Monday, August 31, 2020

New Normal



School is looming on the horizon....... and a new normal for me.  AND I am stressing (what else is new!)

I'm not sure too many people will understand ............

School starts (for us) in a week or so - who knows - no one will tell us the exact date the lil one will start......... hell our board still does not have a plan for distance learning... will it be a virtual school or will they live stream each class for the kiddies working from home.  Personally I prefer the live streaming - and before anyone jumps all over me for putting more work on the teachers - I am a retired teacher and believe it could and would work well !!!

I haven't slept properly in over a week now....... trying to sort things out in my head... trying to figure out how things will work now the lil one will be home with us (really me) 5 days a week.

Where will she work ?? Originally I thought at the kitchen table... but then how do I work in the kitchen without distracting her?? Soooooooo make some adjustments and move her to her bedroom to work........ 

Cleaning the house - gonna have to do it on her schedule now - can't exactly be vacuuming while she's trying to listen to a teacher right?

My appointments - Sir Steve will have to work from home I guess when I have dental appointments (or any appointment for that matter)

Groceries and messages (that I always did first thing in the morning when I had energy and the shops weren't crowded) will now have to be done on Fridays after 3

My hair appointments - can't bring the lil one with me... will have to see if I can change my set time from Fridays at 11 to Fridays at 4

and I have to give up my Fridays - which were always MY day.  I would put the lil one on the school bus and then the day was mine - for showers and shaving and pampering and manicures ..... anything I wanted to do......... those days are gone now.

and my rest/nap time - every day I used to lie on the sofa and relax - some days I napped some days I just relaxed before I met the school bus... that hour of each day which was mine will be gone now.

How does this new normal affect the mother? Not one bit!  She will get her mother to pick up every Friday at 2:30 and drop off every Monday by 8am - just like normal.

How will this new normal affect Sir Steve? Not much.... he'll leave for work in the morning as usual and come home at 5 as usual - except for the odd day when he will have to work from home - really no change.

When I came into this relationship I came with my eyes open - fully aware I would have a small kiddie in my life again.  I thought I had covered all the possible problems that could arise... thought I had covered everything........ no way I could have seen a pandemic that would drastically change my life and my routines...... no way!!!

I'm tired you know.......... very tired.  I asked Sir Steve if he couldn't juggle the schedule and get me a week by myself before school starts...... let the mother take care of her own child so I can try and get myself under control.  I can have that week IF the Board/school doesn't insist on her starting on the 11th........... if they do I will get 3 days - only 3 days.  Everyone just figures I will handle it..... that I am strong and will manage.  BUT ya know - I am not sure I am that strong anymore...and I would like to do more than just 'manage'.

May I survive this new normal......... 

Thursday, August 27, 2020

Rainy Day thoughts



which is why I have had so many starts and endings I guess........... 

Wednesday, August 26, 2020

19th Nervous Breakdown (UPDATED)


Anonymous I don't know who you are BUT thank you for your caring heart felt comment !!! It made me laugh outloud!



"You better stop, look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown"
August/summer is finishing on a down note...........GAH!!!
If you remember - 2 weeks ago I shared that I had a tooth pulled..... a front top tooth! 
By this weekend I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror!  I look so ugly - so 'red neck' with the front tooth missing. 
Well ..... I went back to the dentist on Monday .......... had Xrays - loads of Xrays - and more bad news.  It seems my jaw bone in the front has 'receded'  and the tooth beside the tooth she pulled out had to come out too....... and a tooth on the side that broke had to be removed (that one I knew about).
So I had 2 more teeth removed on Monday..... one left side of the top front teeth and the other one top right side of the mouth...... trust me when I say the last few days eating has been a challenge! 
AND she said she thought one or two more might need to be removed but she's sending me to a denturist for a consult first.
I do not have dental insurance - do you have any idea how much this is costing me??!!  
never mind now I really look like a 'red neck' - so many teeth missing :(  I am feeling so insecure....... so ugly :(  
so f**king old.

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Sunday, August 23, 2020

Monday, August 17, 2020

Let's talk about Sex...

 (warning - today's topic concerns graphic sex - you've been warned)


I've always thought males liked to brag about their size and prowess BUT it would seem 'my male' does not like to brag or have a partner brag either.  I remember when I first met Sir Steve and his wife - she put a water bottle on the table and said 'that's about the size of it'.  Sir Steve was embarrassed and obviously uncomfortable.   Some 10 years later when I got the chance to 'measure' (grinning) I was glad I was a masochist!! 

Sir Steve is a little different in another way too..........the first time I gave him a blow job - I was being cheeky and threatened to 'nibble' on his cock.  He didn't even flinch - and when I tried 'nibbling' the reaction was not what I expected !!  turns out he likes a little teeth action.  I always thought males were - mmmm - protective of that part of their anatomy...... 

Another difference - Sir Steve does not get off on my 'wetness'. Other males have seen that as another sign of their prowess (never told them I could do the wetness without any help from them!)  ANYWAYYYYYY .... age has finally caught up to me - and the wetness is not as abundant as it once was.  AND... where I was worried about dryness (seeing the wetness as a sign of my femininity ... and sexiness) the dryness pleases Sir Steve.  He said - once upon a time - he liked the friction the dryness caused ... and the moans that it brought out of me.

Now don't get me wrong.......... if I am suffering from a 'dry spell' Sir Steve can (and does) reach for the lube - when he wants to be a loving and kind Sir. 

This weekend was not one of those 'loving kind' moments.  

First off he wanted a blow mouth is still a wee bit sore (bruised ya know) from the tooth extraction........But his hand found it's way to the back of my head and my mouth was soon swallowing his cock........ sore mouth forgotten........

It proved to be a challenging blow job for me... mostly cause my lip kept getting caught in the space between my front teeth and it was constantly being pinched. Sir Steve didn't notice - or did and enjoyed my discomfort!  Before I knew it - he ordered me to roll over and he was between my legs thrusting into me.......... 

Maximum size - maximum hardness 

I actually cried out as I felt him push into me - stretching me - pulling on the dry tissue - taking my breath away.

It was HOT!

Life is good when a Sadist and a masochist come together!  

Sunday, August 16, 2020

Thursday, August 13, 2020

Busy busy




Honestly I need my head examined........... I just spent 2 hours online shopping for clothes!!  like I have extra cash hanging around with my dental work - GAH!!


I have a favourite online shop that sells 'bohemian' style clothing and I LOVE bohemian clothes - sorta fits with my personality.  I have only ever bought one item cause they are sooooooooo expensive.  


this morning I got a notification they are going out of business (like so many other shops - le sigh) so I went to take a look.


Tshirts that were regularly priced at $30+ dollars selling for $15!!! dresses and pants and shorts....... OMG! their whole inventory.  I couldn't resist!!  So I am taking a page out of Fondles book and buying all the best stuff at 60% more or less off !! 

Life is good with retail therapy!

Wednesday, August 12, 2020

Warning Label




 My ham sandwich should have come with a warning label........... cause on Monday when I took a bite out of it... I heard a loud crack!!  and my front tooth was wiggly....... no pain just wiggly.

I managed to find a dentist locally who was taking emergency appointments... and managed to get an appointment yesterday at 11am.  A neighbour up here agreed to 'babysit' the lil one for me (thank god for good neighbours!!)

11 AM found me in the dentist's chair having heart palpitations and a major 'fight or flight' response.  BUT let me tell you this dentist was a good one!!! calmed me right down.  Turns out the tooth broke at the jaw line and the only thing holding it in were the gums!!  (oh and there was no decay to speak of..... go figure!!)



The tooth was pulled.  We talked about my alternatives........ and because I am missing a couple of teeth in the upper jaw we are going to start 'cosmetic dentistry'  Gonna be a bit of a haul - but when all is said and done - I'll have my 'winning' smile back........ and an empty bank account!!!

I won't be doing much smiling until then............. 

Life is good when........... mmmmmm.... when.....

it's only a broken tooth

Monday, August 10, 2020

What do you miss?




Recently I have been seeing a lot of 'what do you miss the most?' or 'what's the first thing you're gonna do?' during the pandemic.  

I have been thinking to myself - nothing..... my life really hasn't changed that much....

that is ....until this weekend.

I am missing the feeling of intimacy...... and I can't just turn on the sexy feelings without that intimacy ya know??? so I was examining our life -- if life hasn't changed that much why have the feelings of intimacy disappeared?? the only answer I could come up with is...... no date nights.  No time together as adults that doesn't involve discussions about kids/schooling/chores/work......... GAH!! 

I don't know how to fix it - cause I am so NOT ready to go out to a restaurant for dinner ... or dear lord!  set foot in a movie theatre ya know? 



I'm curious - what's the thing you miss most during this pandemic?  what's the one thing you are gonna do first??

Friday, August 07, 2020

End of the Week



 It's my least favourite day of the week.......... this is the day I go back to the city to get all the necessities done........... you know - laundry, shopping messages and the exchange of the lil one.


I get up stressed... one eye on the clock .... cause if I am gonna be back here at a decent time - meaning time to unpack the groceries - put the laundry away - AND most importantly time to sit and chill before Sir Steve gets home - I have to be in the car by 8:30ish........ 

Sounds like a tough life eh??? (hanging head) I know....... I think this extended stay in the country has made me lazy (sad face).

AHHH well no more time to whine about my hate for Fridays.... gotta get the car loaded... 

Life IS good - even when Friday means schedules and work.

Thursday, August 06, 2020

Tree Poop

Ever heard of 'tree poop'???

No?? well not to worry - it's a phrase we've coined around here....

Tree Poop is the bane of my existence...... the tree poop covers our deck every single day........ as fast as I sweep it off it is back!!

just a quick pic of a portion of our front deck rug.....

ok.... so I can hear you all saying 'just leave it - it's not that bad AND is part of living in the country safely tucked away under the trees' - right???

Let me show you this tree poop up close and personal..................

Do you see that pointy end?? that pointy end is the reason I sweep the deck multiple times a day........ that bloody point is as sharp as a needle....... and trust me!  getting one stuck in the bottom of your foot .. or in a toe is no fun at all!!!

AND somehow they manage to sneak into the trailer when you're not looking .... and they blend in with the floor colour ....... and sabotage a quick trip to the bathroom in the middle of the night!!!

Tree poop!  the joys of country living (grinning)

Wednesday, August 05, 2020


yes I'm back for a second day!!!  It helps that we are on our 4th straight day of rain.... good for the farmers not so good for us 'campers'....... and the lil one is with her mother this week so free time for the wicked stepmother (grinning). 

Yesterday was Sir Steve's birthday.  It was a quiet year compared to the last 3..... the first year we were together he had a BIG birthday ... so I threw a BIG dinner party here in the country........ the next year his parents came down and we went to the Scottish Games ......... last year I arranged a small surprise party for him AND his parents came down..........this year it was just us.......... (big sigh) ....we're having a 'family' party on Friday night when the lil one is back... so last night was just the two of us... I planned a romantic dinner - steak and lobster with a 'turtles' birthday cake.............

I also thought (especially seeing as our internet was down due to a blown transformer) that perhaps a little sex after dinner would be the 'icing on the cake'.  However Sir Steve's family started texting him right after dinner ... and phoning him.... a nice surprise was a phone call from his brother - they haven't really spoken in 6 years!!  The 'extra dessert' (cheeky grin) can wait for another time.......

Life is good when you can celebrate with the one you love........

Tuesday, August 04, 2020

Worth Fighting for......... no?

I grew up during the peace movement days....... did a lot of marching for peace... and protested against injustice.  I believed we (my generation) could and would change the world.

Over the years my protests... outspoken outrage .. became more focused... maybe a little more realistic?? I stopped trying to change the world and tried to change MY world - I kept speaking out against local injustices.

I am not nearly as active anymore... tending to let the younger voices speak their words...

But I have become outspoken about how our government is handling reopening.... especially the schools.  I found myself writing to local newspapers and not so local.... found myself writing to Doug Ford (our Premier) to our school board and even despite realizing the futility of it .. writing to our education minister.  I am not talking out of my a** ... I know - after almost 30 years of teaching - what it means to be in a classroom. 

On Friday evening - after posting a scathing comment on the lil one's school's page on FB triggered by a letter from our school board - I received a text message from her teacher.  Apparently the principal contacted her and asked her to contact me........... GAH!!  my heart nearly stopped.  I was dreading the 'you are a shit disturber - stop it!' that I used to get when I taught and went against the voice of authority.  BUT NO... apparently the principal wanted to thank me for well thought out comments... wanted me to know how much she appreciated it...wanted me to continue speaking up and out..... and how she couldn't say so publicly because she is THE principal.  (we won't go into my thoughts on that - I am used to folks being scared to speak up against their employers)

Our government is sending the kiddies back to full time school in over crowded classrooms........ from K - grade 3 no masks necessary - social distancing is 1 meter for kids and 2 for teachers (le sigh) .......... our classrooms look like this

AND to accomplish the 2 meter distancing our classrooms would need this much space.....

During the worst of the first wave..... from March to June - 81% of the people in long term care homes here in Ontario died.  There were a lot of reasons for this.. overcrowding - no PPE - care givers working in many different homes - moving between them. 

Let's take a minute and look at schools let's compare the similarities between our schools and long term care homes....  we have substitute teachers that teach in many different schools.... top that off with .....our classrooms are over crowded and the ventilation is worse than poor... our youngest children don't have to wear masks... when they walk they touch everything - drag their hands along the walls - across the desks / tables... wash their hands by plunking a glob of soap in  their hands and then if we're lucky - they quickly rub their hands together then run them under the water.........

Let's look at lunch time....... how often do kiddies eat with their fingers - can't open their containers and need help - can't do up their coats / boots /shoes....... Remember the teachers are supposed to stay 2 meters away...........

AND just to make things better -- a day camp in Quebec where the kiddies are outside all the time - 26 children came down with a sleep away camp in the States 260 kiddies came down with covid. 
Experts are still compiling the data -- but it appears that the youngest of us "efficiently" store the virus - having a much larger percentage of it in their nasal cavities then adults......... and though they might not (MIGHT NOT) get as sick they are more 'efficient' at spreading it............

OH and don't get me started on the Children's Hospital in Ottawa and their recommendations....... cause it has come to light that they received 10$ million dollars from some foundation that has ties to our Mr. Doug Ford............ so much for their non-biased recommendations right???

AND lastly
tell me this reopening 'plan' has nothing to do with the economy....
our high school kids will only go back at 50% capacity.......... cause ya know they don't need child care - their parents can go to work......... it's the little ones that need looking after.......... and their parents have to work .............

We live in scary times.........

Monday, August 03, 2020

Rainy days.....

after nearly 4 months of perfect summer weather we have rain..... lots and lots of rain....

I took this picture yesterday morning on our front deck..........

Besides rainy weather - I had a flair up of an old medical condition that laid me low for a couple of days... today I am achy and weak but improving.

I'm thinking the flair up may have been stress induced...... they are opening the schools in September - full time - full classrooms - little or no precautions (like no social distancing - come on!!  they say 1 metre between kiddies but there is no reduction in class size - therefore no social distancing no mandatory masks for our age group) In my heart of hearts I knew home schooling was the only answer for us........... which means me back teaching again - with no down time except on weekends.  Like I said back in May/June I retired from teaching for a reason............ I'm already stressing about teaching grade 3!!  way beyond my pay scale........... which is gonna mean a whole mess of research on the weekends so I am prepared........ UGH.

Sir Steve approached the mother this weekend to get her feed back on what to do in September ...... he didn't have to has he has full guardianship but it was a nice gesture.  Mother is all for the lil one being home schooled..... and she actually - with some pushing from Sir Steve - admitted she is thankful that I can and will do the home schooling.  OHHHHHHH and she has agreed to do the french - we'll see.. she sure as hell didn't do any last time around............

I think I need to get back to doing stuff for me..... now......... before my life gets out of control again...... I am standing in the bedroom window writing this and thinking I should pull my camera out and get some pictures of the birds .......... photography always brought me great joy and seemed to fill a need I had to try and be creative.... so yeah it may be time to resurrect it .............

Life is good even when it rains.........

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