Monday, October 30, 2006
Now i love to lend a helping hand to your average friendly masochist subbie.. i am always available to offer suggestions... and sometimes .. ughhh.. suggestions are sent back my way.. and Sir usually .. almost always .. takes up the gauntlet so to speak...
A few months ago.. god only knows how long ago.. i wrote about Mr. Mat, and how it was a punishment mat for me.. when i fidget too much Sir will have me sit my cute lil ass on it for a prescribed length of time. Now kaya read about Mr Mat and apparently just had to have one... today kaya beguiled us all with a story about her experiences with Mr Mat.. only they have nicknamed it 'non slip slave runner ' ... i read and chuckled .. seemed to me pay back is fair game.. After all because of kaya i am now the proud owner of a tack bra (which might i add.. Sir had me wear to a vanilla birthday brunch yesterday - for 7 hours !!! AND despite feeling like my breasts were raw hamburger meat by the time we got home.. i didn't even have a mark!!)
BUT i digress...........i wanted to offer a suggestion to kaya.. or anyone else who has a "thing" for Mr Mats... when Sir and i were at camp this summer.. we saw an innovative usage for these mats........ someone covered a chair with the prickly mat added some restraints .. et voila .. a torture devise worthy of the Spanish Inquistion.
(double click on the picture of the chair to see a larger version)
(and for those of you interested.. i have added to my fictional blog - link at the right - )
Friday, October 27, 2006
Well a blogger - Tim Id - i read (vanilla blogger) posted a post about his garden gnome... HEY i warned you all he is vanilla !! And challenged folks to steal it and put it up on their blog..
i found all this interesting information out on The Michael's blog (another vanilla blog i read) and decided it would be more fun to steal the gnome from Michael than actually steal it from Tim Id. (are you following all this nonsense so far??!!)
Sooooooo as it stands now .. i have stolen said gnome and have hidden it.. in my blogland... the challenge, it would seem, is to see how long one can hold on to this lil bugger before someone else "steals" it away.
IF you find the gnome.. and decide to steal it.. you must leave a comment telling me that you are doing just that.. then you must post a link to Tim Id's blog and i would say it is only fair to leave a link to my blog ..........
If nothing else .. this is one excellent way of opening up new blogs to people crazy enough to try and figure this all out.. wouldn't you say???
ok ok i am feeling feisty and cheeky this morning.. and really should be getting ready for school....... so i am off (in more ways than one!!) enjoy the hunt for the gnome - if you decide to join in............
Thursday, October 26, 2006
But it wasn't a bad day actually - let me share ...
By noon i was feeling very sorry for myself.. Sir had planned such a special day for my birthday - a visit with the new grandson... out for dinner then home for what i suspect was to be my birthday spanks........ instead i was lying on the couch with wobbly legs, runny nose and a headache that wouldn't quit. And i hadn't heard from anyone.... anyone !! The phone rang just after noon and it was the clown i call 'boss' just calling to wish me a Happy Birthday!! i was very touched.........
Then at 3:00 who should walk in my door but my Sir !!! with a cup of my favourite coffee from Timmy Ho's....... (a Canadian coffee joint) He sat with my feet up on His lap and we chatted and i napped... i hated not being better company for Sir.. but it was so nice to have Him here with me...... even just for a couple of hours !!
Then.. today... i was well enough to head back to school (of course i was !! my birthday was over ) and just around noon time my baby daughter came in to school bearing a huge tray of cupcakes complete with candles for me to share with my "friends".. god i felt all of 6 years old again !!! How that girl managed to find time to bake me cupcakes with a new baby is beyond me... but my heart grew 3 sizes !!!
So .. despite the bug of bugs trying its best to ruin my birthday...... my Sir and daughter worked (and schemed together i am sure!!) to make it as special as they could.........
what a lucky woman i am !!!!
(i have posted to my photojournal - see link at right )
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
But that wasn't what i wanted to discuss........ i am curious.......... when i am sick i get so damned horny. And i find that very weird!! my body aches, my stomach turns, my head is ready to explode , my nose runs like a leaky tap............ and i get horny!! It isn't like i have the energy or the inclination to do anything about it.. even IF Sir gave His permission........ BUT does anyone else find they get all hot and bothered when they are sick?? Why do you think that is???
And if no one else has this weird reaction to viruses.. please don't tell me !! cause - god - that will just mean i am weirder than i thought !! NO wait !! if i don't get any comments i will believe no one else feels this way and then i will feel weird.. sighhhhhhhhh maybe i am just plain weird.. (giggling) i am pretty sure any vanillas who stumble across this blog must believe me more than weird!!!
ok enough rambling for now........ just thought i would check in to the blogging world and let those that care know i am climbing back up ......... again !!
Sunday, October 22, 2006
i found a long flowing black skirt.. but honestly could not find anything to wear on top.. and despite Sir's reassurances that i could go in just the tack bra !! i did think it might be a whole lot more conservative of me to wear my red velvet jacket....
Sir's tux had to be altered.. not a problem so He thought !! Done in a day or two........ nope sorry .. couldn't get it done before Tuesday the 17th which didn't leave a whole lot of time for any mishaps in the altering..............
Then Thursday night Sir told me He had cracked His head on the mail box at the house.. didn't sound too bad!! Until He walked in on Friday and i got to see it with my own eyes... i kept thinking how lucky He was that He didn't land Himself in the hospital !!! Fortunately His studs and tie were red too.. so He at least matched!!!
Now .. dear miss kaya has been having some fun with me in the comment section here on The Journey........ but i think !! i believe !! i swear !!! she figured out how to upload a virus onto my computer.. honest true she did !!!! And the proof i have of this dastardly deed?? easy... kaya has had a runny nose virus thingy all week long..... and Saturday morning i awoke feeling yucky... (and NO - the fact i work in a school that resembled an epidemic center all week does NOT explain my achy bones on Saturday).... thank god for tylenol and curry soup!! i was willing to do / eat / swallow just about anything to get me through this affair !!!!
Sir and i did go out.. We did avoid the society pages thank you very much Cloud!!! Once home i collapsed into bed... i am sure i died.. . i am sure i did!!! no one can feel this awful and still be alive and breathing.......... school tomorrow???? !!! maybe i will just pull the covers over my head and dream of pumpkins and carriages, and handsome Sirs in tuxes until this virus from kaya disappears !!!
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Now since that mis-adventure, Sir has not used duct tape on me. (btw.. i DO have an allergy to adhesives - dumb subbie forgot that duct tape IS an adhesive!!) A week or so ago, Sir was chatting with friends and the duct tape incident came up. One wickedly evil Domme suggested that Sir place the duct tape on my ass.. so that during i would itch and scratch.. and afterwards suffer from the rash and peeling skin. Sir looked at me, and i kinda shrugged and pointed out it wasn't exactly a life threatening allergy .. soooooooooo.. if He wished, why not??? (now truthfully i didn't for one second think that Sir would actually do such a thing!!! dumb subbie moment again!!)
On Sunday ... just before Sir and i headed off to the munch.. He ordered me to drop my pants and bend over. Duct tape was applied to my ass... my pants pulled back up and off we went. From time to time during dinner, i felt a bit itchy .. but it never seemed to amount to too much. i commented to Sir that my ass is so toughened by the floggings and whippings that it probably wouldn't react to the adhesive. The worst part of the duct tape incident was the removal... Sir took great pleasure in ripping it off.... major ouchies.. and i was dancing a little jig.
The next morning my ass wasn't even pink.. never mind rash red. Once again i thought my ass won out.. no bruises.. and now no red rashes!!
Here it is Thursday... and i am sitting at my desk this morning, working on the pc... and i get this terrible urge to scratch my ass. What was that about??!! i had virtually forgotten the duct tape incident of Sunday. I went off to the bathroom to have a damn good scratch - nails against itchy skin.... AND lo and behold when my nails hit the skin, it peeled right off !!! Now not all the skin peeled off my ass.. just down around the bottom edges where the ass meets the legs... i gingerly grasped one edge and gave a little tug and this neat strip of skin peeled right off. I cautiously explored the rest of my ass.. rubbing my finger tips across it.. envisioning all the skin peeling off.... and thinking to myself "MY GOD i will have a sensitive ass and Sir is just gonna LOVE flogging it!!!" BUT .. fortunately ..or unfortunately ... depending on how you look at it.. only the one strip came off each ass cheek!!!
And so i have had another great duct tape adventure!!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
i have had many ........ many .. birthdays.......... and some of them were less than memorable... the year my dad died... the year my Mistress decided i was too old for her anymore... the years that my ex couldn't remember that it even WAS my birthday...........
Now i am very lucky.. my baby daughter believes in the philosophy of it being your one special day!! My Sir believes in my birthday at least ( He tends to pooh pooh His.. and all other holidays....... BUT my birthday .. well now that is a different thing altogether!!)
And i realized this morning.. it isn't the birthday meals .. or the birthday cake.. or the presents that make my day special (at least not now .. after soooooo many many birthdays - LOL - do you get the feeling that i am feeling just a tad old??) BUT it is the time that is being spent organising my special celebration!!! It is the thought and caring and love that is going into planning my day........ that is what makes me feel loved and cared for......... and it IS a very nice warm fuzzy feeling.........
i am wondering .... just curious actually.... seeing as my birthday falls in the middle of the week.... and i am seeing Sir on THE day.. and on the celebration day the weekend after... do i get double the birthday spanks???
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
If i never had to venture out into a world that is much less than perfect.. if i never had to deal with broken hearts and broken bodies .. if i never had to put myself out there for one and all to point fingers at and accuse .... would i be better able to serve my Sir???
On Friday i felt beaten down... defeated. i was angry that people were name calling again.. (yeah it happens from time to time.. mainly i guess because i am out there.. as public as i can be with my feelings, my thoughts, my philosopies)
Today .. Tuesday.. i am still feeling defeated... more so now cause i disappointed Sir.. more than disappointed... i am feeling old.. and worn out.. and the climb out of this muck and mire is looking a bit like an Everest climb........ and i am tired... and my spirit is cracked and bruised...
Sometimes this journey is a rocky one.............
Thursday, October 12, 2006
This position really doesn't need to hurt one bit, other than perhaps your arms bound so tight. All you have to do is stay standing high up on your tip-toes. Easy, right? But if not, you'll soon get pulled right back up into your proper stance... pulled by your nipples!
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
We have a lot of "toys" .. i never really thought about the term .. toys.. but i did on Sunday night when Sir had me strung up from the chains and was using the quirt on me. You see.. the quirt was purchased at a tack shop. It is meant to be used on horses - not humans.
As Sir was using the quirt on my ass and back i visualized the quirt being used on a horse.. to make it go faster.. to make it behave... i actually have no idea why anyone would use a quirt on a horse.. (not being a horsewoman myself - in fact i have never even sat on a horse).... BUT if it is sold in a tack shop it must have some use for horses.
In my mind that made the quirt different from our other toys.. and therefore should have a different catagory. Most of our toys are just that .. toys that have been made by other BDSMers for use on a submissive's ass or various other body parts. Somehow.. for some reason.. on Sunday night .. i got it into my head that those toys.. the ones specifically created for BDSM play can't be nearly as fierce or bad as those actually made for horses. We have 2 buggy whips as well... and as much as they have been used on me frequently .. never before did i feel a need to find another catagory for these REAL implements.
Now i have no idea why this whole catagorizing of the toys is suddenly important to me.. maybe it is just a left over effect from the fairies whispering in my ear about horses asses and what nots... but i am curious.. does everyone call their BDSM implements "toys"???
Do you have "toy boxes" you store them in??? do you surf the net looking for new toys?? do you go to leather events hoping to find another "toy" something not yet in the "toy box"??
So what do i do with my REAL whips and quirts?? what do i call them?? They can't be toys can they?? if they have a REAL use??? AND why in heaven's name am i fussing over this??? oh welllll i am just gonna put it down to leftover fairy gossip.....
Monday, October 09, 2006
Punishments are something i personally struggle with.. i divide them into two categories.. 1) the ones i honestly deserve and 2) the ones i don't honestly believe i deserve or believe are fair....
- the ones i honestly deserve are the ones that i accept gracefully - though tearfully - i feel i have failed, i am upset that i have angered Sir, i am devastated by the whole process...
- the ones i don't think i deserve for whatever good reason i have at the moment are the ones that make me stamp my feet and cry (out of anger more than pain) and basically just put me in a pouty - "i'll show HIM" kind of mood....
i have a punishment book where i am instructed to write down (when Sir and i are not together ) the infractions .. the punishments are doled out at the first chance when we are together... some weeks the punishment book goes untouched.... other times much like this week.. there are one or two entries.
Now most of my punishments are done with the "snake" - a plastic snake shaped shoe horn purchased at Ikea.......
now Mr Snake as we have come to call it.. has a nasty lil sting to it.. especially against a bare ass .......... but it is something i have come to tolerate. i count off the hits as a good subbie and when the punishment is over i hug Sir and thank Him for correcting me.
This weekend i had earned a few swats with Mr Snake.. 25 for being late with both my personal journal and Sir's juice and morning meds... and 10 for entering a room without permission. BUT there was one punishment left .. from the punishment book. i had forgotten a task Sir had given me.. the entry to my fictional blog. Sir had this evil smile when He talked about the punishment for that infraction. But because of Thanksgiving and the vanilla activities surrounding the holiday... the writing punishment was postponed until Sunday.
About mid morning Sir brought out some paper and some paints and a paint brush. He informed me that i was to write my name in paint on the paper... 'morningstar' . i knew there was more coming.. this was just too simple. Sir told me that i did have a choice.. the paint brush could be inserted in my ass or in my pussy.. i selected pussy for my own blushable reasons.... but really didn't see how difficult this was going to be. First i wrote out the name "morningstar" on the paper in pencil so i could trace the letters (anyone see any problems with this theory?? ) i laid the paper on the ground, dipped the paint brush in the paint pot, inserted paint brush, kneeled over the paper and stopped. i couldn't see the first letter. DUHHHHH!!! i was kneeling over it for heaven's sakes !!! i started and tried to make the paint brush go in some direction or other... i squatted more only to have the paint brush drop out. i tried again.. and again......... and again. My frustration levels were climbing.. Sir was laughing and snapping pictures of my struggles which only made the whole thing more humiliating and more frustrating..
It didn't take long for the tears to flow.. Sir asked what was wrong .. i said i couldn't do it!! i was failing.. Sir pointed out i wasn't failing .. i was doing what i was asked.. to paint my name on the paper.. just because it wasn' t the least bit legible and looked more like a two year olds scribbles meant nothing. i realized that this was far more of a punishment than 35 swats with Mr Snake... this was humiliating.. this was something i couldn't 'ace' .. this was making me sweat and strain and i wasn't succeeding... it wasn't fun.. what it was, was, a punishment.
Believe me when i say .. i won't soon forget a writing assignment again... and to make sure i never forget the humiliation of the punishment writing lesson.. the paper is in my office.. a constant reminder of the humiliation.... of the pain felt not in my ass.. but in my very soul.
Friday, October 06, 2006
The English Gentleman brings up a topic that goes round every once in a while.. Titles.. Sir, Master, My Lord, etc... In the beginning, i had such trouble remembering to refer to Sir as "Sir". It caused me grief... even the frequent humiliating punishments did little to reinforce the title into my daily speech patterns. Ohhhhh most of the time i could remember to write "Sir" when doing my journals or speaking with Sir on line.. BUT face to face?? no way no how. My speech patterns tend to be fast.. as i have been told many times.. i should put my brain in gear before i put my mouth in motion!! i would spew out my thoughts.. and Sir would sit there waiting... and the "Sir" just wouldn't be there.. then i got good.. (or thought i did) by adding "Sir" as kind of a p.s. to my conversations.... stuck in at the end - as a kind of afterthought. that didn't win me any brownie points either.
Sir was always so impressed by subbies who talked with Him who would remember to use "Sir" .. frequently .. in my opinion sickeningly frequently.. gaggingly frequently... and of course Sir would always point out to me how nicely submissive they were because they used the word "Sir" .. used it??!! hells bells you had to wade through all the "SIRS" to find the context of their conversation... it bored me.. it infuriated me.. ok ok .. i will admit it ..from time to time it made me jealous!!
i once asked Sir what made a submissive good.. was it the ability to use a word frequently.. or was it their actions?? It is my belief that a single word does not a good subbie make. i told Sir i could use the word "Sir" all the time.. every second word could be "SIR" but by my actions be the worst damn sub He had ever encountered!! OR i could forget to use the title and serve Him well. Which did He want?? All pomp and show.. or action???!! (it seemed a good argument at the time!!) Sir answered - "I want BOTH!"
Time went on.. and i have mastered the ability to use Sir more frequently... i still do not use it nearly as often (i am sure) as Sir would like. BUT it has become ingrained in my speech patterns - as when we are in the vanilla world saying His name makes me stammer and blush.. His name no longer rolls off my tongue as it used to.
Now there is also the question of why "Sir" and not "Master" .. a part of me always thought calling Him "Master" would have been easier.... (well it was a good excuse at the time).. and Sir explained to me that He did not feel He had yet earned the title of "Master".. by His definition it meant it was a person who had mastered a skill ........ and SIr believed that He had not yet mastered the skill... and that mastering the skill would be a life long journey.
In my humble opinion... subbie opinion... Master or Sir.. or Lord .. or Teddy Bear (said with a small smile and nod towards P) is just .. "a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet"..........
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Well a few days ago or maybe longer, i honestly have no memory of this. Sir told me to work on an entry for my fictional journal. i of course promptly forgot, OR didn't hear Him. OR chose not to hear Him........ whatever !! Yesterday i got an email from Sir stating i could complete my task. what task i wondered??!! i asked Him for a hint. Of course the hint didn't help at all. Sir gave me until this morning to remember, then it was to go on the punishment list. This morning i wrote in my private journal to Him that i hadn't remembered.. So this afternoon when i got home, there was an email with the url for my fictional blog. (slap me upside the head now please!!)
Now i was faced with cleaning the house, doing a load of laundry AND writing in my fictional journal. (yesterday - it is interesting to note - i had nothing else scheduled to do !!) All the while i was cleaning i was thinking about my assurances to Sir that i could and would handle all the schedules and tasks. i would !! And so i did!!!
So folks for your reading pleasure.. (if your reading pleasure runs to the erotic that is.. BDSM erotic) you can hit the link at the right "fictional journey".............
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
i have read every book i can get my hands on about geisha.. Sir took me to see the movie Geisha.. and even purchased the movie poster and had it laminated for me..
If you look around my wee house you will see .. here and there.. bits of the orient. On Saturday Sir bought me my birthday present - a kimono. (well a spin off a kimono) and i wore it proudly to the party on Saturday evening.
But no matter how much i admire the geisha.. no matter how much i try to emulate them.. i can never be a geisha.. i lack the patience.. the grace.. the quiet stillness that i think they embody. It doesn't mean i have given up.... it is just one more goal i strive towards...
(and for those of you who follow my photojournal - i have posted some pics of japanese bondage.. just click on the link to the right)
Monday, October 02, 2006
Yup....... all fixed.. just like when i was little and would scrape my knee.. a bandaid and a kiss and it was all fixed...
It all started on Friday night when Sir was determined to show me i wasn't broken......... it didn't work........ and then Saturday morning Sir took me bent over the kitchen counter .. ok ok i admit it .. i rather like that position.. and He wouldn't let up.. not until i was wiggling and squirming and getting all wet and hot and bothered.. just when i could feel the tightening start deep inside of me.. Sir pulled out .. rather smugly i might add!!! and left me wanting... i pouted inside thinking that i needed to KNOW for sure it wasn't broken .. and that i could and would have an orgasm.. but Sir had other ideas!!!!
Saturday evening found Sir and i at the club ... amongst friends.. enjoying the sights and sounds of 5 play stations being used.. Sir didn't even wait for our usual "favourite" equipment.. in fact He challenged me immediately by telling me to go to the cross bar (suspended by chains) and set up. i was feeling just a tad put out... but being the "good subbie" i am.. i did as instructed and laid out the toys by the cross bar. Sir soon had me hung from the bar.. and was complaining because toys He was sure He had laid out had not come (i was rather pleased to discover upon arriving home that the toys had NOT been laid out and therefore i had not screwed up)... i was feeling a little disappointed as a Domme who was going to join us and tag team me with Sir was under the weather and unable to attend... BUT .. i was determined to make the best of the evening..........
Not long after we got started.. Sir went to get me a bottle of water.. it is amazing how much gasping can dry out one's throat.. and trust me after nearly 3 weeks of not much play and definitely NO hard play .. i WAS gasping!! On the way back with the bottle Sir bumped into a Domme that was solo and He invited Her to come and have a go at me...
It has been a long time since i was tag teamed - seriously tag teamed - and my heart was pounding when i realized Miss L had every intention of living up to Her reputation!!! (Her reputation amongst the subs is .. She plays hard and has no mercy!!)
Sir had been using the new quirt He had bought that afternoon on my ass and had me doing an Irish jig.. But when Miss L came to join us He moved around to the front of me and started to use it on my breasts and nipples (DAMN that man!!! He always forgets that breasts and nipples are off limits unless i am in the mood!!! ) i was very soon yelping at Him and encouraging Miss L to go a little harder and a little faster on my ass....
After awhile Sir moved around to join Miss L and the two of them really went to work on my ass. They were using paddles and quirts and god only knows what else!!! They hit me in unison, they hit me one after the other. It all just melded into one BIG hit. And it was wonderful!!!
Miss L pooped out (i say with a cheeky grin ) and she went off to visit with friends and Sir continued on... working on my ass and back. ( i have to add a little editorial comment here on the quirt. When Sir would swing it gently back and forth across my ass or back it was the most amazing feeling!!! almost soothing... And when He would strike with more determination it hurt like hell.. it wasn't soothing anymore.. but it was just as amazing. It fascinated me that one toy could be so arousing and so painful all wrapped up into one.) i haven't a clue how long the session went on, i only know at one point i was freezing cold - teeth chattering cold.
Sir soon had me down and wrapped up tight in my velvet cape, snug as a bug in a rug. We visited with friends and admired a corset piercing .. talked and laughed and got back to our hotel room rather late. Sir was determined to continue to prove to me that i was not broken.. not even a little bit. But unfortunately i was exhausted and still rather shakey from the session, so He tucked me in tight and i drifted off to sleep.
Sunday morning...... i was in that glorious half awake/half asleep state.. when i felt Sir's hands slide between my legs.. i moaned and wiggled a little bit trying to dislodge his fingers from their quest - to no avail! (like i said above.. Sir can be very determined and very stubborn when He wants to be) It didn't take as long as i thought it would to have me wiggling and moaning and trying desperately to take more and more of His hand into me. It was absolutely glorious!! i do LOVE sex in the early mornings. After i had had an orgasm or two, Sir ordered "suck Me".. i was more than happy to oblige. i was also happily surprised to find Sir was .. umm.. more than a little bit ready Himself. i do believe i have posted previously on my inability to do any sort of decent oral sex when i met Sir and how i have researched it.. i found myself struggling to remember what i had learned via the net.. it had been some time since i had heard that order "suck me" .. and i was .. to put it mildly .. rusty. Thankfully though . it is a bit like riding a bike .. ya get on and it all comes back to you.......
Things went extremely well......... if i do say so myself !!! and i whispered in Sir's ear .. asking for permission to.. ummmm... take a more dominant position if you get my drift??!! ( god i can write fiction graphically but try and write truth and my fingers get all crossed and "tongue tied".)
All's well that ends well - as the expression goes... and i have to admit to feeling just a tad sore today... kind of like a well used virgin..... i ain't broke no more .. just needed a bandaid and a kiss.............
We have been honest with the lil one about what I am going through and she has been amazing........like last week I wanted to dust the liv...
BUT be warned this post might be the things nightmares are made from......... So I have finished this round of radiation...... and if I co...