Friday, February 15, 2019

Old Fashioned Day





I was going to bake today -- cookies to be precise.  But after I put the lil one on the bus (and off to her mother's for a 3 day weekend) I decided I wanted to bake bread.  

The smell of bread rising brought back so many memories .. mostly of my grandmother's kitchen.  I don't think she ever bought store-bought bread..... it seemed there was always bread rising in her kitchen.

I made a loaf of cinnamon bread to toast over the weekend -- it's sooooooo good.  Usually I only make it at Christmas -- why I don't know........ we're gonna gorge ourselves on it all weekend (LOL if it lasts 2 breakfasts I'll be surprised)



And then I decided to make dinner rolls........ I think we'll have pork chops with a big salad for dinner tonite and nice freshly made dinner rolls.......

 (they're going through the second rising in this picture -- if I remember -- I'll take a picture of them before we devour them)


OH yeah and I am gonna open a bottle of wine........ I think we deserve a glass of wine tonite -- and tomorrow night....... (grinning)

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Devastated








and I don't have any balls.

It's been a really rough week for me - emotionally.  Sir Steve met with the lil one's mother on Monday.  It's the first time they have actually met face to face to discuss the lil one for a couple of years.  

And it was an eye opener.

When Sir Steve was telling me about the meeting..... my mind just whirled.......... the lil one has been lying to both mom and dad....... manipulating all of us.  and because no one was talking to the other one ...... she has gotten away with it for a couple of years at least.

AND she doesn't seem the least bit phased by the whole situation.... I have removed some privileges (like using my computer) and she just shrugged her shoulders and went off to play in her room.  

Believe you me -- over these last few days I have questioned how... why... I thought I could be a 'step mom'.  I feel like I have failed.  I thought I had reached her -- made an impression ya know? ........ turns out she was playing me -- I haven't touched her at all....... 

And now I feel -- I'm not sure what I feel -- hurt ... angry..... sad...... a failure. And I have no idea where I go from here............. 


 
 I hope so.....
  

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

It's Canada after all







School was cancelled yesterday because of a forecasted snow storm.  As it turns out no snow arrived till long after schools closed for the day.

However -- the snow did arrive........... blowing and blustering........ all night.

No school today either....... sigh..... I am refraining from saying "in my day........."

When I opened the front door there was no sidewalk...... just a lovely blanket of clean white snow.......... the back door was an even bigger joke......... and the cars ??!!!  snow up to Sir Steve's knees and higher in the drifts.  (and he's tall!)

Fortunately there's this little snow removal company...... I sent out an SOS around 7:45 this morning to please please -- when he had time -- come clear out the back parking...he arrived at 8:05!!  and by 8:15 he had cleared the whole thing........ YAY!!!

This is the front walk way -- Sir Steve shovelled it out -- plus space for the dog..... she gets quite prissy about snow up her ......... ummmm....  well you know what I mean (cheeky grin)



And this is the back ......... can you believe how high the snow is piled?? 



Ahhh well -- it's all done for now....... and who knows ...... maybe this was the last storm? maybe spring is right around the corner............

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Sorry








It came to my attention over the weekend -- that I have made some visitors uncomfortable.

I had a visitors map on my blog.  I was curious.  I wanted to see where folks came from........ not their street or address -- really just what country they came from.  I naively put the visitors map on my page ages and ages ago to satisfy that curiosity.  There  was no ulterior motive ..... honest...... though why you would believe me .. shrug.. you don't even know me!  And there are a mess of dishonest people out there on the net.

I removed the visitors map as soon as I learned that it made folks uncomfortable. 

AND 

I  have added a 'contact me' form to make it easy for you to contact me.  It doesn't give me any information other than your email.........  (if you are playing on line -- on blogger -- you might want to use a secondary email address and a nickname that doesn't have anything to do with your real name....... makes it a bit more difficult for anyone to discern who you actually are.  just saying)

I AM sorry that my visitors map made anyone nervous/suspicious.

Monday, February 11, 2019

Sore bum = Happy sub








It's almost a ritual -- watching Sir Steve pull out the 'toy' bag and carefully select the implements he wants to use....... on Saturday he pulled out the quirt, the braided rope, the big flogger, the leather paddle.  

He came to me in the living room and pointed to the bedroom......... I got up and went to him wanting a kiss ... wanting the reassurance that everything was as it should be... he gave me a 'cheap kiss' and I made the 'mistake' of saying so..... 'that was a cheap kiss hopefully the spankings won't be cheap' (I do look for trouble sometimes!)  He smirked at me 'cheap eh? we'll see what you think AFTER'....... and he unbuckled his belt and pulled it through the loops.  My knees went weak -- his belt?? he's never used his belt... (in fact I don't think anyone has ever used a belt)

He cycled through all the toys at least twice -- including the belt.  can I say OUCH!  holy sh*t it has to be a 15 out of 10 ......  the worst of all the toys.  It is my new 'love to hate' toy trust me!  It wasn't long into the spanking that I realized this wasn't going to be a 'sexy let's play and have fun' spanking -- it was hard -- white knuckle hard.  Reminiscent of the style of play we did 10 years ago out at the clubs.  No sensual teasing ... just strictly pain..... loads of it.

BUT

it is the extreme pain that this masochist was looking for / needing -- it blends together to create this wonderful cocktail of happy chemicals -- endorphins and dopamine mostly -- I am a junky and crave these highs........... 

The aftermath looked something like this......................




My ass was still pink and tight and sore on Sunday........... and it still twinges today when I sit...... or when Sir Steve playfully pokes it or slaps it......... best feeling ever! 

Life is good when I get the cocktail of happy chemicals............
 

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