Friday, December 29, 2006

Bits and pieces...

Well Sir's birthday celebrations are over....... and i think they were a HUGE success..
The roast beast was cooked to perfection.. the yorkshire puddings were light and airy and browned just so.. the parisien potatoes were roasted crisp and delicious... the lemon birthday cake (Sir's favourite) was a crowning finish to the meal (even IF the silly sparklers - instead of candles - burned down too quickly and i had to rush the cake into the dining room and finish lighting them there!)

BUT for me the best part was my being able to capture just a little bit of Sir's childhood. Let me explain......... a while back Sir gave me this picture of Himself with His dad .. playing with his toy train (i think he got it for Christmas or birthday - i honestly can't remember) The train has long since disappeared - along with a lot of His other toys.

Sir loves trains.. we have been to Delson where they have a train museum.. we have been to numerous model train exhibits.. we have ridden on an old steam train tour.. and Sir has always looked longingly at train sets when we are in hobby shops. So.... for His birthday i bought Him a "starter" set of HO model trains...... enough track that the ding dang thing doesn't fit on the dining room table..... Sir's eyes positively lit up !!! And He is already planning to buy a huge sheet of plywood to set the train up on....... already planning where He is going to paint the wood....... how He is going to store it here.. and how maybe.. with the help of our dear friend Cloud.. He will add legs to the plywood so it can be just the right height to play with/work on....... (and yeah i have to admit i am already wondering where we can find houses that i can build and paint to add to the scene !!) It was wonderful to be able to give Him something that He has longed for .......... to try and recapture a little bit of a lost childhood !!


Then this morning i was catching up on some blogs that i rarely have time to read..... and The English Gentleman wrote an amazing scene that involved "holly"... which i must admit had me wiggling a bit in my chair...... and then my mind went to the center piece that Sir had brought for the Christmas dinner table........ and lo and behold .. upon serious scrutiny i found YES !! there is actually holly in the centerpiece...AND then of course my imagination got to wondering............... and wellllll.. i will leave it all to your imagination!!!


And before i close for today........... the 31st is fast approaching..... and i have this standing order to write a submission to my Fictional Journey once every month....... so it is due on the 1st of January............. does anyone have any story starters for me?? any ideas of what could possibly happen to my lil subbie that hasn't already happened to her??? Any kinky ideas that you would like to see enlarged upon???
can i say ............... H E L P ???
i do believe i have major writer's block !!!

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Happy Birthday to my Sir..

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Today is Sir's birthday........ and i am rushing around trying very hard to make it a special day for Him. If anyone deserves a special day Sir does.

It irks me a little bit....... Sir never forgets anyone's birthday.. oh He may just remember it with an e-Birthday card.. He may just make a quick phone call.. He may come bearing gifts.. but He never ever forgets anyone's birthday! And in the 5 years i have been with Him i am shocked to learn how many people forget His birthday. Yeah yeah.. i have heard the excuses it is too close to Christmas .. it is a busy time of the year.. etc etc.. (apparently even His parents had that attitude from what little He has said about it) and it makes me sad.

So .. every year i try very hard to make the 28th of December a special day for Him.. a day to celebrate HIM. This year is no different........ i won't/can't say what the gift is.. perhaps Sir will post about it .. but i can tell you i am making Him a special birthday supper and have invited a couple of His dearest (vanilla) friends over (so no there won't be any birthday spanks.. not tonight anyway)

In honour of the Grinch He claims to be...... i am making roast beast.... and yorkshire pudding.. and parisien potatoes and veggies and wine and a fancy dessert ...... and if i don't get off this computer and get cracking.. the house won't be cleaned and the dinner won't be cooked........

BUT i had to stop for a couple of minutes and announce to the world.............

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Lucky sub.....

i was wondering what pearls of wisdom i was going to write today in my blog...... and then i had a reason to be thinking of teddy bears..... which then got me to thinking that i hadn't shared with you what a wonderfully spoiled and lucky sub i am. (well not recently anyway!!)

Sir really does know me inside and out..... and unlike the men that have crossed my path in the past...... Sir listens to me.. all year round.. He watches me when we shop and watches what little things catch my eye. So every birthday and every Christmas package that Sir gives me holds a little something that i have secretly craved/longed for. This Christmas was no different.

First off Sir gave me a watch - how boring you might think........ BUT i collect watches .. they have to be different and odd or funny or look more like jewelry than a watch.. in other words .. they have to do more than just tell time. This Christmas Sir gave me a watch that is a backpack pull... You know what i mean.. You have seen them.. they are giant clips that hook onto the zippers of one's backpack and kids (especially) hang all sorts of stuff off them. Well my backpack pull is a watch !! How cool is that??!! Now i have a place to hang all my winnie the pooh figurines.......

And then Sir gave me a portable DVD player. NOT because i am into gadgets.. or very technically motivated.......... but because i am just a big kid inside and i HATE .. and i do mean HATE long car drives. (i believe i have shared that tidbit about me before!!) Now i have something to keep me amused on our car trips......... and god bless Sir.. He found one that plugs into the car lighter so i don't ever have to worry about the battery being charged (another thing i tend to forget about ) Oh yeah...... and Sir says i am to take it to work and watch a movie while i am on lunch..... cause i am really bad and a bit of a workaholic and more often than not do not actually take a lunch break. (and yeah yeah lunch breaks are only supposed to be one hour - but i figure i can watch one movie over two days) And yes it even comes with an ac adapter so i can plug it into the wall !!!

BUT the best gift of all.... were two more teddy bears to add to my collection...

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and yes yes i know there are 3 teddies in the picture but let me explain........
The first little guy sitting in the forefront is "cuffs" ...Sir gave him to me a couple of Valentine's ago and i just couldn't leave him out of the picture......... in the background are the 2 teddies Sir gave me this Christmas....
the brown one is called bear - and he has jointed arms and legs - just like a real English Teddy Bear..... and the other one is "Kris" for Kris Kringle - because obviously .. he is a Santa bear.

So yes i am a lucky subbie..... a very lucky subbie!!

(and for those of you who enjoy my Photo Journal - i have posted some oriental bondage pictures today - the link is over there on the right )

Tuesday, December 26, 2006


kaya asked me in the comment section of "Presents" to give instructions on how to make such a wickedly evil paddle. And truthfully folks.. i don't believe for one minute the woman who single handedly invented the tack bra can't figure out how to make a tack paddle!!

BUT for those who would like some detailed instructions - it really isn't very difficult..........

Start with one wooden paddle - a package of furniture tacks - a pencil - and a hammer.

Now with your pencil draw a pretty picture on your paddle .... i used Sir's initial......

then take one tack .. hold it gingerly between thumb and pointy finger .. pick up hammer - in the other hand !!! and proceed to hammer the tack through the wood - BE CAREFUL not to hit your fingers - unless of course you are into non-consentual pain!!

Continue placing tacks and hammering until the pattern is completed OR your fingers are bloody (which ever comes first)...

ET VOILA - one tack paddle........

If you look very closely at the following picture you can just see the tacks poking through the wood ......

Sir suggested that as much as His initial is a very nice touch....... for effective use of the paddle - place the tacks in a spiral pattern working from the center out......... personally .. after a second session this afternoon with the above paddle - i personally think His initial is just fine thank you very much !!! i am not sure i could stand many more tacks piercing my ass.........
And also do remember .. this is consentual .. and i made this paddle and yeah i need my head examined - but i do love it !!!

Monday, December 25, 2006


We celebrated Christmas with the family on the 24th. We have for years. The 25th is "our" day - Sir's and mine. It usually starts out with my giving Sir at least one kinky Christmas gift.

This year was no different - but i had fun making Sir a "Kink" gift pack. Kink is a TV show we generally watch on Friday evenings. This past season Sir has seen some toys that made Him sit up and go "oh yeahhhhhhhhhhh". One was a dart gun - and the Dom was seen using it to "spear" her submissives. The other was shrink wrap - or industrial size saran wrap for mumification. i bought Him the shrink wrap... i even found a dart gun - for kids !!! and put a little note on it .. "practice first". Then i made Him a paddle..... a paddle with furniture tacks through it..... a paddle that even as i wrapped it - i wondered how absolutely crazy i was!!!

Sir had a good giggle over the dart gun...... smirked at the shrink wrap .. and got that evil Dom look over the paddle. The funny part about the shrink wrap - before i go any further - is that Sir had gone out and bought ME an industrial size roll as well - so now He can shrink wrap the entire house and still have some left over !!!

This morning Sir mummified me.. god how i had forgotten the claustrophobic effect it has on me!! Then after a lunch of turkey sandwiches - Sir had me bend over the dining room table and He used my ass for target practice with the dart gun. He is already in the planning process - to modify the darts to hold needles. i only meant it as a joke for heaven's sakes !!!

Then Sir decided to see how much i would enjoy the new paddle. A part of me really believed it would be like the tack bra........ all scare and no bite. Sir hit me with a couple of good swats .. and i yelped. My ass kinda prickled and stung. Then He hit me a couple more good swats and the yelping was a bit louder. (and i am thinking - this ding dang paddle had better be leaving more marks than the tack bra ever did - otherwise i will really feel like a wimp!!) Sir stopped and said - with a hint of astonishment in His voice - "your ass is bleeding!" Well trust me.. there was no way i was gonna let the paddling continue without a few good pictures !!!! Sir also discovered the paddle scratched my ass quite nicely too !! And i discovered the whole procedure - scratching and pricking and swatting - hurt quite nicely too !!!!

What a glorious success the Kink gift package turned out to be............
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Our wish to you

May your holidays bring all that you dream for.......

may your hearth fires never go out....
may your loved ones always be close to your heart......
And may Christmas live forever......

Sunday, December 24, 2006

The holidays begin....

Yesterday was the beginning (finally) of my Christmas break..... i really had intended to post twice .. the one in the morning being a memory of Christmas past.. and the post in the evening the memory made on Saturday Dec 23rd 2006.......... BUT .. i fell asleep !!!

It was an amazing day ... and i have thought to combine another ancient memory with a present one.........
i had run out of time - in my preparations for Christmas - and one of the traditions of Christmas that dates wayyy back in my family - the cleaning of the silver had not been done.
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So Saturday morning - i took out the silver - the cutlery - the serving trays - the cake plates and began to clean them....... and my mind when back to my mother's kitchen.. and the rubber gloves i HAD to wear to clean the silver (so the chemicals - dontcha know - wouldn't harm my nails or hands - a lady never had calloused hands !!) i was smiling as i don't use the chemicals my mother and my grandmother used - i opt for the easy way out.. sponge on some pretty blue gunk that almost smells nice.. rub it in .. work the grooves, the patterns, the rinse in hot water and load it all in the dishwasher for the final wash and sparkle.

It felt a little bit magical picking up each platter .. each dish .. and seeing the memories in the silver before me... i could see my grandparent's basement - all the furniture moved out to accommodate the makeshift table for ALL the aunts and uncles and grandkids ...... the women running up and down the rickety stairs bringing platter after platter of food .. the candles sparkling on the table - the family sitting there with the silly paper crowns on - laughing and arguing (yes arguing - they tended to "debate" nearly everything!!) .. i can remember always having a crystal wine glass filled with ginger ale - to toast the family with....

Another platter brought back memories of emptying my mother's china cabinet that June not so long ago..... expecting to hear her voice..expecting to see her come round the corner .. but she was never coming back... and my fingers traced the grape cluster pattern around her favourite cake plate.. and i felt the tears burn the back of my eyes.. and i realized (for the umpteenth time) i still miss her.

Wonderful memories woven into the family heirlooms.......

When it was done.. my Sir had decided that i had been busy enough.. away from Him enough and He was tapping the quirt. Time to make some present day memories. Now i KNOW i have written about the quirt before.. my god it can be the most sensous toy i have ever felt .. softly caressing my ass.. slapping it.. stinging it..
It can also be the most wicked toy ! cutting into the skin - feeling for all the life of me as though it is cutting my ass into strips. Sir used it both ways... i would relax into the soft sensous stingy feelings... be floating along quite nicely when 'wham bang thank you ma'am ' ass would be on fire !! i would hop wiggle squirm yelp and downright bitch .. i even tried pointing out to Him that the quirt was NOT a toy !! After all it had been bought at a tack shop and was supposed to be used on horses.. and my god there is no way my ass can compare to the leather ass of a horse !!! (can it??!!) Needless to say i didn't win any battle of words or semantics with Sir...

Memories....... old and new as the holiday begins........

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Standing in the dark........

Christmas - that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance - a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved.
- Augusta E. Rundel

This morning standing outside in the dark - feeling the soft warm rain against my face - i remember a Christmas long long ago when i went to the midnight candle service in the rain..and we all came out to piles of snow - blocking the roads, covering the houses, making the night bright with its glow. i remember walking home from church through knee high snow with friends, whispering, because somehow this snow covered city, felt more reverent than the brightly lit church had.

i remember the last leg of that walk to my house .. alone.. through the snow .. i could hear - if only in my mind's ear - the angels singing sweet Christmas music.. the Christmas lights moving gently in the winter winds looked like fairies dancing through the snow flakes.. Christmas had come .. 'without pop guns or whistles roller skates drums!! ' Christmas had come silently on the wing of a snowflake..... and it was pure and white and soft and silent...

And it is just one of my favourite Christmas memories...........

Friday, December 22, 2006


i love quiet........ when i am home alone i seldom if ever have the radio or television on..... the silence soothes my soul..... and yet i pick - probably one of the noisiest jobs there is .. primary education.

i like (actually it is probably more a compulsion) having order and structure and routine in my life.

there are times that i get as excited as a child.. as i did as a child - and can't sleep - but most of the time i sleep better than any baby i know...... needing and getting 8 hours.

i have an irrational fear of the dark - closing all the blinds in the house at dusk and turning on the lights.

to the outside world i am a VERY strong - capable - 'in charge' type of woman
inside i am a little girl who doesn't feel the least bit strong or capable or in charge

i hate verbal disagreements

i hate raised voices.

i hate to fail - and yeah sometimes will avoid something if i think i may fail at it.

i love Christmas

i love walking in the snow late on Christmas Eve when all around me it is quiet and bright with snow and lights.

i love my kids - someone once asked me how many kids i have and i answered 90 .. oooooooops they meant my own flesh and blood.......

i hate to see any child suffering.

i love / need / cherish my Sir - He brings order and structure and routine to my life.

i love that Sir feeds my endophin habit

i love that He listens to me and hears me

i love that He values me

i have a passion for words

i have a passion for mystery books

It is 3 in the morning and the excited child inside of me woke up - it is the last day of school (thank goodness!! i am not entirely sure i could have made it through many more days) the house is still - even the cats still sleep - and i decided to weave a few more threads of who i am into the blogs i write........ not the 101 list of things.... just added a few more threads to the tapestry of my life...........

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Wednesday, December 20, 2006

On being a mom

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i wear many hats in this life........ one of them is the "Parent" hat. It hasn't been an easy job being a parent.. i don't think anyone who has been a parent would argue that fact with me. Kids just don't come with "how to" manuals. But somehow the kids and i managed to survive all the different stages.. the baby stage.. the mumps measles and chicken pox stage.. the teen years - oh they were a joy !! and the "all grown up I can do it on my own" stage...... and other than the occasional "HELP/SOS" call to both sets of grandparents.. i basically managed to drag these girls of mine up.. (oh yeah.. with the help of their father - i almost forgot him.. cheeky grin)

i never asked how one puts a child to bed at a decent hour...... i never needed instructions on how to teach them morals and respect and trust and honour and all those good things.... i just muddled ahead.. not always right.. hell i made mistakes .. lots of them.. but my girls were raised with MY moral expectations .. not some stranger's. i raised them with love.. lots of love .. and yeah some times it was tough love...... BUT they always knew that when push came to shove....Mom would be there.. to pick them up and brush them off.. or stand shoulder to shoulder with them.

i may not have always gotten it right...... but i can say - with great pride - i have two wonderful daughters who have grown into responsible beautiful women... AND that dear readers, is a job... i AM truly proud of !!!!!!

Confession time..

i have a confession to make..........

Sometimes .. occasionally... i can be a B R A T ! i know i know.. it is such a surprise! ME a brat!! That reputation started a long time ago....... way back when...... someone called me a
S.A.M. (smart assed masochist) Now that one made my blood boil.. made me want to stamp my foot .. made me want to spit tacks.. i am NOT a S.A.M. Sir took great amounts of time to explain to the offending party that NO i was not a S.A.M. i was
a B R A T !!

I had reason to think about that term yesterday...... and i am not sure exactly why but i went to the dictionary to look up the word....... did you know that brat comes from the french "brachet" ........ and means "hound bitch"?? a BITCH??? hang on a minute here... i don't see myself as a ''bitch'' ... brat maybe....... but bitch?? S.A.M.?? i don't think sooooooo!

There is this little devil inside of me... sometimes Sir leaves Himself open.. and i try .. i do try !! to avoid the temptation..... but then .. well .. next thing i know BANG! the brat has struck.. and i am left wondering where that came from!! i will give you a couple of examples.. sometimes Sir will say something and my knee jerk reaction will be to stick my tongue out at Him..... (yeah yeah i know.. how subbie is that!!?) BUT He has cured me of that.. well almost cured me.. by one of two methods.. i either have to suffer Tabasco sauce sprinkled liberally on my tongue (gag gag gag !!) OR He will slap a couple of clothes pegs on my tongue (even worse GAG GAG GAG!!)

Then there was the time Sir had me lying on the bed on my stomach .. and He was beating my ass.. and it hurt..and i was giggling.... (don't ask why!!) and i was facing Sir... my head to His knees kinda of position and i looked up .. and well.. i saw His .. ummm .. "family jewels".. and the saying "i won't hurt You if You don't hurt me" just popped into my head.. and before i could even think about it i was holding the "family jewels" saying that!!! (i am not sure who was most surprised Sir or me!!)

Sir has become very adept at making sure all the t's are crossed and the i's dotted now with me... like when He wrote the latest list of rules (that were almost instantly defunct - don't ask why) one of the rules said (well i read) i was to send an email by 6:30 on weekdays and 7:30 on weekends...... my bratty mind went right.. "an email" ok ok so i will send an email with nothing in the body........ BUT Sir had covered that angle and when i reread the rules it actually said "an email JOURNAL" ...

Once.. after spending some time with a very good Dom and His slave.. i felt off colour a bit.. and i promised Sir i was gonna change.. i was gonna become a much better sub (ummm seems i make that promise rather regularily) and that i wouldn't be a brat anymore !!! Sir told me He didn't want me to change.. the brat was just part of who i was.... which is quite true.. it IS a part of who i am... and thank the gods that be that Sir is happy to have the brat once in a while rear it's devilish lil head..........

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Holiday music.

There was the glorious music of the Holiday Pops on PBS last evening........ sitting by the lit Christmas tree listening to the wonderful music with Sir by my side......... "YES" i thought "Christmas is coming! despite the spring temperatures and the green grass and my garden thinking it is time to sprout"......... the music played on.. the mood mellowed .........

And then...... oh THEN.. they announced the announce i was most dreading.. Jose Feliciano was coming up next............ and i mentioned in passing .. very innocently indeed.. that Feliz Navidad was my most hated song.

Sir got that look.. that most evil of Grinchy looks .. and He reached for the quirt.. the most dreaded of toys.. and Sir promised me strongly that i wouldn't be bored. The second that Jose appeared on the screen, my position was clear.. my ass in the air. Sir kept a good beat to each song that he sang, and i whimpered and cried and wiggled about. Never .. no never.. did i ever remember .. Feliz Navidad being quite so long. It ended with Santa wishing "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night".

And i believed it was over.. my ass safe once again..

Till this morning.. when on CBS Sunday Morning.. did they announce that Jose Feliciano would soon be there.... my brain scrambled faster than the eggs i was making.. i squirmed and i wiggled and imagined the quirt..... i begged to be allowed to come up to the office.. but permission denied Sir needed me there... The quirt in hand .. He smiled quite nicely.. and on the first note of Feliz Navidad.. my ass was presented once more for a beating...........

The count down is 7 more days of festivities........ i can only hope that Jose is done for this year....... and that Sir is content to sit and listen not practice His beat!

Saturday, December 16, 2006


Sir was here when i arrived home from work........ and i faced a challenge... getting myself into subbie mode .. quickly and efficiently..... It has been almost 3 weeks since we were together..... and as i said earlier this week.. for those 3 weeks i have been fancy free and foot loose.

BUT oh my it was wonderful to see Him.. even the first punishment spanks - even if i did cry through them - felt like heaven...... Sir was back.. all was right with the world once more.

The challenge really came last evening..... we were watching TV and Sir decided to "play" one of His favourite games.. (i call it boring commercials) Every time a commercial would come on, i was expected to roll over on my stomach (i always sit on the floor at Sir's feet) and present my ass. Sir had selected the small purple plastic flogger for the evening's games..

there is something about the purple plastic floggers. (we have a small one and a large one) that defies description....... it stings .. it cuts.. it burns.. it is one BIG ouch!!! It isn't too bad if Sir has warmed me up nicely and used a multitude of other toys on my ass before reaching for the "purple people eater" .. but last night was just a lesson in enduring.

He started the "game" around 9:00 i guess - we were watching Nikita.... and continued right through till i begged permission to go to bed - around 11:00 .......... the challenge to the game is .... i get 5 - 6 minutes of flogging then it stops for 10 minutes or so and then 5 - 6 minutes of flogging again.. and so on and so on. Last evening i prayed for extensions to the show.. my ass burned like the dickens right up until the next commercial. i kept thinking ... ok ok.. i won't fly .. i won't cum .. but maybe .. just maybe ?? i will have some marks in the morning. (this particular flogger has been known to leave tiny red pin point spots all over my ass ) but there was nothing............

After almost 3 weeks of fancy free fun loving freedom. .Sir has tightened the leash a bit.. i am punished / corrected quickly when i forget to ask for permission for things.. when i talk back.. and it is a wonderful challenge.. i am owned.. i am cared for.. i am loved........

Friday, December 15, 2006

World Peace

We all talk about how wonderful it would be to have peace in our own time.. i am one of the first to say it!! And Christmas certainly seems to be the one time of year when everyone is willing to at least THINK about world peace.

So .. being that i am a very civic minded subbie..
being that i am a very committed subbie to world peace..

i bring you a very important website... a site working towards World Peace.........
honestly folks .. honestly .. visit the site..... give it a try....... who knows?? everything else has been tried.. from white doves to the United Nations.........

Maybe just maybe we can have peace in our own time..........

Thursday, December 14, 2006

12 Days of Christmas??

i don't know if Sir is doing His own version of the 12 Days of Christmas..... But last night was one orgasm.. and tonite was 2 clamps...... well kind of. Sir had to work again tonight... and i got another email task....... i was to do 20 easy minutes on the treadmill with my clamps fastened to my pretty pink bits......... i have not been on the treadmill for a long longggg time.. 20 minutes.. even "easy" minutes...... was not going to be all that easy...... add to the mix the clamps and ughhhh what a work out !!!

i did it.. my shoulders ached something awful... and no i was not walking on my hands.. but god my shoulders ached!! i do believe i was holding my breath... or holding myself stiff .. or just not relaxing into it....... whatever the reason my shoulders ached.........

BUT i will say .. posting this task tonight is much easier to write than last night's. Believe it or not last night's post embarassed me...... i write my fictional blog with little or no difficulty.. but writing fact....... sexual fact.. is a whole 'nother topic !!!

Fortunately .. i believe i will have a reprieve from "tasks" as Sir is feeling better (can't you tell??!!) and will be coming for the weekend............. now i only have to think about?? worry about?? possible weekend sessions.....

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

These are a few of my favourite things.........

Sir is working tonight but we spoke briefly this afternoon when i got home from school. In the middle of the conversation.. somewhere between plans for a baptism and my problem kids at school....Sir said "At 7:30 this evening you will take your favourite vibrator and play with yourself. you are to almost cum 3 times then you may cum. Once you have cum you will text message me."
i blinked.. and had to refocus my thinking.......

i have more than one vibrator...... i used to collect them..... i had one to fit each of my moods.. now i have a favourite... i am sure it has some fancy dancy sales pitch name.. but for me it is just known as my favourite! oh right .. you can't tell from the above picture .. my favourite vibrator is this one:

There is something wonderful about a replica penis that vibrates.. swivels.. and has something to keep the clit amused all at the same time! Now i ask you .. what penis can do all that???

Anyway.......... getting back to the task at hand..... at 7:30 i had the vibrator.. turned it on.. and just let it kinda rest against me while i closed my eyes and let the sensations relax my body and mind....i was surprised to find it didn't take all that long for me to get wet and want much more of the vibrator... it slid easily into me...... i turned it on to high (yeah it has varying speeds for both the vibrator and the swiveling) and just let my body respond...... a minute or two later i was turning it off quickly and yanking it out..i took some deep slow breathes to get my orgasm under control..... after all i had to nearly cum 3 times before i was allowed to cum.

Some of you might ask......... how would her Sir know?? what does it matter?? Sir would know i "cheated" because i would tell Him... it is all about the trust factor we have .. and the respect i have for following His rules. So yeah i stopped when i didn't want to.... and yeah i had to rest a bit .. and slow my breathing down..

i slid the vibrator back in and turned it back on.. on high .. and wow it felt so good!! i just closed my eyes and enjoyed the heat that was building in my lower belly.. and spreading outwards - almost like hot flashes but ohhhhhh so much nicer !! i adore pulling my clit jewelry up out of the way .. and kinda pushing my naked clit into the vibrating head of the clit stimulator.. it drives me absolutely crazy.... and of course i could feel my orgasm coming.. and of course i had to stop........ stopping gets harder each time.. my instincts tell me to keep going.. my muscles pull hard on the vibrator trying to keep it in me .. but the stronger side of my brain pervails and i stop and breath.. and silently curse as well as thank Sir for giving me this...........

On the 3rd and final insertion things were more difficult.. for some reason i had kinda lost interest.. as though my body didn't like the game i had been playing with it.. and had shut down...... i nearly cursed.. i searched my body and mind for the connection... for the feeling i had just had not 2 minutes ago...... i couldn't find it.. i switched positions.. i switched speeds.. i slowed down.. i sped up.. nothing.. absolutely nothing... then i wanted lubricant.. Sir bought me KY heating jelly a while back and i love it.... i opened the night table drawer and pulled it out... flipped the top open one handed and dribbled a little bit of the jelly onto my clit.. and thoroughly enjoyed the extra heat building on my clit.. and how gooey it felt (this is weird for me.. as i have this thing about feeling gooey ) but still it wasn't quite enough.......... i figured seeing as i had the KY out.. i might as well go all the way..... i pulled the vibrator out and dribbled a liberal amount down the head of it...... and slid it back in.... turned the power up full and between the vibrations and my moving it in and out quickly .. the heat became almost a burning sensation.

i closed my eyes and imagined Sir standing in the doorway watching me... i squirmed uncomfortably .. i do hate Him watching me masturbate.. and yet it is also a major turn on for me... between the heat inside of me.. and the thought of Sir i quickly found those feelings again......... the tighening of my muscles.. and very quickly the orgasm i sought was mine !! i lay there exhausted.. as though i had just gone 10 rounds.....

i text messaged Sir.... "task completed.. thank You Sir" and soon after i received a message back "you're welcome" and now i know one part of me still works......

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

About time

i don't know about anyone else....... but honestly i think it is about time to get back to "normal" around The Journey........ and talk about BDSM stuff...

It has been (let me count) almost 3 weeks since i have felt the joy of a flogger or the whip.. or the clamps....... i was thinking about that coming home in the car today.... and i realised i am ambivalent about it..... usually by now i would be climbing the walls... craving the endophin rush.. craving the pain and pleasure.. but i am ambivalent !!! What is THAT about??? me the notorious masochist not craving pain????!!! i wonder if i should be worried....... i know i am a bit nervous.... what if Sir isn't well enough to give me pain - will i be cranky.. snarky and hard to live with or will i breath a huge sigh of relief???

AND worse than that...... i am not horny......... now that is a RED letter day...... me not horny!! what is wrong with me???!! can it be fixed??
Somehow i think it is going to take more than a bandaid to fix this problem........ more than a whole box of bandaids!! It is Tuesday.........3 more days till i see my Sir ...... how do i get fixed in 3 days so that i am at my subbie best when He arrives??

i wonder if daily ''tasks" like so many other subs/slaves have would keep me in the right mind set?? Sometimes Sir sends me little tasks to do when He has to work in the evenings.. but He is a kind and loving Sir.. a GOS (good old Sir) as we love to call Him and He fusses over my being tired.. over my stress levels.. over a multitude of things about me.. and of course He decides what is best for me.. BUT is being left to my own devices/schemes and plans just leading me down the garden path - so to speak. Is all this freedom making me lazy as a sub.. lazy as a masochist... just plain lazy???

i guess only time will tell............

Sunday, December 10, 2006

up and running...

Well more like limping along rather than up and running........ but after spending over 8 hours working on one of life's necessities - the computer - i do believe i have it working again...... And it amazes me.. after spending so much time backing everything up.. feeling so damn proud of myself for actually backing everything up.... when the pc WAS up and running again i discovered a whole mess of programs i had NOT backed up and all information was lost .. forever.. ughhhhhhhh ...

There are still a couple of things that need tweaking.. (or if necessary a good kick) but Sir will look at what's wrong with my internet connection set up.. i was just so damn glad i could connect that i decided to leave the small problems to Him in case i buggered it up and couldn't get back on.. (i do have my priorities straight!! an internet connection..any internet connection is better than no connection at all !!)

Kicking the computer is not just a saying.. not in my world.. at work one day my $1300 colour laser printer told me (yeah it is one smart printer - it has its own embedded computer and it talks to me too) told me that it had a paper jam.. i cleared the jam.. it still declared a jam.. i opened it.. i virtually disassembled the bloody thing and there wasn't even a hint of a paper scrap anywhere........ i closed it up.. turned it off.. called the help desk at main office.. and warned them NOT to coddle me that i had taken the damn thing apart and it still claimed paper jam!! Fortunately the guy on the other end of the phone didn't mess with me in my mood....... and after walking me through a couple of steps (i had already tried !!) i was so frustrated that i smacked the damn printer a good one with my hand.. and lo and behold the damn printer started printing out reams of paper !! We both had a good laugh and went merrily along our way........ (however i did make note of the fact that sometimes taking one's frustration out on a mechanical object by way of a good smack upside the head can and does work !)

OHHHHHH and mel thanks so much for rubbing my nose in the fact that apples never get viruses.. never get sick...... sighhhhhhhh and i thought The Michael was the only one who had one..........

Sooooo now my pc is ready for Christmas... and i can get down to the much more interesting fun of the Tree Decorating Party today.........

Friday, December 08, 2006

Christmas cheer

Looks like another quiet weekend ........ Sir's cold is now being attacked by some antibiotics....and He should be feeling much better in 5 days.. that is Monday if anyone is interested.....
i, on the other hand, managed to pick up a nasty lil bug going round school that.. depending on who you talk to.. will last anywhere from 24 hours to a week... i have my fingers crossed that by this time tomorrow i will be feeling right as rain again..

Sooooo because nothing exciting springs to mind.. i will leave you all with this old favourite.. enjoy............

12 days of a BDSM Christmas

~ Anonymous

On the first day of Christmas my Master
handcuffed me to a branch on a big pear tree

On the second day of Christmas
my Master gave to me,
two nipple clamps
while handcuffed to the pear tree...

On the third day of Christmas
my Master gave to me,
three good tugs on the two nipple clamps,
while handcuffed to the pear tree...

On the fourth day of Christmas
my Master gave to me,
four probing fingers,
three good tugs on the two nipple clamps,
while handcuffed to the pear tree...

On the fifth day of Christmas
my Master gave to me,
five vibes that sing...
four probing fingers,
three good tugs on the two nipple clamps,
while handcuffed to the pear tree...

On the sixth day of Christmas
my Master gave to me,
six clitty rings,
five vibes that sing...
four probing fingers,
three good tugs on the two nipple clamps,
while handcuffed to the pear tree...

On the seventh day of Christmas
my Master gave to me,
seven paddle whacks,
six clitty rings, five vibes that sing...
four probing fingers,
three good tugs on the two nipple clamps,
while handcuffed to the pear tree...

On the eighth day of Christmas
my Master gave to me,
eight whips that crack,
seven paddle whacks, six clitty rings,
five vibes that sing... four probing fingers,
three good tugs on the two nipple clamps,
while handcuffed to the pear tree...

On the ninth day of Christmas
my Master gave to me,
nine nasty pinches,
eight whips that crack, seven paddle whacks,
six clitty rings, five vibes that sing...
four probing fingers,
three good tugs on the two nipple clamps,
while handcuffed to the pear tree...

On the tenth day of Christmas
my Master gave to me,
ten tender touches,
nine nasty pinches, eight whips that crack,
seven paddle whacks, six clitty rings,
five vibes that sing... four probing fingers,
three good tugs on the two nipple clamps,
while handcuffed to the pear tree...

On the eleventh day of Christmas
my Master gave to me,
eleven loving kisses,
ten tender touches, nine nasty pinches,
eight whips that crack, seven paddle whacks,
six clitty rings, five vibes that sing...
four probing fingers,
three good tugs on the two nipple clamps,
while handcuffed to the pear tree...

On the twelfth day of Christmas
my Master gave to me,
12 silver chains,
eleven loving kisses, ten tender touches,
nine nasty pinches, eight whips that crack,
seven paddle whacks, six clitty rings,
five vibes that sing... four probing fingers,
three good tugs on the two nipple clamps,
while handcuffed to the pear tree. x

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

on gags..

Last night during my nightly chat with Sir.......... i was fussing over Him and this cold He is fighting. Sir had to go out later in the evening, and i was trying to give Him some old fashioned advise about night air and colds. My mother ALWAYS said that there was nothing worse for a cold than cold damp night air. She would insist (even if i only had a little cough) that i wear a scarf over my mouth and nose. Sir guffawed over that idea.. said that is why they make heaters for cars.. and that He most definitely did NOT "do" gags.

That made me laugh.. because you see.. in my opinion Sir most definitely DOES "do" gags. We have 2 ring gags, one bit gag and one ball gag hanging on the wall in the play room. Besides that .. Sir has used scarves, and socks, and underwear to gag me. All of which make me gag....... (yeah yeah i know i am not supposed to GAG.. but i am supposed to be quiet!!)

While i was thinking about all this gagging.. i remembered my all time favourite way of being gagged...... with bondage tape. The very first time Sir bound my head in it.. i found it a bit scary......... and after a long hard session the removal of said bondage tape brought on the most interesting reaction from me. It felt very much like all the skin on my face was being stripped off. i remember frantically feeling the tape as layer by layer it was removed.. i remember running my hands over my face to assure myself that everything was where it was supposed to be. And i remember declaring my undying love of bondage tape!!! (though i was never very impressed with the look of myself bound up in it!)

Now i was thinking.......... as soon as Sir is fit and well again....... and seeing as how the bondage tape is such a festive colour........... maybe.. just maybe Sir will bind me up and have His way with me..................... yummmmmmy!!!

Monday, December 04, 2006

soft snow and soft memories

It was almost like Mother Nature knew i needed my spirits lifted just a bit. It is very difficult to get cracking on Christmas stuff when the grass is still green.. and the rain is falling. This morning on my way back from the grocery store it started to snow.... BIG soft gentle flakes of snow.

i decided .. seeing as i had the weekend off so to speak.. i would get cracking and do some Christmas baking. Every so often i would look out the window and watch the snow falling..... covering everything. It just felt so right ... you know what i mean?? Christmas smells throughout the house and Christmas snow covering the ground.

It brought back memories of past Christmases.. the one when i couldn't fall asleep and my dad (who wasn't exactly known for his snuggling ways) came and laid on the bed with me and whispered stories in my ear until i finally dozed off.... memories that brought me up to last year.. when after everyone was settled after our turkey dinner (we do Christmas on the 24th here) my grandson and i stole away and came up to the office.. and granny fired up the pc.. and went to the NORAD site.. and he and i watched Santa travel round the world.. in the darkness.. snuggling together.

Christmas can be such a hectic time of year.. a time when parents stress.. and kids get over tired and sick..... it should be a time of memories.. warm memories that last a lifetime........

Tonite .. when all the work was done.. and all the memories were rehashed.. i pulled on my coat and boots and took the shovel down and went outside under the soft falling flakes and shovelled and marvelled at the world of white .. and i swear i saw Christmas fairies dancing in the snow........... my little reindeer finally looks at home in the front yard.. standing in the snow now rather than the mud and dead leaves..........

Yes winter has finally arrived........ and..... Christmas IS coming...........

Sunday, December 03, 2006

boring update......

Sir had a bad cold this weekend........ but He tried His damndest to be with me.. to be Sir.... but the truth of the matter was.. He was sick. After a wasted trip out to the Island for the Craft Fair (wasted because they lost their power during the ice storm Friday night and still hadn't gotten it back, so it was cancelled and no one thought to publicize
it's cancellation) Sir decided the best place for Him was home in His own bed....... so i was left to my own devices for the day.........

i did take advantage of the time and did some Christmas baking (more to be done today) and wrapped up gifts .. and more gifts and more gifts......... didn't i say we were gonna cut back this year???!!

And then of course my damn printer decided to act up .. right in the middle of printing up a homemade gift for family.......... turns out someone (probably the spiteful cats) had managed to unplug the cable from both the printer and the tower!! AND then in my brilliant wisdom.. when i had the desk pulled back.. i decided to clean all the dust bunnies off the wires .. off the tower.. off the cables.. and then guess what ??!! the pc didn't work when it was time to talk with Sir at 8:00 p.m. Remember my cranky attitude ?? it got worse....... but with much unplugging and plugging back in .. and finally a good kick to the tower.. i had lift off!!

(now i do have to add.. that all of this was done in ankle cuffs chained together to keep my steps small and dainty.. my wrists were cuffed as well. Trust me when i say that the above list was done much slower than usual because of these cuffs.... going up and down stairs was a challenge not to trip over the chains.. the baking was more of a challenge to keep the batter and subsequent hand washing away from the lovely leather. BUT it also kept me focused on who and what i am.......... i am not a vanilla housewife ... i am a submissive.. serving only Sir's wishes. OH yeah .. and the smoking issue....... Sir told me early in the morning to go back to the old rule about smoking.. outside but with clothes on!! We will be discussing this smoking issue when He is feeling better.)

That was my Saturday............ and my Sunday is shaping up pretty much along the same lines.. more baking.. more wrapping.. washing and ironing....... all by my lonesome. There will be no ropes in red and green (to celebrate the start of the holiday season) .. no floggers or whips to make my ass red..... no orgasms .. just pretty much vanilla STUFF to get done.. with Sir at home in bed........ and me over here......

(seeing as i had nothing note worthy to write about i thought i might add some Christmas pics to the Photojournal - see the link at the right)

Saturday, December 02, 2006

cranky sub.

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Well the new rules arrived yesterday.......... and i am still working on my reaction to them.... they are not amusing.. or fun.. and i guess a small part of me was really hoping for some fun. (ok i never claimed to be too bright!! rules and protocols are not supposed to be fun)

These rules have made me feel cranky ...... well to be honest i was cranky before the weekend started.. before the new rules arrived... this week at school was awful... kids bouncing off the walls.. kicking biting cursing kids.. egos with staff were at all time high.. which always leads to cranky moods on everyone's part.... and now i sit staring at a list of rules............

i wanted these rules right?? remind me of this fact....... i wasn't happy to leave well enough alone right?? so why do i feel so damn cranky and rebellious??

i am to be chained and cuffed at all times when i am in the house.. i am to wear my collar at all times (which i do) .. i am to text message when i leave the condo and when i return (which i do).. i am to always ask permission to buy something out of the ordinary (which i do most of the time now)... i am to exercise every day (which i don't do) i have a cleaning schedule (which i never had before) and on and on it goes.........

the deal breaker is the rule about my smoking....... and yes i smoke.. and no i don't need any more lectures about it! i am not allowed to smoke in the house....... and i am to strip naked and smoke outside. That is the big stumbling block i have...... i can accept everything else.... i will abide by everything else............ the smoking rule is gonna kill me.......... i have neighbours.. i have children neighbours.. we have winter and minus degree weather........

i am cranky......... it is gonna be a long weekend.......

Friday, December 01, 2006

25 days and counting...

Today is the official start of the Holidailies postings. i have tidied up.. and hung a few decorations here on The Journey. There will be new folks stopping by to visit..... so everyone please behave... no scaring the newbies.. Trust me i will do that well enough all by myself !! (cheeky grin)

Sir has told me that He is working on a new list of rules/protocols... to say He has my curiousity aroused is an understatement. Also Sir told me that He is worried that i won't like these new rules. And He is worried these rules may break my spirit. i know a good Dom should think about these things.......and worry about the mental and physical well being of their submissive/slave. BUT.. (and god forgive me i may land up regretting these words) after 5 years i would hope Sir knows me well enough to know what will push my buttons and what won't..... Sir already has in place a safety net for when things go terribly wrong (my private journal - my time for free speech) so can't we try these new rules/protocols?? Right now i am feeling very vanilla, and very unfocused, and very confused !!

He is worried He will break my spirit......... what would break my spirit?? i know that inconsistency is one thing that will break my spirit faster than anything else. This may sound dumb to some of you (specifically the vanilla world) but without the rules .. without the consequences/punishments, i am lost and unfocused and feel unloved.

Feeling unused may break my spirit... i am submissive.. i need to serve.. i need to feel useful and appreciated (hey that is pretty vanilla isn't it?? feeling appreciated i mean) i need to feel the sting of the whip or the bite of the ropes or the prick of the needles. i need my limits pushed.... i need it all to grow and feel complete........

i want to get out of this rut that i feel i am in! If it takes new rules/protocols then so be it... i need it.. just as a starving person needs food... My spirit is strong, i am hoping Sir will test it.. push it.. and glory in all that will be..........

(there is a new entry to my fictional blog - link on the right)

Thursday, November 30, 2006

always fairies

Almost everyone knows by now that i love fairies! not angels !! (that took a while to teach Sir - the difference between a fairy and an angel) i am different that way..... there is a child-like magic to fairies.. they hide in the flowers, in the dust bunnies under the bed, in the high up corners in the stairwell. They dance on the rainbows and giggle softly in your ear as you sleep. They dance amongst the boughs of the Christmas tree. And they always leave fairy dust behind. (as a little aside here.. i think i first fell in love with fairies the year i watched my dad climb under the christmas tree with my eldest - who was all of 4 or 5 at the time - and listen while he told her about the fairies living in our christmas tree)

Sir presented me with this fairy tonight. My first snowball in forever. i tilt it and watch the fairy dust swirl around her....... and i dream of things to come.........

Sir is talking about making a whole new list of rules and maybe just maybe enforcing them... (though He keeps talking about not wanting to 'break me' - honestly though i believe no enforced rules .. no consistency... is gonna break me faster than someone too strict.. do you know what i mean?? )
i dream of christmas break - two whole weeks - where my life will be mine to offer to Sir.. no outside responsibilities tugging on me.. when i don't have any schedule to follow except His........
i dream of a time when i can kneel at my Sir's feet 24/7 and be content with the kneeling... i dream of fairies and fairy dust and dancing on the rainbows.......

It is always a good thing to have dreams...... and a fairy snowball to wish upon...

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