Spare Hand

 On Sunday over on Spankedhortic's blog he posted his Sunday Swishing post.  BUT in the comments Roz asked the question-  "What is with all the spankers with hand on hip?"
and a conversation was started!

I often times read blog entries to Sir Steve,,,,,,,so when I read this conversation I turned to Sir Steve and asked him " when you are spanking me - what do you do with the hand you're not using?" He frowned at me.  He scowled at me.  He finally said "I use both hands!" (which is true - he often switches hands) BUT I persisted "what do you do with the hand NOT being used?" and he answered (sounding more than little exasperated) "It's just there!"

We went back to watching the movie.  Suddenly he blurted out - "my spare hand is just there ya know"  and he proceeded to demonstrate how it hangs... or flaps about. I couldn't help but laugh........ the answer to my original question was obviously bugging him...... what DID he do with the other hand?

I thought about it some too......... discovered most of the time I DO know what he does with the spare hand.......... 

he'll rest it against the small of my back ...like this...

OR sometimes he'll distract me a little bit (cheeky grin)

 OR it'll just flap about (for balance maybe?)

 

OR he'll make sure my hands stay out of the way

 

OR he'll just use both hands and take my breath away

 

The Good - the Bad - the Ugly

 

 

I have come to the conclusion that the world is f*cked up - ya know???  I don't even know where to start...........

Covid has tipped the scales of common sense - to lunacy ..... Honestly!!  The housing market is crazy ...... people are putting offers on houses with NO conditions... no house inspections nothing.  AND houses are selling for wayyyy more than they're worth!!  I keep saying IF we buy now at these inflated prices (which we're not ready to do - still saving a down payment)  I think we could loose our shirts.

BUT then if we try to move to another rental property.......... le sigh..... rents are outrageous.... Let me explain...... the property we saw on Friday night was nice.  It's a very old house ( 3 bedrooms 1 bath) that is being renovated.  (very old meaning probably built in the 1950's) which is exactly what we love.  BUT as much as they are renovating to make it 'look pretty' there are some glaringly obvious problems...... like central heat that does not go upstairs with ducts.... instead they heat the main level and have vents open upstairs and the thought is "heat rises" UGH??!!  The rent they are asking is ludicrous - almost $2000 a month - WTF??? this is not an executive home - it is not in the ritzy part of the city - it's in the middle class/working class section of town.  Who in that tax bracket makes enough to afford that rent??!!  AND yet these properties don't stay on the market for more than 24 hours!!  If that wasn't bad enough - the lil one would have to change schools and - get this - would have to walk to school ......a 20 minute walk on one of the busiest streets...... so I would have to drive her to and from school ......... and truthfully I am not ready to do that.

The state of the housing market is scary!

After spending that 5 1/2 hours draining our basement last week - it filled right back up again in less than 2 days......... le sigh......... our only hope now is waiting for the rental board to hear our case (hopefully in the next 3 - 6 weeks )

AND then Covid - this new variant.  It is already here - in our province.  GAH!  it's discouraging ya know?? I honestly don't think we're ever gonna see the end of this pandemic - now I think we have to find a way to live with this....
On the plus side....... the lil one has her appointment to be vaccinated - Dec 9th.  

BUT it wasn't all depressing news this weekend...... Sir Steve and I ran messages early Saturday morning and then came home to drag all the Christmas decorations upstairs (yeah out of the flooded basement - fortunately we have shelves down there and everything is up on shelves out of the water) Everything got done except for the tree.  Tonight is our family "tree decorating" party when 'Daddy' gets home from work.  Then supper (home made pizza ) in front of the television watching a Christmas movie together.  (this has become an annual event around here)  I think we all look forward to it........

Oh and we had snow on the weekend!!  maybe - just maybe - we'll have a white Christmas this year !!

 

Sunday Wisdom

 

 

 

Bright Spot

 

 

I found a little bright spot in all the darkness around here yesterday.  

I had an appointment at something called Service Ontario - it's kind of a government middle man between the tenant and the rental board.  I didn't expect much to happen when I went to my appointment.  Figured they would check the forms - take my money - and send me on my way.

BUT the chap I dealt with was so kind!!  He couldn't believe what we had been living through.  He pointed out that he was just the middle man - but he would see what he could do to move things along.  He suggested some DIY's to fix the flooding - but we've tried them all.  He went through the papers and documentation - praised me for being so organised (surprise surprise!)  Then he said he was going to fax all the paperwork to the Rental Board so they would receive the paper work immediately.  Then he sent the hard copies via Purolator Express so the Board will get the paper work today.  It will still take 3 - 6 weeks BUT 3 - 6 weeks from yesterday ...... not sometime next week.  HEY!!  even a few days help.  He wished me luck when we were done.  I felt so validated ya know?!  

Then when I got home there was a contractor working on the back stairs for the upstairs unit.  (it was rotted away - and couldn't be used.  Our best guess is a condition of the sale was that the stairs be fixed)  I got talking to him.. really nice guy.  He told me he was in the process of totally renovating another property just down the street from us.  We're going to see the property tomorrow after Sir Steve gets home from work.  I'm not sure what the rent will be - and if we can afford it........... but we're gonna go look.

Best case scenario is the rental board steps in - our basement flooding gets fixed and we can stay here and save our pennies so we can buy our own place and deal with our own problems ourselves - not have to rely on someone else.

All of it just kinda gave me hope ya know?! A bright spot in our lives. 

So close to losing it

 

 

I'm so damn close to blowing my top............

On the weekend the lil one was fed
(ready for this?)
breaded chicken burgers
fried chicken - for 2 dinners
Then she was given 2 boxes of M&M's ........ a kit kat chocolate bar ... and 2 bags of chips.

She didn't wash her hands or face all weekend!  She only brushed her teeth twice

The only good thing..... if you can call it that .... she now has 2 pimples on her face.  Believe you me - I pointed out the natural consequences from eating so much junk food and not washing her face!  Never mind the amount of carbs and sugar she ate which just blows her sugar levels ........... 

Remember back aways - I talked about how good life was - Sir Steve's new meds were working and WOW!  adult time was fast improving??? how life was starting to level off and I was looking forward to better days???  Yeah - well not so much now

Who the hell did I piss off ???

Busy Days Ahead

 

 

I phoned that number for the Rental Board AND it was too good to be true.  (I kinda thought it might be)

I have to file a complaint with the local rental board first........ IF nothing happens THEN I can call them.  They were very nice - but nothing they could do.

So I d/led the form - and filled in all 8 pages.  GAH!!  Then I made an appointment to go over the forms - pay the fee - and submit them tomorrow at noon. I'm hoping the agent will take pity on me - and move our complaint to the top of the list.......... I'm about due for a change of luck no???

Anyway - if I go AWOL for a few days you can assume I'm up to my eye teeth in legal mumbo jumbo.  

Struggling on......

 

 Well we definitely had rainy days this weekend......... BUT we didn't have puddles we had a swimming pool in the basement.  Sir Steve spent Saturday trying to empty the water long enough to patch some of the holes we knew about....... it was a discouraging job ...... cause as fast as he emptied the water - it would start to fill back up.......
I did some research - and found out our government has a 'Rental Board' and from what I read - they will order the landlord to fix the problem - basically take the stress off our shoulders.  BUT we have to have done everything in our power to work with the landlord.  This morning I sent the landlord a letter - laying out the time line and the problems.  I also gave him 24 hours to tell us his plan to permanently fix the problem.  I don't expect he'll do anything - so then I will call this Board and hope against hope they can help us.

BUT

the whole weekend wasn't spent on the basement ( we still stressed over it but we tried to find some fun/joy)

Sir Steve dragged our outdoor decorations upstairs (yes from the flooded basement - BUT all our decorations are up on shelves) and we got the outside decorated.  It looks so festive!

And we drove down to Montreal to celebrate my middle grandson's birthday.  AND surprise surprise it was one of the best visits with him (he can be outspoken and rude)

 

Then back home to watch a football game we had tapped which is when I discovered I had left my phone at my daughter's !  GAH !  It looked like I would be driving back to Montreal this morning......... but thank god for kids..... eldest daughter messaged Sir Steve and told him they would bring my phone back on their way home!!  

AND despite our stress - we had a mini play time when we fell into bed.. short and sweet but it helped keep us connected.

Sunday Wisdom

 

 

Week from Hell

 

 Remember I told you our landlord has sold our lil home??? Welllllllll there were outstanding work permits that he had to get completed before the signing date.  One of those permits was for an 'illegal - not to code' sump pump. Do you know what a sump pump does?? it pumps water out of the basement.  The sump pump was removed.  Do you see a problem with this?

Yeah........ I went downstairs two weeks ago - after a week of rain  - to 2 inches of water in the basement!!!  We called the landlord.  He conveniently ignored us for days........... I guess he was hoping it would dry up on it's own.  BUT it has been raining here for days now....... 

This past Tuesday the landlord showed up to install a pool pump?! to pump out the basement.  ok seemed like a good idea....... sort of.

The landlord asked if I would be home on Wednesday cause the city inspectors were coming in to make sure the pump was gone and everything was closed up properly.  I agreed to adjust my schedule to be home...... (I have done that for our landlord frequently - whenever he has needed work done....... this way he doesn't have to take time off work) 

The inspectors arrived - but not my landlord.  GAH!  They were pissy cause he wasn't answering his phone.  I tried to appease them while trying to reach the landlord - they weren't going to give an inch..... so they came in to do their inspection.  I reached the landlord who lost his sh*t with me!!!  told me to 'make them call him' ....... REALLY??!!  They weren't having any of it......... The landlord got absolutely abusive with me.  I couldn't believe it!!  After all I had done - and Sir Steve too for that matter - and he's abusive with me.  I gave him a piece of my mind and announced I refused to talk to him further.  

On Thursday I messaged Sir Steve at work.  The swimming pool pump wasn't working it was overheating.  I had turned it off.  I  just sat in the living room and shook.  My anxiety levels were going through the roof.  I felt so damn helpless.  About 30 minutes later Sir Steve walked in the door.  

There is one thing about our basement - something I have questioned over the last 5 years.  There is a trough in the basement - filled with gravel?!!  I have suggested that our water problem might be coming from there.............. yeah well no one listened to me.  Until now.  On Thursday Sir Steve went out and bought some special cement that will harden even if it's wet!  He messaged the landlord and told him he owed him a day's pay AND the expense for the supplies.  Amazing how fast the landlord showed up....... 

Yesterday I had to keep running downstairs and turning on the pump - cause it stops working when the water gets low......... and the motor heats up.  Sir Steve (god bless him) has been using his shop vac to suck up the extra water.  BUT of course overnight the basement just fills up again.

This weekend - which was supposed to be a fun time of getting the Christmas decorations set up outside - and running down to Montreal for my grandson's birthday.... is now going to be spent with Sir Steve vacuuming up the water and digging up the trough - making cement and filling the trough in.  All in the hope that this will stop our water problem.  

Do you have any idea how stressed I am ?? Sir Steve too.......... GOD I'm not proud of this - but damn I want pay back........ so badly...................... 

LOL - love our lifestyle - Day

Welcome to LOL (love our lifestyle) Day....... 

I have been working on this post for over a week (mostly in my head)..... cause my lifestyle may look a little different from your lifestyle...... and certainly what I have today is a far cry from what I had 30+ years ago when I actively entered the scene.

So today's post is going to be broken up into  "Then" and "Now" ....... 

 When I first entered the scene - it was mostly private ..... by invite only....... secret handshakes and back alleys.  It was exciting........

There was a dress code - strict behaviour rules - and rituals that made it all that much more heady. 

Inside the privacy of the clubs there was a huge element of exhibitionism......literally being on display... both Dom and sub alike.  BUT there was never total nudity and definitely NO sex.  My 'uniform' for the clubs was usually a corset....... thigh high stockings.. and thongs.  I learned very quickly that once laced into a corset you didn't slouch... you didn't sit sprawled - you 'perched' ... and oh dear lord you didn't EAT. 

The Doms were always dressed entirely in black and often times in leathers.. leather pants, leather coats and leather boots.

There were usually numerous bits of equipment to use - from spanking benches to St Andrew Crosses to other forms of torture.  My favourite piece of equipment was the St Andrew cross.... and most weekends would find me up on a cross getting my ass whooped....feeding the masochist

There weren't crowds and crowds of people in those days...... mostly serious participants and 24/7 couples.  About 10 years ago things started changing..... BDSM clubs started opening around town...... they weren't private and more and more 'players' started to attend.  Then it really started to go downhill when sex was allowed even encouraged (in some clubs).   There was a saying among the old timers .. that S/m had a new meaning - it now meant "stand and model".  The 'pretty people' dressed in expensive leathers and silks and satins could be found lounging around on the equipment - posing for photo shoots.  We started looking for more private events again....... places where we could play without 'scaring' the players.   

 It seemed the glory days of BDSM had waned. 

 

With Sir Steve - the lifestyle looks a whole lot different.  I have been thinking about how it looks now....... I still 'serve' (which soothes my soul) BUT it isn't unthinkable for Sir Steve to come and lend a hand - be it making dinner or baking or shopping.  We're a team...... no absolute clear division of top and bottom.  And I rather like that.  (though it took me a long while to get used to it)  

There are little touches of BDSM in our life...... Sir Steve can 'grope' my breasts whenever the spirit moves him and I'm not to prevent him from doing so.... though if I do .. it's not a punishable offence - more an opportunity for more slaps and tickles and laughter.   And  my favourite....... in the morning when he leaves for work..... he bends over to kiss me goodbye and he thrusts his hand between my legs and teases me... until I am wiggling to get away......... 

There are 'painful' moments in our adult time....... definitely pussy torture and breath play occasionally - and of course knife play from time to time. 

Our lifestyle has changed drastically from 'before'...... do I miss the before?? yeah of course I do - well a small part of me misses it... I'm glad I got to participate/live the before.... but living in the past and moaning about how everything has changed takes the sparkle off the 'now'.......... and I do love the sparkle of the here and now

I may not have the socialization in real time with like minded folks as we did before - BUT I do still have The Continued Journey and all you folks who drop by to visit. 

'

Thanks to Hermione for organising this day...... for suggesting that we all get together to celebrate our uniqueness ...... IF you feel like sharing the joys (and tribulations) of this lifestyle - feel free to jump in !! 

Either way - thanks for dropping by............

I'm Pissy

 AND because I am pissy today this is what you get ......... 

MY Therapy

 

 

I woke up this morning - angry......... le sigh.  I have no idea why ... it happens from time to time... I just wake up feeling angry.  

I need therapy......... my form of therapy - the therapy I can afford......... 

Baking therapy!!

 

I made 5 dozen peanut butter cookies.  

 

 

Then I got to indulge in clean up therapy!  I always make such a mess when I bake / cook. 

And that is my Wednesday...................  

(editorial note: I don't eat the cookies just make 'em......... that's up to Sir Steve and the lil one - and my SIL when I give him some ) 

Imagine My Surprise.....

 

 About a week ago I received an email asking me if I would be interested in writing an article for some BDSM website.  

My initial reaction was "yeah right.......... it's a scam .... do they think I would fall for this?"

BUT then I decided to answer the email...... and ask a bunch of questions. 

AND they answered them..........

AND I got to check out the website (to make sure it actually existed)

They want me to write about knife play.  Certainly it's something I know about - in fact I have even taken 'classes' on how to do knife play safely.  They don't want fiction - they want a "how to " article.

I'm still on the fence about this offer....... is it sincere? is it above board? I'm still asking questions..........

BUT ya know
it might just be what the doctor ordered to keep me busy and yeah it would be nice to be able to bring in a little extra cash.......... after all we do want to buy a house....... 

I've got my fingers crossed...............

AND........... it's Monday again

 

It was quite truthfully a roller coaster of emotions kind of weekend.  

Eldest daughter had to put her dog down.... she had been 'off colour' all last week... we were all sure it was just a stomach thing....... nothing too serious..... until the vet told her that there was blood and fluid in her abdomen ......... they took her into the vet hospital for some tests and IV's ........ and in less than 24 hours they were told she had cancer.   What a sad sad time.......... this pup was so gracious (if a dog can be gracious) and my favourite thing about her -- how she loved to 'go walk about' during the summer.  We would be sitting on our deck and I'd hear my daughter or SIL yell "BUFFY" I'd turn and look to see her meandering off their property.  How she loved her walk abouts... sometimes she was even allowed to meander over to visit with us.  She truly was a sweet dog.

 

Then we had to pick up the lil one from her mother's and drive to Montreal to celebrate Sir Steve's granddaughter's 2nd birthday.  Neither of us could believe it had been 2 years since that phone call that his daughter was in hospital with severe pain in her abdomen.  Apparently she didn't know she was pregnant!!!  We were all lucky that she had a healthy baby girl.  AND now she is 2!!

 

Then on Sunday we went shopping .......... AND........... we went to Walmart!!  And I didn't have a panic attack !!!  You will never guess what Sir Steve found..... never ever guess...
a new Christmas gnome!!  I LOVE gnomes (the European sort - not the troll like ones)    

I discovered them about 4 years ago and have been slowly adding to our collection... sometime during the month of December when I am doing my "holidailies' posts I will show you all the gnomes in every shape and size.

 

AND then in what feels like a blink of an eye - it's Monday again!!!  

Sunday Wisdom

 

 

Good News Saturday

 

 

After almost 2 years of home schooling the lil one brought home her first report card since she returned to school.  We couldn't believe it!!  It was most probably her best report card ever!!!  It felt like such a weight had been lifted off my shoulders!!   With any luck she'll keep up the excellent work and we - I - can coast till June.  YAY!!

The other bit of good news this week - I realized how relaxed I am feeling.  I can go out shopping and not be in 'flight or fight' mode.  I almost look forward to going out into the shops again......... ALMOST!

I am feeling stronger again....... and that is very good news! 

One Week Today

 

 Earlier this week Hermione posted "Save the Date" (check her post out HERE)

I have always participated in LOL days (Love our Lurkers) even though I tended to be conflicted about it.  I was thrilled to read the small change Hermione has made - Love Our Lifestyle.  

I am hoping that one week from today - you will all share what it is about this lifestyle you love/loved.  

I'm already 'writing' my post in my head - hunting up old pictures - going down memory lane.  I hope to see many of you here next Friday - and that even more of you will share your thoughts.

November 11th

 11th day of the 11th month of the 11th hour.........

AND it's only Wednesday

 

 

In the last two days I have done 8 loads of laundry (don't ask) and tidied up the house and made 3 loaves of sweet bread........

When we went to the butcher's on Saturday - there was a box of bananas at the door with a "help yourself - free" sign.  They couldn't sell them cause they were too ripe.  So I grabbed 6 with plans to make banana bread.

On Monday (which is laundry day) I made one loaf of banana chocolate chip bread.  It was SO delicious that by Tuesday morning only 1/3 was left.  I decided - seeing as I had another 4 loads of laundry to do - that I would finish up the bananas and make another loaf of banana chocolate chip bread.......... AND then cause I am silly like that - to also make a cinnamon swirl loaf......... but put both in the freezer. 

 

(the top one is the banana chocolate chip bread - bottom one is the cinnamon swirl)

THEN cause I was on a roll - I made a HUGE beef stroganoff for dinner with leftovers for the weekend.  I finally sat down at 3:34 - just in time for the lil one to arrive home from school.  By supper I was so exhausted I didn't want to eat.  I fell into bed and expected to sleep like a log............ 

WRONG!

For whatever reason I was awake more than I was asleep.  Today I am supposed to run messages....... and actually go looking for a new phone and new mobile package....... the whole idea of "peopling" today makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and never leave............. 

I really do have to learn to pace myself............  

Moving towards 'Normal'

 

 

I am trying to move forward to a new normal....... no not just me but Sir Steve as well.  (though truthfully I think a lot of his attitude has been based on protecting me - dialing down my anxiety)

This weekend was kind of a EUREKA moment when I realized how many small steps toward normal we have taken.

When COVID hit we started ordering take out food on the weekends - supporting our local restaurants we said.  We went from maybe one meal a weekend to ordered in food Friday/Saturday AND Sunday. We were doing more than our part to support local.

Then we had been having second thoughts about renting... (some small problems with our landlord).......... and then he sold the house.  He sold it as an investment property which really doesn't mean a thing because if the new landlord wants to move in to our little home he can simply give us 3 months notice.  GAH!!  We started to seriously consider buying a home.......... one problem we need a down payment and we opted to buy a new bigger better trailer for the country cause we didn't need or want to own a house in the city.  GAH!!

Needless to say we sat down to discuss budgets........ and saving.  Saving every spare penny in the hope that we can buy a quirky (it has to be quirky - both Sir Steve and I don't want a cookie cutter house) lil home in the near future.  

First expense to cut......... ordering in.  It boggled my mind how much money was going out every single weekend on 'junky' food.   I'm not going to lie - making 3 more meals a week was discouraging..... weekends had been my 'time off' ........... BUT Sir Steve loves to cook so this weekend found us both in the kitchen contributing to meals.  Pizza was one of our favourite go to ordered in meals....... I made a 'from scratch' pizza....... the house smelled heavenly while the dough was rising.............. and it wasn't half bad!!  The only problem I had was the crust was crispy..... I'm not a fan of crispy pizza crust - like my crust thick and doughy.  IF anyone has any tried and true doughy crust recipes/hints please please leave me a comment!!!

I made steak subs (ok ok so the meals aren't that healthy!  but they were good and a whole lot cheaper!!)

 We also decided to drive up to our butcher in the country and order a whack load of meat - enough to hopefully get us through the winter.  Ordering that much meat is - yes - an outlay of a large amount of money - BUT in the long run it saves money....... cause I am not running out to the local grocer buying meat on the spur of the moment.  Never mind that the butcher's meat is mostly organic and definitely fresh.  (he owns the slaughter house as well and only sells locally raised meat)

 

So we are taking positive steps forward...... finding our new normal........ and to be honest - even though our numbers are rising and even though I am going to have to get a booster shot after the Holidays - I am feeling calmer and less anxious.  Yay for having new goals - and moving forward........

WOW!

 

 We had a really good weekend - a busy weekend - and ohhhhhh so good!  

BUT 

I am going to tell you about one aspect of how good a weekend it was today - the rest can wait.....

(a little back story)
Sir Steve has been dealing with chronic pain for about 4 years.. which got worse with each passing year.  It finally got to the point that it was interfering with every day life.  We stopped going for walks - running messages would be almost too much for him... and when it came to adult play time - well we adapted but fun times became less and less and when we did try to have fun times - it just wasn't the same ya know?!

About a month ago Sir Steve's doctor FINALLY sent him to a specialist ......... and he got new meds and is seeing an orthopedic doctor.  We had a couple of false starts with the meds - the meds were changed and slowly things have started to improve.  A couple of weeks ago we spent the day running messages and visiting family...... Sir Steve marvelled in the car on the way home how he had virtually no pain after a whole day on the go!!

Fast forward to this weekend........... 

Yesterday Sir Steve got THAT look - you know the LOOK - and told me to be naked in the bedroom in 10 minutes.  I filled up with tears (which threw him and he started to back pedal - till I assured him the tears were happy tears)

AND OMG!!  I got to see a hint of my Sadist again............. 

I had barely climbed into the bed when he was on top of me .... in control - taking what he wanted (OMG and what I wanted and have missed!)  He was strong again - I don't know how to explain better than that........ he was S.T.R.O.N.G. again!!  

After my body felt taken - used and abused in a good way!! And his body wasn't wracked with pain!!  

Honestly it felt like a miracle - I was sure what we had had was gone forever - but there's a glimmer of hope that MY Sadist may be coming back!  

 

(and just to be clear - it's not just the Sadist I want !  I want Sir Steve to be pain free in every day life - it's been so hard to watch him suffer )

Sunday Wisdom

 

 

Saturday Thoughts