Friday, June 30, 2017

First Visitors

Yesterday morning I was up and running early -- ran to the shops to pick up some milk and bagels and cream cheese for my brother's visit and cold cuts for lunch with eldest daughter on Sunday.... 

Sir Steve and the lil one showed up at my apartment early and Sir Steve pulled my bathroom back together -- put the door handles on -- put up the curtain rods and was hanging the last curtain (that I had to put up -- rest still on order) just as my brother and sister in law arrived.

They liked my lil home -- enjoyed the coffee and bagels -- and we all had a good visit.  They left a couple of hours later and we just vegged out -- with the lil one watching movies on Netflix.

The spinning plates are stablizing ........ and I am not nearly as frantic as I was........ though today I do have to shower and do laundry and make individual maple cheesecakes for the Canada celebrations at youngest daughter's tomorrow and get everything packed and organised for the campgrounds....... we leave this afternoon.

NOW if the sun would just come out it might be a good weekend...........

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Keeping the Plates Spinning

Yesterday I felt like I had all the plates in the air spinning and I was frantically trying to keep them from crashing down............ frantic day to put it mildly.

 On Saturday we are going to Montreal to the youngest daughter's for Canada Day -- and I promised to make individual cheesecakes - Canada 150 cheesecakes even!!

Then things got better as the day went along -- eldest daugher and partner are gonna 'pop in' on Sunday to see my lil home and then want to go to the campground and visit with Sir Steve and the lil one and see the trailer.  oh yeah and Sir Steve has a friend popping by the trailer on Sunday for a visit too..........

Then my brother called last evening and he and his wife are heading home after a holiday on the East coast and thought it would be GREAT if they stopped by the apartment TODAY for coffee and a visit.

Today Sir Steve has a day off work (thanks to the rain) and he plans on working on the finishing touches to the apartment -- putting the bathroom back together -- putting the door knobs on -- hanging curtain rods etc........ 

Just add more plates to the spinning mess..............I got this right?? (big sigh)

If you're looking for me in the next few days -- you'll find me in the middle of spinning plates hoping not to let any of them fall..............

in the fetal position in the corner  

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Lost the Battle

I work very hard every single day to control my OCD - every single day for my entire life.  I fight to keep my world orderly.  It's not something that is easy to explain to someone who doesn't have OCD.... it was part of the reason for my eating disorder getting so out of control.

The last two weeks have been a major battle.  My lil home was under attack -- attack of painting and cleaning and prepping...... and it isn't done yet.  There isn't one room in the entire house that is finished.  Some rooms are worse than others -- like the kitchen and the bathroom.

Yesterday I sat here waiting for the delivery of rugs and I had hoped bedding for the spare room (didn't come -- hopefully today).  I painted the rest of the kitchen cupboards... and put the handles back on the ones that were done.  This morning I put the handles on the ones I did yesterday.  I dragged all the paint tins to the basement and got them organised on a shelf.  

BUT the door handles have to be put back on each of the bedrooms -- the bathroom is in pieces -- the washer dryer is stuck in a corner of the kitchen waiting to be installed -- the curtain rods have to be hung and dear god my curtains have to be delivered STILL !

There are so many unknowns right now -- so many things I have no control over -- so many things that are swamping me -- so many plates spinning in the air -- and I know -- KNOW -- I am gonna start dropping them......... 


The OCD battle won today -- I gave up -- or was it gave in?? -- and took a pill to quieten my heart and head........ 

I will win this war but I lost the battle today......

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

The Ravages of Moving

I'm pleased to report that I have emptied all the boxes (well except for the bathroom ones cause the bathroom is still not quite finished) and nothing got chipped or broken.  I was worried cause I did all my own packing.... a first.  But everything survived.

Well almost everything............ 

I tore one nail off -- almost off -- down to what my mother used to call 'the quick'.  Damn it hurt.  Everytime I would see my hands the one short nail really bothered me (god bless OCD).  So I took 5 minutes one day to file all my nails right down... short - shorter than they have been in years!

Yesterday I took a good long look at myself -- the ravages of moving!  I haven't had any time to pluck or mosturize -- primp or preen.  I haven't given myself a manicure or pedicure in weeks!  UGH I hated the way I looked. 

I took the first steps towards mending the ravages of moving by plucking and moisturizing and actually gave myself a manicure.  Today I hope to do a pedicure.  After all (despite the cool weather and rain) it is strappy sandal season and time to have my toes presentable.

Life is slowly coming together - piece by piece.  And that is a very good thing!

Monday, June 26, 2017


Ten years ago (give or take) a friend dragged me out to a play party with the promise of introducing me to the sexiest woman I had ever seen.  He was right she was pretty sexy looking - on the outside.  But (as I have mentioned here before) it was her husband (Sir Steve) I found sexy.  Her?? well I got a sense she was a bit egotistical... a bit entitled... a bit too sure of her sexiness.  Character flaws in my opinion.

See I don't look at the package and say 'sexy' --  I tend to look at the whole picture..... and prefer when the inner self is beautiful and sexy.

In January when Sir Steve came to visit  -- when we were gonna have sex for the very first time -- I was more than a little nervous about being naked in front of him for the first time -- the body is not what it used to be.  The funny thing was - Sir Steve said as he was stripping down - something about my seeing HIS body for the first time.  I looked at him.. and saw what I saw the very first time a very sexy man.

See his sexiness comes from inside and radiates outwards....... there's something about his inner self -- his confidence in who and what he is ... his grin (oh lordie he has the most wicked grin ever!!)... his laugh.... his soft touch when he strokes my skin ... the way he cocks his head and watches me when we are making love.. the way his eyes sparkle -- the way he hugs me and holds my hand -- the patience he has with me....his children....the animals.... his extended family...... all the people in his life -- how he matches me word for word when I am playing word games trying to get the better of him (haven't yet and honestly don't expect to ) -- how I'll catch him looking at me with this small little smile and know he loves me .......... 

All those things (and more) make him sexy -- very very sexy to me.  I want to touch him and kiss him and stroke him and lose myself in him.  I consider myself a very lucky woman to have found such a sexy man....... very lucky indeed!

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Day Trip

The other day my youngest daughter told me that youngest grandson was winning a special award today at school.  It's not one of the "citizenship" type awards -- this is one of the 4 special awards --- the one where a letter is sent to the parents inviting them to the ceremony.  This is a special award!!  AND he's the first grandchild to win such an award.

There is no way this momentous occasion is gonna happen without proud granny sitting in the audience taking pictures -- nope no way at all!!

So I am heading off down the highway for the hour's drive to his school.  What a wonderful feeling to be that close that I CAN just show up and share the special occasion -- all the special occasions!! 

And that is a very good thing!

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Only 3 days.........

It's only been 3 days since I started unpacking the boxes.  I joke that there are 3000 boxes -- actually there are only 30 boxes to be unpacked and 6 big rubber maid containers that hold my Christmas decorations... they don't need to be unpacked and are stacked neatly on the shelves in the basement.

BUT still - 30 boxes to unpack.

I actually got the kitchen unpacked on Monday -- managed to sort out where everything could/would go in my new kitchen.  The house is quite old and the kitchen cupboards are HUGE -- and high.... so high I needed a step ladder to reach the top shelves.  Needless to say the things I rarely used went up there. 

The pantry like the cupboards is huge and high -- but it held everything -- including my bread machine, my huge silver chest and my red kitchen aide.  I will need a step ladder again to reach the serving platters high up on the top shelf -- but that's ok -- I don't expect to be throwing any big parties any time soon.

I have unpacked my bedroom and got most of everything sorted out in there.  That room was my biggest challenge -- much smaller than the master bedroom in the Kingston apartment.  BUT I got the necessities in with a wee bit of room to spare.. can we say it's 'cozy' ?  

And yesterday I got the spare room unpacked -- the printer found and hooked up -- my paper and art supplies safely sorted out in their baskets on the shelves. Also got most of the living room pulled together........ there's still pictures to hang and I haven't quite found my chinese village to display yet - but I am pretty sure it is in the last 'picture' box.  

OH and the cable/internet guy showed up and got my internet and tv up and running.

BUT as much as it sounds pulled together -- the bathroom isn't painted yet and is in pieces ....... and the kitchen has all Sir Steve's painting supplies.  The apartment feels a long way from pulled together yet..... oh and the washer and dryer have to be hooked up -- because I wasn't happy with the placement of them -- and purchased a washer dryer unit (on top of each other) .... it means poor Sir Steve has to find time to redirect the water supply.  (I do love making life complicated -- le sigh)

I keep reminding myself it's only been 3 days -- and it's coming together.... soon it will be my lil haven..... and I will have pictures to share with you.  For now I will keep trucking through the mess and organizing ......... soon it will be done -- soon.


Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Definitely a NEW beginning

I remember oh so long ago - unwrapping wedding gifts of sterling silver and cut glass crystal.  I had 'good' dishes and 'good silver ware'.  I had table clothes and cloth napkins. I had a formal dining room.  I was given oil paintings and bought (strongly suggested) formal furniture.

When I lived in those days -- when I entertained in those days -- I felt like I was playing a role..... being just like my mom -- and making my father proud.

When I divorced my husband and moved on -- I still carried with me those standards of what a house should look like......... and I still felt like I was living in someone else's skin.

When I finally moved out on my own -- bought a little house -- all those 'things' came with me -- as did the mind set.  BUT there was a little thought that was starting to form in my head -- just a little wee seed of a thought -- I would dearly love to have a mostly oriental design in my house.  I added a piece here and a piece there -- they were barely noticed swallowed up by all that formality.

When I moved to W's house -- I added a few more oriental pieces.  In fact one room -- my room -- was allowed to be decorated anyway I wanted. And the garden I created definitely showed lines of the oriental.  The seed was growing.

When I moved from W's house to the apartment -- I tried really hard to have my oriental design........ without the formality.  But it didn't quite work.  Around the edges all that formality still existed.

When I moved this time --- I had made up my mind.  This was MY house!  I have grown so much and have been finding my voice... my strength... my style.  This house was going to be my oriental design!  (with North America comforts -- I'm old after all !)

Yesterday I was unpacking the kitchen boxes -- the formal dishes had already been given to youngest daughter -- the formal silver ware was tucked into a deep cupboard -- the crystal glasses and vases have been carefully stored away.  In their place is simplicity and minimization.  There is a chinese lantern (with electric light) ready to be hung just inside the front door.  My oriental village will not be delegated to a back room or behind the glass of a china cabinet -- it will be on a table in the living room.  There is no formal dining room -- just a simple dark wood table and two straight line chairs in white. There is a small simple set of drawers under the front window where my bonsai sits proudly. 

This house is exposing more of who I am than any other house I have ever lived in.  Simple lines .... a type of Zen peace.  It is MY house reflecting the new me -- a quieter more peaceful me.

And that is a very good thing!




Monday, June 19, 2017

Fillng me up again

Everything from a strong hand around my neck -- to bruises on my breasts -- to sweet love making .......... 

BUT the voices were still yelling in my head -- loud noisy confusing 
noise -- 

Then last night when still I felt empty and lost ...... Sir Steve moved to sit beside me on the sofa -- wrapped his big strong arms around me and pulled me close -- head on his chest -- tears slowly running down my cheeks -- silence between us -- just his strength filling me up -- 

Then in bed we whispered in each other's ears -- and I could hear the voices silencing -- could feel the peace returning -- could believe that "we will indeed get through this together"  

And as my eyes closed the last voice disappeared ......

Life is good when you learn you are not alone ... and that together problems will be solved.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Want and/or Need

After the last couple of months of stressing and packing and being really strong and telling myself over and over "you got this"....... I am drained -- emotionally and physically drained.

What I need and want more than anything this weekend is to be in his arms -- to have him make sweet gentle love to me -- to fill me up again ....... 


Friday, June 16, 2017

Different Attitude

The movers arrived at 9 am yesterday -- by 10:30ish the truck was loaded and we were on the road to Cornwall.

They left before me cause I had to do a 'walk through' with the superintendents -- god how I stressed over it !!  -- turns out it was not a big deal.  They said they knew how clean and tidy I kept my place -- but it was the rule to do a walk through -- so they did it and they signed off and I signed off on the old place.  The door was locked and I turned and walked out of the building without a backward glance.

I arrived here around 12:30ish and the truck arrived about an hour later.  Everyone had teased me about my 'colour coding' my boxes.  I had bought different coloured tapes...... so all the boxes for the living room had a blue stripe of tape across it -- green for the kitchen -- etc. etc.  The guys told me as they were unloading how much easier it made it for them.  They didn't have to read the writing -- just clump all same coloured boxes together and then plunk them in the appropriate rooms.  They claimed it saved them time and headaches.  YAY for my OCD!

They finished up -- and actually came in under budget / estimate.  $300 under!!!  YAY again!

Once they had gone I pulled my bedroom together -- made the bed and put things where I wanted them (for now).  I set up the front balcony with my wicker furniture and Samurai -- and even put my new garden flag into the garden.

Then I just sat on the sofa in the living room and organised where things would go -- and organised it all again.

Then I closed up the house and came to Sir Steve's.

Today I am not rushing off to the new place to unpack or organise - or do anything.  I decided I needed a couple of days off.  This move has really knocked the stuffing out of me!!  Today I am doing laundry and planning meals for the weekend at the campground and just vegging.  That's a far cry from 2 years ago when I was stressing over unpacking every box -- putting every knick knack in place -- and placing every piece of furniture in the right spot immediately!

Nope this time I have all the time in the world to upack -- the weekend looms ahead of me -- wine and campfires and sweet sweet loving is all that is on my agenda.  Monday is soon enough to start tackling the boxes and the organization.

Life is good when you have finally come home!


Thursday, June 15, 2017

New Day

I arrived in Kingston yesterday around noon.  I didn't announce it for a couple of reasons -- mostly I am not big on goodbyes -- but I'll be perfectly truthful (and sound totally paranoid) I was worried W who lives only a few blocks from this place would show up here.......... I know I know - sounds totally paranoid -- but the sooner I am out of this city the better!

I did however contact my 'angel' and she came and spent the afternoon with me and we laughed and shared memories of the last two years .... and like always we solved the world's problems -- and she helped me pass a few hours of loneliness.   She said it was very fitting that she spent my second day in this apartment with me and was spending my second to last day in it with me too (she's good like that making me tear up !!)  I think of all the people I will miss from here -- I will miss her the most.  
Over the two years -  we had our moments -- some of them quite long moments -- but in my heart she will always be my 'angel' the one who held me up when I couldn't find my feet and held my hand when I took my first independent steps.

We'll stay in touch and she promises she will come down to visit me (after all her bed will be there waiting for her !)

BUT now my face is pointed east -- closer to family and around the corner from Sir Steve........... hope springs eternal ... this will be my "happy ever after" ending ................. 

Wednesday, June 14, 2017


Yesterday I spent the entire day in my new apartment....... feeling so overwhelmed by the dirt -- the kitchen floor was so dirty it took 3 washings before the water was clean!
The painting isn't quite finished -- there are no doors on the bedrooms they are leaning against the walls in the living room -- there are painting supplies on the counters in the kitchen and in the kitchen sink.  

OH and the windows were disgusting -- I don't know if they have ever seen a bucket of hot soapy water!  

Thursday -- ready or not -- my furniture arrives at the apartment.  I keep telling myself it'll all work out.  I also keep telling myself - 3 moves in 4 years I should be a pro at this....... 

Truth is I am far from being a pro....... the boxes, the mess, the disorganization is driving me to distraction! 

I do have a BIG bottle of wine waiting for me at the trailer come Friday night -- and big strong arms to snuggle into........This is most definitely my LAST move....

(though I'm pretty sure I said that 2 years ago............. )

Tuesday, June 13, 2017


I have never been ticklish -- EVER!  I prided myself on that fact.  Actually I found 'tickling' annoying or painful -- never a pleasant sensation.

Sir Steve tried a few times to tickle me and no reaction -- nothing!  

Then on Saturday night we were in bed playing ...... and I was totally relaxed and enjoying myself..... Sir Steve was biting me -- here there and everywhere -- he hit a spot around the pubic bone and I started to howl with laughter... and wiggle ... and finally was shrieking at him to stop before I wet the bed.  

We laughed about it and he went back to some fun torture mixed with some sensuality and I got cheeky about something....... Sir Steve stood up and I watched him walk to the end of the bed -- I had no idea what he was gonna do but will admit I was intrigued (he is after all a Sadist and play time with him is always an adventure)  I watched as he ripped the covers off the end of the bed and toss them up over my body..... and before I could second guess him -- he had grabbed my ankle with one hand - restraining it tightly -- and with the other he was tickling the bottom of my foot.  

OH MY GOD!!  I was twisting and turning and shrieking with laughter again (god only knows what the campgrounds were thinking! )  I could barely catch my breath and my tummy hurt.

After ..... long after .... we were snuggled together whispering to each other when it hit me..... I have never relaxed or trusted anyone enough to feel tickling -- I always had one lil bit of control that I would not relinquish.  I whispered to Sir Steve my epiphany and immediately filled up with tears...... the level of trust I have with him -- the total surrender of all my walls -- is scary stuff to deal with....... to understand -- to grasp. Sir Steve knows how difficult this whole control thing is for me -- how wounded my heart has been -- and he whispered in my ear that he loved me and he would never hurt me....... and I slipped into a sound sleep feeling safe in his arms.

And that is a very good thing !!  

Monday, June 12, 2017

One last thing.......

Facebook has this feature "You have a memory".  For the last two years I have mostly ignored them because they were always filled with such sad memories - broken dreams and broken promises.

Facebook from time to time has videos they create from your photos and I have admired so many other friends' videos but never put mine up because again the memories broke my heart.

The other day I realized as long as those photos are under my facebook page they will keep cropping up.  I get more pics of W than of my grandchildren for god's sakes!  

I decided it was time to delete all those pictures of a time gone by.  I am not saying that those pictures were not of happy times cause they were.  BUT those happy times turned into such painful memories for me...... memories that made me physically and mentally sick.  Why was I hanging on to them??!!

It took me over 3 hours (dear facebook won't let you group pictures together and delete them all at once ohhhh no!  they have to be done one by one!!)  I persevered hitting delete over and over and over again.  At one point I realized my heart started to feel lighter ....... I was erasing the pain literally and it felt right.

Sometimes memories -- even of old flames -- can be saved and looked back upon fondly (hell I have pictures of my ex husband that I love!)  but some memories need to be removed permanently so the heart is free to grow and trust and love again.

AND that is a very good thing! 

Friday, June 09, 2017

No Time

I don't want to sound ungrateful -- I really don't!  But this week Sir Steve has been painting and fixing my new apartment for 7+ hours a day.  He comes home tired -- more than tired -- exhausted!  He goes back to 'real' work on Tuesday -- and there is still so much to do.

I have been shopping and cleaning and keeping on eye on the lil one to ease the load (do my part so to speak)  

We are SO vanilla right now.  It feels like weeks since we had any play -- and when we fall into bed at the end of the day we snuggle and fall asleep............ no sex is what I am trying to say.

And yes I know I sound selfish -- and I honestly don't mean to... it's just I guess I miss the excitement / the newness / the thrills of the beginning before real life stepped in. And am hoping once this bloody move is over and done with the life I so easily adjusted to will return.

This vanilla life is good -- in small doses -- this hasn't been a small dose (and I'm not pouting or complaining honest!)

Thursday, June 08, 2017

A little bit guilty

Two years ago when I moved Angel was on holidays and volunteered to come help me unpack.  She worked with me for 2 1/2 days and we pretty much got the apartment settled.  BUT I felt a little guilty that she took those days from her holidays ...... holidays are supposed to be beaches and drinks with umbrellas and relaxation ya know.

Fast forward two years and now Sir Steve is on holidays and working like a dog painting my apartment to get it ready for my furniture's arrival.  Truthfully I couldn't do it without him.  The rooms have all these weird corners and there are beams in the ceilings..... and it means hours of 'cutting' before he can actually paint.  He is spending 8 - 9 hours a day painting ...... and is coming home exhausted.  

And again I am feeling a little bit guilty.

BUT I also feel very fortunate to have friends who are willing to give up their holidays to help me get my life moving forward easily.

Life is good when you have valued friends (and lovers - small smile)

Wednesday, June 07, 2017


I had begun to think that I was gonna grow gills after all this rainy weather!!  As we went to bed last night I said to Sir Steve -- if I don't see the sun shining through the window tomorrow morning I may just do bodily injury to someone....... (grinning)

Lo and behold the sun IS up this morning - now if we could manage some heat to accompany that sun life would be very good.

Sir Steve started the painting and renos at my new place yesterday.  God bless him -- it took all day -- and I do mean ALL day just to paint all the trim and ceilings.. we both love the old trim in the house (don't love the ceilings so much -- but the trim is gorgeous) ... except for the fact that the trim takes forever to paint.  

Life is falling into a comfortable routine -- even Miss Ashes is settling in.... though she now believes it is her house -- her kingdom -- and god help the poor dog.  Miss Ashes is busy bossing her around.... funny to watch -- a 50 pound black lab wanting so badly to play with lil 8 pound Missy who will have nothing to do with it.  Co-existence is coming .. compromises are being made (like Ashes' food can't be left down or the dog 'hoovers' it up) .. Miss Ashes has her time to go outside and it does NOT correspond with the dog's time..... blending families really is a delicate art !!

Finally the sun is up -- the apartment is coming together -- and the families are blending nicely!  

AND that is a very good thing!

Tuesday, June 06, 2017


I always -- ALWAYS - make lists... lists of jobs to do .... lists of things to buy ... grocery lists.... packing lists... lists and more lists.  

AND because of my lists I feel I have some control over my busy life -- and my wonky memory.  

I have not been making lists for our weekend trips to the campground.  Sir Steve seems very laid back about what goes and doesn't seem to worry if stuff is forgotten.  I have been trying to adopt his attitude more.. fewer lists and less stressing.  and it has been working -- usually I bring way too much stuff -- stuff that never gets used -- and I have bought duplicates of things like shampoo and tooth paste and tooth brushes to stay at the trailer which means less to pack each weekend.  And we have been muddling along and so far only needed one quick trip to town to buy milk 

Until this weekend.

In all fairness I didn't expect to go up till Friday morning so I hadn't even thought about what had to be packed -- well except for the food.  So when Sir Steve sprung the "let's go up tonite" on me on Thursday it was a bit of a mad rush to get everything organised and packed into the cars.

When I got to the campsite I was unpacking the clothes -- I had underwear for Sir Steve, I had jeans for Sir Steve, I had socks and warm sweaters for Sir Steve -- but no tshirts.  Besides that we left the lawn mower at the house -- forgot the paper towels and the garbage bags, the birthday card for the party the lil one was going to on Saturday and milk.  Sir Steve had to make a trip back to the house on Friday........ and I decided I am going back to my lists on lists on lists!

Life is good when you make lists !

Monday, June 05, 2017

What went Wrong.....

I mentioned how I needed a glass of wine on Thursday night when we got to the campsite...... and promised to fill you all in..... 

This morning -- 6 days later -- it all doesn't seem so tragic anymore.  Time does put a wonderful perspective on things...... 

I had been told I couldn't sign the lease on my new home till Friday afternoon -- lot of reasons -- the main one being that the 'cleaners' wouldn't be able to move in and clean till Friday morning.  

So Sir Steve and I picked up the keys and I signed the reams of documents and by 2 we were walking through the door of my new home.  I was SO excited .......


I saw the filth and dirt.  And it only got worse.  There were wood shelves hanging around in the living room -- the bathroom hadn't been touched in months!!  You could quite literally write your name in the dirt on the shower walls.  The kitchen cupboards had crap in them.  BUT the basement!!   There were at least 10 gallons of old paint -- there were old preserves sitting on the shelves. OH and the baseboard heater in the master bedroom was in pieces.   The apartment had not been cleaned -- no one had been in since the other tenants left!

I called the management company.  The first woman I spoke to was shocked and apologetic.  The second one was indigent that I expected it to be cleaned because "after all - you are gonna paint it yourself" was her response.

Sir Steve was angry and I was flustered.  I should have gotten the original agreement about cleaning in writing and I hadn't... my fault! 

The company is supposed to come and collect all the paint -- and the garbage.  We will clean.  AND paint and make it mine.  I won't be dealing with the management company anymore than I have to -- AND I will get it all in writing from now on.

Lesson learned.

Here's a couple of 'before' pictures....... I'll post more as the renos progress .....

 This view is from the kitchen to the front door...........(and yes they're a little dark -- used my cell to snap these shots)

And this is the reverse -- from the front door to the kitchen........... 

 Today is the beginning of the two weeks of cleaning and painting before my furniture arrives...............

Friday, June 02, 2017

Long Weekend

Yesterday was a frustrating..... anxiety induced..... disillusioning day.  (BUT I am not gonna discuss that now) 

And because today is a PA day and the lil one doesn't have any school, Sir Steve decided we would pack up and come to the campgrounds for the weekend last night. I have not been making my lists and I should have known it was gonna bite me in the ass one of these weekends AND this was the weekend (BUT I am not gonna discuss that now either)

What did happen was when we got to the campsite I asked Sir Steve if I could have a glass of wine - and with his ok I did just that -- before I made dinner - which was a small mistake as I do not normally drink -- and get 'tipsy' very easily.

To make sure we actually ate dinner before sunrise Sir Steve pitched in with the cooking and we had a great meal of tacos!!!

Then I had a glass of Bailey's 

Then I accidentally spilled my Bailey's on my computer.

Then I went to bed 

This morning the computer is working I have no headache -- it's cloudy and cold here - BUT it's a good day nevertheless....... 

Life is good even when you get a little drunk and make a mess

Thursday, June 01, 2017


I have track marks up and down my back from the knife play the other night.... I love running my fingers over them -- feeling the shower prickle them -- and remember the feel of the blade on my skin -- remember the look on Sir Steve's face while he made the pretty patterns on my body.

The other night we were playing and I was being a bit bratty (yeah I know what a shock eh?? me being a brat!!)  And Sir Steve restrained my arms -- trapped them with his hands and held them tight.  Yesterday in the shower I was soaping my body down and noticed a funny mark on my right arm.  I looked and the smile that spread across my face!!  I have bruises from his restraining me.

Bruises and track marks -- memories of fun times together... it's true -- the best thing about memories is making them !

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