Friday, August 30, 2013


On Wednesday night W looked at me and said "time for a road trip".

As much as we are adjusting (ok ok as much as *I* am adjusting - W may never adjust to small town life) there are some things even I can't do without............ for example my Quebec bagels - and a french vanilla coffee creamer not available here - for W it is his 'Canadian' rye bread. )  Because of this lack of gourmet (said very tongue in cheek) food here in small town Canada - W had been driving back to Quebec every 5 weeks or so and stocking up on his rye bread - and french culture.

I have been baking my own bagels - but there is just something missing - a "je ne sais quoi" from my homemade bagels ........... and despite W praising my attempts to make bagels... they just don't cut it.  

So yesterday we made a road trip back to Montreal to pick up W's Canadian rye bread - my Quebec bagels and coffee creamer. 

I guess we were outta here by just after 9 a.m. and got to Montreal sometime around noon.  We hit the pastry shop for the rye bread - then went over to W's train/hobby shop to pick up some magazines he wanted then we went to lunch.  To this amazing lil hamburger joint that makes the world's best curly fries !!!  (Now that was a real treat!!) 
Picked up my bagels and a dozen for friends here in Kingston - then we packed up and started back west.

Just as we were leaving Montreal W asked if I wanted to pop in on the kids........ oh hell yeah!!!  Yesterday was the first day of school - you bet I wanted to check in on the kids.  So we stopped for an hour or so - and I got to see the middle one come home from grade 2 acting oh so cool - on the bus without big brother this year!! 

And then the eldest grandbaby (he would shoot me if he knew I still called him "grandbaby")  came home from his first day in high school - acting OH SO cool - and grown up.

Then W and I headed back to the highway and trudged home arriving pooped around 8 p.m. 

I loved spending time with the kids - LOVED the fact my daughter was totally surprised and delighted to see us - loved that W was  more than willing to let me visit - BUT - the last 2 1/2 hours of the trip home was sheer torture.......... ughhhhhhhhhh  6 hours in the car (total traveling time) for some shopping??!  But I'll do it again the next time W says "road trip"

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Just a Quickie

Ordalie asked me the other day to post pictures of the wind chimes I have in the new back garden  ............ And as I have very little to say today ...............And as W and I are heading off today ....... I thought this would be a good time to show you all my wind chimes ...............

 this one is against the back fence

this one is beside the new deck 

Hopefully tomorrow I will have something with more substance to discuss..

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The Junkie

Hi - my name is morningstar and I am an addict.

I am addicted to pain - to edge play - to the endorphins these activities produce.  

The interesting thing (well to me anyway) is that once I am past the craving for pain I don't even think about it........(but it takes weeks and months for that to happen) and well if I do think about it - it is with fear and trepidation.  Pain hurts - and the pain W gives me can hurt real bad. 

But despite that.........  promise me pain........ give me a sniff of pain - and I am like a junkie - I want it I need it .. I sleep eat and dream pain.  And then get cranky (if you can call that mood cranky!?) when I don't get it.

I had gone months without any pain (real pain) before moving here.  And yeah I admit it I had visions of (daily) floggers and whips and needles and knives dancing in my head at the thought of living with W........... daily - hell I would have liked hourly.  

But we have been busy 

We have had contractors in and about for 2 months

We have had well meaning friends drop in for coffee

We have had just plain off days

Which means - 

no pain 

Yesterday W brought out the new carpet beater he bought in China Town on the weekend.  And almost from the first hit to the last I cried.  At first I cried cause dammit it hurt !!  And then I cried from relief. I needed this - I craved this........... pain and the ensuing endorphins center me - ground me - and - weird as this may sound - make me feel loved.

But it was a hard fought battle to get me to the crying from sheer relief and feeling love.. 

In the interim W had to bring out a flogger and a whip and a knife...........

but it happened and those feelings of being grounded in my own skin - of feeling loved rushed through my veins - along with the endorphins..... and all was right with the world again


I am a junkie........... and the need will come again..........

Monday, August 26, 2013

Busy Bees

My new license plate is BSBZ - when the girl gave it to me she said "awwww busy bees" and I thought then how appropriate.  That license plate is quickly becoming our life here in Kingston........ 

On Saturday there was a Chinese festival in Toronto (about a 3 hour drive from us).  W and I decided we would take a run up and see what it was all about.  During the week we had had a friend drop over so we invited her and her partner to join us.

On Saturday morning at 10 the four us jumped in the car (well jumped as well as these old bones will jump) and headed off to Toronto.  The street festival was a crush of people and interesting smells and sounds.  

We poked into little tiny shops crowded with people and merchandise ..........

Sir found a rather lovely rattan carpet beater which will probably never see a carpet... and he found some lovely acupuncture needles for some needle play.  I found rice/noodle bowls complete with matching chopsticks ....... a new wind chime for the new garden .... and a bright red parasol for those unbearably sunny hot days.  ( I do NOT wear hats!!)

We saw some chinese performers (I didn't bring my camera so no photos) and a chinese dragon wandering loose (W used his phone to take the pictures)


 Around 5:00 o'clock we all piled back into the car and headed home... hot tired but happy.

On Sunday we had nothing planned - Sunday is always W's veg out day.  But just after lunch some friends showed up for a visit.  So we sat outside in the back garden drank coffee and settled the woes of the world. 

BSBZ - that's us!!!


Sunday, August 25, 2013

Sunday Sentiments

After a week of gardens ................ This seemed appropriate for this Sunday's Sentiments....


Thursday, August 22, 2013

This may be TMI

In case anyone had any doubts I LOVE W - with my whole heart - and I would do anything to make him happy and contented.

The cute lil saying above pretty much states my belief - blow jobs are for men what flowers are for women......... right??  


I am probably the worst giver of blow jobs EVER!!!  

Oh there's a whole mess of good reasons (not excuses) for my not being good at blow jobs - in fact W is the first man I have ever willingly wanted to give a blow job to.  But because I have no healthy experience of what it should look like/ feel like / sound like ( a cheeky reference to reality therapy for all my teaching friends)  every time I try to give him a blow job - I feel like a total clutz - with no natural ability.  

Don't most women instinctively know how to give a good blow job??

I have even researched "how to give a good blow job" ........ I have read everything I can get my hands on...... BUT ...... when it comes right down to it... when I get right down to it all that research just breaks up into scattered bits of information in my head.  "Keep it wet/lubricated"  "Use your hands" "Enjoy it" "Let him know you are enjoying it" " Suction is important" "Tongue is important" "Use your mouth like a vagina"   All these useful bits of information rolling around in my head in no particular order.  

I try .. I honestly try to give him a good blow job - not amazing I don't even try for amazing.. I would be happy with good.............but my jaw cramps up.. my shoulder hurts.. my body doesn't seem to fit comfortably into a pretzel shape to give him a blow job................ and I always land up using a safe word (would you believe it??!!!  me.. ME .. using a safe word for a damn blow job!!)  and W is always patient and understanding and says "stop then".............. and I always feel like I have failed :(

Someone out there - someone!!! - must have some hints they can give me to improve my technique - to make me more skilled at giving blow jobs.  

Practice makes perfect - and oh god I do intend to practice............ I just need some advice - pleaseeeeeeeeeeee !!!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Finishing touches

Before I show you the finishing touches that (in my mind) make this an oriental garden.... I feel I have to explain why this garden was done at the end of August instead of early spring (or late fall)

I was taught one never planted until mid to end of May because of the risk of frost.  One could plant  or transplant through the month of  June.  Nothing should be done in July to mid-August.

Because of the demand ... the landscaping companies start planting early May till end of September.  The consumer gets no say when they come to do your job.  Your project is plunked into their schedule and they get to you when every job before yours is done.  I consider myself quite lucky that our gardens were done now at the end of August when the days (usually) are a bit cooler and there is (supposed to be) more rain.

I requested a ton of peat moss be added to the top soil and the landscapers added 4 inches of mulch to the garden beds all of which should help hold water in the soil and give my baby bushes and trees a chance.  

Perfect planting conditions are a dream I couldn't afford.  Some diligence and hard work on my part now should give me a healthy garden.  

Now that being said.............. here are the finishing touches that were added yesterday to transform the basic garden into the beginnings of our lil oriental garden I have been dreaming of.................

100 - 200 pound limestone boulders were brought in

And of course the Buddha that W found me was placed in a prominent place

And the pagoda found a special spot.......


 if you're looking for me I will be curled up under the BIG red umbrella with a good book from now till the snow flies

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

More changes

Well the changes have started again..... the landscapers arrived bright and early yesterday to start work on the back yard.

Just to remind you - this is what the yard looked like from the house to the back fence

 They were here for almost 8 hours - here's what happened..... 

8:30 am the truck arrived

 the trees bushes and equipment were off loaded 

                                              the sod was removed 

                               the gardens were dug 
                        and the bushes/trees placed

                                  and then they were done for the day.......

Today the finishing touches will be added......... and I will have my back garden to putter in and sit and read in............. 

Monday, August 19, 2013

Another Monday Morning

We had another busy weekend............. 

Friday night we had our rope group that we go to........... this month W tied another woman and I sat and watched.  It's a fun group with lots of chatter and good natured teasing and laughter.  I do enjoy the group - but there are always more rope bottoms than there are rope tops - and I don't mind sitting one out ...........

Saturday we had friends drop in unexpectedly and briefly around noon - and then we had to get ready to go to a munch about an hours drive from us.  The munch is always a good time for us to connect with friends that don't live in our area.  And I guess we are getting to know other folks - though I honestly can't say they are becoming fast friends.  

Sunday was a shopping day and then friends had asked W if he would do a photo shoot with them on Sunday after dinner out in the country.  So early dinner then a fun couple of hours of photo taking and slapping at mosquitoes.  It gave me a chance to learn how to set up and use my new tripod W bought me for my classes.  (I start my photography classes on the 10th of Sept).   I took some pictures - being arty farty more than anything........... leaving the portrait taking to W who is much better at this sort of thing than I will ever be!!

Here are just a couple of my attempts............... 

I love the red rope he uses!!! 

  blingy shoes framed by the ropes

that's just a part of the hardware for the rope suspension - but I liked the pretty colours...

 And that was our Busy Weekend!

Friday, August 16, 2013

Dreams versus Reality

Needless to say - since yesterday - and being me - I have tried to figure out what has been going on in my addled brain.

I think some of it is a broken promise - to myself.  No more fantasies or daydreams or fiction.  Live life in real time - whatever way it works for "US".  

BUT I have to admit - I had this idea of what 24/7 would look like - feel like - sound like.  And real life is no where close to that.  I have even tried wearing 'dresses' all the time... and every once in a long while I have even knelt  at W's feet (which involved a whole mess of groaning and moaning and less than graceful actions to get myself upright again)

I keep reminding myself this is not what I want - but what he wants.  This is about me being gracefully submissive and not a demanding brat. But from time to time I get this overwhelming feeling of being a 50's housewife and is that all there is............and I admit it brings me down.

But then the moment passes and we laugh together and tease and talk and I realize there is no where else in the whole world I would rather be.... I love this man (whom I will be officially calling "my Sir" in a few short weeks - and yes that was a "teaser")  And THIS - here and now - is the reality of our 24/7.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Gonna Blow

And I am not referring to summer temperatures (if anyone is interested - it has been damn cool for mid-August - even in the Great White North!)

I don't know what's wrong with me - I just feel like I might blow up like a thermometer - the heat may just bubble up and explode out the top........... and I honestly don't know why.

I had hoped last night as I went to bed - that I would wake up this morning and miraculously this feeling of steamy bad temper would have evaporated during the night........... but I didn't sleep very well last night - worrying I was keeping W awake (apparently I do that a lot ) ....  and the feeling of pressure building is still there... a feeling of being adrift ... a feeling of "je ne sais quoi".  

I don't like these feelings - not much at all............ 


Tuesday, August 13, 2013


They (the proverbial "they") always say you should plan for retirement.  I listened with half an ear.  

But I did make some promises (plans) to myself about retirement starting almost 30 years ago.

I promised myself I would retire to Kingston - my parents had retired here - and I got a first hand look at the city.  I loved it !!  that's what I based the  promise on......... a 30 year old memory.  

Things have changed greatly here in 30 years........... and some things I didn't think through - like leaving my kids behind - or my favourite haunts - or my favourite shops - BUT there is a quiet small town quality to Kingston that I love!!  And just as 30 years ago - there is always something going on here.... one festival or celebration or another.  AND the people who live here are very friendly (for the most part) So.. I am glad I made this promise to myself .............

Then about 6 years ago or so I bought a fancy dancy camera,  I have always loved photography - saw it as something much more than taking holiday photos....but the camera was a wee bit too fancy dancy - and I use it (90%) of the time on "automatic" cause I have no idea what to do with all the other buttons - or what half of them mean.  I promised myself once I had settled into Kingston I would go back to school and take photography classes.

Yesterday was registration for the new fall session at the local college.  I went on line and feeling very much like a kid starting school for the first time - I filled in the online registration forms - paid the fees required - and registered for my photography classes.  Hopefully I will be accepted - and hopefully they will have enough students - and hopefully I will be starting back to school on Sept 10th.

I also (and didn't really tell anyone this promise) promised myself I would work towards stopping smoking.  (note I said work toward - I don't want another failure to add to my list of failures  - so it's a goal - a journey ) and I am pleased to say that when I arrived here I was up to a pack and a half a day.  Now I am rationing my cigarettes and am down to 10 a day.  

Retirement is good - if you make promises you can keep

Monday, August 12, 2013


There have been a number of adjustments moving to a new city - in a new province.  I think the worst one for me is food adjustments.  Ya see I don't much like bread. After I was sick a couple of years ago - I agreed to eat 3 meals a day - which included breakfast.  I had to find something to eat for breakfast - something I could eat for breakfast.  Bagels were the one food I could tolerate / choke down at breakfast.  

Fast forward to Kingston - they sell a sad imitation of a bagel.  It is more a bread roll with a hole in the middle.  Disgusting!!  

For the last month I have been trying to introduce new breakfast menus.. I have tried cheese bread (not bad - pricey - and I wasn't fussy on it) .. I tried 'their' bagels.  I settled on cinnamon raisin.  I could barely choke it down.  Then I discovered cinnamon buns (that aren't sticky buns - no icing - no raisins - not really a bread - more like a scone) and I didn't mind them.  Only thing was W questioned the calorie versus nutrient value - which meant every time I ate them for breakfast I felt guilty.

It started to look much easier to give up eating breakfast and just have a couple of cups of coffee.  

Then on the weekend I decided to see if I could make Quebec style bagels.  I looked for a recipe - found many - but they all read like bun recipes.  Until I found one that was different.  I decided to try it.

They were a lot of work - my god they were a HUGE amount of work!!  from the mixing - to the resting to  two different sets of rising times -  to boiling them and FINALLY cooking them.

I don't know about you - but when I am making a new recipe I have to pay attention - I read the recipe umteen times - every step of the way.  I am focused on what I am doing - really really focused.

In the midst of this focused cooking W walked into the kitchen,  He wondered if I was nearly done??!!!  I explained it was a HUGE amount of work and NO I wasn't finished.... and as those words came out of my mouth - W sorta / kinda flipped me over the counter and thrust into me.  I was totally blindsided.  I was "ouching" and dancing a bit of a jig - trying to get "things" aligned so it wouldn't hurt/pinch so much - and was trying to keep an eye on the blessed bagels.

The interesting thing (to me anyway) is that suddenly it is like someone throws a switch in my head/body.  The bagels - what bagels?? get forgotten - the ouchy pinchy pain is gone and all that is left is this wonderful fire growing in my belly - a need a want a burning desire. I can feel the wetness running down my legs - I want this wonderful feeling to go on forever - the suddenness of it - the ouchy pinchy pain - it all helps to make it amazing!!!!  BUT - as fast as it starts - it's over... and I am left standing on shaky legs - laughing at the puddle on the floor and complaining "it" hurts (hear me whine?)

W walks off leaving me to clean up and continue with the bagels.  It always surprises me that I can refocus as well as I do............ 

The bagels came out of the oven golden brown and smelling divine !!

We had sandwiches on the fresh from the oven bagels for lunch and declared them nearly as good as any Quebec bagel !!  Next time I will add poppy seeds to them.... and make more than 1/2 a dozen and freeze the extras..........all it takes is a little adjustment and incentive......

and W has just the right incentive !!!

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Little Tortures

I have not been allowed to shave my pubic  hair since ........ ummmmm.... May.  It is long and bushy.

Yesterday I was giving myself a manicure (in preparation for a munch we were hosting).  I was sitting in the lazy boy in the family room with two sets of wet nails.  Elbows bent - hands up in the air - fingers splayed - nails drying.

W  walked past - stopped - knelt down and got this cheeky ass look on his face.  I knew something bad was gonna happen.  

W slid his hands slowly up my legs - sliding under my shorts and continuing up ....up until his fingers grazed the bush.  I looked at him with sheer terror - I knew what he had in mind... my breath caught...... I waited.

Both of W's hands grabbed a handful of hair - fingers entwined - pulling gently.  I shrieked.  I flapped my hands - but didn't touch him.  My manicure for god's sakes was still WET!!  He pulled some more.  I was laughing and crying at the same time and begging him to stop.  

W laughed.  "This is better than bondage" He said "You can't move" and proceeded to tug some more.

My knees went weak - I felt like I would pee my pants,  I shrieked some more - and flapped my wet nails frantically at W.  

Finally he let go - stood up and walked over to his seat with such a grin on his face!!!  

Little Tortures - he is VERY good at little tortures. 


Friday, August 09, 2013

The Ramblings of a perverted mind

Right - so - yesterday I did a 6 hour return trip to drop the grandkids back home.  If any of you know me - or have read here for any time - you know I HATE long drives .... hate hate hate them!!  Anything over 2 hours and I am ready to gnaw on someone.....

The drive to Montreal was slow..... very slow............ oh it only took 2 1/2 driving hours BUT I promised the kids we would stop for breakfast - so that added 45 minutes to our traveling time.  

BUT coming home was the main problem.  I had already spent 3 hours on the road and was now facing 2 1/2 hours home.  I don't think I was out of Montreal before I started fidgeting.  My ass was going numb - my back was getting sore - and the highway stretched ahead of me endlessly...............(I really am the world's worst traveler)

I managed to point the car in the right direction - and amused myself by dividing the drive into sections - next town 20 minutes away - I will get there at 3:50 - and so forth.  It was kinda helping but not much.

Then I drove by a sign post with about 3 towns listed (must be very small towns).  I have driven by that sign post a hundred times - but this time (because I was so damn bored) I noticed that one of the towns was named "Domville" 

(do you see where my mind went with that one?? - ok probably not - as it is my sick mind - so let me share the ramblings of this sick perverted mind)

'Domville - the quiet country town filled with Doms.  Now does this Domville have only Doms or are there submissive types to do the work?  How could a whole town of Doms survive without submissive types???  They couldn't - so I decided they must have submissive types living there too.......... or perhaps they bus them in from various other small towns each morning - and bus them home in the evenings.  

I envisioned old fashioned Victorian houses (hey this is MY rambling daydream) with wrap around porches - with eye bolts - and submissives strung up along the edges - in stead of pretty hanging baskets filled with colourful flowers.  I saw scantily clothed submissive types gardening (one submissive - for real - here in Kingston - has declared Thursday - naked gardening day - so that's probably where my image of gardening stemmed from)

I pictured a main street filled with restaurants and bakeries and grocery stores and hardware stores staffed with submissives.  The Dom owners would be sitting high above the shop in a glassed in office where they could watch all the goings on.   If a submissive didn't perform at 100% or committed a faux pas - they would be called to the office over a loud speaker.  They would have to walk the walk of shame across the floor and up the long flight of stairs to the Dom's office.  At the door they would have to strip naked leaving their clothes neatly folded at the door - open the door and enter - prepared for their punishment.  There would - of course - be no pay - as the joy of serving would be sufficient for these lowly submissives allowed to work in Domville.

Oh my god how would townhall meetings go?? So many Dom types all together - every one of them right.......... I kept envisioning long boring arguments - and lots of testosterone  filling the air. I envisioned lots of leather and chest beating and raised voices.  Egos would be inflated.  Ugh it gave me a headache just thinking about it... 

I wondered how the rest of the world would deal with this Domville.  How to keep tourists and peeping toms out of town.  And then I wondered if they might have a Dome thingy (dragged from the awful tv series The Dome) covering the town with some invisible doors that could be opened to allow traffic in and out................. '

My ramblings ended about there - I had built a rather nice lil town out of Domville - and when I looked at the road sign for the next town - I realized I was 20 minutes from home.. 20 minutes from my Dom.... and real life which is always so much better than ramblings of a perverted mind. 

Thursday, August 08, 2013

Going Home

Well I am driving the boys home today -  after 3 days of museums, parks and adventures.

But I must be getting old - by the time we got home yesterday - after 3 museums and a trip to Lake Ontario Park - I was exhausted!!  Kids never seem to run out of energy!!  But I like to think it was a good 3 days - the weather cooperated and we went from one busy day to the next.  My favourite word this week - "awesome".

We did the fort in the heat of the summer sun where the boys got to try out the school room ....................... 

We did Murney Tower where the boys got to dress up like soldiers from the 1800's ............

We did the Pump House Museum where the boys got to see how machines work, learned how to make a water purifier and  silly putty.............

 and we went to the Penitentiary Museum where they got to see things like punishments that were used on prisoners in the 1800's right up to a replica of a current day cell ........


then we finished up at Lake Ontario Park where the ducks were so tame they walked over to say "hello" and the boys had good fun skipping stones into the lake............ 

All in all it was a fun week!!



Tuesday, August 06, 2013

Ding a ling

 Day one of  holiday with granny and W..............

After a supper of pizza we went to the park to run it off........then W heard the ding a ling bells of the ice cream truck.

I don't think the sound even registered with the kids........ but the next thing I knew .. my 3 boys were galloping up the pathway to the street........ 

when I caught up to them ..... ice cream all 'round............

ahhhhhhh well - it's a holiday right???

And we won't talk about granny being up at 4:00 a.m. with the youngest one vomiting up all the junk food (le sigh)

Monday, August 05, 2013


Subspace became more than a state of mind on Saturday evening.

W and I and another couple drove up to Toronto to attend a party at a club called "subspace".  It is by day a fetish photography studio  - and by night a private club.

This "road trip" was very spur of the moment.  The couple came over to have coffee Saturday morning on our new deck.......... and the conversation came round to the party in Toronto and how they were going - and why didn't we come too.  

So by 4 o'clock W and I were changed and in the car heading up to Toronto with this couple.  Who in their right mind drives 3 hours to go to a play party??!! Obviously us!!

We stopped for dinner and then managed to work our way over to the club - a 10 minute drive from the restaurant - but because of festivals and torn up streets it took us just over an hour to get there !!!

I was nervous as is my habit when we attend a new club/new play party.  I hate not knowing anyone (ok ok!!  we did have our friends with us - but that didn't count),  We had barely off loaded our toy bag into the club - when W suggested that we play.  The club was smallish - and filling up fast - and if we didn't play then........... well who knew when we would get to play!!

So before my newbie nervousness could get too much of a foot hold on my psyche - I was stripped down and standing on the cross ready to go................

And what a play session it was!!!  For once, my wimpiness took a back seat to my need to fly - fly as high as the moon and back.  W warmed me up with the blue flogger that stings like a thousand bees. (nice warm up !!!)  Then he moved on to the circus whip and all the toys that don't get used in the privacy of the house (due to space issues). 

Saturday night I was in a serious ( very serious) mind set - so there wasn't much bratting about - more like "let's do this!!"  mind set.  I did do a few subbie jigs as the toys bit into my back, ass and thighs raising welts and leaving me sweating and trembling......

And then I whispered to W asking if there was room for the gorean whip.  Something inside me wanted to test the limits again (after a long long time) and go for the gold - so to speak.  W pulled the gorean whip out of the toy back and said "let's give it a go".  The crowd moved back and the DM moved between us and a young girl doing self rope suspension......... and W went at it with all he had. 

It felt amazing - after all these weeks/months - the gorean felt ......... I don't know how to explain it - amazing keeps coming to mind - but it was so much more than amazing.... the strikes hit hard - biting into flesh - pushing me up hard against the wood of the cross - unwinding from my body - sliding back to W like a snake - W drawing back and sending another biting stinging throw across my back ... slamming me once again into the comforting stablility of the wooden cross.  Each time the gorean cut across my body there was an explosion of sound - a thunder - that echoed through the club.  

I think there was a cool down period with another toy - but truthfully I don't remember.  I do remember finding myself sitting outside in the dark on a leather sofa - with W experiencing the burning warmth of my ass.......... and thinking all really was right with the world. 

Most of Sunday was a wash out - we're old now.... and playing all night (and only arriving back home at 5 am!! ) knocked me for a loop (and I think W too).  BUT it was so worth it !!!  The connection that comes from that kind of heavy play............. the dance of the pain ............ W leading... my following - it's just so worth the after effects the next day !!    


Now today my grandkids arrive - and I will be AWOL for a couple of days........... I'll be back at the end of the week - with a glut of pictures (I assume) and loads to report from our week............... till then play nice !!

Saturday, August 03, 2013

Over the Moon

I am over the moon...............

Youngest daughter called me Friday afternoon and told me she is gonna drive up on Monday (weather permitting) and bring the boys.

AND best ever news - the two oldest ones get to stay with W and me for a couple of days!!

So if I don't post for a bit next week you'll all know why............ I'll be swimming at the beach - building sandcastles - visiting the Old Fort and having picnics.... 

Friday, August 02, 2013

Minor Meltdown

Yesterday was a dark and dreary day - which - no lie - definitely affected my mood.  I started feeling sad inside - deep inside.

The day dragged on.... and on.  

Then my bones started to ache - like when you have the flu - and nothing seemed to help - not even a double dose of Tylenol .  

W went off and picked up supper so I didn't have to cook.... which was lovely - but honestly didn't help my downs.............. 

Finally he suggested I go take a bath. Sorta kinda like this one.... 

Now you have to understand this is one HUGE bath - a soaker tub.  W had complained to me sometime during the winter that it took hours to fill it up... hours to empty it.. and it wasted gallons of water (we pay for our water usage).

I use to have a bath almost every evening when I worked.  But I hadn't had a bath since I arrived here - opting instead for showers - as they don't use as much water and I rationalized - I wasn't going through any work stress therefore I didn't need a hot soak in the tub at night,

But last night with the achy bones and low spirits I decided to follow W's suggestion (order??) to soak in the tub.  It didn't take hours to fill it  though it did use gallons of water - and as I slide into the tub - my reaction was hard to describe... it was almost orgasmic.  The tub seems to wrap around my body  - cradling it while I floated in all that water.  There are arm rests (you can sorta see them in the picture above)that one's arms just naturally lie on.  I was thinking as I laid down and the water floated up to my chin - that this had to be the most amazing bath tub EVER !!!

And as I lay there trying to figure out what the hell had happened to me - I realized that I honestly have not stopped since I got here..... from the deck contractor coming to see me the day I arrived at 3:00 to the landscaper two days later - then painters and fence fixers and munches and shopping and trying to find my own way around town.... it just hasn't stopped.......... until yesterday.  

That's when I realized I missed my kids - missed my grandkids - missed my home town.  (that is not to say I don't love Kingston and our new home/ life here - cause I do LOVE it  - it just means I finally took time to acknowledge that my life has changed big time) 

And as I climbed out of the big bath I realized that I just need time to adjust - to acknowledge the changes... adjust to them and move on.............  

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