Friday, September 30, 2011

Red Letter Day


Today is a red letter day......... Sept 30th.  

Probably doesn't mean much to most of you......... last day of the month.. Fall... Winter around the corner........ 

BUT for anyone in the education field - Sept 30 is a red letter day.  It is the day that the government takes a "snap shot" of every kid in every school.  It is the day when all the "i's" should be dotted.. and all the "ts" crossed.  

Doesn't sound like a big deal does it??? You'd kinda expect by now all the kids would be back in school - registered.. stamped.. approved.  

BUT it is so much more than that.. and in my job... I rely on information to trickle down from so many different sources.. the main office.. the school Board.. the parents........ and usually someone falls between the cracks.. and my being the last line of defense... it is usually left up to me to find those lost souls....... 

But yesterday I did my final head count........ in past years I have fussed and fumed over the last handful of kids that aren't settled....... This year I just dumped them out of my data base........ so we don't get funding for them.... so what??   I have done everything humanly possible to get all the ducks in a row.....

What I really wish the government would do is a head count of educators.... make sure they are all in the right place - doing their job - all their "Is" dotted and all their "Ts" crossed.  Maybe then they would sit up and take notice.  BUT the government doesn't much care about the educators.  And trust me when I say the damn unions are no help at all.
Let me explain what I am going on about........ 

At noon every day I have 18 educators in 18 classrooms - I have 2 substitutes should someone be sick (only 2 you say??!!! yeah no one much wants a job that is one hour a day - in the middle of the day ......... so it is a really tough job to fill - even harder to find substitutes for the position)   Well yesterday I had 4 lunch educators off........ do the math..................Today I have 7 off.  yeah 7 !!! It's Friday - it's been a long month - I guess some of them just felt they deserved a day off - another long weekend....... shrug..I sure as hell don't know... all I know is I have 7 off and approximately 100 kids not covered.  That's why they pay me the big bucks..... (smirk smirk) 

But there is a happy ending to this saga ....... to this month...... to this Red Letter Day - W and i are taking off......... we are going to the States for the weekend - we are gonna hole up in a pretty lil hotel - we are gonna mix and mingle with some BDSM  folks a bit on Saturday - and then do some shopping.  BUT most important thing of all - we are gonna spend some time away from the maddening crowds...... just the two of us... create a little "make believe" world where we are the only people that count.  

I am SO looking forward to this weekend..to freedom and loving and laughing and relaxing.

It makes the whole month of September worth it.

I will bring my camera....... and maybe my lap top.....but if i don't get a blog up till Monday - you'll all know I am haven't jumped off the edge of the world... I'll be back - We'll be back 

Play nice ....... play fair..... take good care of each other...... see you all on Monday. 

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Steamy Wednesday



Since the beginning of September I have been really way too busy to pay attention to my body............ 

But yesterday morning when I came home for my breakfast ....... I was feeling heavy.... Yup heavy..... sorta like I had to pee ..... but I didn't.  I was antsy and couldn't sit still - kept feeling as though there was something I should do..... but there wasn't anything pressing........ 

Then a light bulb went off - just like in a cartoon - I was horny............ and once I identified the feeling ....... the need washed over me like a burning wild fire.  I couldn't get to the bedroom fast enough.......... couldn't pull out the dildo and vibrator fast enough (yeah yeah I am now using both the hitachi AND the dildo) .......... couldn't climb out of my trousers and underwear fast enough............. remembered to grab a towel - cause I knew this was gonna be a major one.......... a wet sticky puddle orgasm.......

I had a need........... a BIG need.

The dildo slipped in easy as all get out - I was ready.... I was so ready I didn't think I was gonna have time to turn on the hitachi.  I had left the attachment on it and I was struggling to pull it off when I had this searing pain from the tip of my left pointy finger right up to my shoulder .  Damn I had ripped a nail off ............ but hey I am into pain right??? Didn't stop me ........ may have slowed me down a bit as I stuck the finger in my mouth so the blood didn't drip .............. switched the hitachi on........ just as the first wave of orgasm was washing over my body........... but not one wave... no this was a BIG one....... wave after wave crashed over my body...... I was cumming so hard and so fast I didn't even notice my juices spurting out of me......... 
When the storm abated.......... I was limp and empty and feeling sooooooooooo damn good.  

The finger is now bandaged - the nail ripped off about half way down ........ and god it hurts every time I hit a key on the keyboard.......... but the memories that pain brings back makes it all worthwhile.

I think I like mid morning sex .............  I had this Cheshire cat grin on my face the rest of the day.............

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Scary


It always happens somewhere else - never in my world... I have watched aggression and violence strike at different schools.. different families.. different communities.. but never ever has it come close to home......... 

Today I lost my rose coloured glasses.... Today that world - the out there world - came into my world.

At noon today one of my educators came flying in yelling for me to come quick............

A man had biked into the school yard - right into the middle of about 200 kids.  One of my educators approached him and asked him to leave....... He lost it.... started yelling and cursing and scaring everyone .......... that's when I came in............. what happened next doesn't really matter.......... he left ..... and no one got hurt.

I was shaking......... but what upset me the most was the reaction of the 200 kids in the yard.  They were really traumatized - honest he made that much nonsense....... they all knew / saw what happened.

I spent the rest of the lunch hour and a long bit afterwards working with my principal calming every one down......... Tomorrow we will deal with the fall out from the parents.... 

Late this afternoon while I was standing at my usual post at the bottom of a stairwell saying goodbye to the kids ......... one older kid asked me if I "got him" .. I smiled and said "yeah I got him.. I took care of him .. we are all ok" He grinned at me and said "well if YOU took care of him he won't be back" 

It's kinda scary how trusting these kids are.. trusting that I really would be able to protect them from some nut case who rides into the school yard.  

Anyway.......  without my rose coloured glasses..... it really is a scary world out there.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Navel gazing


Usually on Mondays I have some juicy report about getting my ass beat... or being fucked or some other titillating bit of news.

Unfortunately not this Monday.

I had to (to save what little sanity I have left) spend the weekend cleaning the house/doing laundry / trying to get my personal life under some sort of control.  So I cleaned and I scrubbed, and I oiled (wood furniture) and I washed clothes and ironed clothes............. boring 

But there was an interesting (well to me anyway) reaction to all this cleaning. 

On Saturday morning I no more felt like cleaning - then I felt like running around the complex naked.  I just wanted to snuggle up in my pjs and waste my day playing on the computer/net.  I did spend a few hours doing just that............ but there was this nagging voice in my head telling me to get off my ass......... telling me I had said "no" to all W's plans for the weekend because of all this work......... and somehow if I didn't get it all done....... somehow ... I would have let him down.

That "letting him down" voice was my submissive side........... even though I no longer wear his collar - I still react as though he owns me.  And I knew .. KNEW.... W wouldn't have cared the slightest little bit if I had snuggled in my pjs all weekend long.  

So why did I get up and clean and scrub and wash and iron all weekend???? 
I am still trying to figure that one out.  Honest.  Why??? I answer to no one except myself ........ so why did I kill myself all weekend - get virtually no rest - when I could have pampered myself and spoiled myself and recharged my batteries??? 

Why am I still reacting / acting as a submissive when I wear no collar around my neck??? Why would I feel guilty because I was being lazy when I had said I had to clean?

UGH

i am going round and round in circles.  


I am submissive - there is no doubt in my mind about that............ I need to have a leader... I need to feel like I am making Him proud....... I need to feel His strength .. His hand guiding me .. my every task/chore......... my very being.........

And yet even without that I still do what I know I should do ............ 
Does that make me crazy?? a total nut case???

I think I will go back to navel gazing........... cause I just don't have the answer

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Finding peace






It is certainly no secret around this blog - my love of all things Asian............ my tremendous respect and admiration for the geisha.  

I have been trying over these last months - almost a year - to find a peaceful place inside me - for when things get rough - stressful - worrisome - to escape to........... my own zen garden - so to speak. 

Most times i am successful - i find a quiet place in the maddening rush of the day - and take myself - sometimes forcefully - to the quiet zen garden in my mind - and just breath deeply and let the calmness wash over me.... allowing me to return to the maddening crush of the day a little calmer..... a little more peaceful....

BUT

there is also a fierce-some samurai warrior inside me - that can (and does) rush into the foray from time to time raging war on all that is wrong.........or seems wrong.  







Unfortunately yesterday was one of those days........ a day when the hypocrisy of the situation overwhelmed me ......... when the geisha could find no peace in the zen garden .. when the voice of the samurai raged inside my head.  

What you read here yesterday on the Journey - was the end result of my "going Poof" over on FL.  I cannot stand by and watch while hypocrites spew forth their venom on innocent gaga drooling fans. Did you know we have "beauty pagents" in the BDSM community - ok ok I call it a beauty pageant - because the contest the contestants enter is so far removed from what I know as BDSM it becomes a fantasy.  

One such beauty contestant from Montreal won the International Leather contest......... and is now a self proclaimed prophet ........ and healer of all our problems here.  (gag me with a pitch fork!!)  I knew her when.............. and so it makes swallowing all this hype that much more difficult.

In a nutshell - she has declared herself our 'saviour' (I didn't know we needed one - but hey........ who am I to question this goddess' wisdom)  I watch from the sidelines as she has started project after project - only to find excuses to end them......... (lack of focus is my guess ) 

Anyway - her BIG project / crusade has been to declare the Montreal community divided and declare herself our savior - she WILL bring the warring sides together.  If you know anything at all about Montreal - Quebec - you know we have 2 solitudes (to coin an old phrase) the French and the English - it has been that way since time began.  These two solitudes seep into almost every aspect of life here.  I know!  I have been here 60+ years .......... (she on the other hand - if anyone is interested - has been here 10 short years)  

In truth - for the most part - we all live harmoniously side by side - until some nut case decides we should "separate" or that we are a community that needs "fixing".

I have been watching as she goes about fixing things that don't need fixing.  BUT this latest inclusive policy of hers is so hypocritical that I came out of the shadows and said my piece

The latest healing of the great divide is to form a "Leather Group" - but it is by invitation only.  Now if that is not exclusive (rather than inclusive) I don't know what is!!!

And oh my god............... we have folks rushing off to her on their knees begging to be allowed into this closed sanctum.  WTF??!!!  The Leather Community has always been open to one and all............ it is a will of the wisp type of community - yes - but it has always been there........... for anyone......... and EVERYONE.

So the samurai warrior inside came raging out - 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Late yesterday evening - the geisha found her zen garden - wrapped up in a bubble bath.  I realize that eventually all fires burn themselves out......... with .......... or without help.  So I will retreat to the shadows - and continue to live MY life with integrity and grace.............. 

All fires eventually burn themselves out.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

On being true to oneself

A whole mess of things have kinda sorta exploded in my life....... a slow explosion.... taking weeks - maybe months........ 

BUT the match that lit the fuse - was the latest crap coming out of the BDSM community here in the Great White North.

People have decided to fix all that is wrong with the community........ they have decided in their infinite wisdom that we need to identify as "Leather".......... ok - no problem so far....... 

EXCEPT 


it is a private by invitation only club (for lack of a better word) 

HUH???  since when is being "LEATHER" a private organisation - formed only for the glory of a few???!!!

I want no part of that............... sounds too damn much like high school - the popular kids against the unpopular............ didn't play that game then....... ain't gonna play it now.


And then there are the questions - from well meaning folks........... asking why I am not collared - after all W and I are back together - so where is the collar??? Which makes me feel unsublike - not submissive - not good enough....... a whole mess of emotions.  Makes me feel like I am in some sort of limbo - between here and there............. 




And all that shit got me thinking about a very special lady - a lady who (in many ways) helped me become the woman I am today.  Aunty Olive.





I have always said every family needs an "Aunty Olive" .......... she never minced words.. told it like it was........ and if you didn't like it...... sucks to be you.  She was the living definition of "eccentric" ............ she had dogs instead of kids (often times having 4 or more boxers) ....she wore flower baskets on her head as sun hats......she made her own clothes that always involved mix matched plaids.... she lived quietly with the same woman for 20+ years ...... this other woman being 20 years her senior.........and never once flaunted her "life style" in anyone's face (of course - in those days being a lesbian was a dirty word) 

She worked hard her whole life and never once asked anyone for anything.  

I was remembering when she had flesh eating disease - and it was attacking her brain... and somehow - pure stubbornness I think - she survived it.  And the doctor called me and told me Aunty Olive was going to make it......... but she was sorry because it appeared there had been some brain damage.  The doctor hummed and hawed as she tried to describe this "brain damage" ....... It turned out Aunty Olive had lost patience with the medical staff and had told them point blank "they were all  farting asses".  She was 75+ plus at the time and I guess the doctor figured Olive would be some sort of "lady" with lady-like language.  I told the doctor that she had just given me the best news possible.......... "farting asses" happened to be Olive's favourite expletive.

And so today I remember Aunty Olive and how she NEVER bowed to popular opinion.. never belonged to the "in crowd" never had a need to be front and center.  

And this woman that I loved more than words could ever describe taught me to stand up for who I am .......... and walk away from all that was wrong............. because some times you could fight the good fight and some times .......... it was all just one big farting ass mess.


I really needed to be reminded of that today.......... I am very glad Aunty Olive came and sat on my shoulder this morning and gave me "a talking to"  ...... some days I miss her more than others.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Just call me Dopey



Yup you can - honest - call me Dopey.............. 

Cause trust me right now I am Dopey in every sense of the word..............

All this multi-tasking and rushing around and working till I dropped was bound to take its toll on my body - or in this case my mind............ 

Let me tell you what happened............ 

The other day my prescriptions were all renewed.  Usually I put my morning pills in the kitchen on a shelf over the sink - easy access when the eyes aren't fully open.

The night time pills I put by the sink in the bathroom upstairs - the last thing I do at night - pop my night time pill fall into bed and sleep (well that hasn't been working too well recently - but that's not part of THIS story)

Well when I brought my prescriptions home the other day for some reason (god only knows why) I put all the pills by the bathroom sink upstairs.

This morning when I reached for my pills I slapped myself upside the head and cursed.  No problem - thought I - I would simply take my juice and coffee upstairs take the pills there and get on with my day....................
EXCEPT 

As I swallowed the first pill I realized that it was the night time pill................ and my body was gonna go into sleep mode in about 15 minutes and stay there for about 7 hours !!!!!!
I have been pumping caffeine into this old body of mine since then............ trying desperately to keep it moving - keep my eyes open - and my brain functioning.  Not an easy task on the best of days - but seeing as I am now on week 3 of sleep deprivation I could be main lining the caffeine and still not be functioning properly................. 


I have a strange feeling it is gonna be one helluva long afternoon........... and bed is gonna look pretty damn good to me tonite............. 
Now if I can just remember to move the pills back downstairs - tomorrow should be a better day...........

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Running as fast as I can






Well enough frivolity - it was back to reality for me on Monday........... and today - Wednesday - I feel like I am running as fast as I can and getting no where............. 

Except ....... 

I really am accomplishing mountains of work............ BUT........there are only 7 days left till the 30th of the month........ 7 days left to get all my ducks in a row.. make sure all my "i's" are dotted and all my "ts" are crossed.  On the 30th of September the government takes a "head count" and boy oh boy !!!  everybody better be accounted for............ 

As well - on my free time (now that's a laugh) I have been struggling along with that damn accounting program....... waking up at odd hours of the night ........ trying to work out the glitches in my head..... which makes me think I am not really sleeping..........

But today I actually printed my first pay stub and emailed it to my teacher (though it isn't pay day - and I did explain to her I was testing stuff out) and .......... drum roll please.......... it worked !!!!  So I am thinking I may - the operative word being MAY........ have it under control............ 

 Now if I could just find time to wash my clothes, clean the house, winterize the gardens, do some personal "maintenance" ........ get my hair cut...... buy some groceries.......... 


Gotta run......... due back at work in a few minutes ... wrote this while I grabbed a sandwich for lunch  cause I am at a meeting tonite - if nothing else I am mastering multi-tasking!!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Ooooooooooops

Oooooooooops is never a good word .... ever!!!

I love corsets - I am even willing to say I have a corset fetish... I love being tightly tied into them (especially now that I have the right boning - one that doesn't dig in ) 

I go to the website and drool....... honest to god I do !!! I had some credit coming from the company and so - I admit it - I ordered two more corsets.  Corset fetish??? You betcha !!!

Her prices are fantastic.... her service unbelievable ... and well her corsets are to die for.  And because I am so nice... and my mother always taught me to share ... I will share her website with you......... just in case someone else has a corset fetish....... her website is Inner Diva.  

Ok so now I have bored you all to death... here's the point to this blog...


On Saturday I planned to wear my new corset - the black and white flocked one that I bought Fetish Weekend.  I brought it downstairs to W and I kinda slung it around me and presented myself to W to do up the front .. and then lace up the back good and tight.


Then I twirled and swirled and got W to take pictures of it.. all the while the song "I feel pretty and witty " was going round and round in my head.  


Off we went to the party.


I guess we had been there for about an hour or so ..when another submissive asked me if I knew I had my corset on upside down................. yes UPSIDE DOWN!!!!


You'd think - wouldn't you - for someone (that someone being me) who loves corsets so much - would be able to tell top from bottom ... wouldn't you???!!!!


Fortunately she took me into the small cramped bathroom and we managed to get the corset off.. and back on....... right side up......... 


For your viewing pleasure - and laughter.. here I am in the upside down corset.......
 (trust me when I say - it looks AND feels a whole lot better the right way round)


Monday, September 19, 2011

Puddle



 Saturday was our play party ............ and W and i had an amazing session - W actually found a limit of mine and pushed it... and I was flying with my fairies and really didn't give a damn............

UNTIL

it was over............ then I cared.. oh yeah I cared ...... A LOT!!!!  I might have even blushed.

AND...

I had no intention of talking about here........... except W got that tone in his voice when I said I wasn't gonna blog about it.. you know the tone.. THE tone...W said "of course you will blog about it"........ so I kinda fussed about it all day - trying to find a discrete way of writing it out... a generic way of putting it so it wasn't blunt - in your face - sort of blog entry.

EXCEPT

There just isn't any generic way of putting it.... 

SO

I am gonna close my eyes - write it out - hit publish and never look at it again.. then I can pretend it never happened right??? 
(well it works in "my world"!!!)

W had me up on this weird sort of form........ waffled aluminum I think... and was flogging away ... using all manner of toys... especially the whips (have I told you how much I LOVE the whips??) 
And I was flying ........ having had a couple of small orgasms from the pain.. 
When I felt W stand close to me.. felt his hand sliding between my legs.. pushing my thong to the side.. felt his fingers sliding into me... and I just didn't care.. oh I wanted to feel filled - I wanted to have an orgasm with W inside me (so to speak) and I did... a sorta little one.. Then I tried to wiggle away - push his fingers out of me... but it didn't work and before I knew it.. W was going at me again.. bringing another orgasm to the very edge... and then it just exploded out of me...... but worse than that... I squirted... I felt it coming and there was nothing I could do.......... 

The next thing I knew I was standing in a puddle of my cum.......... I could smell it and feel it... and I got to spend the rest of the evening/party waddling around with a pair of soaking wet thongs.... 

Oooooooooops there goes a hard limit - dissolving in a puddle.

(hitting publish  - eyes shut tight)

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Define......... please


Honest to god I think I need a definition of "weekend"... really I do !!  I just spent 3 hours working on 150 photos of.............. KIDS......... not even my kids......... kids from school.  I have these great ideas you see.... wonderful exciting plans......... but I tend to forget that it is gonna mean a whole mess of extra work for me....

Let me explain...... 

I like themes.. no more than like - I LOVE themes.  This year's theme is around the world in 180 days (guess how many days in a school year!)  AND I thought it would be fun to have each child (all 160 of them!!)  make a fat lil biplane - cut a hole out of the middle of it - mount the child's picture in it (so they look like they're flying the plane ) and then mount all 160 planes on our "welcome bulletin board" for the year.  

Great plan - but lots of extra work - and that's just to print the pictures.......... wait for all the other activities I have planned !!!  

Anyway that job is done - but then I look around my poor sad house and it looks so unloved - so uncared for.  Who has time to clean house when you work weird long longest hours??? 

Thankfully W is coming in 90 minutes to steal me away - we have a party tonite !!!  So for a few hours I will play and relax before I face the laundry and Monday morning work............

I seem to have had a week of ticking people off.... must be my lucky week !!!  First it was my staff - but you've read my rant about that one.......... 

Then I decided if I was gonna try and encourage you folks to skip over to Eden Fantasys and get involved with this interview I should hop over and throw out a question or 2 as a good example !!

I thought my questions were ok questions...  
1) I am curious to know how much experience you have in the lifestyle. 
2) Do you practice BDSM ?? or do you just support our right to be who we are??? (though I did notice a passing comment about a big burly slave accompanying you)
3) How much success do you think you are having "pulling back the leather curtain?"
4) What do you think it will take for the leather community to be more accepted by the main stream ..... cops / medical professionals etc.


But I upset someone's apple cart and in their question they told me I was rude !!! I should NOT have questioned her about her involvement (or no involvement) in the BDSM community.  Well shut my mouth!!  I don't know about you - but if someone is gonna try and advise me on how I should be doing what it is I do.... I think I have the right to find out how much F*!&King experience she has............ 

Anyway................ back to defining "weekend" 

It is made up of two words.......... week and (it's the BIG one) END.  I just need to have someone throw the off switch on Friday afternoon........ so I can get on with the weekend!!

Now I really have to run - W will be here in 60 minutes........ and I have to shower and pack...and organise toys and...................................... 

Friday, September 16, 2011

Exasperation






There are so many times that I wonder  (question myself) why I am the boss.  Honestly I am not a good boss... I take everything said or done personally.  I am not thick skinned.

Things have been building to a head - an explosive head at school.  My staff - I admit it - have probably been screwed over for the last umpteen years.  They have not really had time to get to know me - with my being absent for over half of last year.  

BUT

when I ask them to trust me... when I say I have your best interests at heart - when I tell them repeatedly that I understand they have trust issues with bosses.......... and they just go on doing things they have always done.......... why do they think they will get different results???

It all blew up yesterday.  I have an employee who doesn't have many hours - who would love more hours.  I have an employee off on CSST long term CSST.  Her hours were given to a replacement.  Employee A has been bitching at me that she wants the hours.  I explained and explained that if I gave her the 45 minutes more a day she wouldn't earn any seniority - and if she wants a permanent position she NEEDS fucking (I didn't say fucking to her) seniority.  I was trying - behind the scenes to drum up more hours for her - that she would collect seniority on............. I kept saying to her "trust me" .. because until I was sure I could pull it off I was not going to say anything.

She didn't trust me.  She went to the Union.  I talked to the Union (someone I have worked with for over 30 years - who thank god - knows me and knows I am fair) The end result - I gave Employee A the extra 45 minutes and am damned if I am gonna do anything extra for her from now on.

But it isn't just her.......... there are about 4 of them that are the worst gossips you have ever met... who delight in someone else's problems........... who are in plain language "shit disturbers"

Today I am going to have a talk with all my staff.. I am going to lay my cards on the table.  I am going to tell them EXACTLY what I expect as BOSS - and one of the main things I expect is team work.  IF they can't give that to me - I am going to point to the job postings on the board and tell them to apply somewhere else.  

I have no more time or patience for these "princesses" who think the world owes them.

They have forgotten what their job is REALLY about............. 

the K I D S  


I am going to remind them after lunch today........ and damn the consequences!!!!!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Leather Curtain

Do you know this woman???


No... well I am thinking maybe you should get to know her .... Her name is Dr. Charley Ferrer.


She is (apparently) the "Ann Landers for the 21st century" ..or an updated version of "Masters and Johnson" ... She is working to de-mystify the world of BDSM.  Or as I read.. "she is pulling back the leather curtain"  ... I like that term... the leather curtain... 


Anyway.......... she has a couple of books "BDSM The Naked Truth" and "BDSM for writers".  I have not read the books - nor have I heard her speak.  I do know I am the  consummate "Doubting Thomas"....... I would like to know what she has to say.. without reading her books.  I want to know how she knows what she says she knows about BDSM.  In short I want to know if she can walk the walk as well as talk the talk.

And ya know what?? The best part is .. she is doing live interviews at Eden Fantasys till Sunday the 18th.  I am going to be honest with you.. .I have no idea how this interview feature works.. BUT .. I am going to head over as soon as I finish writing this blog... and invite you to join me over there........ 


Let's find out if she IS as good as she sounds.. what do you say ?? Up for it?? Let's go then.. meet you THERE...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Headache






Things will get better right??? My headache will finally stop right??

I am trying to learn the accounting program.......... ouch my head hurts... 

I just think I have it mastered and then an error window will drop down and stop me in my tracks.

Damn I wish I had an accountant on a leash that I can yank when I need him.... 

OH WAIT .. I sorta kinda do.. 

I paid extra for the software - the extra was a year's worth of free help.... brilliant right?? 

EXCEPT

They aren't available 24/7 and I tend to work at weird hours.. 

OR 

I am brain dead when I try to work on the program (yeah yeah I know not the best time to do it) and don't want to call the help line cause I will sound like a total dim wit or even worse - burst into tears... 

And that's the news for today........

Monday, September 12, 2011

Playing at L'Oubliette

And to think I was worried about how the weekend would go!!!!  I really do need to stop fussing over 'stuff'.   (right W ??? cheeky grin)

It was a fall cool weekend - especially up north at L'Oubliette (the little dungeon) and when W pointed me in the direction of the play tent Saturday evening......... I was (to put it mildly) apprehensive.

I really do HATE playing in the cold - after all it is my cute lil bare ass hanging out there.. it is me who is shivering and turning blue.


BUT surprise surprise Bandit had put a glorious heater in the tent and it was actually warm and toasty inside.  I gathered up the yards and yards of material that make up my 'Story of O' dress and pushed them through the gape in the cross......stuck my nearly naked ass out ... leaned myself up against the wood.. took a deep breath and waited for it to start.


I heard myself telling myself to focus - find a focus point and settle on it - close out the noise and people - focus - focus.


W started with the whip.......... the whip!!!!  I held my breath ........ wicked warm up toy.. but honestly it was more caress than pain........ I was melting..... feeling the stripes forming across my ass...thinking once again that really it is ME and the pain... nothing between me and the pain.. up to me to deal with it.. fight it or ride it.... it isn't stopping - make a choice .. 


And then there was the floggers and the wooden paddle and what seemed like a multitude of toys and I was still fighting the pain - not riding it ......... needing to ride it... trying to find a toe hole to get myself up on top of it.......... 


Even a couple of orgasms from the pain and I was still grappling with the pain.... 


And then the gorean whip came out... I knew instantly - from the crack - and the thud as it impacted with my ass - that it was the gorean whip.  And I knew I had found my toe hold......... this is a toy that I love - I stuck my ass out further... moved back to greet each hit - like some sort of weird mating ritual.....like I was fucking it or being fucked by it.


And honestly I don't much remember anything else - till the end....... when I felt the knife making sharp X's on each ass cheek.


Then W was pressing his body against mine... one hand wrapped in my hair - pulling my body (from the waist up) backwards - the other hand grabbing a breast - a nipple - tugging on it - squeezing it - hurting it lovingly .  And then my body was resting against W's body and both his hands are squeezing and kneading my breasts and an unexplainable small dart of an orgasm wracked my body - one last time.


And I felt like a bright pink warm fuzzie............

Sunday, September 11, 2011

glowing


I know on this the 10th anniversary of  9 - 11 it is probably bordering on sacrilege to feel this way.......

BUT .... 

I just have to say that my heart is so full and absolutely glowing today.




Tomorrow I will post my "monday report" ...

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Make - Believe ......... OR ......... is it?






While the world is busily dealing with very serious events ... I have been focusing a good part of my mind on figuring out what the hell is 24/7 D/s........ really!

I stole an ad line from some major producer Sony or some such company..... about make believe.  It said:
    MAKE   -    BELIEVE  
 action              spirit
 do                     think
       build               imagine 
  design            dream

When you divide the word up like that - and look at each alone - it tends to give you a completely different perspective on the original word.

D/s - 24/7 D/s is ............ action and doing and building and especially designing.  
It is also spirit and a whole lot of thinking and imagining and dreaming.

What's wrong with that?? not a damn thing!!
But it is in one sense a "make believe" world that is separate from the real world..... has to be...... cause just like "make believe" worlds that children build - who outside that world could understand it???

It is a world built for two people (ok ok sometimes more) and only them.  And that is how it should be kept.  

And so ........ D/s can exist in this world....... if it is behind closed doors (so to speak) if it is not flaunted... or displayed for all to see.  

I am not sure why this topic came to the fore front this week....... maybe it's because I spent some time the other night reading W's posts about when I was sick..... and remembering how damn good it felt to know he was in charge....... he would be there by my side.... make sure that everything ticked along as it should.. that I could (and did) trust him to take care of me and my affairs.  It really was very easy to do......... because in my world...... in my heart........ he is the Master (and yeah yeah I know W - you HATE that word - but it is true !! in my heart of hearts you are the Master) And as Master he would hold my heart in his hand as softly and lovingly as one would hold a baby bird.

And what is a "Master" anyway??? An expert on something?? Well who could be more "expert" on my heart - on my well being - than W...... especially after all these years.

UGH....... I have managed to take a bit of a detour from my original thoughts on D/s and make believe........... but then ........ have I???   Masters and slaves and D/s are all part of this 'make believe' world - built on actions and doing and building and designing together ....... with lots of spirit and thinking and imagination and dreaming.............
I can't see anything wrong with THAT !
 

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