Monday, November 30, 2009

Not quite but almost

My calendar says November 30th.......... not quite winter, not quite Christmas - but almost.

That is until i opened the front door this morning to this.....................

Over night everything changed, from drizzly warm rain to snow......... so it feels like Christmas is indeed coming !! No sense waiting for tomorrow.... i decided that i would add a little Christmas spirit to The Journey....... just a little tease of what is to come.

Sir and i had a busy weekend........... Saturday morning i made two huge casseroles of tortellini (one cheese ... one beef) to take out to youngest daughter's. Saturday afternoon Sir and i headed out to the country (well i call it country) to visit with the newest edition to our family and the rest of the clan. i have to say Jordan Liam is as good as his PR says he is. He eats... he sleeps.. he fusses a little bit.

Sir and i both had a snuggle with him......... and it warmed my heart to have the eldest grandson pop over to give a "fairy kiss" to his sleeping brother and whisper "I love you buddy" and then dash off to play some more. Mom and dad are definitely doing something right to have such harmony !!! And yeah i am probably gonna bore you all to death with baby pics.. but here is Jordan Liam at 5 days...............

After dinner on Saturday evening.. Sir and i left the clan and headed off to see the new Disney "A Christmas Carol" in 3D. It was better than i imagined - but most definitely not a kiddie flick.

We arrived home at midnight to find that that spanking new furnace that has already had 2 service calls for not working....... was once again on strike. The house was bloody COLD... Sir....... god bless Him.. agreed to wait up for the service guy who was supposed to show up between midnight (when we called) and 2 am.......... by 6am when i went downstairs he still hadn't showed up. i was torn between being livid with the gas company and upset that Sir had spent a sleepless night on the sofa waiting..... and waiting........

The guy did show up after breakfast.. and while he was trying to figure out why the damn furnace keeps shutting off and refusing to start.. i dragged out some of the boxes of Christmas decorations........ and Sir helped me drag them upstairs.

Once the furnace guy had left.. and the furnace was belting out warm air once again.... (for how long is anyone's guess!!) Sir found the circus whip and had me bent over the dining room table amongst the balls and holly, fairies and candles... and was whipping my ass while calling out "On Dancer, On Prancer, On Vixen " etc etc......... i personally think if Sir is gonna play Santa in real life... then He absolutely positively HAS to wear a Santa suit!!!

Sunday afternoon found us with an impromptu visitor - an old friend from the community - and we spent a couple of hours catching up on each other's news.... which is always a good thing !

Sunday evening we watched the Grey Cup Game.......... YAY Alouettes !!! (and drakor i don't care what you say about the game....... the end result is the Alouettes won fair and square and it was a true nail bitter right to the end!!)

And that dear friends is my Monday Morning Report.............

You are all gonna have to check back to see the Christmas additions i will be adding to the blog........ and the Christmas Corners (pictures of the house as it begins it's transformation to a Victorian Christmas) i have every intention of blogging every day through the month of December......... even if i am NOT participating in the Holidailies......... (is anyone participating this year?? is it even running this year??)

Friday, November 27, 2009

took a peak......

i took a peak at next week on my calendar........

OH MY GOD it is December 1st !!!

Every year for so many years i have been so ready for December 1st.. the blog had a holiday look.. i had signed up for the Holidailies... the baking was started.. the parties planned.

This year..........


Well that's not entirely true.. i have done some Xmas shopping - got gifts for my staff, for two of the grandkids, and i at least have a half assed baking plan.........

BUT that's it !!

dear swan left me a message over on the Heron Clan a week ago..... reminding me that i said (last Christmas) never again to entertaining my staff....... but that was the old staff.. i have new staff.. and am sorely tempted. i also said no Holidailies - and that i AM sticking to...

i kind of .. sort of... told my kids how i felt after last Christmas (for those that missed that happy - NOT - post ........... i felt like i was playing second fiddle to all their other activities). So they have promised me the 24th for OUR Christmas. and i know .. in my heart of hearts that somehow .. someway .. in the next 25 days or so i will pull it all together.. and Christmas will indeed come.

It's just right now............ it seems such a daunting task.

Stay tuned though........ i do plan on decorating a bit around here... on The Journey .. mainly for all the "Scrooges" and "Grinches" that read here....... i love to wiggle my ass and be a pain in their butts as much as possible (and no...... Sir.. i am absolutely NOT referring to You.. no way no how !!)

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

If wishes were pennies.......

then beggars would all ride horses....... at least that is how i remember the saying.

i was wishing i had something clever or witty or enlightening to write today.........

i was wishing i could see my grandson today.........

i was wishing i was 20 years younger..........

i was wishing i could curl up and snooze all day long.............

i am getting way too old to have that many late nights / early mornings. Today was a total wash out. i made up my mind before i even left the house this morning at 6:30 that i would take the afternoon off and drop by the hospital and snuggle my grandson...... then come home throw in some laundry and have a nice lil nap.

However.......... at 1:00 youngest daughter called me to tell me she had been discharged........ DISCHARGED???!!! just over 24 hours after giving birth. She said i should come visit at home.............. i thought about it for all of 2 minutes. She was exhausted (more than me) and was going home to the other granny...... and 2 other kiddies who were anxious to see mommy and their new brother. So i opted out of a house visit....... and opted in for an afternoon of snoozing.

And snooze i did......... but now i am groggy and feeling brain dead........ kind of hung over. This having grandbabies can be highly over rated... especially when one is feeling as old as dirt.

Hopefully tomorrow i will have something witty or clever or enlightening to write. For tonight i will just leave you all with a pic of my little pumpkin - who has dimples !!! (oh yeah........ and he weighed in at 9 1/2 pounds and 21 inches long)


Jordan Liam

Monday, November 23, 2009


Well - will wonders never cease........... my Scrooge.. my SIR.... bought a Xmas tree.......... hung lights in the front window..and this weekend i decorated the tree - got my ass beat with a wooden cheese board (talk about perverting things !!) and i was inducted into the 78th Fraser Highlanders as a "milady".......... (i still think i should have been allowed to be a camp follower!!)

And then this morning....... at 4:45 i got the phone call. Baby daughter was on her way to the hospital. i met them there at 5:30 .............. BUT........ because of this damn swine flu i was not allowed to be in the case room. i helped birth 2 of my 3 grandsons........... it was the hardest thing i have ever done .. driving home in the dark to await the phone call announcing Jordan's arrival.

But he arrived... in time for breakfast at 6:53 (and pretty much as i predicted...... she did all the long labour at home ) BUT my dear son-in-law didn't get any of the particulars that are important to granny's like weight, length, hair colour, eye colour...... (i will bite my tongue )

Granny and Grumps get to visit this afternoon between 2 and 4 only. How this is gonna protect them all from the swine flu is beyond me !!!

Anyway .......... that's all my news for this Monday Morning Report.........

i will leave you with pictures of Sir's Christmasy house.........

Sir's elf................. actually if you look close it is really Norman - from Halloween... i added the elf hat and the elf shoes to try and make him just a little bit Christmasy.........

Next thing you know.......... Sir will be wearing a Santa suit.. and going "HO HO HO".

Friday, November 20, 2009


i left up the blog about the Leather family for a couple of days..... i have had nearly 300 hits on that particular entry........ and only 2 comments both looking to see if anyone would step forward with answers to my questions. Well ya know what?? no one did...... and so i am left to think that this is .. as selkie put it.. mostly a gay male thing... a leather boy thing....... and the rest are just online figments of someone's imagination. More's the pity. i think it would be interesting to delve into Leather Families.... to learn more about how they work or don't work....... how they came to be etc....

So today i move on........... to another topic that is niggling away at me........ that is Openness with one's dominant......

And the reason for this is ........ this week i had a brief email exchange with drakor on openness... and the result was he wrote a blog.......

Now granted his blog was on an entirely different subject really...... but there was one paragraph that made me sit back and think... read it again.. and once more for good measure to make sure i actually got IT........ and then it niggled away at me...

The words /statement that got me was:
"Yes the slave needs tobe open about health issues and any issues that might affect his use by the dominant. Do they have to know my thoughts on Afghanistan do they need to know why I am for or against the death penalty. As a slave what I think is unimportant to the dominant is it not?"

and i realized i couldn't agree with him... not one little bit.

i realize those words were written entirely from his perspective on what a slave is..... and that definition fills his needs ... and availabilty.

But i couldn't come close to agreeing with him.. not even given his parameters. i can't imagine anyone wanting to be with someone who has NO opinion on anything... who can not carry on a conversation.. or get into a debate.. who is simply a "Yes man" person. How boring is that???

i wouldn't want a dominant who was "brain dead" by my definition.. and i wouldn't want a "friend" or sister submissive or anyone for that matter .. who was "brain dead". That gives a whole new meaning to the old blonde jokes doesn't it?? Given drakor's definition ... we could come up with a whole slew of dumb slave jokes ... don't you think??

i read one specific blog where the Dominant in question wants nothing more than a cunt.... and a pain toy. He wants an IT...... and He has been working for a long time (years) to turn His vital educated slave into just that. But it amuses me how He also wants someone to go and play bridge with. In my opinion, He wants a part time cunt/pain toy and a part time wife/partner. (which - again in my opinion - is how it should be!!!)

Sir often teases me that i mustn't think.......... because when i think i always land myself up in trouble. Last weekend i tried very hard to not use the phrase " Sir i have been thinking............" and it was nearly impossible and quite laughable actually........ me not thinking?? i will be dead when that happens.

And for me to think ....... and not to share my thoughts.......... IMPOSSIBLE !!

i believe the reason i can not accept drakor's requirement for a slave is because i would find it quite boring to have no one to discuss topics with..... as a slave.. as a human! i would find my time with Sir more than a little boring if we didn't have debates about issues at hand.......... and i don't have to win the debates.. and don't usually try........ but i do like knowing what he believes in.. as i am sure.. he likes knowing what i believe in............... because that is all part and parcel of what makes a good relationship..... it is the glue that holds a relationship together (in my opinion).......

Hell forget relationships.. thinking - having an opinion is what makes me a vital living breathing person......... interesting to converse with.... and get to know.....

i don't have the time of day for those simpering "yes Sir no Sir 3 bags full Sir" types of slaves.. to me they are all pretext and pretend and smoke and mirrors.. i want to KNOW someone .. and that includes what they think/believe!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

more thoughts on "family"

Ok.. so yesterday i touched on the subject of "Leather family"......... a .. what to call it?? ....... a phenomena i am trying to grasp/understand........

Originally i only heard about / learned about / read about leather families in print or on line. But then i heard about and finally met a Dominant here in the Great White North who was supposedly the head of a leather family. When i met him though he resembled someone more like a pop star..... surrounded by an entourage with adoring fans fawning over him. Personally ......... i wasn't much impressed. i thought he came across as an asshole... with a huge .. and i do mean HUGE ego. The other thing i noticed was ... he only had submissives.. i didn't see any other Dominants... and in my limited knowledge ... leather families involved submissives and Dominants....... plural.

The next time i came across what could possibly be considered a leather family was at a private party in the fall. There was a group of folks who arrived and immediately congregated together. i found it almost impossible to figure out who was who....... (sub .. dom etc) they all seemed fairly equal. The sexism in me tended to think / identify the male as the Dominant. When it came to play time they spread out and took over a rather large area ....... not mixing with anyone else and certainly not welcoming anyone else into their circle. If this was a leather family they were very insulated. During the evening i watched them..... and realized they must be a group of switches.. as each one of them seemed to take a turn on the receiving end of the floggers....... and that muddied the waters even more for me.. trying to sort out who was in control.......... because in my opinion.. in a family .. there should be some sort of head... someone in charge.

So i am left wondering .......... are there real leather families out there somewhere...... in the REAL world (sorry .. but anything can and does work on line. i tend to need real life experiences believe. Just call me "doubting thomas")

If there are such things..... how do they work?? Does each Dominant rule the tribe of submissives/slaves?? or do they break down into individual couples that come together once in a while to play?? And if that is the case .. then how is that different from good friends getting together once in a while to play??

AND if leather familes DO exist in the real world.. how do you get one started?? How do all the dominants and submissives co-exist??

Anyone have any answers to my questions??

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Family - no i am not going to talk about my preggie daughter and how the baby has not arrived yet.

Many years ago.. when i first started reading blogs.. i stumbled across a blog that i read faithfully. It was written by a submissive who was in a "leather" family. She lived with her Master and a few miles away lived 2 other dominants (male and female). She wrote about the sessions she had with her Master.. and from time to time with this other couple. There was also another Dominant who lived miles away who would drop in from time to time.

i was so intriqued by this submissive and her "leather" family. Her blog was like a drug.. a fantasy drug... a designer drug........ i craved the latest installments. And it wasn't just BDSM either... she often talked about her Master's business, and how she would cook for his staff, how she would keep the books .. and do other chores.

She had the life i dreamed of.


She "moved" away from the East Coast to the West Coast, and just stopped posting. Many months later i found out (i can't remember how) that her whole blog.. the stories she told were woven out of fairy dust and magic, and absolutely no reality.

There was also a book i read ...... once upon a time...... about a slave who belonged to a "leather" family. The name of the book was "To Love Honour and Obey" (i believe) and i actually found the author's website at one point in my travels around the net. She (it would appear) was/is very real.

All of this is to say........ i have been thinking recently (again) about Leather Families.

i have other stuff to say about it........ questions to ask...... and thoughts to share... so stay tuned. But now....... well now.. my kiddies call.... so i am off (yeah yeah .. i know ....... i have been "off" for a long time now)

Monday, November 16, 2009


We had a quiet weekend... relatively. i just had no energy... too pooped to pop.

But that doesn't mean Sir didn't have a little fun........ i am not sure what it is about pinching my inner thighs.. and pussy.. but Sir loves to do it... me .. i HATE it.. with a passion. (ok not as much as pinching my nipples but still it rates up there!)

Anyway......... Saturday i am making breakfast... (southwestern omelet with bacon on the side if anyone is interested) and i bent over to get something - and there was Sir with His pinchy fingers .........

i am dancing the subbie jig.. trying to avoid even though that isn't allowed...... and the next thing i know Sir has me bent over the counter and He is fucking me......... and ohhhhhhhh god it felt so good..... i do think i complained (just before He started) that "it" was broken......... but a second later i am dripping wet and moaning and really getting into it............ my muscles start to tighten... and i can feel the orgasm right there.. ready to explode out of me ....... when Sir stops.. just like that.. HE STOPS??!! laughs saying something like "it ain't broken" and walks out of the kitchen.

And that was a preview of my day............ bend me over.. start fucking me.. stop just before i actually cum. Have me stand up walk over to Him (knowing what is coming - and it wasn't me!) and offer up my pussy for Sir to play with. Over and over and over again.

i did tell Sir that eventually the automatic response just ain't gonna happen - cause the body does learn - even if it learns slowly. But that didn't elicit any sympathy.......... just fuck me and stop .. fuck me and stop.

Finally........ i was standing beside Sir and His fingers are in me.. and i am dripping so much... and wanting so much.. and thinking i just couldn't take it anymore.. When Sir stands up.. walks around behind me.. bends me over the arm of the sofa.. and goes at it.. fast and furious .. and wellllllllll... He didn't stop this time... and it was fucking amazing !!!!!!

Sometimes it pays to wait..............

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Forgetful Sub

ok, so i told you all i got my pc back......... and i have had to reload all the programs back on.. and try and find programs/files .. and try and get the printer to run wireless (which i still haven't accomplished !!) all the while (of course !!) playing farmville and cafe world and writing the odd blog every now and then and working, and trying to keep the house up.. and keeping track of all the sickies in the family...........

Eventually it was bound to happen............ not a computer crash but a subbie crash!! Yesterday i was pooped.. exhausted... dead to the world........... so when i came home i decided to do nothing........ (well ok i DID check up on the farm and the restaurant - but then i went and had a rest...)

Every evening (as most of you know) i go on msn to chat with Sir at 8 sharp....... so like a good tired subbie i dragged myself up to the office and loaded up the pc.. i wanted to show Sir i had managed to get msn working again... and i sat there ... and sat there and sat there... no Sir.

By 8:05 i guess.. i was wondering where He had gotten to.. wondering if His Vista had conflicted with His computer yet again.. and He had finally thrown the whole thing out the window............

Just as i was about to send Him a text message (cause ya know, i really feel funny - even after 8 years!! - phoning Him) when it occurred to me (brilliant subbie !!) that i had not checked my email since i had arrived home.

And you guessed it - or you should have - there was an email from Sir. In all the hustle and bustle of the week, i had totally forgotten it was TUESDAY and Sir's night out at the train club !! (stupid subbie!!)

The email was a "task email" something Sir hasn't done in ages ......... i was thrilled to see it.. and pissed off. Geeeeeez Louise !!! Didn't Sir know i was pooped.... didn't Sir know i could use a night off???? and my god.. it looked like i would need some sort of flow chart to keep track of what i was supposed to do and for how long.............

1) get the clamps
2) put the clamps on the pussy for 10 mins - off for 5 during the off times text message Sir - back on for 15 - off for 5 - back on for 20
3) don't turn off the pc
4) go and give yourself an orgasm
5) have your bath then text message

i did some fast math......... because i had forgotten to pick up my emails.. i was way behind schedule.... it was going to take me way over an hour to complete everything - including my bath - and i had so hoped to be in bed by 9 at the latest.........

i gave a figurative shrug.. and clamped the clamps on........... natural consequence for not doing what i am supposed to (checking email) ........ the first 10 minutes weren't so bad...... i played cafe ville while i watched the clock...... 5 minutes off i texted Sir... got a drink.. and slapped the damn clamps back on for the next 15 minutes......... cafe ville was boring - the farm was running itself.. so bejeweled was my next game of choice..... but the damn clamps hurt.. my pussy ached... i couldn't concentrate and probably got my worst scores ever !!! (like you all care - see me roll my eyes??)

Well to make a long story short ....... sort of ........ by the time 9:05 rolled around and i could give myself the reward of an orgasm... i was so not in the mood!! my pussy hurt for god's sakes...... i was tired and cranky.. but the gentle vibrations soothed the savage beast in me... and i lay there just enjoying it.......... letting the stresses of the day.. the past week .... vibrate out ............. yeah yeah i had an orgasm.. not an earth rocking squirting whole body trembling one.. but i had one....... and then a nice hot bath...........

When i crawled into bed.. my whole world felt like it had been righted on it's axis once again............ and i slept.

BUT trust me.. i won't forget soon to keep my email program open and running !!!

Monday, November 09, 2009


and ouch again !!! my body hurts today..... and not for good reasons............

i spent yesterday - which was most definitely Indian Summer around here... out in my gardens digging up annuals that were dead and gone.......... and moving bushes around that had out grown their spot in the garden.......... i spent hours digging out weeds that spread from my neighbour's garden (cause they never EVER weed dontcha know! - there ought to be some sort of fence preferably invisible that i can put up against weeds spreading !!)

oh yeah on Saturday i spent much of the day shopping........... and you all know how much i HATE shopping.. and i went by myself which was worse still..............

BUT i did manage to get Christmas gifts for all my new staff (sure hope they are impressed) and managed to get a rusty orange la de dah top for the big dinner event next weekend with the 78th Fraser Highlanders - where i will be inducted into service as a "Milady" (here me growl?? i still declare i make a much better camp follower than Milady) i had to find something either black or rusty orange .. because i will be wearing the 78th Fraser Highland tartan - in the form of a sash ............. and if you read here you all know the tartan is orange and doesn't go with a single thing i have !!!

Then i went and haunted the geek squad that have had my pc for 2 weeks now !!! Instead of the 48 hours i was promised. BUT i finally got it and dragged it home........... only to find i had to reload all my programs.. and find my address book for my email (which i never did find) and all my contacts list (which i did find - and if memory serves me right i should be able to make an address book using the contacts list.......... BUT..........if you aren't on the contacts lists i am screwed .. or you are.. or not .. if you don't want emails from me.. (cheeky grin)

Saturday night i was a very spoiled subbie.. as i HATE driving into town.. and especially HATE it at night............. so Sir came and got me and took me and eldest daughter and husband to meet up with my brother and his family (they are university shopping for their youngest ) ......... i was glad to have Sir and eldest daughter there to act as buffers...time with my brother is a bit like walking through a mind field.......... unfortunately :(

At one point yesterday i had 3 computers going.. yup.. THREE !!! i had the pc going.. the netbook and the laptop.. the laptop was for reference ... cause trust me.. i didn't remember a damn thing about how to set up my email accounts.. or how to set up the wireless system... (still don't have the printer set up....... sigh......... but maybe this week i will figure that one out) So i guess i really do earn Sir's title of "computer geek"........... i would much rather earn the title submissive on her knees..............

And just for the record for those of you who care........ youngest daughter is still nursing H1N1 victims at her place.. everyone has it but her.... and it would seem still have it this morning !!! And the new baby is due................ last week sometime??? .. Her doctor promises that Jordan Liam will be here sometime this week ........... and granny is getting excited !! It is time now..........

And that dear readers is my Monday Morning Report !!

Friday, November 06, 2009

This 'n That

Let's see ...... i'm beginning to wonder what else can go wrong around here...

Two weeks ago my pc sorta kinda blew up..... i took it to my local geek squad to get it fixed... it was supposed to take a couple of days......... so yesterday i figured i had been patient enough and called them. Turns out my pc doesn't want to be fixed.... BUT while i was dropping off the pc.... i saw and fell in love with this lil netbook. Sir says i am a total geek now... cause i am on the netbook all the time. BUT what isn't to love about something as small as a notebook and about as light??? BUT it isn't my pc.,.... with all my files.. with all my pictures ... with my email program...... never mind the fact my pc runs a whole lot faster than the netbook!!! So i am gonna have to start bugging the geek squad.. enough is enough!!

Youngest daughter has had it with being pregnant...... actually that's old news.. she was done about a month ago.........

now if that's not "done" i don't know what is..... Now just to make her life more exciting. her eldest son.. my first grandbaby.... came down with H1N1 this week....... (thankfully he seems to be improving slightly) Today she posted to face book that no one was allowed in their house ...... pigpen (youngest grandbaby - for the moment) is down with fever and Papa came home from work sick as a dog. Watch her go into labour this weekend........

Sir is up to His eye teeth in alligators........... He has been busting His you know what for the Legion .. trying to get poppies sold.. and get ready for the Remembrance Day parade / service this weekend......... i have piles of stuff to do around here.. and well one thing led to another and Sir and i are gonna stay in our separate houses this weekend and get stuff accomplished.. vanilla stuff obviously.

My baby brother is in town this weekend..... and i am hoping that Sir and i can have a "date" Saturday night and meet up with brother and his family for dinner.

And that's about it around here.. just a little bit of this and a little bit more of that....

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Cum ... NOW

i have read a number of blogs where the submissive is trained to cum on command. Ok i don't have too much problem with the idea........... i for one can not cum unless i ask permission to cum first... (not always an easy thing to do... occasionally the orgasm just explodes out of me even before i have formed the request in my mind)

BUT to cum on command without any sex involved.. without any touching.. the Dom says "CUM" and the submissive very sweetly just makes me think of the movie... When Sally met Harry (it was Harry wasn't it?? .. i am really bad with movie names....) but you know the one i mean.. where the heroine sits in a coffee shop and explains how women fake orgasms and then proceeds to demonstrate how easy it is??

Well when i read about submissives who cum on command.. when i read Dominants bragging about how obedient their submissive is.. and how she comes on command... i can't help but think to myself that the submissive must be a pretty good actress... cause come on now folks.... if you are gonna be totally honest... i am betting there isn't a woman out there who hasn't faked at least one orgasm.......... it is good for the male's ego.,.. pure and simple.. and as submissives aren't we really into male egos.. and stroking them? So to cum on command seems like a simple enough thing to do.. in my warped mind... a few "ohhhhh's" and a few "ahhhhhhh's" a few trembles... a clenching of delicate muscles... and shriek or two to make it believable... .et voila ... one orgasm on command

Sorry Guys....... yes guys.. dominants.. males... but You really aren't that good.... .there is a whole mess of things that really have to happen to bring a woman's body to the point of orgasm.. and standing there glaring at her across a crowded room and ordering CUM NOW... just isn't one of those things..

All of this came to mind now... because i experienced not once but twice this phenomena, Saturday evening at the play party. What made the whole thing very suspect .. in my mind..was that both times the submissives who were cumming on command.... were not being played with by their own Dominants... they were being played with by another person.
Somehow it might have held a little more credance for me If it had been their Dominant.. cause ya know... He might have slid something in... might have been teasing her... .might have done a number of discrete things to bring about this orgasm.

BUT that wasn't the case.. the Dominant was flogging the submissive. The Dominant got louder and louder .. finally shrieking at the submissive "TALK TO ME GIRL.. COME ON TALK TO ME.. YEAH TALK TO ME!!!" and then .. "GIVE IT TO ME .. YEAH GIVE IT TO ME.. GIVE IT TO ME ................. NOW" and then there were the required "ohhhhhhhh's" and "ahhhhhhh's" and trembling body. and we were all left to assume she had actually cum on command.

i could not help but think that if any Dominant (Sir included) shrieked at me in that manner i would fall out of the nice space i was in so fast.. crash so hard..there would be no going back. AND THE look i would give the Dominant!!! well it would be pretty clear i was wondering WTF was His problem. Ya don't shriek or yell at me when you are flogging my ass. Shrieking/ yelling equates anger to me... and i get right nervous when i sense someone holding a flogger is angry with me. Trust me.. orgasm would be the farthest thing from my mind at that moment !!

So why did these two women cum on command.. even fake on command.. what is the point?? to stroke the ego of the person playing with them?? It is the only answer i can come up with. Honest it is. and ya know what .. i would feel so very cheated if i had to fake an orgasm to please some ego inflated Dominant. Orgasms are more like precious gifts to me... given and received. It isn't a public power play .. it isn't a game...

Ah wellllllllll.. to each their own.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

feeling safe

i had one of those light bulb moments driving home from Sir's house on Sunday evening. Now i am not going to claim this light bulb moment will make any sort of impact on you........ but it was an eye opener for me.... and i wonder if it isn't a contributor to "sub drop"

Let me explain........

i am wondering if there aren't levels of giving over one's submission... (or as the popular party line goes - giving the One your gift) ... on Saturday Sir and i were for a good part of the day in the vanilla world.... when we got to the Border crossing i gave Him my passport... He handled the questions. When we were shopping i deferred to His choices .. in stores.. in clothing etc....

But then at the party.. when Sir took me to the frame and cuffed my wrists and my collar to the frame.... when i was totally helpless .... there was another sort of giving over... another sort of trust....

When Mistress P started to play with me - hard i might add - there was a deepening of the trust i had in Sir to keep me safe... there was a childlike quality to the trust i placed in Sir... when He unhooked me and took me down from the frame.. when i knew my sugars were low and i was shivery and weak... i turned to Sir and asked for help.. and the help was there .. instantaneously. i knew it would be.. i knew in the depths of my being that i was safe.. i would be taken care of.... it was a very safe place to be...... the deepest of deep giving over if you ask me.... a place that felt good, felt safe.. and i wanted to stay there.

Sunday morning after a night's good sleep - some 8 hours after that initial deepness ...... i was still in that warm fuzzy feel safe place. We loaded the car... we drove home.. i snuggled down and just let the world fly past. i didn't have to worry about it ... deal with it.., Sir was there.,


we arrived home to Sir's place.. and i loaded up my car to head home.. and i was forcing myself to "grow up" (that's the way it felt - like i was growing up .. becoming a responsible adult again)

i was nervous driving home.. it was getting dark and for the most part i HATE the dark .... and there were cars buzzing past me.. and i felt alone .. and lonely.. and very very little.

By Monday most of those feelings were gone... i was all grown up.. and in charge of my world again......... but there was a lingering for that safe feeling that Sir gave me on the weekend...........

Does sub drop come from that flip flop ... from being the helpless cared for being... into a competent adult being ??? If the transition is quick is that when sub drop hits hard... when we curl up and feel lost and weak and needy???

i'm gonna have to do more thinking on the subject....... but i do wonder if that isn't it.............

Monday, November 02, 2009

It was a dark and stormy night.........

And it was .. dark and stormy when Sir and i arrived at the Halloween Party on Saturday night......... AFTER a scary drive down dark rainy twisty turny country roads with tree branches swooping low over our heads... and shiny eyes watching from the dark foggy landscape.

However once we were welcomed into the warmth and light of the spook house my heart stopped pounding. Despite our hosts best efforts at turning their home into a spooky Halloween dungeon... it didn't compare to the drive up.

It is hard to find the words to describe the atmosphere.. .dinner was served from what could have been an autopsy table.. ghouls crawled along the floor.. the candles burned... the music haunted the background.. the play area was set up down 3 steps from the main level .... everyone was dressed to "kill" so to speak.

i was still suffering from what i called the Mr. Snuffleupagus bug that had taken over my body earlier in the week. i was worried about playing - as it had been a while - and rumour has it that when you are under the weather so to speak - you process the pain differently. This is a relatively new group that we are associated with, and i wanted to make Sir proud.

i watched from the sidelines for a while while the hostess was "thanked" by a few of the Dominants on the St. Andrew's Cross. Then others moved down the 3 steps into the play area.... and i watched from afar... not sure if i wanted to play.... thinking i would probably be quite content to just watch.. after all .... not everyone plays at these events...

Laughter from another part of the upper level drew my attention. One of the Dominants had His submissive up on a rather high spanking bench.. with a butt plug spikey thing sticking out.... and He was playing ring toss........ other Dominants quickly got into the spirit and joined in - either with cheers of encouragement or actually trying to ring the butt plug. It made me laugh ... and relax.

Sir soon decided we would squeeze into the play area - and with some manipulating of equipment and subbies - Sir had me mounted by my wrists and collar to a frame...... ready for a whooping. Fortunately Sir started off slow.. and the mood was right for playing.... i was doing my usual subbie jig.. or growling at Sir when a stroke hurt just a tad too much..., and i heard laughter from the "gallery" .. turning my head i saw that 4 people had gathered to watch the play......... the exhibitionist in me came out... and we were off and running so to speak.

Mistress P was working on a submissive right beside us.... Mistress P has played with me each time we have attended one of the events ... and so i wasn't surprised in the least when Sir invited Her to start taking "pot shots" at my ass. When Mistress P had finished with Her sub.. She moved right over and Sir and She took turns working on my ass/ back and breasts... i felt the entire world spinning out of focus. There was this black piece of material strung along the wall i was facing and the silver ghosts that adorned it became 3D and danced and playfully teased me while i was strung up there.....

Sir used the whip and the leather strap .. the cane.... and the sjambok and god only knows what Mistress P was using.......... all i remember was Mistress P saying at one point "are you ok?? your body has gone stiff" and i remember thinking 'please don't expect an answer'... then Sir was taking me down... and i was shivering and damn cold. Mistress P pulled me in tight against Her while Sir went to get my velvet cape to wrap around me.... and i remember burying my face in Mistress P's breasts and thinking how nice it felt to be snuggled into breasts..... sigh... that's the lesbian side of me showing!!!

i remember telling Sir my sugars were low.. (what an awful feeling!!) and He got me instant sugar in the form of coke .. and soon i was back up to the scratch and feeling snuggly and contented.

Late Saturday night when we got back to our hotel... an inspection of my ass and breasts revealed stripes and bruising........... even today my ass is a bit tender........

i give the dark and stormy night 2 thumbs up!!! and pooh pooh the idea that being sick can alter how i process pain....... i honestly think it has a whole lot more to do with the atmosphere.........

(though i will admit - the whole evening has given me a couple of topics for my blog.... cumming on command being one of them ... so here's a "heads up" .. there should be at least a couple of posts this week - my further thoughts on the evening)

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