Tuesday, March 31, 2020

In the Mean time

The lil one is home!!!  We all felt better having her home - including the dog!!!

Interesting fact - she told us that she doesn't want to spend one week with mom and one week with us..... she would prefer a normal school schedule - which is Monday to Friday with us and Friday to Monday with mother.  Sir Steve is gonna propose that arrangement to mother - got my fingers crossed she doesn't throw a hissy fit.

Other than that bit of news nothing much to write about...... 

In the mean time I thought I'd leave this lil smile for you...........


Monday, March 30, 2020

feeling so lucky!

Yesterday I posted this Sunday Sentiment...... to me it was an upbeat kick in the ass sort of meme....... ya know?? Well my ex posted it on his facebook wall later in the morning...... with the most depressing comment....... and I sat there looking at it -- seeing his mind set clearly and I realized again how bloody lucky I am - how blessed I am - to be away from that mind set.  For a brief moment my mind's eye saw what my life would be like right now if I was still in that relationship.... I don't think I would mentally survive.  AND truthfully despite everything - I do feel very sorry for my ex ....... who has great difficulty finding any good in anything... such a sad way to have to live.

On another note -- the lil one comes home today.... she's been with her mother for 2 weeks...... I think life around here will pick up considerably when we have a 7 year old bouncing around.  Her teacher has started a Facebook page for all her 'super heroes'  and she and I have touched base.  She is encouraging us (and her other students) to post pictures of what we are doing..... and she will be putting up some challenges for us all to complete.  One will be math - multiplying to be exact -- and I joked with her about sending out teaching aids for the parents.  (I do not know/understand the new math!!!)

I have plans to teach the lil one how to use the stove and make simple dishes - first dish on the list is scrambled eggs.  I also have some plans for science involving growing plants from veggies and we will probably divide up a plant I have into smaller pots and put one in her room for her to take care of.  I am gonna get her back to journaling - especially about this pandemic - and when it's all over we'll put it away safely till she's grown.  I've got a huge box of sidewalk chalk waiting for the sunshine - Sir Steve got her bike out and spring tuned it so it's ready to go ........ lots of plans rattling around in my head to keep us both busy during the days to come.

Life is good when the dark clouds part - even briefly - and show you everything you have to be grateful for.....

Friday, March 27, 2020

Day 13

Today is day #13 of my self isolation -- I have only been out once a week for about 30 mins to pick up groceries during the allotted senior's shopping hours (7 - 8 am)

I thought I was doing pretty well considering......... but this morning for absolutely no reason I had a crying jag.  It didn't last long........ 

I realize my mind and body just needed a release from the stress/anxiety I (all of us I guess) have been living through for these last 13 days.

Then I did some self talk -- mostly 'it could be worse - much worse.  Sir Steve is gonna be ok... we're all gonna be ok'

And then.......... 
I went and made some date squares.  

Thursday, March 26, 2020

(UPDATE) New Challenge.........

Sir Steve managed to get an 11am appointment!  YAY!  The hygiene security was mind boggling...... and even though I went with him - I had to stay in the car.

Sir Steve has Bells Palsy.  He's on anti viral meds and a steroid for 7 days.  The paralysis could last 6 months........ but as I told him considering how much worse this could have been - we're lucky!

Life is excellent when you can see a doctor in a matter of hours and have peace of mind!

Sir Steve has not been himself since the weekend -- I have been checking in with him but he has been shrugging it off ...... (which made me think my anxiety was the problem)

Last night after I tried checking in with him again..... he finally admitted that he had a numbness in his right cheek -- felt like when a dentist freezes you. He woke with it Monday morning.  I studied his face -- his mouth is a little weird looking but nothing too noticeable..... his speech is fine -- everything is fine except his right cheek is numb.

This morning he is calling his doctor and we are hoping she will give him an emergency appointment for this afternoon.  I am going with him.

If you could all keep a good thought for us .......................

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

The Challenge is Real.....

So today was the big day -- my online grocery order was to be completed and picked up....... At 8:30 I got an email with my final totals.  My jaw dropped.  They couldn't fill half of my order......... I expected to be told no toilet paper -- BUT no flour? no yeast? no coffee creamer??  I will admit I like how it works -- I pulled up to the exit door - called them and they brought out the bags and put them in my car -- no human contact really.

BUT I was still missing essentials -- soooooooo  .... I made the decision to stop at my local grocer and see what they had...... 

At the door I was greeted by an employee who wiped down my cart and offered me hand sanitizer.... wow!
The meat department was virtually empty of fresh meat....... thankfully I didn't need any.

There were no 10 pound bags of flour -- but I did manage to get 2 5pound bags.  There were 3 jars of yeast left - I took one.  I was able to substitute for all the items I needed.  They even had the base for my spaghetti sauce -- on sale!  4 for $5.00......... perfect!  Until I got to the cash and was told I could only have 2 of the same ??!!!  I had to take 2 plain back and pick up 2 flavoured - I decided on basil.

OH and there was no toilet paper -- the struggle continues.

I was out for about an hour.... by the time I got home my body was shaking from the stress (le sigh).  Hopefully I have enough food now to last for at least 2 weeks.. I do so much better when I do not have to leave the house!!!

Life is good when you face the challenges!

Monday, March 23, 2020

Monday Morning Check In

It was mostly a quiet weekend around here.. lots of TV watching for sure! Plans to clean the back shed were put on hold cause Sir Steve had some tummy troubles. Didn't bother me in the least -- cause as I said before I've been training for self isolation my whole life....... the nice thing is I now have a good excuse to stay in.

Thank god for the internet and facebook and messenging........ my girls checked in with us over the weekend -- it's nice to share laughs and family news.  Youngest daughter is talking about organising a 'family' dinner on Sunday night -- inviting friends and family to eat together over the net.  (now I haven't a clue how that will work...... but hey I give her full points for trying.  She's my very social kid and I am pretty sure she's finding this isolation very 'isolating'.)

My brother and his wife checked in with us on Sunday.  I was glad to hear from  them -- they're in Toronto which in my mind is kind of the epicentre of Ontario's pandemic.  Their daughter is a nurse at Toronto General Hospital and I wanted to know how she's doing.  

For those of you who don't give much thought to our medical folks and their lives now.. let me share this with you........ 
She is single.... lives 10 minutes walk from the hospital.... and because of those facts she is the first one being called to work extra shifts.  
Normally she works 5 days and has 5 days off....... now she is working her 5 days and 2 or 3 more days on top of it.  My brother said they weren't initially too worried about her cause she's young and very healthy............ but now?! she's working long hours under very stressful circumstances...... she comes home and falls into bed... she's barely cooking for herself.  They're putting plans into place to at least make sure she eats properly without a whole lot of prep.

I was thinking last week about 'checking in'.......... 
I am not sure if you folks realize how much I appreciate your comments on my blog... especially from those of you without an active blog. (Roz and Boosghost come to mind.  and yes Boos -- I am talking about you!! - grinning)
It is my one way of knowing you're ok.  Those of you who have blogs - I go and read every time you post a new one.. I might not always comment - cause I don't have anything to say -  but I ALWAYS read -- and seeing your posts come up makes me smile and check you off my mental list for check ins.  (have I confused you all yet?? grinning)
What I am trying to say is............ 
How bout at least once a week everyone does a 'check in'........ either by posting a blog entry or leaving a wee comment here.  This way I will know my friends are not sick -- cause I do worry about you............. (Sir Steve says I stress if I am not stressing - grinning)

Life is good even when it's a Monday and snowing!

Saturday, March 21, 2020

Taking Control

I talked - the other day - about taking control of my life -- deciding what I can control - what I can't control and letting go of more of my stresses.

I have never hoarded anything!!  I do groceries every week - buying just what we need for that week.  Last week I went grocery shopping with a list and I honestly thought I had purchased enough food for at least 2 weeks.  BUT as the new week looms ahead of me I realize I need more groceries...... GAH!!  I stamped my foot... I whined ... and yes I stressed a little bit.  I didn't /don't want to go back out into the stores again.  BUT I need staples - like butter/margarine... eggs.... flour.

Then this morning I had a brain wave.  I had heard that a couple of the grocery stores in our town were doing a 'pick up at the door' service.  This morning I looked into it.  I have placed my grocery order online with one of these stores.  They have my credit card info ...... and my pick up date is Wednesday March 24.  Supposedly on Wednesday at 9am I will arrive at the store and my groceries will be packed and waiting for me.

AND they are not charging for this service for the duration of the pandemic.

IF it works as well as they say it will -- I can still get my groceries and do not have to set foot into a store!!  I'll let you all know how well it goes........... 

Life is good when you can search for more ways to control your life.

Friday, March 20, 2020

New Day

I woke up this morning and realized today is a much better day than yesterday...... 

I couldn't get over how many of you reached out to me ..... how many of you offered email addresses... invited me into your every day life ... making me feel less isolated.  I can't thank you enough for your suggestions on how to handle anxiety - especially through this corona virus. 

There was something I didn't share with you yesterday........ I think it was the big trigger for my anxiety......... Sir Steve had a snuffly nose on Wednesday night and again yesterday.  My stomach went into knots... logic didn't enter into the equation at all.  But talking with Fondles helped me put things in perspective -- 
1) there are NO cases of Covid 19 in our town. 
2) Sir Steve drives himself to work and in his office there are only 6 employees - none of whom have travelled outside the country in the last month 
3) spring arrived early here and maybe / probably his snuffles were due to allergies 
4) we have been taking precautions - self distancing /hand washing etc for almost 2 full weeks.

Then last night I noticed he wasn't snuffling - I asked - Sir Steve said 'yup the sniffles had gone'.  YAY!!

And one other thing happened that I think has helped...... 

I realize there are a lot of folks who really don't understand the seriousness of this pandemic -- BUT -- their attitude doesn't change my life..... I am still in control of my health by self distancing - shopping first thing in the morning when the shops are offering 'senior's only shopping'  -- and if it takes longer to get the virus under control - months and months I will be ok.. I am in control of MY life and am trying to accept I can't control anyone else.  (even though it makes me really angry and I want to shake them -- do you know I actually read some guy's statement that the people dying from this were over 60 -- so? shrug - they're old anyway!!)

Anyway - thank you all for being there .. for commenting and making me feel so much less isolated. 

Life is good when you can find some joy .. some hope.. and determination!

Thursday, March 19, 2020

Bad Day

Today is a bad day... a very bad no good kind of day.  

I thought this morning......'what a time to be without anxiety meds'.  That's not to say I am gonna be calling the doctor to get any -- no no the withdrawals from just a year ago are still too fresh in my mind......... 

BUT all the tools that I learned in the Bounce Back program just aren't working ya know?? 

Anyone else having anxiety over this covid 19?? Got any tips for handling it??? 

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Yours Mine Ours

I hope you read the above - yes I know it's long but my thoughts today are based on it.  (also if you're social distancing yourself and home all day long it gives you something else to do right?? grinning)

First a little background on how I identify -- for those that may not know -- I am a masochist.... I enjoy pain -- I get highly aroused by pain.  Sir Steve is a Sadist -- he enjoys giving pain -- he is aroused by giving pain.  (ok put like that it makes us sound pretty sick right?? )


Actual play sessions..... laying out whips and floggers and paddles ... have dwindled down to nothing.  Last summer Sir Steve did whoop my ass a couple of times with his belt and a few times with his hands.  After the fact I was sore and questioning my masochist label......... thinking it wasn't as good as I remembered... 

I do believe during those play times Sir Steve's heart wasn't fully in it....... I think he was doing it for me.  And therefore there was something missing... an energy that has been necessary for me to 'get off' on. 

Being me I have been analyzing our situation off and on for months now.  Maybe Sir Steve had changed and wasn't the Sadist I met years ago.  Maybe the changes in his life - endings... beginnings ... stress... had caused changes inside of him.. a death of sorts.  Had he just simply outgrown the need to play?  (oh I must add - it took me awhile to get to this point - to get past blaming myself for the lack of play)

I realized that - back in the day - we went out every single weekend - sometimes Friday and Saturday night - to clubs or private home parties - to play........ to wear our leathers and bring all our toys - to lay them out at the foot of a piece of equipment (like a St. Andrew's cross or spanking bench) for me to be tied to the equipment and Sir Steve would pick up the toys one by one and use them on me ... usually for a half hour or more........ and usually more than once in an evening.   (And back in those days Sir Steve was married to someone who played with us....... so there was no sex at all involved in our play.  If I can compare it to vanilla events - it was like going to  club and dancing all night.)

Times have changed (even before the pandemic happened).  There are no play parties - no clubs like there used to be. 

And so here we are........... 

We may not be 'playing' anymore........ but there is something replacing that play......not sure what to call it...... kinky sex ??? it doesn't really cover what happens... but is as close as I can explain..........

How to describe this politely (grinning) ......... 

Sir Steve is ..... ummmm... 'blessed' in size shall we say....... he used to be gentle with me ... but even still I would gasp ... and would often be tender the day after.  
Now......... well not so gentle anymore and it is amazing!!  (perhaps feeds into my rough sex fantasies) He will bite (gently but sharply) ... his hand will often go around my neck.... and I am discovering this is satisfying my masochist side...... weird eh? 


I think what is the most important thing about this is....... We are finding new ways to express our love...... to express our kinky sides.... we're not 'throwing the baby out with the bath water' because love is more than selfish needs.

Life is good when love triumphs

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Covid 19

I don't know about anyone else -- but this Covid 19 is causing frustration, stress, anxiety and anger for me.  Mostly I think because of the misinformation circulating .. and the panic buying.  AND I really need to rant about it.... 

I don't get the general wide spread panic........ no toilet paper to be had anywhere??!!  What the hell is wrong with people??!!  I have seen pictures/videos of people buying shopping carts FULL of nothing but toilet paper!!  Sir Steve and I worked it out - they have enough to last over a year for god's sakes!!  Pessimistic much?  Yesterday I ran to our grocery store when they opened armed with Lysol disinfecting wipes....there was 1/2 the normal bread supply........ no spaghetti sauces (or ingredients to make your own - which is what I do) and yet shelves of pasta.  Shelves of sugar but only one 5lb bag of flour.  No fresh meat.  

We have been told there is no problem with the supply chain.......... if people would stop panic shopping there would be loads of supplies for everyone......... these shortages are causing people to panic more.

Oh and then there is the misinformation........... it's enough to drive a sane person crazy..... all these bloody 'experts' (in my opinion almost as bad as the hoarders - causing panic)

I have read information from these medical experts that say

Covid 19 symptoms are a sore throat / fever and cough.  No nasal / sinus involvement but if you read the whole article at the bottom it says you land up drowning in the nasal discharge....... really?? how come the WHO hasn't told us about this nasal symptom??? 

Then there's the experts out of Japan who are telling us that if we drink water every 15 minutes that the virus will be washed out of our bodies

BUT the one that got me the most was someone I know - who is a nurse - who is claiming the Covid 19 has been in Canada since before Christmas and the government isn't telling us..... she  claims that Covid 19 involves diarrhea and vomiting ....how does she know that?? cause nurses she works with went home before Christmas with fever, vomiting and diarrhea and some of them took over a month to get better.  She is also publicly telling folks to stock up on alcohol cause that will cure you.  She says at the first sign of a sore throat you should take 3 shots of liquor.  DEAR GOD!!  and the worst part -- people are listening to her!!!

I am doing what I can do to keep the virus out of this house..... I am social distancing myself..... after yesterday's run for groceries I am home for at least 3 weeks (it helps that there is no confirmed case in our small town) I am lecturing Sir Steve (whose job does not allow him to work from home -- and involves dealing with contractors) to not shake hands - to wash his hands... 

I have cleaned up my facebook -- dumping a whole mess of 'friends' who do nothing more than spread rumours and delight in causing panic.  I am only allowing myself to watch one news show -- our morning news.  

AND we have cancelled my eldest grandson's birthday celebrations until the worst is over........ hopefully (though I don't hold much hope) before his mother's 40 birthday at the end of April.

As for being in the house for 3 weeks - grinning - I say I have been training for this for my whole life!  

Blog friends let me leave you with this thought and hopefully smile........

did I hear a collective 'awwwwwwww' ?

Monday, March 16, 2020

So Many Choices

I have at least 3 topics rolling around in my head for today's blog... well for this week I guess.

I think I'll skip all the serious worrisome ones and do a happy dance post......... 

Soooooooo I had a good start to my weekend if you remember from 'Amazing Saturday'....... 

and it kept getting better folks!!!

Fast forward to Saturday night...... 

naked in bed -- breasts being slapped -- nipples tweaked 
deep spine tingling tongue kisses
hand around my throat
thrusting deep 
hurting - almost
thrusting fast and deep and then............... 

well you can all guess what came then (cheeky grin)

Yup it was an Amazing Saturday!

Life is good when amidst the panic/worry you create an Amazing Saturday!

Saturday, March 14, 2020

Amazing Saturday

The weekend started off amazingly!!!

First off - the lil one's mother contacted Sir Steve and said her course start has been delayed for a week so she can keep the lil one for 2 weeks!!!

Then I slept in!!!  I honestly slept in!!  I don't remember the last time I slept past 5:30am.  It felt amazing.............. but of course it threw my whole day off kilter........ everything running later than planned.

We even ran out to the shops..........I brought Lysol wipes for the carts ... and we washed our hands when we got home........ 

We brought home lunch from a local chip shop 

AND this afternoon we had a nap. 

There's only one thing that could make this weekend any better.................. and who knows it might happen too  

OHHHHHHHHH and I forgot -- Sir Steve helped me get the windows cleaned so now the wonderful spring sunshine streams in ............ 

Friday, March 13, 2020

Trying not to panic.......

I have been trying not to panic over this Covid19 -- I kept telling myself that the media is causing panic.......... we don't need to panic.. everything is going to be ok.  AND it is nice that we live in a relatively small town without too many travellers.


the government shut down our schools for 3 weeks last night.... sporting events are cancelled .... festivals/concerts are being cancelled........ everywhere I look there  is this corvid19.  It is hard not to be scared ........... 

As well - just to make life interesting -- I am in the high risk group.  I am in the age bracket that gets the serious version of this disease... I have high blood pressure and chronic bronchitis.  UGH!

Last night Sir Steve contacted mother cause 3 weeks ya know?!  And her answer to child care was........ 'well I am starting school on the 23rd so I can't take her'.  You should have heard the language that came out of my mouth (or not) ....... "F**K -  you're both lucky that I'm here right?? just assume I'll step up and take over the child care!!!" ......... REALLY??!!! 

Mind you - if the lil one is with me she's not as likely to pick up ANY bug.... cause I have every intention of 'self isolating'...... avoid crowds and malls and all large crowds.  I have Lysol wipes that I'll take with me IF I have to run to the grocery store.  For me staying home is not hard to do........ being the introvert I am.   I'll pull out her bike and plan some home schooling........ the 3 weeks will fly by.  And hopefully after 3 weeks we'll see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel........ hopefully.

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

Hanging on........

I am feeling just a wee bit cranky.... a wee bit tired... a wee bit frustrated.

It's really tough to be a step mom - to enforce the rules - to set limits - to be "on" 5 days a week.

I am too old for this shit.  I need a break - a holiday.

Thank god next week is Spring Break and the lil one will be with her mother for the week.  (Mind you after a week at her mother's god only knows the problems that I will have to deal with)

I have no plans for next week -- I am going to recharge my batteries.  I am going to do nothing...... not one damn thing!   We may be eating a whole lot of fast food..... and wearing dirty clothes....... not one damn thing... I swear!!!  

Life is good when Spring break comes before you break.

Tuesday, March 10, 2020


On Company's coming Boosghost wrote:

"You give me hope that my teen and I will be where you are with your daughter when she is older. That is my goal, to eventually have a friendship with her when she is older."

 It wasn't always so....... trust me!!  There was a time when I despaired of ever having a good relationship (or any relationship) with my eldest daughter......... hell we went a few years without seeing each other or talking to each other..........

She was my head strong stubborn child with a temper ........ god did she have a temper.... when she was just a lil one (maybe 3 years old?) she got angry at me and picked up a metal chair she had in her room and threw it at me....... yeah she had a temper!!   And as she got older we locked horns a lot.... until the day I put my foot down and what relationship we had fell apart...... and that's when we didn't see each other or talk to each other for a few years.

Slowly though we started to rebuild the bridge that separated us..... It was stiff ... and awkward ... but it slowly improved.  When I was sick in hospital a few years back -- like really sick -- dying sick -- I remember opening my eyes to see eldest daughter sitting at the end of my bed reading... it was the most amazing feeling - even though I wasn't strong enough to really talk or visit I felt comforted by seeing her there....... as I got stronger she brought me my favourite foods and arranged with the nurses to clear a shelf in fridge in the nurses' lounge so I could eat when I was hungry ...... I remember her bringing me homemade soup when I finally got home...... and I remember her riding her bike over to my house almost every day to make sure I was following the doctor's orders. 

And then two years ago she and her hubbie visited us at the campground... fell in love with the campgrounds... found a trailer and site across from us...... and I remember her suggesting we go for a walk - cause she wanted to talk..... wanted to make sure I would be ok with them living across the road from us .......... 

And I would like to think that was the "happy ever after" ending that we all want with our kids.   

Life is good when there is hope and love........ lots of love!

Monday, March 09, 2020

The Problem of House Guests

That would not be awkward - not at all.   BUT Sir Steve and I sleep naked ...... and on Friday I realized I don't even really have a dressing gown...... and I would have my son in law sleeping under the same roof..... and dear god what if I got up in the night to go pee and he got up to go pee and he saw me naked???!!!!  I am not sure who would be more traumatized!!!

I did not go dashing out to buy a dressing gown though .... I have a very short - slightly sexy cover up that I figured would work...... IF we both got up to go pee it would be the middle of the night.... dark... and hopefully he would be bleary eyed and not notice the cover up except to notice my body was covered.

As it turned out -- I didn't need to worry - I slept through the night.

We had a great visit...... dinner out Saturday night at a local restaurant that reportedly serves the best fish and chips............. 

I will say the meal was delightful -- way too much food ...... such a waste.

Sir Steve's fish and chips...... do you see the size of that fish???  

 I had the scallops... ate the fish - tasted the rice and ate a small amount of the salad...wayyyyyyy too much food.

The dogs - their 3 and our one had great fun visiting..... they really are like kids ya know... cousins visiting for the weekend.......lots of rough play with one of the kids whining about the wrestling matches......... and our dog cried and cried on Sunday when they were packing up the car to leave.  (It really was pathetic!)

We didn't do much more than eat good food - and visit .......... 

Life is good when family comes to visit.

Saturday, March 07, 2020

Company's Coming........

My eldest daughter and son in law are coming for a visit........ no more than a visit - they're staying over night with their fur babies - all 3 of them!! 

Originally they were supposed to be here from Friday till Sunday -- that was when they thought they had found a new house and were going to try and sell their old house in a weekend....... BUT they had to withdraw their offer to purchase on the house in the country 'cause it failed the building inspection badly... and for whatever reason daughter asked if they could still come for sleep over - just a shorter version.  Why not??!!!  Our dog 'Lady' loves her 'cousins'  and we love hanging out with daughter and son in law.

If someone had told me a few years ago that eldest daughter and I would LOVE to hang out together....... that we would actually 'hang out' together all summer long and not have disagreements.... I would have said 'impossible'!!  and yet here we are.... hanging out all summer and even spending weekends/holidays together in the winter.  Sometimes I feel a little sad that youngest daughter doesn't hang out with us... but then.... shrug... she seems to have gravitated towards her in laws and  friends.......... sad but true.  

So ........ a busy fun weekend ahead for us...... 

Life is good when family comes to visit for no reason........

Friday, March 06, 2020

Two Lil Words

I believed we had gotten as far away from D/s as anyone can get..... it made me sad at first - then I just - kinda - came to terms with it ya know?  But it left an empty place inside....... 

Last night I was joking around - being a bit bratty - and I said "Yes Sir" ........ two lil words.... and he whispered to me ' I love hearing those words'.

Who knew?

Wednesday, March 04, 2020

Finding my peace

trying to rise above........ it's a slow process

Tuesday, March 03, 2020

C word

6 months ago I went for my annual cancer screening.  I have been lucky - if you can call it lucky - that my bladder cancer is low grade and if they find anything they have been able to remove it immediately (without anaesthetic I might add)

BUT 6 months ago my bladder had a red rash....... the doctor said it wasn't cancer probably a bladder infection.  He gave me some antibiotics and said he would see me in 6 months.

The problem is...... from the very first time I was diagnosed with cancer the doctor explained the time frames.... for the first year I would go every 3 months for the screening IF no cancer appeared I would go every 6 months IF no cancer appeared then I would go a year between screening appointments.  However if the cancer came back I would go back to every 3 months or every 6 months.  

So his scheduling my next screening for 6 months was ominous - as much as he said it wasn't cancer why the 6 month appointment?  I asked him and he basically avoided answering me.  

Yesterday I got my appointment ........ April 9th - one month away.   

The fear is almost a physical being in my mind.  I am struggling to find my way through this... struggling to stay positive... struggling to not fall apart.........

Monday, March 02, 2020

Benefits of sleep

Last September I sat in my doctor's office almost in tears..... I was having difficulty sleeping...... the only withdrawal symptom that hadn't vanished. My doctor suggested I try melatonin.  Trust me when I say I had major doubts that it would work -- I knew more people it hadn't worked for than people who had success.  BUT I figured I had nothing to lose.  

It worked -- immediately!!  From the first night I was able to sleep a full  7 hours!!  WOW!!  I became the poster child for melatonin!!  Now all my grandkids are taking it and sleeping !!!  Friends are taking it and sleeping........... In my humble opinion it is a miracle drug.


I believe there is another contributing factor to my good sleep....... having Sir Steve in bed with me.  There are studies that prove you do sleep better with someone you love in bed with you........ BUT I have proof positive ............ you see Sir Steve has been sick for 2 weeks (he's starting his 3rd week with this bug)  He has been waking up coughing every night and has moved to the living room couch so as not to disturb my sleep.  (le sigh)

The only problem with that is......... I hear him get up... I fall back to sleep only to wake up every hour or so..... missing the warmth of his body... missing him.  So I asked him to come back to bed after the coughing stops - instead of sleeping on the couch.  He has been doing just that since Saturday night and I am sleeping better again!!!

Today he is going to try and get an appointment to see his doctor.......... hopefully she will give him something to clear up the bug........ then we will both sleep better - together.

AND who knows -- we might just be able to get back to sex and spankings and fun!!!

Life is good when you have a sleeping partner and some melatonin.

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