Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Damage








Someone dropped by our campsite a few weeks ago to unburden herself..... she told us she had been keeping it in but decided we needed to know.  Apparently she had over heard the lil one's mother being inappropriate  - the mother had said something along the lines of "it took me 9 months to bring you into the world - it won't take me 9 months to take you out".  The lil one responded to this by moving to the other side of the picnic table and turning her back on her mother.

Then a week or so later - I had contacted a mother of a playmate of the lil one.  I had hoped to arrange a play date for the girls - maybe here at the campsite.  This mother honestly didn't know me from 'Adam' ..... but her response to me was mind boggling.  She told me that the lil one and mother had visited.  That the lil one's mother had been inappropriate verbally with the lil one and this mother had made up her mind that the mother wasn't welcome in her house again.

Add this to other stories we have heard - like mother calling her 'evil'  (shaking head) and other inappropriate comments and you can imagine how upset Sir Steve and I are.  There was an incident the other night where the mother was telling Sir Steve that she had handed off the lil one to another family for dinner -- the mother actually said "thank god - one less mouth to feed"..... now considering (technically) she only has her mouth and the lil one's to feed makes one wonder no?

Sir Steve and I have talked and we have more or less decided that the courts have closed the file on the lil one.  Sometimes there is just nothing more one can do... and the courts do believe a child should have both parents in their lives even if it's not always the best family life.  (I know !!  I have been involved in more than one court case where the child was returned time and again to an unfit household)

Soooooo - before the lil one toddled off to spend this week with her mother I tried very hard to give her some tools if things get out of hand..... I told her she could tell mother 'when you say that it hurts my feelings' - there's not much else I can DO ya know?? I just want to try and give the lil one some power over the hurt .........

 





 

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Conundrum





Yesterday I was vegging out on the deck in the warm sunshine - listening to the birds and thought this is perfect !!! 

Well it would be more perfect if I had a friend to share it with......... 

I pondered that for a long time........ a friend........ not a novel thought for me... I have had friends - good friends - and as happens we went our separate ways...... I believe I was thinking it was time to make some new friends again............ 

I sat and thought about that idea for a bit....

and then I thought 'oh shit I'll actually have to talk to people and socialize'

And I decided that I like my own company like the quiet - like the peace - like not having to live up to anyone else's expectations............. 

And I smiled and went back to enjoying my peace and quiet and the songs of the birds.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have to add - after dinner a woman who lives across the way from us here at the campsite dropped by for an after dinner chat (she's been doing that regularly when she's up here)  She stayed for over an hour......

And when she was leaving another woman who lives down the road and around the corner from our site wandered over and she spent an hour with us chatting..... 

Life is good when friends just show up and grow on ya

Monday, July 15, 2019

Just a Moment in Time








He was in the shower -- I was lying in bed watching Trevor Noah on Netflix...... relaxed and sleepy

He climbed into bed - between my legs - forcing them open - forcing me open to him....

I wasn't really in the mood - too many emotions over this past week -- just not feeling it......... 

He didn't care -- OR -- he knew better....

He pushed into me -- it was dry and ouchy -- and in a weird way very hot!!  

Feeling him in me the world seemed to melt away..... it was just him inside me -- feeling the length and breadth - feeling the head swelling -- everything fitting tight....

Feeling my lower belly tighten and my body responding without thought or prompting...

One orgasm after another...

And then him lying down beside me - behind me - pulling me in tight against him - his lifting my leg over his hip - thrusting back into me -- my legs pulled in tight to my belly -- ass against him -- him slamming into me -- 

My hand against the wall - pushing back against him -- moaning loud - trailer rocking

Briefly -- for a minute -- I wondered what the neighbours must be thinking - wondering if they could hear my moans............... 

Finally he pulls out and pulls me tight against him -- he grabs my breast tightly - I turn the soft light out - 

And we sleep.

 

Sunday, July 14, 2019

Sunday Sentiments




Friday, July 12, 2019

Lost








The lil one has gone back to her mother after my first week of having her.  (wait wait that should have read 'after our week' of having her....... but ya know it feels more like my week).

I wore so many hats this past week - stepmom, swimming coach, teacher/tutor, therapist (don't even ask what happened to necessitate THAT hat!) cheering section, chief cook and bottle washer........once a week I get to schlep all the clothes back to the city -- wash and fold and pack it all up ... do the grocery shopping and run messages....and get it all back to the camp and put away.... and this week - oh joy! - I got to do that all with the lil one... I didn't even get to feel pampered at the hairdresser cause I had to keep an eye on the clock and the lil one .......... the rest of the week was organised swim in the morning - crafts and swimming in the afternoon...... manage to get dinner prepped so Sir Steve can barbecue it (make dinner as he puts it - big sigh) clean up the dinner mess - put everything away and tidy up...... fall into bed and start all over the next morning.

I haven't had a decent shower in over a week -- I need a manicure and really need to shave my body -- but I don't have the energy and can't help but think what's the point even Sir Steve isn't noticing if I do or don't.  

I am losing myself.............


 

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