The long weekend finished off on a good note - I did nothing - absolutely nothing all weekend - didn't even make a meal -- remember all that chinese food?? well it fed us till Monday night!!!
it didn't start off well........ After the lil one left for her mother's on Friday I went to get groceries - and was feeling really bitchy about it ..........
When Sir Steve got home I was in A mood. I'm not sure what happened - what was said - but suddenly all those emotions I have kept pretty much bottled up inside just spilled out and over.
- does anyone realize how much I needed March break in MARCH not f*cking April!
- I'm exhausted from feeling like I am carrying the whole f*cking family on my shoulders
- HE gets to go out every single day and see other people - talk to other people
- the lil one gets to go to her mother's every single weekend - see other people - get out of the house
and in the midst of all these emotions
spilling over - I did manage to say that I knew there was nothing anyone
could do...... it is what it is......... BUT everyone needs to
understand I am exhausted
- is the MOTHER inconvenienced even a little bit for HER daughter
- that I am tired of the pain in my bum - in my leg - down my back - the headaches
- that I am tired of feeling responsible for the lil one's school work - for her health ... cause her weight is slowly creeping up - mostly after she's been with her mother - but since the summer she has put on 10 pounds which is NOT good when we're fighting diabetes BUT it feels like I'm the only one who cares/worries about it
- I can't make any appointments for myself without thinking about schedules - for him for the lil one - and it's just easier to not try and make any appointments
- I can't even get my hair cut when *I* want - it has to be late on Friday cause of the lil one
- does anyone even try to understand how much my life has changed??!!! does anyone even CARE???!!
- I'm too old for this sh*t
and through all this spillage I was ugly crying
and then................ well it just stopped - the ranting the crying and the headache was gone too.... and I told Sir Steve I loved him very much - cause ya know I wouldn't be going through this if I didn't! and reinforced that I knew there was nothing anyone could do...... I just need to vent occasionally .