Monday, October 31, 2016

Sexual Tension



Hands and I average 1 private time every 4 weeks or so.  I have noticed by week 3 I am starting to get a bit antsy.. but for the most part it's doable.

Except......... 

For some reason this past 3 weeks has been 3 weeks of tension building.

On Saturday Hands and CG came for dinner -- to celebrate in part my birthday and His (which is next weekend).  It was a good dinner -- with lots of wine and laughter........... After dinner CG and I took our usual spots sitting at Hands feet while the discussions continued.  

There was a lot of verbal teasing -- and touch teasing -- and oh lordie a whole lot of fodder for my fantasy world! (did I mention there was a whole lot of wine?!)

Saturday night's sleep was dream driven.......... 

Sunday I felt like I would jump out of my skin.  A little hung over (did I mention there was a whole lot of wine?) over tired and over stimulated .... Sunday was a snuggle under the blankets -- binge watching Netflix kind of day.  

That is until I dropped a very big hint to Hands of my skittishness.  His answer was simple -- two tasks to be performed before the end of the day. 

I hate it when he's right ........ but it did take the edge off and sleep Sunday night was much better with less dreams.......... 

Now it's just a waiting game until the stars align again and Hands and I can have some good old fashioned private time.

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Embarrassed






I have been struggling for the last couple of weeks feeling embarrassed.  Most people see me as this 'proper' woman.  (dare I say 'proper older woman'?)

For the most part I am sexually naive -- and probably a bit boring.

BUT there is a part of me that has wondered for years if I might be missing something.  

Way back at the beginning with Hands -- he asked me if I ever watched porn -- and I gasped 'of course not!' (though I admitted I did read some erotica)

He would occasionally send me porn type gifs.  At first I admit they made me blush -- and fidget.  Then I started to search them out for myself and if something struck me as personally appealing I would from time to time share them with him.

He would make positive comments about the pics I sent him -- and didn't seem to think less of me.  My confidence grew...... and it helped that no bolt of lightening came out of the skies to strike me dead.

I grew more daring.... started collecting pics / gifs of acts that aroused me -- that were the starting points for some pretty hot fantasies (well 'hot' for me) 

Then one day I was feeling more than a little daring -- and sent him a couple of 'inappropriate' pics ...... I waited for a comment from him and nothing came.  So I finally asked him what he thought -- if I had shocked him.... his answer was "shocked ....... no maybe surprised" 

I thought I would die.  And questioned myself over and over why I had done something like that??!!!  and promised myself I would never do that again!

BUT then I am not known for learning a lesson quickly.

The other day during a chat with Hands one where he shared a gif with me I took a big breath and sent him one of something I find very hot.... a fantasy -- 
His response seemed cool -- though it's difficult to tell from the written word -- but it felt cool.  

AND because I am ME -- I overthought the whole thing.... and wished I could climb into a hole and pull the top in over me.  I started to stuff this new side of me deep down inside.

Believe it or not I deleted all the pics I was storing -- I am embarrassed ...... dreadfully so.  And I wonder if I am turning into one of 'those women' I have always sworn I wouldn't become ..... the 'bad girls' ..... 

My enthusiasm can sometimes be a very bad thing.

Friday, October 28, 2016

Dull

Do you ever feel like you're boring??

I am beginning to think I am -- every day is pretty much the same -- gym in the morning then home to do chores around the house -- and a walk in the afternoon.  Nothing very exciting happens.  Add to that I am not socializing like I used to.

I have found that I don't have much to offer to conversations...... and fear I am becoming a boring 'old lady'

Just thoughts one has after a birthday I guess ....... am feeling old and out of the loop........... 

 

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Quiet Day

No brilliant inspiration today -- so I thought I would share this with you all...... and for anyone curious yeah I am thinking (cheeky smile)




Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Birthday


Yesterday was my birthday.  I spent it like any other day -- gym -- shopping -- tasks for Hands.

But it did keep playing in the back of my mind that it was my birthday and maybe I should do something special for me to celebrate....

I was remembering when I was younger my Mom used to spend a lot of time and energy planning my birthday parties. It was always a Halloween themed birthday with a cake to match.... everything from pumpkin shaped cakes to witch hat shaped cakes.  

Then I got too old for themed parties and I don't remember why but one year my Mom had to buy my birthday cake.  It was a vanilla cake with vanilla icing (my favourite) and roses on top.   I have a terrible sweet tooth and those roses.... mmmmmmmm... I can almost still taste them -- feel the sugar melting in my mouth.  From that point on, the big treat for my birthday was a 'bought birthday cake'.  I think it made my mom grind her teeth (she never bought something she could make herself) -- but it was my birthday and my treat.

Yesterday I thought maybe I would go and buy myself a small birthday cake with roses on top.  I was out doing messages and the thought kept playing in my head.  BUT then I remembered how hard I had worked at the gym and asked myself was it worth it??? 

So I didn't buy myself a birthday cake -- and will have no guilt going into this new year.

YAY me!  and Happy Birthday to me!

 

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

"You gotta try this"

(please note - I do not frequently do sexually explicit posts but this one is leaning that way so be warned!)



Poor Hands -- I am not sure he was fully aware of how naive?? uneducated?? -- not sure what to call it -- on sex and sexuality I was.

He has pushed a little bit -- and not to be a silly goose - I have taken his guidance and run with it a bit.  I don't 'do' sex stores.  DO NOT go in them unless I have someone with me to do all the talking.  Except he lives there and I live here -- so I have ventured out on my own to shop.

Last Friday I went off to our local shop to pick something up -- and as this time the store was empty !  and the salesgirl was the same one I had the last time ( I am building a relationship at the sex store -- grinning) I asked about my hitachi and why it isn't 'doing the job' as well anymore.

So I had an impromptu sex ed class right there and then.  Another sales girl came over to join in the conversation with her suggestions.  She put this pretty jar down in front of me and said "try this -- I am sure you'll love it -- I use it all the time"  


I thought it was a lube -- even doctors have mistaken my age for need of a lubricant.  So I explained I didn't need lube.  She smiled a rather cheeky smile and said "trust me this is so much more than a lube.  It gets a little warm and encourages blood flow to the area"

I thought it sounded like fun -- read the ingredients quickly looking more for stuff I am allergic to rather than what was in it, bought a small one and came home.

Later when I was talking to Hands he had me get the jar and tell him what was in it..... reading the list the first ingredient was "ginger root" He then said something about not being surprised and reminded me of "figging" (a joyful experience I am avoiding as a long as I can)

Hands "suggested" that I go and try it out.

and I did.

and I nearly died.

BUT what a way to go!!!

Again yesterday Hands suggested I use the gel for him.  I was in the middle of doing laundry (which involves walking down a rather long hallway -- remember that -- it'll all make sense I promise!)

So being a good submissive -- and having learned my lesson last week about asking for some slack.... I went to the bedroom and got the hitachi and the gel and had a little "play session".  

I wondered if the gel would evoke the same reaction as it did on the weekend.  After all -- that was the first time and I had no idea what to expect.  This time I knew pretty much what was gonna happen ..... so maybe not as good.  

WELL -- as good??? can I say even better -- if that is even possible?? Ladies I can truthfully and honestly say the orgasms are totally mind blowing amazing!  (and notice I said orgasmS).  It got to the point that I wobbled to the bathroom and got a warm wet washcloth and washed the devil gel off my private parts.  Done I might add while holding onto the edge of the sink cause they don't stop! 

Finally I made my way to the sofa where I collapsed and waited for my blood to stop pounding and my mind to focus.

THEN I remembered my laundry.  (see I told you we would get back to my laundry) They are pretty strict around here about not leaving it in the machines.  So I grabbed the laundry basket and started the walk down the long hallway................. and guess what happened??!!  the gel that I couldn't reach to wash away started to activate again!!  I have never been so glad that the hallway and laundry room were empty!

Now if you haven't figured out it by now.... I highly recommend buying some.  Start slow with a dab or two and adjust accordingly (cheeky grin)           


Monday, October 24, 2016

GAH!






That was my Sunday......... hiding under my blanket and not wanting to come out.......

because I felt like I had made a total mess of things.

It probably didn't help that I did not sleep at all on Saturday night and that I tried to explain my muddled thoughts by email ........ (kinda like writing an email when drunk)....... or that I couldn't just shut up (the not shutting up was probably the worst)


In the end Hands and CG got to do what they needed to do......which is a very good thing!


But I failed miserably in saying that I really appreciated the effort that Hands made to try and please me - make me happy.  I am lucky that there is always next time and there are such things as imaginary 'reset' buttons.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Learning Curve






Remember the red nail polish I bought this week in hopes of going to a play party this weekend?? Well yesterday unfortunately those plans got cancelled.  

And I was disappointed.

When Hands was talking to me yesterday about the weekend and other things He gave me two tasks to complete by the end of the day.

But my disappointment was stronger than my desire to do my tasks. So I thought I would just ask him to cut me some slack.

Funny thing happened when that topic came up...... I was told to complete my tasks by the end of the day... pointe finale. No other Dom/Top has ever stood their ground with me before.  I have always counted on getting my own way -- batting my baby blues and getting my own way.  

But not with Hands.

For the first time in my submissive life I discovered the meaning of doing something you definitely do not want to do -- have no desire to do.

The tasks got done by the end of the day.  And I felt content and happy and funny enough I felt grounded and cared for........because Hands didn't cut me any slack. 

Friday, October 21, 2016

Daddy's Little Girl





It's that time of year when memories seem to haunt my waking hours.  

I was "daddy's little girl". 

On my father's chest of drawers in my parent's bedroom was a picture of me taken at my grandparent's cottage.  When my father died my mother wanted me take something of his as a tangible memory.  The only thing I wanted was that picture....it has sat on my chest of drawers since his death. 


There was a reason I wanted that picture to remember my father -- it was to me a symbol of what our relationship was.........

You see -- I had been playing on the beach with my cousins when my grandfather rounded everyone up to go down the road to the ice cream shop.  My father wouldn't let me go in my swimsuit -- he insisted my mother change me out of my swimsuit.  AND then, as my grandfather and my cousins disappeared down the road, my father insisted on taking a photograph of his "little girl".  I didn't want to stand still and 'smile'.  I wanted to go for ice cream.  I cried.  BUT my father always got what he wanted -- so he got his picture of me with a tear stained face.

That picture symbolizes my relationship with my father in so many ways.  It wasn't the healthiest of relationships not by any standard....... but I have been remembering the good things about our relationship.  He was my rock... he kept me grounded... he was always there for me........ always no matter what.

They say that the relationship a daughter has with her father is the bench mark for her in finding a "forever man".  (well that's what they say-- shrug)  I never found anyone like my father -- never found my rock -- never found anyone who would always be there for me.

My father died a few days after my birthday over 30 years ago.  And my birthday is fast approaching.... maybe that's why my father is in my thoughts and tugging at my heart.
 

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