Is everyone clear on TTWD?? I know for a long time I had no clue.... finally felt safe enough with a submissive friend to ask....... "These Things We Do" ....... sort of like a big HUGE umbrella to tuck us all under............. cause there are so many different shapes sizes and styles in BDSM.
Around blog land these days .. we have DD and HOH and maybe even 50's household. We have D/s and S/m and Daddy/little girl. ok so who did I miss??
A long time ago it was very important to me to have a label. After all how can you fit in (or be accepted in some cases) if you don't know who/what you are?? I identified as submissive - maybe even slave on a good day. I am by nature submissive (raised to be submissive - talk about nurture versus nature) -- and have a strong BURNING desire to serve .. .to please.
But interesting fact here....... at munches or meetings I was often seen as Dominant. You have no idea how many male submissives approached me to play....... le sigh...
I did try - more than once - but it just isn't in me. And doming is exhausting!! and a lot of work.... it was so much easier to kneel at someone's feet and let them do all the work.
BUT - I was more than submissive. I was a masochist. And that desire for pain drove me stronger than any desire to serve. For a long time I didn't talk about it - was ashamed maybe? of my masochism. AND in the community I was in - masochism was not valued as much as submissive or slave.
Then I met Sir Steve ....... he was a Sadist.... other submissives whispered about him.. he was a S A D I S T -- that made him scary...... oh and he did look scary and intimidating in his leathers with his cover on.......... I remember being mesmerized by him.... (and yeah - he was HOT in my books and made my knees go weak)
And when we played ....... OMG it was heaven!! I had finally met my match... The Sadist and the masochist - a match made in heaven.
BUT I didn't understand why he didn't want me to kneel - or to serve. Once the play was over he wanted me sitting beside him - standing beside him - an equal ? that was very confusing to me. I figured it was because I was NOT his submissive...
Fast forward to 4 years ago when we started to renew our friendship. I figured "YAY!! I get a Sadist and a Dominant" Was I wrong!! Sir Steve is dominant yes... but he isn't looking to dominate anyone. When we aren't playing he wants a partner.
A long time ago I read a description of each of the types of BDSM relationships.. long ago and far away - so of course I can't find it now. BUT I do remember skimming over the S/m relationship. IF memory serves me right - S/m relationships are different from the other forms because for the most part both partners are considered equal - only when it comes to 'playing' do the roles manifest themselves. And they play to satisfy each person's need for pain - either giving or receiving.
I still have a very strong need to please and be pleasing.... but we're working on releasing my spirit and letting it fly. I am slowly learning I do not HAVE to serve Sir Steve - I fulfill him with my masochism. IF I want to serve him that's my choice! not his demand.
Life is good when your TTWD is a perfect fit.