Wednesday, August 31, 2005

A task

When i arrived home yesterday there was an email from Sir with a task - "you are to masturbate with your favourite toy and send Me a pic ". This was the first time Sir has ever assigned a task like that ...... and i found it exciting. There was no time limit set, so i decided to play with the task in my head. i do that sometimes... imagine all sorts of scenarios. It seems to heighten my enjoyment. The main thing i was pondering was how to take the picture while i was masturbating.

Now i know if Sir were here, He would have instructed me on time delayed pictures, using the tripod etc. But i was left to my own devices. i approached the whole idea / challenge as though it was a project for work. i positioned a teddy of mine about where the toy would be.. got pillows and placed them so many inches away.. placed the camera on the pillows and then realized i wouldn't be able to reach the buttons on the camera !!!! Back to the drawing board!!

When i finally decided i had teased myself quite sufficiently with the planning, i threw teddy on the floor, grabbed the camera and the favourite toy and just started playing with one hand and shooting with the other...... rather hit and miss. i never realized how heavy a camera can be when one is holding it with one hand BUT concentrating on vibrating toys !!! i was much more interested in the pictures than the masturbating.... when i thought i had enough pics i just dropped the vibrator on the bed beside me and switched the camera to view and scrolled through them. To my amazement the first picture was really the only one that turned out. And imagine my shock and surprise to see what a hairy beast i am!! Two weeks of no shaving and this is the result (shudder). i certainly hope a hot wax session is not on the books for this weekend - at least NOT before Sir shaves me!!!

As i type this lil blog rambling on and on.. i wonder what point i am trying to make. i do like there to be some sort of rhyme and reason to my blogs........ and i believe this task Sir gave me, and the recounting of it here, is really a way to keep me firmly grounded in what is important in my life this year. It is not THE JOB, but my life with Sir.. my journey with Sir.
And the realization that "tasks" can be fun !!!!!!! as well as.. ummm.. stimulating!!!

Monday, August 29, 2005

a funny thing happened on the way to........

The title of that movie has been going round and round in my head today.. cause a funny thing did happen yesterday on the way to Lennoxville.. well actually when we got home...... i had been a bit sulky and pouty..... as i said to Sir at one point.. " i never lied to Him.. i HATE travelling long distances in the car!!" i get restless... i get bored.. i get stiff and cranky. After we got home and after Sir punished me for my bad behaviour..(for pictures and more information on this subject please check out Sir's site found in my "links") i realized.. (yeah the penny dropped!!) that my place was at Sir's side.. or anywhere else He wished me to be... and if He wished me sitting in a car for a total of 5 hours then that is where i would be....... after all that is what my job is right????

i have been trying to explain to Sir and probably to myself.. that this whole relationship was beginning to feel a whole lot like vanilla....... and that disturbed me. AND then i realized i was making it vanilla.. D/s is NOT only about spankings.. or running around nude.. or being tied up or tied down.. it is also about doing the vanilla things.. the simple things that Sir desires......... DUH!!! BUT also i have to add...... it helped that Sir had been very generous with some rather nice hand spankings (yummy!!) and a wonderful session during the weekend.... so it wasn't ALL vanilla.

Then after this epiphany of mine i was feeling very mellow in many ways........ Sir had suggested that we might run over to Cloud's to drop off some pictures.. i teased Sir .. mainly cause i know His body language by now...... and could see His energy slowly sliding away...... BUT Sir decided - when Cloud was otherwise occupied for the evening - that i would bring up the wooden paddle with holes and He would give my ass a little going over............ i can't explain what happened.. just can't explain it.. not even to myself........ but it felt so cosy to be propped up on cushions .. ass in the air........ at Sir's feet. While Sir sat comfy on the sofa and swung the paddle over and over against my bum. At one point i turned my head and asked Sir if He was ok...... deep down i was really hoping everything was fine..... i was thoroughly and completely enjoying the pain........ i am trying to decide if i went to sub space that quickly.. it sure felt like sub space......... i didn't want to move.. i didn't want the paddling to stop....... i didn't even try and wiggle away too much or too hard or too often. It was well sorta like the stars were aligned correctly and everything was just flowing nicely. Sir answered He was feeling fine and could go on all night long......... i whispered .. "for an hour Sir.. ok?? please for an hour". Now i can't figure out for the life of me where this "hour" came from?? why an hour?? why not all night?? why not 30 minutes?? or two hours?? why one hour?? BUT for some reason it became important to me to take the paddle for one hour....... i remember at one point when Sir stopped to let me catch my breath my asking Him how long it had been and He answered " almost an hour" and then resumed hard and fast and i started to cry.. cause that is what Sir does (sometimes) when He wants me to cry "Uncle" and stop the session........ i didn't want to stop it.. it was so important to me to go for one hour......... Isn't that weird??? Anyway Sir seemed to understand my distress and my burning need to last one hour...... so He slowed things down a wee bit.. (no He didn't lighten up on the strokes.. but He did slow em down considerably)........ i lasted the hour........ one whole hour of being paddled .........

Today my ass still has 2 very nice pale red patches.... it still tingles when i sit down hard on wooden chairs.. and what a glorious feeling it is!!! A couple of times during the day i massaged the area just to feel the burn and the tingle....... reminding myself that there is life outside of work....... a wonderful life with a wonderful Sir !!!!

AND despite Sir's concern about my being able to focus today.. i focused just fine.. in fact i would even venture a guess i focused much better on the job .. and was a whole lot less stressed..... a quick massage was all it took :) :)

Monday, August 22, 2005

The Last Hurrah!

We are home from camp......... and my mind is still whirling from it all... what a weekend !!! First of all .. poor Sir!!! It really did take every single ounce of organisational skills He had to pack camping equipment for 4 people into the car!! The whole packing and unpacking showed me just how much patience my Sir has !!!

Mother Nature more or less co-operated. It was sunny with some cloudy periods and hot hot hot!! There was one squall with flooding rains Saturday evening... thankfully the camp had a wonderful "community center" for us to congregate in till the storm passed.

The weekend was full of demos, discussions, meeting with friends, good food, much laughter and lots and lots of play !!! i received the most wonderful souvenir of the weekend.. bruises on my ass! Now that was a big surprise as Sir hasn't had much success in recent months in bruising me. And to be honest i am still sitting gingerly in my chair. (BIG cheeky grin)...

Sir created a fantasy for me at camp. On Saturday afternoon - after we learned that the demo "Caning and Wax play" that we had signed up for was cancelled - Sir took me back to our camp site and staked me out for a nap. Blindfolds are an amazing invention... being blindfolded allowed me to sink into myself and ignore the world around me. The sun never felt so deliciously warm as it did when i couldn't see it........ noises became very loud and direction was distorted.... and bugs walking across my body became a hard limit!! Normally little creepy crawlies don't bother me, but blindfold me and tie me so that i can't slap them off and you get one squeamish subbie!

My Sir is quite a photographer and i have a wonderful picture album filled with memories from camp. i do believe though that my favourite shot is this one Sir took Friday evening as we sat in front of our fire looking at the full moon.

Many of the pictures Sir took i cannot publish here on my blog. But the one below is another favourite of mine. One of the chaps at camp put on his pony gear and gave rides to anyone interested in taking a turn around the camp. He was truthfully a sight to behold - especially for this subbie who has only seen pictures on the net of pony boys/girls. This pony boy was graceful and artful and had a wonderful sense of humour........ he was a joy to watch !!!

Sunday morning came all too quickly and we loaded up the car and headed home.. my last HURRAH of the summer over....... and work calling me back

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


Check list for camp.......
1) roll of duct tape
2) shoe horn

i am afraid we are gonna need the shoe horn to squeeze everything into the car and duct tape to close the doors and keep them closed...... Good lord there is a lot of gear for 3 days of camping !!!!

The most fun i had was gathering the toys from the list Sir gave me for camp.....
1) one whip
2) Helmuts hell toy
3) two leather tawses
4) one purple plastic flogger
and a partridge in a pear tree???
With each toy carefully placed in the bag i could feel my pulse quickening..
5) one gag
6) one blindfold
ummmmmm the thrill of the mystery.....which toy?? who's watching?? pulse pounding mystery.....
7) leather cuffs and collar
8) rope and more rope
9) dog stakes - 4 of them
10) bondage tape
bondage tape??!!! i nearly clapped my hands in glee when i read that ... bondage tape... i LOVE having my head entirely completely enveloped in bondage tape... the sensory deprivation is mind boggling.. BUT the very best part is the removal of the tape.. the feeling that my skin is peeling off...
11) Willie - the dildo
12) the new little vibrator - reserved for ass play - though in my case more like "ass training"
13) KY !!!!!
these last ones definitely fall under the heading of "humiliation play" for me... i wonder as my heart pounds if Sir plans on taking me to the back woods and using me .. for all to see?? remembering watching a subbie being fucked silly last year at camp .. listening to her moans and shrieks of pleasure .. remembering my burning face just from the little bit of watching i did...wondering will it be my turn this year?? to be taken so publically?? wondering if i will be staked out for all to look at ???

packing takes on a whole new meaning when each item plays a little harder on my memories.. making my pulse race and my heart pound........
and best of all .. Mother Nature is forecasting sunshine all weekend long!!!!

Monday, August 15, 2005

Great Expectations

Garage sales and munches and cooking for company and tidying and serving.. that was my weekend.. oh yeah with a play session thrown in for good measure and to keep the subbie happy. Oh it was a fun weekend........ it was !!! i even sold my tent at the garage sale.. and my step machine.. and a lounger and a few other knick knacks - the profit was quickly gone though when Sir and i bought tickets to see Midori when She comes here in September ... O/our session on Sunday was amazing and i still have marks on my thigh from the flogger........ the luncheon today for a friend of Sir's went off without a hitch.. well that's not entirely true.. Sir got hung up at work and was an hour late getting here....... but i managed to keep the lunch from drying out.......

But it wasn't exactly how i had seen the weekend playing out in my head......... know what i would love to have experienced?? a whole weekend of being tied up .. tied down.. flogged and pushed and needled and waxed and just totally used till there was nothing left in me.

i have had those expectations before...Sir says expectations are my undoing........ and He is right. i get these Great Expectations and then things happen..... life happens and it doesn't turn out the way i pictured. The BDSM camp is a good example. It is what i call my last big HURRAH before returning to work. We have been to camp twice now. The first time i was scared stiff... and it wasn't so scary.. it didn't come close to what i had imagined.. to my expectations. i had had such Great Expectations....

Last year my expectations weren't as high... but they were still up there........between awful weather (i do mean AWFUL weather very cold and very wet) ....only one play session squeezed in the whole weekend long....... AND holding a friend's hand while she worked through some tough stuff ....... camp just didn't quite live up to anyone's expectations i guess........ certainly not to my Great Expectations......

And now camp is coming around again.... (we leave on Thursday) ...... and guess what folks?? the expectations are right up there again............ will i ever learn??? probably not.. Great Expectations are just part of who i am. My wild imagination runs rampant with all the possibilities of what could be............. 3 days of living with people who all practice the lifestyle.. no hiding who or what we are.. lots of opportunity for play .. for humiliation.. for pushing limits.. for flying high ....... for laughing and chatting and visiting....But there is a part of me this year that is scared to hope/to dream... real life has a rather nasty way of bringing me crashing down to earth....... like black outs.. and air mattresses that go bang in the night... and friends that are down.. and Mother Nature's squalls and rain storms and bloody cold temperatures... nothing that can be done to prevent it.. just real life.

Real life and Great Expectations................

Friday, August 12, 2005

Friday morning musings.......

Last night Sir ordered me to play with myself before sleep and bring myself to orgasm twice. i honestly wasn't in the mood. BUT that is what this is all about isn't it?? Doing things you aren't necessarily in the mood for???

i did learn that it is important to make sure that all toys are in working order.. especially vibrators. It is no fun to discover that the batteries have just enough juice in them to make the thing hum.. but not enough juice to make it vibrate !!! i also learned it is absolutely no fun to get out of bed and plod around the house trying to find 3 AA batteries when you would much rather be playing!!! i did give myself a gold star though, for 1) remembering to buy a gross of AA batteries and 2) leaving them upstairs in an easy to get to drawer!

And another thing.. i have a couple of very strange fetishes... well at least i think they are strange.. i adore wood.. no it is more than adoring.. i crave it .. love it.. and get very horny from the feel of it .. the smell of it (imagine me in a Home Depot walking through the wood section..... yummmmmmmmmmy smells.. better than chocolate!!) Last night i remembered another weird fetish i have....... i adore KY jelly. KY you might ask?? yup KY jelly. Now it isn't like i have to have the stuff, nope that has never been a problem for me.. but once a long long time ago, i remember KY being used on a dildo on me. And how the feel of the slickness, the wetness, the slipperyness of it made me just about cum with no effort. For some strange reason, in my head, KY is humiliating. Ok now see if you can follow this logic....... KY is for use when one is dry.. right?? and i am almost never dry! i am usually always in a heightened state of .. umm.. shall we say "readiness"?? So for some reason i find KY humiliating as though i am not wet enough....... embarassing situation for me... ok ok.. maybe it is only clear in my lil mind.

Anyway.. last night after the batteries were replaced and everything was vibrating along quite nicely... i had an amazing mind altering orgasm. One orgasm. And all i wanted to do at that point was snuggle down and drift off to sleep. BUT wait! Sir ordered two orgasms.. sighhhh.... and i hadn't even wanted one.. so a second was gonna be a task. i laid there for awhile running all my favourite fantasies through my lil mind.. but nothing was working. Then KY popped into my head. A nice big jar of KY. i knew there was some .. somewhere in the house.. but where?? and ugh.. it was gonna mean hopping out of bed and plodding around hunting it down. Nope wasn't gonna happen... i was too contented and snuggly in the bed. Then i remembered a bottle of something in the night table beside the bed. i rolled over and opened the drawer.. ahhh yes .. a nice small bottle with an orange top.... i could just make out what i thought was KY on the label.... (i do NOT wear my glasses to bed ... so reading is more than a little challenge!!) At that point i really didn't care what it was.. it was liquid.. i was tired and wanted sleep.. and i still had one more orgasm to go.. it would DO. i popped the lid and poured some liquid over and down the vibrator. Closed the lid and popped the vibrator back in........... ohhhhhhhhhhh my it did slide in ever so nicely... and out again ever so nicely !!! i could feel the liquid running inside me and spilling out a little bit running down between my ass cheeks. There is something about that feeling........... oh yeah something!

i started to move the vibrator in and out slowly.. increasing the intensity.. trying to get my body to respond. Then almost out of the blue i started to feel HEAT inside me.... almost a burn. i stopped immediately and panicked. My motto is .. when in doubt - PANIC. The burning heat stopped too. i resumed the in and out motion. The heat resumed. This time however it made me remember when Sir has put in listermint strips.. that nice hot burning feeling. So i continued with the in and out .. the friction seemed to heat things up even more. Well i will skip the sordid details.. but will say i had an amazing second orgasm.

Once i had caught my breath, i plodded out of bed to wash the vibrator (not myself as that is usually NOT allowed till the following morning). On my way back to bed, i grabbed my glasses from the computer desk and pulled them on. Picking up the bottle with the orange top i read......... KY warming jelly!!! and to think i thought it was a gimmick when Sir brought it to me!!!!

Glasses.. batteries.. and weird fetishes.. friday morning musings.........

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

on needling

Almost a year ago Sir and i attended a party where a Dominant was doing some needle play on His submissive. Sir was intriqued and asked the Dominant if He would do some mild needle play on me.
i was told to close my eyes and keep my hands on my lap. There really are no words to describe the feelings i experienced. i opened my eyes quickly as i wished to know what was causing these amazing feelings. i was shocked to see 3 or 4 needles protruding from my breast. i begged the Dominant to show / teach my Sir how to do this. i knew right then and there that this was something i wanted to experience much more of !! My Sir was a good sport and quickly overcame His dislike of needles to give me the pleasure i sought.

It is now almost a year later and both Sir and i have learned that this form of play is most definitely a "your kink my kink" sort of play. There are a large number of people who are truly squeamish when it comes to needle play. Therefore we tend to keep this play private - at home only. When i would come home on a Friday exhausted and beaten down by the big bad world.. Sir would have me lie on my tummy while He placed needles in my ass. i would drift happily away and be totally refreshed and envigorated afterwards.

Now though i find i would love to take this one step further. Needle play has always been .. well .. almost medicinal for me in the past. Sir would insert needles until i was nicely floating and then stop. Ohhhhhhh He does from time to time include some knife play with the needles but always just what i could take - never wishing to push my limits. i find i have been fantasizing about being tied down and having Sir spend hours creating pretty patterns with the needles up and down my body - a bit like the picture above.

Pushing my limits........ i realize as i write that phrase that i am ready to have my limits pushed even further in all aspects of BDSM. More pain, higher sub space. More endophins. It really is addictive, and i adore it !!!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

on discipline and punishment

i read a blog this morning that discussed discipline and punishment... and i am confused. Maybe the confusion stems from my lack of coffee..... or maybe it stems from a lack of definition....... so i went to my trusty lil dictionary and looked up the two words.....

discipline is: 1) train to be obedient or self controlled 2) punish or rebuke formally for an offense
punishment is: the penalty imposed for an offense

So really they are both the same thing..... but discipline does mean training.. and i DO know about training as my Sir took me on as "trainee" for several months before collaring me.... BUT how do the two differ?? Both are used as a way of controlling / correcting a submissive. i am curious to know how this submissive sees a clear difference between the two. If i close my eyes and just let the two words roll around in my head ....... discipline is something more formal - a guide perhaps... and punishment is quick and harsh and kinda in your face correction for bad behaviours.......

But no matter how hard i try .. i can not see a clear line separating the two....

Monday, August 08, 2005

a different loving.....

We are home from our travels and adventures....... Despite the horrific heat (40 degrees with the humidex factored in.. which for my American friends is about 104 degrees) .... despite my forgetting to pack the poles for the canopy, the pillows for the beds, the swimsuits (and we were 2 minutes walk from a glorious beach!!), despite forgetting to check the equipment and bringing the air mattress with the HOLE !!! We had a great time! This was our very first holiday/trip away just the two of U/us. And it renewed my belief that D/s helps make a relationship work really well. Sir made all the final decisions.. with input from me of course.. but there was no hassling about who wanted to do what when or how....... Sir decided and i gladly followed along. D/s really does eliminate a lot of stress..

Sir made sure i was thoroughly spoiled.. taking me to old country shops... stopping so i could take pictures of misty rainy mornings...... and of course making sure i got to visit the Teddy Bear Factory and make my teddy bear........ (and no i didn't make a fairy one )

We even managed to go to a Vermont munch and had a lovely meal and excellent conversation with some Vermont Kinksters.
Saturday we headed to New York and visited with some vanilla friends who have summer homes on Lake Champlain before heading home.

Sunday.......... well it was a busy day for me.. from unpacking and washing and finally making a proper check list that includes poles... swimsuits.. pillows and everything i managed to forget to a nice little play session in the air conditioning !!! (it had just been wayyyyyy too hot for anything more than vanilla coping strategies at camp!) Then in the evening Sir decided that while we watched tv that He wanted to keep the nice rosy red ass going so i was sent downstairs to bring up the crop ......... and while i tried to watch tv Sir had good fun swatting my ass so that when i finally fell into bed it was nice and warm and glowing...........

These last 4 days have been a different side to our relationship.. honestly i thought we had explored all the different sides..... but we hadn't !!! This trip was vanilla for a lot of reasons.. mainly the heat! but not once did the D/s disappear...... and i felt (though it is difficult to explain in words) a deepening love and respect through the D/s. i am feeling very spoiled and very loved and very very contented !!!
In my mind ......... a different loving.........

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

off into the wild blue yonder..

Tomorrow W/we are off into the wild blue yonder... wellllllllll Vermont. Sir is taking me camping!!! Talk about a spoiled subbie....... Sir isn't particularily fond of camping.. and hates the heat.. and from the looks of things it is gonna be a HOT camping trip!!! i am wondering if that will make for a cranky Sir????

W/we are gonna do some shopping and some exploring..and maybe even drop in on a friend who has a trailer parked somewhere on Lake Champlain... AND i get to go to a Teddy Bear factory..... i wonder if they make fairy teddy bears?? i would like a fairy teddy bear i think.

And W/we are going to get to go to a Vermont munch on Friday night..... W/we went once before .. but truthfully i hated the long drive home late at night.... this time W/we only have to find O/our way back to the camp grounds..... YIPEEEEE!!!

Sir told me tonite to pack a paddle .. my cuffs.. and two vibrators....... now it is a vanilla camp site W/we are going to .. so i am thinking perhaps a nice BIG gag might be in order as well.... reminds me of a time long ago.. when i had some friends who were great campers .. they had a Winibago and a sign they would hang on the door .. "if the trailer is rocking don't bother knocking".... nice thing about tents they don't rock.......... but i do think a nice gag might be in order...

off into the wild blue yonder......................

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

on hats and wanton women

i love hats! i really do.. if i could i would have a wall of hats in my room to choose from...

especially BIG floppy hats that tie under one's chin to keep them from blowing away!!!

or whimsical flowery hats to frame my face.....

or a jaunty little hat tilted at just the right angle to catch one's eye

but i am doomed to wear smooshy hats that i jam on my head to keep the sun off...

It is another one of "god's little jokes" ......... i look awful in hats! they never fit just right and usually one of my ears sticks out, and my hair!! well it will always find a way of scrunching up and poking out here or there... yup definitely one of god's little jokes..........

Hats remind me of a time when women were "Ladies" with a capital "L" ... prim and proper .. white gloves and hats... my mother used to wear a hat all the time... and gloves. Her shoes and her purses always matched... a "Lady"............

there is something about the Lady image... to look like a Lady .. but at home behind close doors....... to be a wanton woman. i think i may just have the wanton woman down pat.. with my Sir that is!!! i love nothing better than to hear the words "service Me"... makes me downright hot !!! i love nothing better than to hear the words "strip" and i race the clock to see how fast i CAN strip for my Sir.

My Sir has taught me (it was a hard lesson to learn) that i am beautiful in His eyes. To my Sir.. i am His "lady" at all times.. in the house and outside the house.. with or without a hat !!!

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