Thursday, October 30, 2008
It was as nice as Master Joe said.. the fish and chips were delicious.. and when they heard it was my birthday they sent us home with a piece of cake to celebrate !!!!
It was sorta weird to be out in public .. seeing people socializing .. laughing .. i felt separated from them somehow... my world seemed to have shrunk down to the sound of Sir's voice and the sight of Sir.
We made our way back through the dark country roads ... and i was worried that it would be boring ...... we had played and played hard. And Sir never plays (or rarely plays) after dinner.. especially a big dinner. The other problem..the thing i was fussing over... was that there was no television.. not a handicap for me.. but Sir loves his television.. and as He doesn't sleep as early as i do.. i was worried what Sir would do................
i shouldn't have worried.
The minute we got safely back downstairs to our lil dungeon apartment... Sir had me strip and decided it was time to try the massage/bondage table.
What a production trying to get on it !!! Mind you Sir didn't take the extra bits and pieces off to make it any easier on me to get on. Finally after a few false starts .. Sir removed the extra bars from one side so that i could crawl up.......... and turn myself around a few times.. and finally plunk myself down (very unladylike). There were holes in the table at appropriate places..
And then it started again....... the beatings......... and truthfully i don't remember much else.. then it was over.. and i couldn't get down.. hell i didn't even know which way WAS down !!!
Sir got me into bed.. then he came around to my side of the bed.. i wasn't paying much attention for obvious reasons....... until i heard Sir say "Suck me bitch"....... and my mouth was filled with His cock.. and it felt so wonderful..... sucking on His cock. and His words reverberated in my head.. over and over...
Afterwards.. Sir snuggled into bed with me and put Man of the Year (Robin Williams) dvd on the lap top (another birthday present from Sir) ........ about half way through my eyes got heavy and i drifted off to sleep.
i woke suddenly... looked at the clock .. saw 3:11 .. and felt a bit lost.. Sir was way over on His side of the bed... and i wiggled over to snuggle up against Him. No sooner had i spooned into Him .. than Sir lifted up my top leg and shoved His cock into my pussy.. i was saying "no no" and thinking not again !! and then thinking "oh god YES"... i must have been making quite a bit of noise because Sir slapped His hand across my mouth and nose.. that was all it took.. i was cumming.. fast and hard !!! My hands flew to Sir's hands.. tugging on them.... i couldn't breath !! My chest was pounding.. it was so damn good !!!!
And then it was over.. and the room smelled of sex .. and i drifted back off to sleep wrapped in the aroma.. and the heat............
The next morning my body screamed at me.. loudly and long........... i am no 20 year old anymore.. and oh my god .. my neck was stiff .. my left leg felt as though it was going to seize up every time i moved it......... and my pussy....... well it felt stretched and sore and very used !!! Tylenol is my best friend!!
It has taken me 4 days to come down off the high from the weekend......... i said to Sir in the car coming home .. "This has been the very best birthday ever !!!" and i asked Him if He realized He had raised the birthday bar very high........... how will He ever match that again??
The winch beast may be safe and sound in Warmbuns dungeon......... but the beast inside of Sir has awakened....... and i hope it never sleeps again !!!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Once i had managed to massage the feeling back into my feet.. barely.. Sir had me move to the bondage chair.........
Now it is difficult to see in the picture.. and i did try to take other pictures that might show the seat - or rather the lack of a seat - better.. but it didn't work. So you will have to take my word for it.. i sat on this 'chair' but my ass and pussy didn't 'sit' on anything.. my legs were on the leg pieces and firmly strapped to it.. my arms were stretched back along the arm rests against the wall..and fastened with leather straps....
a belt was firmly fastened around my waist......and once tied in .. my tits and ass and pussy were easily accessible to Sir and all the cruel toys we had brought.
Sir started this part of the session by pulling on my clit jewelry.. seeing just how far He could pull the jewelry before i screamed..... stretching the hole .. stretching the hood... hurting .. good.
Sir is nothing if not a good improviser.. we hadn't brought weights to hang from the jewelry.. so He went and got the clips that He uses to fasten me to O rings.... and clipped them onto the jewelry. i have to say here... the weights themselves aren't too bad.. they pull the hood way down.. which is uncomfortable but bearable.. what drives me crazy is when i move .. even the teeniest tiniest bit....... the weights swing to and fro and with it my clit..... imagine a clit swinging back and forth........ there aren't any words to describe how it feels.... weird is the best i can come up !!!
Then He picked up a flogger (i think - cause quite truthfully i had my eyes shut tight.. i just didn't want to see!!) And started to flog my cunt.. aiming quite deliberately for the clips hanging from my jewelry.. enjoying when He made direct hits - seeing my eyes fly open in surprise and pain.............
After a while Sir dropped the flogger and disappeared.. i couldn't hear Him .. i couldn't see Him.. i could just feel the weights pulling on my jewelry.. feel the swelling in my clit.. feel the agony of heat in my lower belly - the need to orgasm...
When He came back i couldn't see what He had concealed in His hand....... Sir knelt down between my spread legs and tugged first one pussy lip outwards.. and clamp - on went one clamp - and then the other lip was tugged outwards and again clamp on went the second clamp......... now i knew i hadn't brought clamps with us so i really had no clue what it was Sir was using......... (only after when i was allowed to see the pictures did i see the clamps.. something Sir had packed at the last minute )
Now Sir was ready to get down to business.. real business..
Floggers were used.. the gorean whip was used.. my cunt and ass and jewelry and tits were all on the receiving end.. over and over again....... sometimes direct hits would get tangled in the chain and Sir would just pull back almost ripping the clamps from my pussy. Those times my eyes would fly open.. my mouth would form a perfect O and i would gasp out a nooooooooooooooo...
But nothing stopped or deterred Sir from His intent... which was to give me a beating i would not soon forget.. a birthday present that would top all others.
Time kind of stood still.. everything flowed together.. i can't tell you how long this went on.. or what toys Sir used.. i do remember He stopped for a bit and removed the weights and clamps to fuck me with His hand.. to make me beg to cum.. and cum i did.. and i remember Sir rubbing His fingers over my face .. into my mouth.. and i remember still being cheeky enough to suggest He might like to put his thumb back in my mouth... and He laughed and said "No way" .. He knew the cheeky me would take a bite ....
And then the beatings continued... until i was gone.. gone gone.. off playing with my fairies.. not caring or knowing.. smelling my musky scent.. feeling my Sir playing.. knowing i was safe and secure in the hands of my Sir.
Tomorrow i will tell you about the apres dinner treat............
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
But NO... Sir had this absolute total look of glee on His face.. He was standing by the wall that housed the mechanism for the winch...... and i remember His saying something about suspension.. and electric winches.. and how He always wanted to try one... but my mind was not processing too well.... the winch??? suspension??? He had to be kidding...... i can't DO suspension !!! i am terrified of heights.. hell standing on a chair is too high !! and He was gonna hang me .. upside down.. from the ceiling??!!!
i was sent to get a towel (to go under my ass - to protect the new carpet)... i was sent to get the suspension cuffs (usually used on my wrists - but Sir wanted to see if maybe .. just maybe they could be adapted to fit my ankles)... i was ordered down on the towel under the winch.
i can not describe the noise that winch made when the button was pushed to lower it... i jumped.. my heart pounded... and i took some deep breathes to stop myself from running screaming from the room. Sir was gonna suspend me... and not from my wrists.. but from my feet.. which meant upside down......... oh my god i was scared !!!
Ankles attached .. Sir started the winch upwards........ i thought i was going to die...
First it took some getting used to ... to be strung up by my ankles rather than my wrists.. the blood was pounding into my head... i swore i couldn't breath upside down.. even though Sir left my shoulders..neck and head on the carpet..but the rest of me was hanging from a beast in the ceiling.. my legs were spread .. so wide apart.. and there was nowhere to go.. nowhere to hide...
Sir picked up a flogger and started to beat my ass and pussy........ and backs of my legs.. and every once in a while for good measure He would step around and swing at my breasts........... i was sure i was gonna die....... especially when He used the blue plastic flogger.. the one that leaves small blood blisters .......... and hurts in a way there are no words to describe.. and there was no where to go... no subbie jig to perform .. absolutely no wiggle room...
After a multitude of toys..... after what felt like a life time of beating.. Sir stopped and i felt Him step between my legs.. (well actually i felt His hands on each leg - spreading them just a little further apart) ... and then i felt His mouth cover my pussy.. felt His tongue lapping at my clit.. at my clit jewelry.... felt His warm breath against my lips.. felt His tongue dart down the slit and back up to my clit... felt Him sucking deep and hard on my clit.. making it swell.. and pound.. felt His teeth biting into my clit.. making me yell.. making me wiggle as much as i could considering the angle i was hanging at... felt His hands opening my pussy... opening my ass.. felt His fingers going everywhere.. poking prodding teasing tempting.. and hurting.. And all the while His mouth kept distracting me.. sucking licking nipping.
It was like madness... a form of madness.. i couldn't stop it.. i was drowning in sensations.. some wonderful (it had been so damn long!!) and some new and scary.. and for once i was almost speechless.. all that came out of me were moans.. all i wanted was more and more .. god don't stop!! and god please stop !!! and oh god i can't cum this way.. upside down!! and oh god i need to cum so badly !!!
When i was totally and completely undone .. hanging limp and wanting.. Sir stood back and picked up the gorean whip and went to work on my swollen pussy, swollen clit.. ass.. thighs.. any damn place He felt like hitting.. and my mind raced to keep up.. pain and pleasure mixed into one big sensation of ... amazement !!
And then Sir was back between my legs.. His mouth relentlessly teasing me.. sucking on my clit .. pulling it deeper and deeper into His mouth...... then His fingers started to slide in and out of me.. finding my spot deep inside.. teasing it.. making me moan louder and louder... then more fingers were added.. and more..
and no matter how much i wanted/needed to cum.. Sir would stop just before .. and would rub His fingers over my cunt.. my ass.. my face.....cleaning them.. leaving me smelling the musky scent of sex.... He was unrelenting... a Sir i had almost forgotten.. He was a beast... driving me to distraction...
And then......... suddenly.. my feet went cold.. and numb.. and i told Him.. He checked them and managed to get one or two more good beatings in.. but then down i came..... slowly and gently lowered back to the floor.. a shaking wet lump of subbiness...
BUT Sir wasn't finished.........
but i am finished.. for now.. for today.......... tomorrow.. what happened next??
Saturday, October 25, 2008
yeah.. it is Saturday.. and there is a post to my blog.. surprise !! surprise !!! surprise !!!
Actually i was thinking on Friday morning.. bright and early.. about the weekend.. and i was kinda bubbling over.. and fidgety.. and excited.. and thought if i didn't share i would bust !!!
Ever since i was a kid.. i wanted a surprise birthday....... and people have tried.. yes sireeee they have tried.. but it is pretty hard to surprise someone - well me- when it comes to birthdays ... cause i am not that senile - i do remember when it is !! i know the ones who love me want to give me my dream.......... and so any suspicious setting of dates for 'dinner' raises my radar... so .. after 50 some odd birthdays not one surprise...... until this year.
i asked for.. yes asked for! ... a weekend away for my birthday. i explained after 2 weddings and a frantic September.... i will be more than ready to have a weekend away.. a weekend to relax and enjoy life....... and what better weekend to do that than my birthday weekend......... and good lord.. it actually falls ON a weekend this year !!!
So Sir and i sat down and we planned out my birthday weekend retreat.. we picked and booked the hotel.. i told my girls i was going away (sad face on youngest daughter who really really wanted to celebrate on THE day this year !!) ... no surprise.. it was a done deal !
Then....... well then the stock markets started doing roller coaster rides.. and the Canadian loonie took a nose dive.. and Sir and i talked about it. It didn't make sense to go down to the states for a weekend - when it would be so damn expensive. Sir and i decided we would stay in Canada.. find somewhere up here to hide out..........
i waited for Him to tell me what He had decided.. and waited.. and waited.. and nothing.
Finally i was told what i needed to know............
1) i must be up early on Saturday and ready to go by 9 am
2) it is a long drive (of course anything over an hour or so is long to me)
3) i was instructed to pack the toys i would like to bring - toys??!!
4) i was told to pack the Story of O collar
5) i was told i may wear normal vanilla clothes
6) i was told to pack my black see through dress thingy
and that is all i was told........
so yes i know it is my birthday.. and yes i know i am getting my weekend away.......
BUT .. that is all i know.. and i am bursting at the seams.. i am excited.. i think Sir may have actually done it.. created a surprise birthday for me !! right under my nose !!!
Just wait for the Monday Morning Report.. i will tell all........... till then .. i will fidget and wiggle and enjoy the excitement of the surprise !!!! And revel in the surprise.. and the planning.. and the sheer joy of being owned and loved !!!
Friday, October 24, 2008
On Wednesday night i had a bad dream.. one of my spectacular bad dreams.
i haven't had one like that in years........ when i used to have them.. i would sleep walk.. once my ex husband found me trying to get out a window....... bathed in cold sweat.
Wednesday's night dream was a bad one......... as i was waking up.. i had to fight to come awake.. and i couldn't come fully awake.. even when my eyes were open i was still caught in the demons of my dream.
i got up and turned on all the lights upstairs.. went to the bathroom and drank 2 glasses of cold water........ my throat was parched........ i came into the office and turned on the computer.... i had to find the real world.. i had to get back into the real world...........
weird isn't it that i came to the internet to find the "real" world.......... when so much of the net is not real !!! Yet i came .. and i found that my kids had posted - so all was right with them - there was an email from Sir - so all was right with Him.. slowly i worked my way through the check list of who was where, and what they were doing.. and slowly came to the realization that everyone in my world was fine ... and the terror - the darkness - of the dream began to fade.
i can't help but wonder why .. after all these years.. i was haunted again by one of my night terrors... everything is more than ok with my world......... and yet.......... there was a monster under my bed ............ and it scared me......
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Sir went out for dinner tonight.. and as He is known to do when He will be out in the evenings... He left me a task to complete... a complicated one at best.
Ok.. first off.. Buffalo - blog writer of infamous fame - has gone AWOL.. no blog post for 3 days and not answering emails........ and whatever else Buffalo is.. He most definitely answers cheeky emails from this lil subbie. Therefore my imagination went wild and i imagined evil dark happenings in His corner of the Great White North.
This morning i asked Sir for permission to call Buffalo and noirkat (his wife) if i hadn't heard from them by this evening. Because it is long .... longgggggg.. distance .. and because i do love to chat once i get going.. Sir came up with a wonderful timer.
i had permission to call Buffalo and noirkat ....... but first i had to put the clover clamps on my pussy lips.. and pull out Mr. Mat and sit on it (not just look at it!) and then i could call them......... and as long as i talked to them i had to remain on Mr. Mat. i do believe that Buffalo rather enjoyed knowing (yeah of course i told him!!) that i was sitting on Mr. Mat as he was certainly in no hurry to end the conversation.
(and for anyone who reads Buffalo's ruminations and is wondering.. he is fine as is noirkat - the problem is they have lost their internet connection).
Ok.. once the phone call was done.. i was allowed to get off Mr. Mat......... BUT........ i was not allowed to remove the clamps. Not just yet. Sir has a BIG surprise planned for my birthday weekend.. all i know is that i must be up early on Saturday and it is a long drive (i HATE long drives!!) Anyway....... once i was finished with the phone call.. i was to go downstairs and select toys to bring away with us this weekend... then find a suitcase i wish to take.. pack the toys.. and leave it for Sir to inspect.
THEN.. i could remove the clovers!!
Imaginative timers no??
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
i ran through a multitude of possibilities and mentally was putting check marks beside the ideas.. done it.. done it.. been there done that .. and i couldn't believe it.. i have run out of words??!! ME out of words?? !!!
Oh there are a few little things floating around.. like a new female Dominant that Cloud has promised to introduce me to.. and maybe just maybe She will play with me (Sir has already given His consent)........ and a small box that Sir got last week.. that sat on His table all weekend.. a surprise of sorts.. but i am not ready to talk about it.. and Sir is not ready to open Pandora's box...........
i was thinking how life has changed in 12 months.. how Mr. M (my new principal) has changed my outlook on work......... how he honestly listens to me... and how today he reminded me that i can not save them all.. and that i do have to actually let go of some of them.. and focus my energies on the ones who can be saved........... but it is so hard to let go sometimes... to watch a young life disappear into a poof of smoke..
i was thinking too that i have written a post every day for 4 1/2 years.. 896 posts........that is one helluva lot of words........ and it really shouldn't be that surprising that i have run out of things to say........ new things to say.. things that haven't been said before - by me anyways...
i don't know where i was going with this..... or why........... maybe it is just the need to write a post every day......... to not give up....... even on lost causes..........
Friday, October 17, 2008
i haven't written directly about this topic before.. because for the most part i thought it was just me.. and how i react to things Sir says to me...... But ya know - one of the nicest things about this blog world is.. eventually .. god willing.. you will stumble across someone else discussing the exact same thing that is bothering you.. and suddenly you don't feel so all alone..........
Yesterday swan was sharing a story about grilling shark steaks for dinner.. well truthfully her Master was doing the grilling.......... and it came down to one line.. He said "If you didn't want to do it, why did you do it?"
and i went "oh yeah baby....... that's the line.. the words.. the attitude" Sir does that to me.. asks why i did something if i didn't want to..or He will say (even worse) don't do it if you don't want to........... and in a blink of an eye.. i am propelled out of sub/slave mode and into vanilla wife mode... and it makes me angry.. makes me want to stamp my foot.
WHY do They think we do it?? geeeeeeeez.. we do it because They asked us to!!! and because we are subs/slaves.. and it is our job to do it !!!!
Let me ask you something.. how different are those questions from giving us a safe word?? huh?? how different??? We don't like something.. we don't want to do something and we have the right to say "no thank you Sir.. thank you very much i am not in the mood tonite??!!"
Safe words .. that is what that is.... forget the excuses.. yes excuses!!! that They are just keeping our feelings in mind.. taking care of us.. worrying about us....... geez louise..... They are giving us safe words !!!
And know what makes me cross about that........ Sir (i can't speak for swan's Master) is always saying i don't have a safe word.. i am always saying i don't have a safe word (and don't want one either thank you very much!!!) But every so often i am asked if i feel like doing something !!!!!!! arrrrrghhhhh it just makes my blood boil.
i did not sign on for a 50/50 relationship........ hell i tried that one with the ex and it didn't work !!! i signed on for You ask/tell/order and i follow. THAT's what i signed on for !! The pleasantries of a vanilla relationship don't work in a BDSM one.. sorry they just don't. It confuses the hell out of me.. makes my jaw drop.. makes me wonder when i got to be in charge for a day............
And worse than that.......... much worse than that................
it makes me wonder if Sir is bored with me as His slave........... and just wants me as a companion..........
That scares me more than anything.................
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Just a little fluff today - as i seem to have no thoughts or words flowing... could just be a mind fart...........
Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...
You Are a Bette!
You are a Bette -- "I must be strong"
Bettes are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.
How to Get Along with Me
- * Stand up for yourself... and me.
- * Be confident, strong, and direct.
- * Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
- * Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
- * Give me space to be alone.
- * Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
- * I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
- * When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.
What I Like About Being a Bette
- * being independent and self-reliant
- * being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
- * being courageous, straightforward, and honest
- * getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
- * supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
- * upholding just causes
What's Hard About Being a Bette
- * overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
- * being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
- * sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
- * never forgetting injuries or injustices
- * putting too much pressure on myself
- * getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right
Bettes as Children Often
- * are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
- * are sometimes loners
- * seize control so they won't be controlled
- * figure out others' weaknesses
- * attack verbally or physically when provoked
- * take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings
Bettes as Parents
- * are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
- * are sometimes overprotective
- * can be demanding, controlling, and rigid
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
On Friday .. or maybe it was Saturday .. Sir suggested that a good shaving was in order.. but i complained that the last thing i needed for the wedding was an itchy pussy....... didn't seem too "mother of the bride-ish" for me to be scratching and rubbing all through the wedding...... so it was put on the back burner......
However Sir had been shopping... and He loves - LOVES - finding normal every day things that He can "pervert" and use as a new BDSM toy. Last week He found hair clips..metal hair clips... with metal teeth........ none of this sissy plastic stuff ... no way !!! And Saturday morning .. while we were sharing a 'quiet before the storm' moment.. Sir decided it was a good time to try out the clips.
So i was perched on the lazy boy.. feet up... legs spread.. and the clips were applied to each pussy lip. Can i say OUCH !!! ??? and can i say EWWWWWWWWWW... a month of no shaving and ewwwww best describes the pictures Sir took...... i am not entirely sure what bothered me most.. the clips biting into tender flesh.. or the hair.. hair i might add.. that got snagged in the teeth.. and hurt .. ouch ouch ouch .. when He eventually took them off..
On Monday morning the first thing Sir 'suggested' was shaving time... and this time i didn't offer up any objections... seeing the hairy pussy pics was all the convincing i needed to drag out the table.. the bowls.. the shaving cream.. the razor.. the towels and the Gold Bond Medicated powder.......... and i have to admit.. it feels so much better naked.. and it looks so much better too !!!
i do believe Sir named Monday "claim the subbie back" day........ i have been flitting here and flitting there over the month of September .. between work and mystery bugs and weddings.. flitting so much i hardly knew which end was up.. and was in dire need of some re-focusing.........
After the shaving i was in the kitchen tidying up.. and Sir came in and bent me over the counter........ a good fuck was obviously on His mind...... only problem was .. god there wasn't one problem.. but a multitude of problems.. the biggest one was fear.. i felt closed up.. tight.. dry.. and there was absolutely no subtle ache in the nether regions... So the first attempt at fucking the subbie did not go well at all... Sir let it go.......... for the time being........
Later on though.. i was bent over the arm of the sofa and Sir went to town on me........ i kept saying "it's broken" .. "it doesn't want to work" and He kept at it.. bound and determined to open me up and have me panting in my wanting.............i couldn't figure out what Sir was doing.. cause sometimes it felt .. yummy good.. and other times it hurt.. and i felt as though i was being torn in two... (turned out Sir was working on stretching me.. cause yeah i have gotten tighter.. and smaller...) so when one finger was accepted then He would put in two...... and move them sideways and together (kind of like a scissors motion) in the hopes of stretching me wider.........
And yeah i did land up panting in my wanting.. and yeah i did have a wee tiny small orgasm.. but there was no gushing..and it was dry .. and tight.. and feeling for all the world like Mother Nature had locked it up tight.
Anyone who says outside influences have no bearing on a relationship....... especially a BDSM relationship is just plain out of step. Despite the little orgasm.. despite being shaved.. i was still very much at odds.. not really knowing what was wrong with myself on Monday.... Sir suggested (ordered) a nap and i took one.. much like a petulant child.. 'i don't need one.. i am not tired.. ' (add stamp of foot) ....... However i did crawl into the lazy boy.. snuggle under my snuggly and slept for an hour or so..
When i awoke.. there were no more excuses.... Sir wanted me over the ottoman.. He had a plan.. and He was gonna have His plan fulfilled. So over the ottoman i went... feeling a tad cheeky and a tad devilish.......... until Sir shoved one of His other perverted objects into me.. a New Orleans Mardi Gras shooter necklace..........
with the command - "Don't drop it!"
Then Sir went to work on my ass.. my thighs and my sweet spot with the crop and the small wee leather flogger. He kept His hand firmly planted on my back for most of it.. which honestly is just what i need most times.. that hand keeps me still (ok ok.. more or less still) and it keeps me focused on Him.. not just on the pain.......... And folks .. after so long without any .. even the softest of taps.. even the most sensual of taps had me yelping and moaning.
And throughout the session... Sir did not forget to tug and push and tap on that plastic tube shoved up my cunt...... nope... not once.. and each time He would tap or push.. i would moan that much louder..
i did have another orgasm.. and then thankfully was allowed to drop the tube.. but it wasn't a gushing .. body quaking orgasm.. but still it was one..... no matter how small.. and no i didn't fly high and dance with my fairies.. but i did feel all warm and tingly and small and needed... and the pieces of the broken subbie were coming together again... Sir was claiming me.. and it felt so right !!!
Life can now return to our regular scheduled programming.............
Thursday, October 09, 2008
i survived the SEX talk ............. even managed to get a plug in about no makeup and appropriate clothing.........
After lunch i heard - through the grapevine - that the kids came up with a new meaning for PDA........ Penises, Dicks, and Assholes.
And the world spins on............
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Because for all those years i was teaching......... 4 and 5 year olds. Do you have any idea how dirty "teacher" gets in a classroom of 20 4 and 5 year olds??? My working wardrobe consisted of wash and wear trousers, sweaters, and blouses. i wore sensible shoes.. and socks!
Ohhhhhhh my socks... i collected them.. i had Winnie the Pooh socks for all seasons.. i had dog socks.. i had cat socks... i had cow socks.. i had pretty flowered socks.. i had snow flake socks and i had Santa socks... and how my kiddies loved to check out the socks each day!!!
For the last 5 years of administrative duties........ i kept to my functional wardrobe. Why?? because .. over 20+ years it had become my "uniform" and honestly i just never thought about all the other stuff hanging in my closet.
Last spring when the 'wedding season' hit.........i purchased some less than functional clothing........ clothing more suited to "mother of the bride"......... remember those posts?? where i talked about feeling like i was turning into a barbie doll???
Anyway.......i bought some new clothes for the summer wedding.. and now i have bought some new clothes for the fall wedding.........and they are all hanging nicely in my closet waiting for the occasion. i even got up the courage to go for a shorter ..perkier.. more fashionable hair cut. Every time i dress up in the "new" clothes i have to admit to feeling good about myself.. about feeling pretty.. and yeah i have to admit .. just a bit sexy.
So ..... when September rolled around... i decided to change my work image........ no more functional outfits.. no more uniforms. Actually it took me a few weeks to work up the nerve to wear some of the new stuff........ don't ask me why....... i think i may have been shy .... and of course i am the one who HATES change.........
Anyway............ the last couple of weeks i have been sporting (one or two days a week) one of my new dressier outfits to work. And folks have started to notice. Yesterday i wore a black and white patterned top.. with black camisole and black pants. It was embarrassing how many people commented on how nice i looked.. one person even commented that she had noticed how i was even matching my earrings to my clothes (i used to wear plain silver hoops every single day)
Clothes do make the woman .. because i feel more .. confident now.. more in charge. And it shows.......... people have commented on my new style yes... but they have commented more on how i "look" different.. how i seem happier (well i am !! it helps to be done with the 'clown' and to be working for a professional now) ...... how i seem to have more of a spring in my step !!
And that got me to thinking....... (follow the bouncing subbie ball here) how so often i hear folks saying they don't have to dress the part for BDSM - specifically fetish style clothing. Hey i am not knocking that philosophy - i mostly agree with it....... i am not much for the new "s/m" (stand and model).......... BUT .. there is something that makes my heart go pitter patter.. and my knees go weak.. when Sir dresses in black....... black trousers with one of His black shirts. Nothing fancy.. no leather or latex.. just simple black. There is something in the way He carries Himself when He is decked out in His 'fetish' clothing that makes the ......... man?? the Dominant?? i wonder if it is the same for Sir.. to see me decked out in my all black fet wear - no leather or latex.. just simple black....... i wonder if He sees more the submissive and less the relaxed ... sloppy woman.
i am thinking.. after this experiment at work with less functional clothing...... that clothes can and do affect our attitude.. and the attitude of those around us.......
What say you?? Yay ....... or Nay??
Friday, October 03, 2008
i realized today that i have been doing a lot of counting of days just recently........
i have had this bug for 13 days..
i am on my 5th day of antibiotics..
and i think i may be at the end of it........ i only cough up a lung every 3 or 4 hours now.. big improvement over every 15 minutes... and i have some energy left at the end of the day.. Yesterday i managed to clean the upstairs bathroom and change the bed linens when i got home.. i made a tentative menu for the weekend and made sure i had all the food necessary.. it may not sound like much....... but after 12 days of coming home and collapsing.. it seems like a huge improvement to me!!
It has been almost a month since i was healthy enough for a good session of pain and play......... and amazingly enough today i felt those old familiar stirrings in my pussy.... and i wasn't even doing anything to cause it.. in fact i was busy booking an appointment for a parent / teacher interview.. go figure !!!
i have 9 days left in my 'wedding season'
The wedding dress left my house for a final pressing and will return sometime next week..
Wedding jitters have hit.. along with all those last minute things that haunt every wedding..
BUT in 10 days it will all be over.. and Sir and i will be having brunch with my brother and his wife and family......
Once that is over and done... then i can count the number of days until Sir and i steal away for a weekend to celebrate my birthday.......
And then .. life .. hopefully.. maybe.. will return to quiet bliss.........
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
It all started way back when .. when i was bitching about how much vanilla was treading on my wants/needs and desires... And way back then.. i got slapped down a bit.. (and yeah rightly so.. i heard what i was being told ) BUT .......... and this is where i am clearing my head...
kaya said all of what i am going to say very well in her blog... To achieve your goal she got me thinking...
i am most definitely a "warrior slave" sort...... i am capable.. self sufficient.. independent.. confident... BUT that does not mean i don't want a TPE.. that i can't be a damn good slave. What does the dominant get to control.. well ME of course.. geeez louise what a stupid question. In my mind how much fun is it to control someone who is weak and pitiful and extremely needy??? Isn't there some challenge to be found in the conquering the mighty??
BUT the big difference .. at least in my mind is ....... that once a warrior slave has been "captured" (to carry on with the analogy) then they must be reminded of their captivity. They must feel their chains.. their bonds .. otherwise they become .... a SAM?? (smart assed masochist ) .......maybe it is more they become restless and impatient..... and a bit angry at the world..........
Yesterday i talked about the lil rituals i do every single day.. protocols i follow because Sir set them down.. in stone. BUT don't submissives - even well trained.. follow the rules all the time submissives... need some validation that what they are doing they are doing for a reason??
Remember the dialogue that went on .. way back at the beginning of the D/s relationship.. the constant reminders.. the constant under the thumb sort of behaviour.......what happens to that when the submissive becomes so well trained?? There are times that i feel like the perfect 'wife' .. i cook .. i clean.. i iron .. i take care of my "man".......... BUT where is the D/s?? am i a good wife or a good slave?? i am now wondering if it is the vanilla world creeping into my life.. or has my life turned vanilla??
Maybe we warrior slaves need as much work in some ways as the fallen sparrow slaves.. maybe we need to know that we are still very much the slave in this relationship........
As kaya put it........
I don’t need to be chained in because I might wander off in the night.
What I need is that physical evidence.
I don’t need to wear a collar because my neck gets cold.
What I need is the visual reminder.
I don’t need to be told what to do because I’m brainless.
What I need is verbal reaffirmation.
And because today is the 1st. there is a new story posted on The Fictional Journey.....
And because i didn't do a story last month.. i made sure this one is a bit longer than the norm..
i hope you enjoy