theme... and no one would know it's real use (cheeky grin)

Now before anyone throws a fit that my daughter (actually both daughters) knows about my choice of lifestyle.. Eldest daughter identifies as Domme - and enjoys a little private play from time to time.

We had good fun at the book sale - and I knew all the profits would go to 'Rosie's' - a local animal rescue center.  I bought a couple of books and a coconut cinnamon sweet bread for W.   

Then off for lunch... which was a great adventure.  We decided to try dim sum.  Neither of us had ever had it..... so we picked items off the menu - without really knowing what we were getting......... and sat back and enjoyed chatting while we waited for lunch.  I have to honestly say I don't think Dim Sum is for me... but it was fun trying it.

After dropping daughter at home I took off and met up with W and drakor for a long delayed and missed coffee klatch at the local Tim Hortons.  It was good catching up on the news - and I had some fun giving him the gears to get his ass in gear so we can take him to some play parties (drakor has been having a couple of health issues recently)

Then W dropped drakor off home and met up with me here at the condo for a brief rest before heading off for a munch.  

I always enjoy munches  - especially now I don't have to organize them.  Lots of new folks showed up and the usual friends.  We spent a delightful 6 hours lingering over Indian food - and good conversation.

Sunday was laundry day for me.. and vegging out with W until W packed up and headed off home - just as the Eastern finals of our football came on.  I spent the afternoon curled up on the sofa watching my second choice team (the Alouettes lost last weekend) lose miserably.  And then watching the Western finals.  Honestly - 6 hours of football ???!!!  

The laundry is folded and put away - the games are over till next weekend - the week stretches ahead of me - filled to the brim with 'stuff' and long hours...... and Christmas looms a month away............ busy bee might be my new persona.

Saturday, November 19, 2011


If you've been around here for any length of time you know that I LOVE Christmas... It is absolutely the best time of the year!!!  I mean - hell - I have already put my lights up outside and turned them on..... I have almost finished my Christmas shopping and am chomping at the bit to get the decorations up inside........... 

So why you ask have I put that picture on my blog??? 

Do you remember all the problems I had with my staff in September/October??? 

Well on Thursday one of my dear loving/caring staff members turned to me and out of the blue asked me when I was gonna organize the Christmas dinner party..... I was gob  smacked.... why I ask you.. WHY in god's name would I want to plan any party with these women who have done everything in their power to bring me down???? 

Unfortunately I don't think very fast on my feet......... 'cause if I had I would have answered her question by saying "I am not planning any Christmas dinner party - you can do it."  But I didn't.  I mumbled some stupid answer and then proceeded to stress about having to find a restaurant.. count heads.. make reservations .. etc etc etc.

Then I had a brain wave..... a brilliant inspirational idea.

Yesterday at the daily noon meeting.. I announced that I would not be planning ANY Christmas dinner party. ........ that I had more than enough items on my "to do list" and so if they wanted a Christmas party they had better put their heads together and organize it!!!

HA !  the looks on all their faces was worth it...... totally worth it.    BAH HUMBUG.

Now that is taken care of... I can get on with MY Christmas decorating, wrapping, baking and celebrating.

Friday, November 18, 2011


There is a HUGE event coming to the Great White North next weekend... Torture Garden.

When I first heard the hype - and the name of the event - TORTURE Garden - I was curious.  It seemed to me it might be something fun for a masochist to attend.   Torture is a good word to capture the imagination of any masochist (and probably Sadist, too) 

Then I read the advertising - the hype - and I realized everyone must define torture differently.  And then I was talking with someone who told me they were trying to get the organisers to agree to having a play night..... squeezed in ... in between all the fetish shows.  

Shows???? I immediately shook my head and backed off.... I don't wish to watch the pretty people prancing around in their latex and leather and all sorts of fet wear.  I don't wish to watch shows of make believe ........ This holds no thrill for me.

The latest news is they are actually going to hold a play party- squeezed into the club holding all these shows and loud music and dancing.  And I knew this wasn't the event for me .......... My BDSM is not squeezed in between dancing twirling bodies, and weird almost alien shows on stages - nor do I wish to suffer through a play scene that has music so loud there is absolutely no chance for interaction between W and myself.... 

Then the icing on the cake was when I over heard a conversation last weekend - where a 20 something was telling another 20 something how they were going to be a DM (dungeon monitor)  at Torture Garden.  I nearly fell over....... I am sure my jaw dropped. And that sealed the deal - there was/ is NO way in hell I am gonna ask W if we can go.  

No offense to this 20 something - she is excited to be a part of this huge event... her head is swelling I can see it....... 

 BUT honestly folks - between all the hollywood type shows being offered - between the loud music and the offering a play space like bread crumbs to us players who define Torture as something done to OUR bodies - and between 20 somethings being used as DM's I think I will stay home.   I will be almost a $100 richer - I will be less stressed - AND I won't go deaf.

Maybe I am more old leather (cheeky grin) ...... where my leathers (metaphorically speaking) are worn and comfy and old ........ where my desires lie in LIVING it .,,, not watching it.......... and the techno side of this lifestyle I love is best left to the 20 somethings who have no clue what I am talking about.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Mid November

We have been having unseasonably warm temperatures  -  between 14 and 18 degrees celsius (which for those of you not using metic - that is approximately between 57 and 64 degrees)

Now I am not going to deny it has been heavenly - BUT - it is mid-November - and my mind is turning to Christmas - my programming at work is turning to Christmas - my shopping is turning to Christmas -   AND   -   I am finding it next to impossible to really get in the mood while I am wearing short sleeves to work - and no coat.  (even more impossible when I see some of my kids running around outside without even a sweater in shorts!!)

Yesterday I heard it ........ the first warnings of snow.  Today - well this afternoon to be specific - we are supposed to get rain ....... OR......... snow flurries.  So yesterday morning, on my break, I came home and went in search of the lil reindeer for the front garden.... the outdoor extension cord...... the snowflakes for the kitchen window and the icicle lights for over the front door.

My poor lil reindeer has seen better days.  I guess I have had him for over 5 years now.  He has stood guard over the front yard through rainy Christmases and overly snowy Christmases.  He has even been hit by the snow plow (ok ok really it was the snow from the plow - being pushed up into my front garden to clear the walk way - but still !!) 

When I put him away last spring (when I could finally dig him out of his place of honour) his front legs were broken off....... his body was twisted and mangled...... I honestly thought he had seen his last Christmas in my front garden.  

Yesterday I dragged him upstairs with all his loose and dangling bits ...... got some twist ties from the kitchen drawer - sat on the floor with him between my legs - and started mending the broken bits, and straightening out the twisted mangled bits.  

I held my breath as I plugged him in - hoping (but honestly not believing) he would light up for one more Christmas.  When I turned around from plugging him in..... there he stood in all his glory - twinkling in the morning sunshine.  He worked !!!!!!  And he doesn't look as though he has been through the winter snow wars...... oh he doesn't look new for sure !!  BUT he doesn't look mangled either. 

So I carried him outside and placed him - once again - in the place of honour in the front garden !

Christmas is coming - I know cause the lights up and the littlest reindeer is once again in the garden.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Musical interlude

A little over a week ago I introduced you all to a song about Dominants by Ratje - a gal from FetLife.  I went looking for more of her songs - and boy oh boy has she got a repertoire of songs!!

Some of them are satirical - some downright funny - some I wouldn't post here if you paid me.  But every once in a while I will share one of her songs with you all....... because for one reason or another they speak to me.  And lucky you... I didn't have anything to say today........ so here's another of Ratje's songs... THINK...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


Driving home from work yesterday I was remembering fondly the second play session on Saturday.  I was running through the different toys and the different sensations.... the pain and the joy.

Then I remembered how W used the rabbit fur glove he bought when we were in the States in October....

it felt so sensual....I lifted my head a bit and saw this group of spectators watching smiling....

BUT my heart was pounding.. I knew what was coming.......

I wonder what they must have thought when suddenly I was ouching and wiggling.. and laughing ..... W was running the glove up and down my ass.. 

Then W's free hand grabbed a handful of hair - lifting my upper body.. bending it backwards and the gloved hand was running over my breasts.... flicking my nipples and I was nearly screeching..... 

How the group must have wondered what was wrong with me............... 

Little did they know W had curled his fingers slightly - bringing out the "claws" .. 

needle sharp claws that were biting into my skin.. scratching it... threatening to snip off a nipple.

A nice furry really just an illusion.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Free falling

We had an event to go to on Saturday.  It was our first of this type.  The party started at noon and went to 6 pm... and then everyone was going out to dinner to cap off the event.

I had been looking forward to this event a lot !!!  


Thursday's fiasco of nasty comments on the blog and the subsequent fall out from them.   

I wish I could say I handled the whole event as well as it seemed I did publicly BUT I didn't.  I was angry - really pissy angry........ and on Friday night I knew I had to make a decision - to snap out of it.. or not go to the party on Saturday.  I picked the first choice.  My grandmother used to say "the best revenge is to live well" ... I knew IF I didn't go to the event - then I let anonymous win.... and I was NOT going to let that happen.  W and I are together - through thick and thin!!! So....needless to say I picked the first option and  by Saturday morning was back to the anticipated excitement.

The event was being held at a bar (thus the afternoon play time).  The play equipment had been trucked in from L'Oubliette and well placed within the bar.  It was an amazing set up with lots of room to mingle and play !!!

W and I picked a St Andrew's Cross (near the front door) and started playing.  I was anxious for the endorphin rush ... but for some reason I couldn't get focused at all .. couldn't find my breathing patterns... and landed up doing a lot of foot stamping and ass rubbing... and subbie jigs.   My emotions were near to breaking - and I had visions of calling the scene and dissolving in an weepy mess. 

But W brought out the gorean whip... and I started to relax and get into it..... (often times when I can't get it together - the gorean whip is my saving grace) I asked if I could move from the cross to the end of the bar (which was 5 steps from where we were playing) because the gorean whip needs a lot of room to throw...... and it works better if W can move from one side of my ass to the other.   W agreed and so there I was leaning over the end of the bar - ass out - meeting each hit with a sigh and a soft moan.  It felt like I was coming home... it was all working... 

And then I could feel it - that familiar tightening in my gut - the quivering in my limbs and I knew .. KNEW... an orgasm was 2 or 3 hits away........ I closed my eyes - felt my body flying higher and higher........ I was hanging right there on the edge.. waiting for the next hit to push me over....................... 


That's right nothing!  I turned my head and looked .. 2 women had walked between W and I .. and had stopped to talk............ TALK !!!!  In the middle of our scene... while I was dangling over the edge.

Well for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about - let me tell you - what happened next was like being in a elevator that free falls 15 stories to the bottom.  Can we all say C. R. A. S. H.??!!!   My body folded into itself.. my head dropped to the bar and I was fighting the tears (without much success)... 

W came over and stood rubbing my back - but he honestly didn't have a clue what had just happened....

When I crash (and I can only speak for myself) I get angry - bloody f**cking angry.  I got dressed with W's help (we had taken my new leather corset off to play) and I grabbed my cigarettes and headed outside for a smoke and a cool down time.  W went off to buy some diet drinks... so I had a long time to try and pull myself together.  

I went back into the bar and a couple of folks who saw what happened came over to check on me.  One chap - god bless him - didn't say a word - just stood rubbing my back softly ... I don't even think he was looking at me.. He was just giving me human contact - helping me find my way back......... 

W came back and we had a long talk (almost argument) outside... Then we came back in .. I was more composed.. W knew what the hell was wrong with me.... 

But I kept running stuff around in my head.. and I knew if I didn't get my ass out there again.. I might never want to do it again... there is a huge amount of fear that comes along with my crashes... So I turned to W and said (with a cheeky grin) "Well ....... can you finish what you start???!!"  He seemed - I don't know - maybe surprised.  He studied me for a minute or two and then said "you want to play again??" and I said "YES"

This time I went and found a nice comfy spanking bench - off in a secluded corner.. I stripped down again.... and we started our scene all over again... This time it clicked.. in no time at all I was happily free falling off the edge.. no crashing to earth - soft gentle floating.... on a pillowy cloud of pain

And when it was over and W was leaning down over my body - stroking my head... I mumbled through my tears "I love YOU!!" because I do - no matter what things come crashing into our lives - nothing can erase the love I feel for this man!

Then it was time to clear out of the bar and head off for dinner.  I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed having dinner after the party - with all participants.  It was like the icing on the cake........ perfection !!

Because I love my new corsets - and because I have posted every single one here... I am posting a picture of my last new corset.. my black leather one.  

oh yeah and before I forget..Sunday morning my ass was sporting some nice lil bruises.. (see me grinning??)

Sunday, November 13, 2011

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