Just a Quickie

Ya know........ sometimes quickies are good... they just tickle the fancy and leave you wanting more...

This morning i received an email from dear swan wondering where i had disappeared to (very nice to know that i am missed when i am absent from writing for more than day or so) and it motivated me (the email that is) to post a quickie...... just so no one thinks i have disappeared completely into the great black void that is the internet........

i have a bug.... yeah another bug... Actually though, the last one (it appears) was not a bug but a gall bladder attack.. (it is amazing what blood tests reveal about you ) ....... and on top of that i had the goodbye party and a night Board meeting... and a Halloween party to plan for 100 kids.. and oh yeah.. a Halloween party tonite that Sir and i are going to... in Vermont.

The party at school involved numerous spooky games ... from "The Great Mummy wrap" ...



to the making of "Monster Hands"



to the eyeball hunt in cold spaghetti.......



And of course "Norm" was there to hand out the prizes to all the children!!




Tonite i am dressing up as O from the Story of O.. in the final scene.. with the owl mask and black cape .... (naked underneath for those of you who didn't see the movie) .... and hopefully i won't catch pneumonia from being naked in the cold...

with any luck i should have a good post to make for my Monday Morning Report :)

until then.....................

HAPPY HAUNTING !!!

The final Goodbye

Well for those of you who read here regularly you know i was facing a 'goodbye' party with my old school...... something i wasn't much looking forward to.........

Well last night was the party.,... i had butterflies when i left for the restaurant.. when i parked my car i sat in it quietly for a bit... settling the butterflies and fighting my "fight or flight" response to the whole thing..........

And then i remembered something swan said in comment to my first blog about the party.... she pointed out that it was something i could do for THEM.. giving them closure.. letting them say goodbye.... and with those thoughts in my head i climbed out of the car and went in to join the party.

i was surprised by the ones who came... and yeah i will admit it.. hurt by those who didn't show (which was something that had haunted me) but i managed to put the hurt behind me and enjoy the 'old' ones who had come to celebrate my new posting. It was wonderful to see those 'old' faces... to catch up on all the news...

They gave me .... are you ready for this?? it made me laugh.... they gave me a watch..... just like i was retiring.. and in a funny way .., i guess i did retire.. after 29 years in one school .. leaving it and knowing i probably.... most likely.. won't see any of them again does make it a bit like retirement.

My ex principal and i had a really good chat... he is very insightful and i valued his opinions when i worked for him.. valued his thoughts on my move more than when i worked for him. He told me i was brave to make a move at this point in my career/in my life. It would have been easy to stay in the place i started... where i could almost "phone it in"....... and he was right.... suddenly i feel even more empowered.... more confident in the choice i made...

And my speech......... well i thanked them all (of course ) for the party.. but said that i wanted to thank many people for the lessons i learned from them... for how much they touched my life ... how much they supported me.........

The evening ended (as i suspected it would) with lots of hugs and "we must get together for coffee"...... and i smiled and nodded.. and thanked everyone... and came home happy that it was over.......

And more than ready to commit to this challenge that will take me through the next few years till i really do retire.

It's my party.......

i feel i really REALLY need to post a response to my Sir's blog (click here to read it).... cause i really wasn't as bad as He made me sound.. honest i wasn't..

ok first of all .. i admitted.. i stood up in front of all of you.. and admitted i am totally addicted to cafe world and farmville on face book......... ya think Sir would understand !! i am working really hard to break my addiction.. i am i am !!

And last week was a really bad week for me.. my fridge conked out... my dishwasher conked out and my pc blew up............ that is stressful.. it is it is it is !!!

Sir supervised the fixing the of the fridge and dishwasher.. and then on Saturday afternoon drove me to the local geek squad that i trust .. to take my pc in to get it fixed...

i have been using Sir's second lap top and well it is big and awkward and heavy... and i have been toying with the idea of getting a nice lil netbook for when i travel... (so i don't miss my farmville and cafe world) .. oh yeah.. and my emails.. and blogging too !!! So while we were there .. at the geek squad shop.... Sir looked at netbooks... and gave His thumbs up to my purchasing one that was on sale !!!

So home i came with a sweet lil netbook that i needed to load with all the programs and software and then of course back up... and farmville and cafe world were still clicking along merrily and needed tending in between times.... so it was a busy day on Saturday.. i couldn't help it.. things needed to be looked after ..... right???

And then.......... Sunday was my birthday.... hush.. i don't DO birthdays anymore.. well i try not to...... except my girls weren't gonna let me forget i am OLD .. old as dirt.. and neither was Sir... (and as it turns out .. neither were some of my friends who fired off email birthday cards - see me blush?? i really did just want to forget it...)

Anyway........... Sunday morning Sir had me over the dining room table right after breakfast for my birthday spanks... and He cheated!! Honest He did......... He was doing a hand spanking.. and at one point was using both hands at the same time.. which doubled the number of spanks.. i know i was counting them !!! (silly ole Sir.. cheating like that !!)

And then in the afternoon Sir wanted to play... He brought up the whip....... but i had food almost ready in cafe world to be served.. and i had crops nearly ready to harvest in farmville.. AND i had files being copied on the new netbook that were almost finished !!! ya think He'd understand !!! But Sir is Sir.. so i went over the ottoman... and the whip was used .. and the crop.. and the sticks (i don't know what else to call them) ..........
AND........
Sir used the big sparklers. .the gigantic enormous HUGE sparklers on my back and ass... His own version of birthday candles...

oh yeah.. i almost forgot to tell you....... when Sir was whipping me.. cropping me... He kept singing .. "Happy Birthday to you" ... and the whooping followed the beat of the song... trust me when i say.. there was no way i could ignore it was my birthday!!!

All in all it was a pretty spectacular birthday............ and cafe world and farm ville survived my short absences.. my ass on the other hand.... well let's just say it remembers it was my birthday !!

Hate Goodbyes

Once upon a time...... when i thought i would retire from my school........ i maintained that when retirement day came i would simply disappear in a poof of smoke........ no one would know i was going.. until i was gone.

Then the new job came up........ and as luck would have it.... the transfer happened during the summer when everyone was gone....... i could ... and did.. just disappear in a poof of smoke.

Only one problem with my disappearance.. my old school found me. They called at the beginning of September and told me they wanted to give me a goodbye party. i stammered and stuttered and said i didn't really want a goodbye party.. but they persisted ... so i stalled. i insisted that they let me get through September .. get settled in... and then i would think about it.

Truthfully i hoped they would forget.

Only thing i didn't count on.. was i didn't forget. And the more i thought about it.. the more i thought there were people i would like to see again. So i called them back.. i didn't make it easy for them.. i stipulated the area for the party... the time for the party .. even the day. They agreed ... to all of it.

And so the party is set (next Monday night)........ the invitations sent out (so i have been told) .. and the quick peek i have been given to the guest list makes me feel as though i AM retiring...they have invited teachers i worked with going back 20+ years!! (of course an invitation doesn't mean they will show up - my worst nightmare no one shows up)

i have run a few ideas for a thank you / goodbye speech around in my head..

i have even run a few outfits to wear around in my head..........

Maybe i will just take youngest daughter's suggestion and not show up.........

Cause the bottom line is..........people will say "let's stay in touch" and we won't.. people will say "I will call you" and they won't..... and that makes me very uncomfortable..........

i just plain hate "goodbyes"........it's just all so awkward.

Addiction

my name is "morningstar" and i am an addict.

It started off simply enough..... doesn't it always?? i opened an account on facebook...... for my vanilla side ... for my family .. for sharing photos of family events.

Then i started to add a few vanilla friends.. and then work associates....

The more people i added the more "applications" i discovered.

The first one was Bejeweled...........



i started playing....... once in a blue moon........ it's sorta like (in my mind) popping the bubbles from the bubble wrap paper....... only thing is..... you only get one minute to pop..........

Then i scored a high score...... over 100,000 wow....... the adrenalin started pumping and i HAD to beat my score.... friends started playing and i had to beat their scores.......... i logged on to play before work.. after work.... whenever i could...

Then............ my friends started to invite me to something called Farmville...



i went and looked .... tried it out.... went "pfffffft" boring... and went back to my Bejeweled.... but everyone was talking about this farmville.. so i went back... and started planting crops.... adopting animals.. buying fences.. timing my crops so they wouldn't wither in the fields...

i was playing Bejeweled while i waited for my crops to ripen.............. then .. i saw an ad for something called Cafe World - build your own restaurant.


i went to take a look...... i opened a restaurant......... i bought ingredients and started cooking up a storm...........



Now i was flipping between Farm Ville crops and Cafe World recipes... and dashing over to Bejeweled in between times..

Then i discovered - to my horror - that i was playing face book games instead of writing blogs.. instead of cleaning the house.. instead of doing chores.. instead of doing laundry.............

and so here i stand........ openly admitting ........

i am addicted to "applications" on Face Book...................

HELP !!!!!!!!!!!

Strange weekend

What a strange weekend we had.....

First of all i came home feeling like crap mid afternoon on Friday - just a general malaise - cold shaky tired nauseous. Sir wasn't coming over anyway as eldest daughter was holding a baby shower for youngest daughter on Saturday. So i climbed into bed at 7 and slept till 8:30 the next morning. i wasn't sure i was gonna make the shower - but as the day progressed i managed to shower and dress and head over. Sir was waiting for me when i got home and we spent a quiet evening watching television... (how normal is that?? !!)

Sunday was a quiet day.. i snuggled in my big comfy chair and just vegged...

until........

mid afternoon when Sir decided that He was gonna needle my ass.

Now i rather like needle play... it tends to relax me.. i get to lie on my tummy, close my eyes and just float along on the prick prick prick of the needles.

So.. there i was lying on my blanket.. eyes closed floating along nicely when suddenly it felt as though Sir had shoved a massive HUGE needle into my ass.. i absolutely screeched.. Sir pulled the needle out and asked if He had hit a nerve.. (i mean there is screech and then there is SCREECH) who knows what He hit ......... geez it felt as though it had gone in my ass and hit my pelvic bone...

The next couple of needles went in fine then there was another screeching needle... but by now Sir had commented on how there were some small needles mixed with the big ones...

so tell me dear readers which needle do you think was causing the horrific screeching?? small or large??

here let me show you.. help you make your choice...



ok so which one... big or small??

did you guess the small one?? no...... well it was........ oh my god they hurt !!!

Then as if all of that wasn't enough...... Sir has a bead chain thingy that He uses for sensation play when i am all needled up... running it between the needles over the needles.. alternating with His vibrating the needles with His hands... And just for the hell of it.. Sir grabbed a small hand vibrator and shoved it up against my clit making my clit vibrate while the needles vibrated..........

Finally the needles came out.. and the finishing touch.. the icing on the cake... whatever you want to call it.. Sir picked up the bead chain thingy and started to whoop my ass with it....

i thought i was a total wimp.. i screeched.. i yelped.. i wiggled.. i cried..

Just to prove i didn't totally wimp out.... here's a picture of the bead marks left on my ass..





and that was our weekend

Truth in Advertising??

ok.. so last week 'we' (royal we) talked about how sex sells.. remember?? how when i write about sex.. or pussy torture .. my numbers go through the roof.........

Welllllllllllllllllllllll seems the main stream has caught on to the idea.........





















This morning Sir and i are sitting watching our Sunday morning news shows.. and i look up to see a black leather clad woman swinging a whip - listening to the crack of the whip - as the voice over says ... "Dominatrixes do it better" AND then they showed a bag of pistachio nuts?
Pistachio nuts??!!!

If you want .. watch it HERE ...


Have you seen other advertisements that incorporate BDSM to sell a product?? ( i think i saw one the other night (i don't watch ads.. but i am pretty sure i caught one that involved a leather boy clad in leather shorts, leather body harness and leather cap)

inquiring minds want to know..........

The Mundane

During the week things are pretty mundane around here.......... work chores work sleep..... i was thinking this morning as i sat here at my trusty lil computer that i really should be cleaning the house......... BUT ya know.. i don't much feel like cleaning.. (i rarely do actually) .... i was running an inventory of work schedules and work problems and work tasks that need to be done... and then flipped to house schedules and house work and house problems that need to be dealt with... and i just thought "Calgon - take me away" (ok some of you are probably way too young to know that commercial)

But it wasn't really Calgon i was looking for.. i kinda sat and listened to my body for a bit.. and realized how much i am craving pain (and yeah yeah i know.. i could have had my fill of pain this weekend... mea culpa!!) BUT this past weekend the body rebelled at the thought of pain........... crazy i know !! and so here i sit on a Thursday morning with house work to do.. dreaming of all the nasty things that could be done to me.. done to me while i do the house work ...... done to me when i am finished the house work.. done to me.. just because....

Anyone ever notice what vivid imaginations submissives have?? i am wondering if this vivid imagination is spurred on by need/want/cravings.......... who knows??

i just know that i am sitting here looking at a dirty untidy house and having some amazing fantasies!

LOL day

Bonnie over on My Bottom Smarts sent me an email a week or so ago...... announcing that Tuesday October 13th would be "LOL day."











Today is YOUR day......... all my silent visitors... all those folks who drop by here regularly....occasionally ... once in a blue moon, read and silently slip away.


Come on 'lurkers' celebrate your day....... you don't have to say anything philosophical or clever or witty - well you can if you want to.. the whole idea is to leave a comment.........any comment........


come on now.. stand up and be counted...

come on........ you know you want to.................

Today's your day...........................

CELEBRATE !!!

Statistical Sex part 3

yeah yeah i am milking the sex angle for all it's worth..........

It was definitely a pussy torture weekend.. Sir finished up the torture with a close shaving........... and healthy dose of Gold's Medicated Powder .......... rubbed into my pussy.. soaking up all the natural juices.. and burning - burning from my pussy to the the roots of my hair.......... god i hate Gold's Medicated Powder !!!

But ... there is something i want to work out.... more than pussy torture issues...

i am confused...........




and confused is not where i want to be after a weekend with Sir.........

This morning Sir told me that after the shaving i was going downstairs for a session....... sounds great right???

i even went downstairs and put the heater on...........

Then time passed - i was doing the laundry... and time passed... and then when i poked the need inside.. i discovered it had changed ..... from need to plain out right SCARED. WTF??!!

Then when Sir said He HAD a couple of things to do today.. and i asked what .. and one of those "have to do things" was whooping my ass.. i threw a very undignified.. unexplained temper tantrum (for lack of a better term) .............. and so the downstairs session didn't happen.

And there was a big part of me that was totally relieved.. and another part of me that was bloody pissed off - with me not Sir.......... cause i could have gone to Him i could have whispered in His ear about the unexplained scared feelings...... and Sir would have helped me work them through..... even if it meant just going downstairs and getting to it.. and getting me over it.............

why oh why do i do this to myself ?? why can't i just talk.. or relax.. or something?? instead of digging in my heels and landing myself up alone.. still scared.. and with a need that hasn't been fixed..............

colour me confused..

Statistics part 2

whip it.

and fuck it.


see me smiling???

Statistical Sex

better title - Gratuitous Sex - OR - Sex Sells





i have all sorts of gadgets to give me statistics on my blog.... now i never used to have any interest in statistics.. but one day... after writing reams of words i wondered if anyone ever read them...... i was curious.. i added a hit counter.

Now i vowed i wouldn't let it rule me.. i wouldn't write to raise the hits - improve my stats.. and for the most part i haven't. Oh occasionally i will get hung up in how my numbers have dropped.. but for the most part i don't much fuss.. this blog after all is for me.. to get things off my chest.. Though i will admit my numbers go way up when there are problems on the home front.. or if i am discussing sex.. or if i am exposing my private bits for one and all to see...


There are others who do whole blog posts about how folks stumble across their blog.. you know .. the words they type into some search engine and land up on your blog. i have never done one of those blogs cause the people who stumble across my blog usually come from another blog that links to me (thank you btw.. to all of you who link to me.. especially the ones i never knew about or read)

For some strange reason people just don't find me using search words .. maybe my titles are too vanilla.. or too boring - who knows (shrug)

Anyway......... all of this is to say.... for the last little while my numbers have been pretty stable - very few new hits - most of my hits are return visitors......... which is very nice - cause golly gee - they must like what they found here...

But still not too many new visitors.

Until this week.

My new visitor numbers have doubled .. tripled even one day.

So i got curious. i figured there was a new blog out there that had linked to mine.. or someone had taken offense to something i had written and blogged about it .. but no.......... i was actually being found by using search words.

Wanna know what the search words were?? huh huh? do ya??

"Pussy torture"

That's it.. i am getting huge hits from the phrase pussy torture. Go figure !! and in checking back i have only ever written 2 blogs specifically about pussy torture. Now if that's not weird i don't know what is.

Now the day i wrote about "cock worship" i figured that might bring a few new hits.. but nah.. not really - i guess folks aren't much interested in cock worship.. but pussy torture ......... look out.

Now the only thing is........ i am wondering .... am i getting a whole slew of future psychopaths who enjoy torturing cats - OR - am i getting a whole slew of new readers who want to know something about torturing a woman's pussy.

Makes ya stop and wonder doesn't it??

Obviously sex sells... and perverted kinky sex sells even better.

peeking in...

Honest true i am still around.......... the only thing is by the time i get home from work.... i am brain dead (and no comments from the peanut gallery!!)

This week i have been fighting to get rid of this mystery bug.. and just when i think it is gone and life is mine again........ it rears it's nasty lil head and throws another symptom at me....

This week i have been running around (at work) putting out lil fires.... just when i think i have them under control another one flares up somewhere else... this week i have had a lawyer threaten me because - basically - i wasn't wowed by the fact she was a lawyer ........... and i handed her off to the Board.. let them wow each other with their importance and may the best woman win...

i have been digging further into the financial mess that i inherited.. and finally .. on Tuesday totally discouraged and worried by the trend i am seeing.... i got to talk to the BOSS ...... and i have called an audit.. and i made it very clear that i will NOT be handling any problems that happened prior to September 1 - when i officially took over this school.

Then there were 10 jobs posted across the Board - i do believe every single woman who works for me applied.. (about 15 of them) besides all the other women who work for the Board who honestly believe they are the ones for the job......... Yesterday the word came back to me.. one of the women who works for me .. got one of my jobs.. no one else got anything. i got to tell them all the news. i understand being disappointed ....... i do !!! BUT i don't understand how it is MY fault they didn't get the jobs............. honest i don't get that one at all.

Yesterday i packed up all the papers that i inherited.. all the papers that are in no order ....... i packed them all up into 5 banker's boxes and have them ready to go to the Board. When they are finally gone from my office - i think i might be able to relax a little and see this job as mine......... fresh start .. no ghosts screeching and whispering in my office.

This past week i have come to realize the extent of the need of this community.. from illiterate parents to children who have been badly abused.. (worse than i have ever seen ) .. i had one father describe in great detail the women who birthed his children and then left.. from a coke addict to a prostitute to a woman who is now behind bars... i now have 3 .. count 'em 3 - autistic children who are officially mine....... i have children who bite and pinch and kick (not other children - but the adults in their lives......... and for those with a warped sense of humour.. one child particularly likes pinching women's nipples. )

It has been two weeks since i snuggled in my Sir's arms .. with a hot red ass .. and an itch that had been well scratched. It has been a week of my worrying about Him.. about His sugar levels and His tiredness.. and wishing for all i am worth that we could live together.. so i could "see" how He is rather than have Him assure me He is fine........

Yeah it has been an exhausting week.. and yeah i am brain dead............

BUT ..........

There is always next week.......... maybe next week things will get better.

Not much to report.........

Well as far as Monday Reports go.. there really isn't much to report..........

Saturday i spent the day bundled up in blankets on the sofa... with juice and soup... and wishing i could die... and feeling so very glad Sir had decided it was a "time out" weekend.. cause i was in no shape for anything.......... and as i have said before.. when i am sick i just want to be left alone...

i did take multiple hot baths as i have this notion that a hot bath will help sweat out whatever bug has invaded my body ........ my male cat loves when i take baths.. he climbs up on the edge of the tub walks around inspecting things.. my toes to my head.. and every damn time he gets up to my head.. he feels the urge to head butt me !! he purrs and talks to me constantly ... he will occasionally tentatively stick a foot out to swipe at my toes.. but if his foot gets wet he gets all indignant with me.. and scolds me no end..

my female cat on the other hand... came in only once.. she sat prissy like on the toilet seat took one look at me submerged in the hot water and started screaming.......... i guess she thought i was drowning...then she stalked out. i guess she figured if i wasn't gonna listen to her warnings about the evil of water .. there was nothing more she could do for me..

By Sunday i was on the mend.. managed to add crackers to my soup.. and nothing untoward happened...
i got my ass off the sofa and managed to do the laundry and drag in the furniture from the secret garden and get it stored away in the basement until next summer...

While i am on the subject - sort of - of my cats... and laundry..... when i went down to the laundry room.. there was cat pee on the floor by the litter box... i am assuming my male's aim is slightly off.. (just like a male to miss the damn pot !!) so i set too and washed the floor with javel.................. now i have done this once before and ya'd think i would learn.. one should never .. EVER.. mix javel and ammonia i don't know how i didn't blow up the house.. i know i did a number on my lungs, nose and eyes !!

i even managed to tidy / sort out the linen closet and put all the summer sheets/comforters and table clothes away.. and pull out the winter stuff... most importantly the Thanksgiving runners and table clothes .. as our Thanksgiving is next weekend.. and some of the family will be here to celebrate.

Once .. or twice.. maybe more than that.. folks have asked me why Sir and i don't live together on a permanent basis.......... it seems a good time to put that query to bed once and for all.........

First off.. Sir works on the South Shore.. which is approximately 30 minutes from me.. and i work over here... which is 30 minutes from Him. Unfortunately there is a bridge separating us.......... a bridge that can add - at rush hour - an hour or more to the traveling time. And we have both reached an age....... when........... finding a new job in another city (in my case under a new school board) is almost impossible. So.. it is much easier to live separately during the week - do our own thing - and see each other on weekends, holidays and family times. There are plans on the back burner to one day retire.. move out of this province to greener pastures ......... together. BUT only time will tell.

And that dear friends.. is my Monday Report.

blowing up

any of you who read here regularly - who have read here over the past few days/weeks, have been aware that i have been trying to control an inner rage...

i am not known - usually - for losing it.. for blowing up and letting it all out.. i do it rarely......... the moons have to be aligned just right.. the stress levels have to be just right.. my world has to be topsy turvy enough............ and when all those factors come together, well i blow my top. That is rare though......... i tend to shut up .. go quiet.. be moody .. when i am angry... or upset.. or insulted... i tend to cry.. but i have discussed that..........

Yesterday the moons were aligned just right, the stress levels were just right, my world was topsy turvy enough......... and well.......... i blew.

It might have had a more positive outcome if this blow up had been face to face.. but it wasn't.. it was through emails........... and i have discussed in the past few days/weeks how i don't read signals through emails well.. i much prefer face to face and all the body language that goes with a "debate".

i have a problem with a friend.... who often writes me emails........ and they are from time to time...... ambiguous at best.

And what frustrates me the most is that he never ever admits he was wrong. He will twist and turn the words around to try and cover up........ at least that is how i see it. He may not intend to do that........ but i see it that way....... and it makes me angry.

Geeeez .. just say "i am sorry i didn't mean for you to take it that way". instead of twisting and turning the words to mean something completely different....

which is why i usually ignore emails that i find insulting.. or hurtful .. because i know the words will be twisted and turned and the finger will be pointing at me and my inability to understand.

But yesterday i had had it............ there have been about a week's worth of innuendos in my email box.. and yesterday was the last straw.. instead of doing what my mother always told me to do .. which was to let it go... not put myself on their level....... etc etc.. i wrote back.......... there wasn't one thing i regret saying.. except my closing comment........

i called him a pompous ass.

i do regret that.

we are all pompous asses from time to time...

that is why i do not like blowing up....... i say things that are best left unsaid.

lesson learned.

And so the year begins........

yup... you guessed it.. i have my first "bug" of the year.. a bit of a mystery bug.... weak as a kitten, small headache, small achy body, small cough, no energy.

Thankfully Sir had decided this was a "time out" weekend.. so i can curl up and die without interfering with His schedule. i HATE being sick when He has things planned - even if it is just whooping my ass.

i am pleased to report though that the furnace guy finally showed up at dinner time last night and i have heat again........ (i was so cold all day yesterday) Now i have the heat cranked up .. and am feeling warmer.

i am pleased to report that things at work - at least for now - are back on track. Miss Fussy has been nailed due to my being a bitch and sneaking back into work on Thursday night ... and catching her doing absolutely NOTHING... the Principal and i gave her a good talking to... in fact the Principal even suggested she might want to apply on a clerical job in another school. Whether she does or not.. i feel as though my authority has been restored.

Now i am gonna take my icky body downstairs and curl up on the sofa with juice and a blanket.. and the cats to keep me company.....

If i don't die from this mystery bug.. i promise to check in eventually...........

Play safe this weekend...

Vague thoughts

i woke at 3 this morning.... the house was cold - cause my furnace... my brand spanking new furnace installed only 8 weeks ago and never been used.... refused to come on yesterday.. oh joy oh joy!! And it turns out there is gonna be problems with the service call... they want to charge for the service call???!!! i was so angry (again - it seems to be the theme this week- my being angry) a service call on a brand new furnace??? never before used furnace??? My choice was freeze for a couple of days while the condo association sorts it out.. or order the service call and tell them to send the bill to the association... Guess which one i picked ??!!

So i am lying in bed at 3 am freezing.. when it hit me .. my throat is really .. REALLY .. sore.. my head aches, my nose is running and my chest hurts. Oh joy oh joy!! One of the many bugs floating around school has taken up residence in my body. Which shouldn't really be any surprise considering how stressed i have been all week.

And then i was breathing this huge sigh of relief that Sir had decided we would take a "time out" this weekend and each of us get much needed chores down at our respective domiciles........... and i am wondering how much i am gonna feel like doing considering how crappy i feel............

And then ...... i am just lying there .. letting my addled brain flit from one thing to another.. when for some reason .. i started picturing other people's sessions.. other people's rationale for playing.......

We have this friend.. who when he is domming.. seems to love having a reason to punish his submissives. Don't get me wrong.. He has never come out and said "I LOVE punishing my slaves" but he does get a gleam in His eye when He discusses it.. and on all his online ads he is very clear how He punishes.

i was remembering back to a time when he had a submissive who was.. shall we say.. not in the world's best shape. He assigned an exercise regime for her... and if she didn't follow it she was punished.

i was thinking about her - for some reason - as i lay shivering and aching in my bed in the dark this morning.... and i wondered how well that would have worked with me. i didn't have to think very hard or very long..... i would have told him where to shove his theories and his punishments.... cause ya see ... my weight has always been this trigger......... no happy memories attached to my past diets..... and so it is a definite sticking point for me.. and yeah i would have been less than graceful or gracious if he started on his "this is what you will do every day for 30 minutes " routine..

and then i got to thinking maybe that was the only way He could rationalize whooping someone's ass.. as a punishment. Many doms seem to have the same rationale......... and then i was remembering when Sir was just starting to whoop my ass.. and He seemed more comfortable doing a punishment session than a play session.

And i was wondering when the real transition came about.... from gleeful punishment sessions (and my being a real brat to instigate one ) and the playful sessions we now have.. ones where Sir gets that gleeful look in His eye... and i know my ass is in for a good one............

And in the middle of the wondering when the change took place..... i drifted back off to sleep.......

i guess it wasn't really important to remember that....... it was all just vague thoughts at 3 in the morning, when the furnace doesn't work, and the body is screaming SICK.

Luckiest Sub Ever !!!

Yesterday was possibly the worst day i have had in a long long long time.........

i wrote my blog.. sent Sir an email.... went back to work.

At 2:30ish i looked up to see Sir walking through the doors to the BIG room holding a bouquet of sunflowers............



And my day got a whole lot brighter ....... i am loved and cared for........

i am the luckiest sub ever !!!