Monday, April 30, 2012

Nostalgia

 What a weekend !!!  W came over Friday late afternoon and we spent some quality time together without any obligations - no where to go - just snuggle time and time for me to decompress after a stressful/worrisome couple of weeks.  


On Saturday we had a wedding to attend - and on Sunday we had a birthday brunch to attend... so having Friday night together was a gift !


Now to the wedding - 
You all remember drakor - right?? Our close friend and member of our coffee klatch group??  We felt very honoured to be included in the family celebration.... 

BUT
I am perfecting my stressing skills - besides everything else on my plate - I added the "what the hell am I gonna wear to the wedding??!!"  The weather didn't help - it went from sunny summer temps a couple of weeks ago - back to below zero winter freezing temps!!!  After much humming and hawing .. I settled on a sparkly brown top with cream coloured palazzo pants.
Off we went and despite the poor bride getting hung up in road construction and traffic and being an hour late - the wedding went off without any other hitches. 



I was very nostalgic remembering my daughters' weddings - never mind my own so many years ago....... remembering the hopes, dreams and plans for the future.

There was lots of eye candy - while we sipped cocktails and nibbled hors d'oeuvres - it seems short short skirts are back - and skin tight - showing off well rounded asses... oh yeahhhhhh definitely eye candy for the girl watcher in me... 


 

On Sunday we went off to the birthday brunch of a good friend and Domme .. what fun sitting around enjoying a delicious  brunch and conversation.  Again I found myself becoming nostalgic - remembering how the BDSM community used to be .. and dreaming of finding that joy again one day soon.

Despite another day of freezing cold and having poor W crank the heat up in the car to try and warm me up on the way home.... it was a fun weekend ....... and being nostalgic is always a good thing - especially when it gives you something new to dream / aspire for....

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Milestone







Well I have hit a milestone today - here on The Journey....

7 years ago today I started writing The Journey.  I have written 1961 posts... god only knows how many words (I actually thought I would set to and figure it out  - but truthfully the task was overwhelming) 

Despite life being stressful right now .. and my being a little topsy turvy .. I did have to mark this milestone in my life.  

I'll be back writing regularly soon - I promise!!  I just need a little down time - a little me time - a little privacy right now.

In the mean time play nice........... 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Rock bottom




Enough said - me thinks.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

words are all I have


I kept thinking yesterday that my "Monday Morning Report" sounded (to my ears) stilted - stiff - not at all like me........... 

BUT it is next to impossible, to describe in words, the feelings that crash over my body when W plays with me........ 

and it  frustrates me - me the woman with words overflowing - that I can NOT find any word that describes the joy - the pain - the pleasure from W's whips and floggers and quirts and paddles and canes.  Cannot find the word to open up my world to your eyes - to your emotions - to have you feel the sheer joy I feel.

Not even to another masochist ........... 

Not even to another sadist........... 

These sessions are so intense - so primal - so within ME - that there are no words to clearly paint the picture of the joy .. the love ... the contentment.

Monday, April 23, 2012

yummmm


This past Saturday W and I went to a play party.  The one where - in the past - we have had problems with the crowds - open sexual play - and downright rudeness.  To say I was feeling a little anxious about the event is an understatement.   But W laced me into my black leather corset and off we went.

When we arrived it was like something clicked and I relaxed and felt truly comfortable.  We walked around and visited with friends - and spent a lot of time noticing the changes Maitre had made to the space.  

Usually I am anxious to play - anxious?? no more like chomping at the bit - and the last few times I have been so worried about the crowds and their behaviours that I have been stressing rather than enjoying... 

So I was surprised when W came to me and said it was time (I just hadn't noticed the passage of time )....... we moved to our favourite ladder-like equipment and got started........... almost immediately I noticed something felt very different - yet very very right!!  It was during the warm up (or what W likes to call a warm up - cheeky grin) the hits felt rounded - soft edged - not biting... it's really hard to explain..... but suffice it to say - it felt wonderful !!!!

I don't even remember what toys W used - well except for the whips - I do love the whips.... oh yeah and the rabbit glove with the claws...... I always picture folks watching and wondering why I am dancing the subbie dance when all they see is a nice soft furry glove running over my body....... and of course the Gorean whip....... the cracks as it hits my ass thunder through the space - and heads turn........ 

After I found my legs again W and I visited with old friends and actually met a couple from Detroit.  

Just to show you how different the evening was for me.. around midnight instead of asking W if we could go home.. I was asking if we could play again!!!  There is a section that is framed by some rope ladders - creating what I call a "tent" ... it just feels safe and snuggly .. inside the framing is a massage table.  It is a rather popular piece of equipment and space (probably cause it's not as easy for folks to interrupt) but lucky us - at midnight on Saturday it was free.  So W and I moved in and had another fun session. 

Then it was truthfully time to head home.. my head was out there with my fairies dancing in the clouds........ 

  

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Statistics - isn't that math?!




I may not like math but I do like statistics.  I may not like the new blogger interface - but I do like some of the new features (now that I am finding my way around) .......... 

They have a whole slew of statistics... 
 From traffic sources - to favourite posts - to audience - to search engines.

I spent a good part of yesterday morning (yeah yeah I should have been getting ready for work!!)  checking out all the statistics.........

Check these out........ 

The all time favourite post was entitled "Pussy torture questions"  - then came "cunt anyone" then "clamps and clothespins" ..........oh my god people!!!  that makes it sound like I write a whole lot of dirty porn doesn't it?? I hope they weren't too disappointed ..

The most used search word was "predicament bondage" (ok that's better - education is what it's all about) then came "spanking equipment"  but then (le sigh) we are back to the porn stuff with "cunts" "Pussy torture" "orgasm" "cock worship" ......... 

The most used referral site was "google"  followed by "my bottom smarts" "under his hand" and "the heron clan"........... 

The most visits came from the USA...... followed by Canada and the United Kingdom and the country with the least visits  is Italy. 


And last but not least - the most used browser ...... Internet Explorer followed very closely by Firefox........ and the least used browser was UP Browser (what the hell is UP Browser??!!)


Don't you feel so much more informed now??? Ok maybe you don't ... maybe you couldn't have cared less about MY statistics... but hey I found it interesting.. AND it is Saturday morning - after a long ...... longer.... longest week... and you just can't expect quality every single day .. can you??? 

Friday, April 20, 2012

How do you spell "tired"??

Before I get started on today's blog.... is anyone else annoyed with the new blogger dashboard???!!!  OH MY GOD !!!  I absolutely hate it !!!  Why is it everyone has to 'fix' things even when they aren't broken??? First it was facebook with their stupid - impossible to read - time line .... and now blogger..... sigh.. god I hate change!!!



Ok enough bitching.. on with the purpose of today's blog... 


Yesterday was our last day in Africa (at school)  and as with all the other countries we have 'visited' ... we held a celebration....... 


As with all the other celebrations - I wanted to find a food we could cook and sample from the country.  However I have to take into consideration cost, difficulty to make, allergies.... the list is long .. and makes me want to shoot myself each time.  

After a lot of recipe searching I finally found Tanzanian Baked Bananas.  The recipe was quite easy - green bananas - cook in a 450 degree oven till the skins turn black - then remove the skins and slice.  Then they are supposed to have rum and brown sugar drizzled over them - but truthfully I didn't think anyone would be impressed with my getting the kids drunk.  So we skipped the rum and just sprinkled them with brown sugar. 


Trust me when I say the girl at the grocery store gave me some weird looks when I went through the cash with 100 green bananas... 


I worked for two hours cutting up the bananas - burning them in the oven - slicing and sprinkling...  


green bananas waiting to go in oven...  

blackened bananas waiting to be sliced 

bananas sprinkled with brown sugar and ready to go

My staff set the tables and added the kids African drums as centerpieces... 

Then after much feasting and some yucking (over cooked bananas) one of my staff who visited Africa last year - taught the children a song in Swahili and a little dance to go with it...

Then I sent them all outside to play in the sunshine while I collapsed exhausted in my office.  It took the last bit of energy I had to drag myself out to my car and home to the peace and quiet ......... 

Next week we're off to India.................. god give me strength!!!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Just thoughts






I was driving home from work for lunch yesterday and I had this snippet of a thought... 

Once upon a time when I was collared to W... he would assign tasks for me from time to time....... I always looked forward to finding a "task" email when I got home from work.  

On Tuesday night W was out at the train club.  At first I wondered why I hadn't heard from him after dinner.. then I realized it was Tuesday.  

That's what popped into my mind yesterday at lunch - how - in the past - I probably would have had a "task" email on Tuesday ....those little task emails made me feel special - made me feel as though W had his hand wrapped in my hair - keeping my focus on him.  

I realize what a pain it must have been for him to keep finding tasks for me to do... what an added pressure it was for him.  

But I have to admit - when I think about those emails - I feel a twinge deep inside - much like the twinges I would have when I would double click on the email - and as it opened I would speculate what the task was............ 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Mundane

I was sitting last evening wondering what I had to say here on The Journey,  Life seems so mundane right now... nothing interesting....Nothing kinky... Nothing exciting.  Just mundane every day stuff.  And I thought - so why post anything ??? 


Except.... 


I always post right??? and I have one loyal reader who does SEEM to fuss when I miss more than a day or two..... So I decided to write "I am here - fine - but bored"... Part of my process in writing is finding a picture to match the content (I always loved illustrated books!!) 

So.....

I went looking for a picture to illustrate "mundane" as is my custom.. and I came across the following................ 




"No matter how mundane some action might appear, keep at it long enough and it becomes a contemplative even meditative act" 



And so I leave you with those words.......... When life is less contemplative - even meditative - I will fill these pages with kink and laughter and spankings and philosophy again.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Pain of another sort







What a weekend........... 

On Saturday W had a 'family' affair to go to... so I had plans to shop and clean the house.. However Saturday I was dragging my ass.... I just couldn't get going... I did finally get out and do my errands - and I did spruce up the main level - but it took every ounce of energy I had.... I HATE days like that !!!

Then Sunday W came over.  He has been working on my taxes.... can you hear me grinding my teeth?? more #@!# math.  

The refund was low... very low.... so we moved figures from one column to another column... and then moved it all again... and finally it felt more on target.  Truthfully I have no idea ...... BUT... if there is a glaring problem the government will fix it... 

I am a masochist - but truthfully - all this pain (from math) is pushing even MY limits... And the taxes were as close as I got to any pain this weekend (unless you count the headache and back ache I got reviewing the taxes) 

Ahh well - all that's left to do is photocopying.. and posting it all.......... 

Ya know - after this weekend - I am thinking closing the Prek - and returning to my 'no math' life sounds like a blessing.
 

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Superstitions.






I think - for anyone who has read here for any length of time - you will know how much of an influence my grandmother had on me.  It was wonderful - and a problem all at the same time.

My grandmother was extremely superstitious ............ had her fortune told regularly by god only knows who - gypsies probably - and fussed over everything from spilled salt - to broken mirrors - to umbrellas open in a house - god the list was endless.

My favourite - in a perverted way - was the day I got married.  She was in charge (self proclaimed boss of good omens) of handling all the little extras .......... from the something borrowed something blue - right down to a penny in my shoe (for wealth, good luck, and list of other things) 

It was a hot muggy day when I got married.  The penny was put in  my shoe as I walked out of my parent's house.  By the time I started to walk down the aisle - I realized something was wrong.  The penny had lodged itself just under the ball of my foot and was wedging itself into my foot.  

By the time the service was over and all the pictures - I couldn't wait to get into the limo and take the damn penny out of my shoe... my foot was asleep - not just pins and needles asleep - but dead asleep - numb - no feeling at all !!!   The imprint of the damn penny lasted for 2 days..... the bruise from the penny for a week !!!


So....... all of that to explain how I grew up having a sense of foreboding over certain things.... like black cats - umbrellas open in a building - and most definitely pennies in one shoe.

Friday the 13th is the worst superstition I inherited from my grandmother.  I live in absolute dread of it.  The first Friday the 13th was only months after we got married.  My husband agreed to let me have his "baby" the MGB for the evening.  (He was working) I was so damn excited !!  I was gonna get to drive HIS baby to pick up my baby brother - bring him back to our apartment for dinner and take him home after.  Everything went fine till I had to take brother home.  I managed somehow to scrape the brand new MGB down the wall of the garage breaking off the side rear view mirror.  Then ......... in the middle of an intersection the car died.  DEAD.  The garage was called and the mechanic knowing nothing about MGB's managed to put the battery cables on the wrong batteries (positive on negative and vice versa) - for those of you who don't know the MGB has 2 batteries - one positive one negative.  The mechanic managed to blow up the batteries.  My father towed the car and me home....... in tears. 

So ........ ever since then I have lived in dread of Friday the 13th.  Most of the time I manage to ignore the number and just focus on the day - a FRIDAY.  

Yesterday - which for those of you who didn't take note - was Friday the 13th.  I managed like always - to focus on the fact it was FRIDAY - and kept my mind focused on what I planned to do this weekend................. 

Until............... 

Joyce ( my long time favourite anonymous commenter) jinxed the whole focus thing by wishing me a "Happy Friday the 13th !!!  It all went downhill from there........ 

From having to discipline an employee (I hate doing that!!) ......to being chastised by my principal for a forgotten "heads up" ......... to a case of chicken pox in my program......... to a case of head lice ........ to receiving an email that informed me that my lil PreK out on the Island - would not be able to rent space next year. (virtually - unless a miracle happens in the next week - shutting it down permanently!)

I HATE Friday the 13th............ and can only thank the powers that be - that I survived the day and woke to see Saturday the 14th !
 

Friday, April 13, 2012

Update






I was sitting nursing a headache last night and realized I haven't updated everyone on my accounting and math skill progress.

For the last two months I have actually reconciled the accounting program with no mistakes - and figured out how to get the program to give me the quarterly amounts for the government.  It doesn't scare me nearly as much any more .. YAY me!!!

Then for the last month or so I have been working on my retirement finances.  Equations like you wouldn't believe!! 2% x years of service x average of best 5 years salary - minus taxes.   UGH!!!  I looked at their examples and tried to figure it out - but just kept hitting a wall....... then finally did it my way and got a figure.....

Well last night there was a meeting to explain the equations and loop holes and problems.... so I went.  The first thing I realized was that most of the women there didn't have a clue.. not a clue!!!  about equations  - or how our pension is cut when the government pension kicks in.  The news wasn't great ....... but my numbers that I had crunched were virtually dead on.................. 

So........... 

In the final analysis I guess I have to admit my math/accounting skills are vastly improved !! Maybe I can get a job doing accounting when I retire to help make ends meet.......... (NOT)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Public Image






I always watch TV as I go to sleep - I know I know everyone says it is the worst thing you can do.......... However .......... for whatever reason .... television puts me to sleep (in the middle of the day sometimes too) 

So last night I flipped on the boob tube and started to watch Criminal Minds.  Anyone else watch it last night???? Usually I am asleep within 5 minutes - BUT - last night Criminal Minds was about BDSM....... well sort of... and so I watched the whole thing.  

What a disappointment!!!  In this day and age - I honestly expect a little more mature informed plot line.  I finally gave up even trying to compare the show to the BDSM I know and love... it was about abuse and murder and all the usual trivia that most tv shows dish out.

The only television show that came close to the realities of BDSM / spankings was the CSI series that had "Lady Heather" .. especially the first one.  I thought then that the main stream media were actually getting it right..... and did the happy dance.  Last night's show made BDSM look like it was only about abusers and nut cases.  Such a pity.

I keep hoping for a break through - after all it wasn't that long ago that married couples couldn't be seen sleeping in the same bed on television........... and shows that involved any sort of homosexual activity weren't even on the drawing board.   But it would seem we are destined to be seen as nutcases and sickos for a while longer............. of course that does bring in the audiences more than normal well adjusted boring folk...... right?? 

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

How things change !!

Once upon a time I made W a flogger - a rope flogger.  It was nice but was missing something.... (like enough bang for the buck)


so I added a knot to each fall...... it still wasn't enough.. so I added a couple more knots to each fall............



that more than worked...( AND ..trust me when I say - those knots raised more than a few eyebrows at the next play party - and was the start of my 'reputation' for being a pain slut)  

This was the one toy we had that I considered 'tough'... it was the one toy that would / could and did move me to tears.  W would hit me hard enough that he actually would knock the knots right out of it... and I  would (like the good masochist I was growing up to be) re-knot the falls.

Yesterday W brought the rope flogger with all the knots out of his bag .... it was going to be our warm up toy.  My heart fluttered - a warm up toy??? oh W knows me so well ... that knotted rope flogger that used to bring me to my knees is now a warm up toy... a sensuous toy - it feels wonderful!!! 


Our "tough" toys are now whips and leather straps and canes ....... and after a very nice warm up with the knots ....... the other toys stepped in and brought me to my knees - and left me dancing with my fairies.

I am almost a full grown masochist .......... 

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Rope Adventures ........

Yesterday I had some business in town.  I HATE driving into town and trying to find a street not dug up - and a parking space.  So I begged .....  cajoled .....bribed ......asked W to take me.  (He never has trouble with finding his way around town - and never EVER has problem finding a parking space.  Case in point - yesterday he found one 5 steps from where I had to go!!)

Now what I hadn't counted on - was a payback of sorts.  W brought rope - yards and yards of rope.  I knew what that meant - and immediately started doing calculations in my head....
* how much coffee had I had 
*  how long would we be gone
* how to beg W in such a way so I could breath for the next 3 hours or so
 

W tied me up in a rope harness......... something like this - but under MY clothes



now for some reason he asked if I would like to leave my underpants on and for some stupid reason I said "yes" ...... notice the placement of ropes BETWEEN the legs... 

Then W asked quite nonchalantly IF I still intended on wearing jeans... and dumb me didn't think about the consequences of that action and replied "yes"..... 

We hadn't been in the car for more than 10 minutes when I realized that unlike the other times I have gone out in a rope harness and wore a dress - there was gonna be no way in hell of getting THIS harness off me without stripping down naked!!!  I was in it for the duration.

Well everything went swimmingly - as I said - W got us down there in record time - found a parking spot and we went for lunch.  I was thirsty by this point and decided on a large coke ........ yup a LARGE one.  

After lunch we headed off to my appointment.  By the time we got into the office building and up to the 8th floor I realized - dammit - I had to pee.  

Now I started working out how I was gonna pee in a rope harness that was OVER my underpants........... I decided I was a big girl and I could hold it.  When we arrived at the office door - having passed the ladies washroom (which triggered the need to pee even more) - there was a card in the door stating they had gone for lunch and would be back in 15 minutes ........ oh dear god!!!  being a good girl and holding it was becoming more and more difficult.  I started pacing up and down the hallway.  Then doing the "I gotta pee" dance up and down the hall.  Then decided I had better pee............. 

Which involved going into another office to find/borrow/steal the bathroom key.  (What is it with office buildings now a days locking up the bathrooms???!!)  

Ok so I get in the bathroom - take off my coat .... peel down my jeans - and figure - right just separate the ropes between my legs - squat and do the deed............. OOOOOOPS .. under pants in the way......... now what??!!

Ok so let's try pulling down the pants a little bit - separating the ropes ... squatting and...... OOOOOOOOOPS.... underpants don't go down far enough and seem to get tangled up in the ropes... (trying to get them untangled and back up - seriously hard work) 

Final (and only option) push underpants and ropes to one side - as far as they can go - squat and do the deed.  

Well by now I really really have to focus - my bladder has decided not to cooperate.... so the squatting landing up being sitting... focus focus focus - and finally SUCCESS!!!  

EXCEPT 

oh my god....... i don't have my pants pushed far enough over.. oh my god I can't stop peeing to adjust........ oh my god........ my pants are wet  !!! 

I dabbed and dried the best I could - pulled my jeans back up - put my coat back ON - and went off to return the key and find W.  

By now the guy was back from lunch - so it was all business - and I was sort of a little fidgety.  Finally when we left the office and I turned to W and said ' Ya know how I don't like golden showers??'  He nodded "yup" .. " Well" I said......... " I just gave myself one" .... W laughed all the way to the car.

Honestly !!  Doms !!!  They have no sympathy.

Lesson learned - no underpants - EVER - under or over a rope harness - ya never know when nature will call ............

 

Monday, April 09, 2012

celebrations and feasts

This weekend was spent celebrating Easter..... (well ok - the weekend was spent cleaning and cooking for one day of celebrating!!)

W dropped off the centerpiece for the table on Friday............. 



I collected all the loot for the Easter Bunny............ 



I set the table .... 



This master piece is called country eggs........... it was made from 12 slices of bacon - fried onions and green peppers... hash brown potatoes and 12 eggs...... scrambled together... and declared 'yummy'...



We had pancakes and ham - and for dessert an Easter Cake , 



and then the Great Easter Egg hunt............


and when all was said done... Granny curled up on the sofa and relished the peace and quiet........

Sunday, April 08, 2012

Not Your Usual "Happy Easter"


 Just my Easter gift to you all - a few smiles (I hope)





There’s nothing better than a good friend, 
except a good friend with Chocolate.
 ~Linda Grayson



 Alzheimer’s Advantage: You can hide your own Easter eggs.




The Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter.
The Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Xmas




 All I really need is love, 
but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt! - Lucy Van Pelt 





 An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.

Saturday, April 07, 2012

Tough Old bird


I've always said 'I am a tough old bird' ... it's not something I want to be - or that comes naturally to me - but I have had to learn to be one to be able to live my life.... 

I have always felt pretty much alone - even when I was married - maybe more when I was married - cause in marriage you are supposed to have someone to lean on right?? someone to share the joys .. the problems.. except most of the time i didn't.  I toughed it out on my own. 

The family (extended and immediate) always turned to me to fix things - to make things right.  

When I finally stood up on my own two feet and decided I would be the 'tough old bird' just for me  - I would take care of myself - by myself - for myself - I moved out and moved on.... 

It hasn't always been easy.  There have been lots of time that I wondered if I hadn't bitten off more than I could chew.  But I have forged ahead ....... tripped and fallen a few times - scraped my knees - but I always just got up and kept going.

As much as the future scares me - scares the hell out of me - I AM a tough old bird - and I know I can do this....... for another year - or forever if that's what it takes.......

Friday, April 06, 2012

Communicate communicate communicate.






We are always saying that communication is SO important in BDSM relationships...... but ya know... good communication skills are important in all walks of life - in all types of relationships.  (hell forget GOOD communication - any communication is better than none !!)

I have been following my new work to rule this past week.......... and as much as I have been doing JUST my job - things have not gone all that well........... 

Let's take a wee look at my week........ 
1)  a child took a small fall in the school yard - I patched him up and sent him to class - ONLY to get called into the principal's office and get reamed for not calling his mother - informing the main office and his teacher.  WHY - because he is epileptic oh yeah?? no one thought to tell me - first example of lack of communication
2) Parent comes to pick up child - throws a hissy fit at my staff because he is outside playing - turns out he had split his head open in class - his mother explained she was on the way - but as she was in town - wouldn't make it before the bell - asked the office to inform me and for me to keep him inside until she could get there - they "forgot" to tell me - second example of lack of communication
3)  An hysterical mother showed up in my office at 4:30 because her 5 year old didn't get off the bus.......... she had called the main office but no one had answered - they had left early that day - BEFORE the buses had finished their routes (against the rules) so she had no one to turn to but me............ turns out - for some unknown reason his teacher decided to send him to daycare for the afternoon !!!  third example of lack of communication and total stupidity.
4)Two children were sent into me for a scuffle during a game of soccer - they told me that they had really been playing rugby (against the rules as no contact is allowed in any games!)  I put ice on the child's head and had them eat lunch with me - together.  I called the mom (cause we have to call for all head injuries) and she came to get him.  Turns out that it was not a soccer or rugby scuffle - but a down and dirty fight - where the injured child had gotten the shit beat out of him - my staff didn't think to mention that to me until AFTER the mother's irate phone call - fourth example of lack of communication skills
5)One of my employees walked in on Thursday afternoon handed me a doctor's note and is now off on long term sick leave - starting immediately - I have to find a replacement NOW - she didn't think to even hint there was something wrong - fifth example of poor communication skills

My principal took me to task on Thursday afternoon - about the foul ups this week...... I sat there with my mouth open ........... then closed my mouth and bit my tongue I was so close to losing it....... totally and completely losing it........ and that wouldn't accomplish anything.  When she was finished blowing off steam - I pointed out to her that not ONE of the incidents was because I didn't do my job the way I am supposed to...... that all of the incidents were due to lack of proper communication between her staff and myself.. and my staff and myself................. 

Which leaves me wondering if I am difficult to talk to ????  My mother drummed into me the whole world can't be wrong and me be right........... so I am left wondering what is wrong with ME....... that no one is telling me stuff.......... am I not a good listener?? I always thought that was the one thing I did do well......... but this new work to rule campaign of mine seems to have made me a whole lot less accessible to folks.......

Whatever the cause - whoever is to blame - the thing that gets me the most - hurts me the most - is in the end - the children are the ones who are getting hurt ........... and I have vowed (in my heart) to always - no matter what !!! - put the kiddies first. And I have failed.  And that breaks my heart.  

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Spring is in the Air

Well in my kitchen anyway!!!

Remember the other day I told you W brought me a Hyacinthe plant - and I promised you pictures??? 

Well here they are..............



 and the following one is just an explosion of colour (in my mind)



This virtually small plant has filled my kitchen with it's scent - and I just had to share that with you too...............




Did you smell it?? No???!!!  oh for heaven's sakes ... close your eyes... scratch again..... and inhale deeply ............... 

Spring is in the air !!!

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

Let's talk dirty






Ok..so if everyone is paying attention - I shouldn't have to define "golden showers".  


The other day I was surfing around the blogs I read .. and over on Slave Interrupted, I found a piece on golden showers.

Now W has done it to me.... maybe more than once ......... but honestly I don't remember.  I do remember thinking "WTF ??!!"  closing my eyes and sealing my lips and thinking ok just get it over with.  (great submissive response - right?? )


I didn't feel humiliated - or indignant - or owned - or .......... anything actually.  I did think 'well ok I have experienced THAT .. let's check it off the list'.  It most definitely wasn't a turn on (for me) ....... it was a .......... nothing. 

But I am fully aware there are a whole mess of Doms and subs out there who indulge frequently in golden showers.  I also know it is on most check lists.  I also know I originally - many years back - had to look up what the hell a "golden shower" was.  I've come a long way since those days !!


But the whole blog entry got me thinking about my reaction to golden showers.  I don't have any reaction to it actually - though if W did it and insisted I swallow - we could have a problem - hell I don't even swallow yogurt!! (cheeky grin)


I do know that every once in a while I used to tease W when he would get up to go to the toilet and I would ask in my cheeky way - 'need any help??'  Every once in a while he would tease back and say "yeah come hold it" ........... now THAT got a reaction out of me.. ........... hold it??? THAT would be humiliating I think.... but perhaps more awkward than humiliating.  Don't ask me why that would affect me more than being peed on....... god only knows... but the thought of it sure affects me.

I have touched on humiliation play before - not sure I have thought much or talked much about degradation play - but my reaction to the whole thing is ......... not for me.  I don't know - but having to step out of the persona that is me - having to change my norm - feels awkward and more like a "time out while we do this" sort of thing.  

I prefer my BDSM to flow naturally - to feel natural.  Over the years I have learned there are a whole mess of things that I CAN do - but don't do because I see no point in them.  Examples abound......... from foot/boot worship - to golden showers (obviously) to crawling around on a leash and collar acting like some animal or other. 

I have shined W's boots (is that boot blacking?? by definition I think it is )... I have (and do) make his meals and serve him..... I have cleaned his house ....... I have (and do) make the bed and tidy up...... I have (and do) go where he decides we will go ...... I have bared my ass and taken a beating.. I have spread my legs and been fucked..... BUT all those things fit me....... (and I like to think fit W as well ) I don't feel out of place .. out of the norm doing those things...... it is natural and pleasing to both of us.  And for me that is what is important in our BDSM relationship. I have no desire or need to be humiliated or degraded ....... I want and need to be needed and appreciated and valued.  

So for those of you who "get" golden showers  (in every sense of the word) more power to you !!!  But I think I will stick to cleaning the toilet ... rather than being the toilet.

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

This 'n that






The picture today seemed appropriate - bits and pieces put together to give you one whole blog entry ......... or a semblance of one - you be the judge ...................

I decided - that if I was gonna get through the next year or so (or more) of work before retiring - I HAD to find a way of doing it so that I don't stretch myself toooo thin.......... Yesterday was day 1 of my new plan.  I went in to my office (after saying good morning to everyone and visiting a little bit ) closed the door - put Bryan Adams in my CD player - and got to work.  It really is amazing how much work one can get done with the door closed............. My new buzz phrase when someone asks me a stupid question (and I do get asked stupid questions frequently EVERY day) "What do YOU think you should do?" and then leave them to work out the answer.  In the past I tended to take over - cause it was quicker and easier........ Oh I will pitch in if they really don't know - OR if the problem is more my realm then theirs - but stupid questions??? nah let them figure it out....

By 3:30 everyone wanted to know if I was OK??? yeah I was fine - just doing my job.  (In my words to W - working to rule - following my job description - and letting everyone else stand on their own two feet)  It was an ok day - took some adjusting for me - for sure,  Of everyone I work with - this was probably hardest on me !!  I worked my 7 hours - closed up my office - and came home......... without any projects to complete when I got here !!

On the bright side - or brighter side - April 1st is our yearly salary increase to adjust for the cost of living ...... I got 27 cents more an hour............which works out to be approximately $9.45 more a week - then take taxes off that - and I might just see $20 more a month............ BUT as I said to W ( quoting my father) "it's better than a kick in the ass with a wet boot".

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On an entirely different note - W brought me a Hyacinthia plant on the weekend - the buds were all closed up tightly and it looked for all the world like a weird shaped pineapple ......... but last night when I got home the buds were starting to open.. Tomorrow maybe I will post some pictures.  I do love flowers - would fill my house with them given the chance (and the money) and spring flowers have to be one of my favourites for adding a little joy.

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I read this morning that our favourite play party is reopening for the season soon.  It's an outdoor play area so needless to say it closes down for the winter months.  They have posted public etiquette - Bandit said he wouldn't call them rules - and I agree with him.. what he listed are really just basic etiquette for play parties.  Now here's hoping he will enforce the rules - then W and I might just have found a place to play where we won't be interrupted ........ where we can play hard and fast and not have someone fall over in a dead faint........ where folks won't come charging into our scene and ask to borrow cameras - or want to talk to me.......... YAY for Bandit for having the guts to publicly post his expectations !!!

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And that's about it for my 'this 'n that' ........... bits and pieces thrown together to create some semblance of a blog entry........... 
 

Monday, April 02, 2012

Privacy

Usually my "Monday Morning Reports" are the easiest blog entries to write........ usually.  But for the last few Mondays the words have not come easily.... and last night after running words around in my head - over and over - this way and that way - I realized that the closer W and I get to each other - the more intimate - the more private it feels... and the harder it is to share.  

I find myself pulling up a privacy screen around those moments........... wanting to keep them to myself .............  I can tell you there was a whole lot of screeching and hollering ... and soft murmurs and knife cutting patterns .... and at the end of it all puddles on the floor and knees that wouldn't hold me.  


Then we went to munch .......... and it was a huge munch - for us - here in this corner of the Great White North. Must have been between 30 and 40 people who attended.  And some old friends we haven't seen in years and years.  It was delightful and fun and full of chatty conversation.......... 

W and I spent some time talking .......... planning........ sorting things out.......... working things out........... all of which just  brings us closer and closer (I think) just makes our time together more intimate - more personal - more private. 

We had a great weekend  and I feel lonely this morning in the empty house.

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