Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Sir is out for dinner tonite.. but He left me a couple of tasks to complete... one was to post to the photojournal......... and one was to write an entry to the Fictional journey (both linked on the right).
While i was doing this writing i was to be seated on Mr. Mat (seen in the above picture). i have now posted to both blogs and have a nicely dimpled ass.. which is pulsing even as i write this.... ughhhhhhh.. the imagination of Doms!!!
The rest of the weekend was spent - more or less - at my Sir's feet .... amusing Him. The television was on.. especially on rainy Sunday.. and during most of the commercials Sir amused Himself by using one of the 3 toys that lay on the table beside Him. It got to the point that Sir only had to say "commercial" and i was on my stomach (or knees) with my tshirt up offering my ass to Sir. If i was slow to get into position, the spanking would continue well into the next segment of the show. My ass was so sore and red and marked with welts (that of course were gone by this morning!!) that it hurt even to sit on my soft pillow.
i thought - foolish me - that when i got up to do the ironing i would have some respite from the wicked sting of the toys.. but no way!! Sir put some clamps on my pussy and hung the clovers from it (added weight for fun??!! or a reminder that i am gonna work up to them) As i was finishing up the last pair of trousers Sir took the cane and laid a couple of good stripes across my ass... to celebrate the end of the ironing..
Sunday, August 27, 2006
i love flowers.... all flowers... well with the exception of golden rod and ragweed... because like so many others i suffer from major allergies in the Fall thanks to those two plants! The school across the street actually has ragweed growing along the fence.. the fields and forests in my neighbourhood have them growing in abundance..and the island i work on is one massive field of yellow... i do not have a hope in hell of surviving the season unscathed.
The most frustrating part of the problem is .. i feel dopey all the time.. (no snide comments from those that actually know me!!!) my muscles are limp and useless, my brain feels like it is drugged (AND it isn't the drugs i am on .. cause i am not allowed to take the over the counter fixer uppers anymore) my vision is blurred .. so those pretty yellow flowers look pretty much like this...out of focus.. and blurry..
Actually life looks pretty much like that right now.. out of focus and blurry...... and i am so not a pretty picture myself.. my nose is red .. swollen and dripping.. my eyes are puffy and red and itchy.. ughhhhhhh find me a hole , let me hide in it until the first snow fall please!!!!!!!
i have never claimed to be rational.. so instead of staying safely inside with the air filters on yesterday.. Sir and i went off to the great outdoors .. to sit amongst the pretty yellow flowers and cheer on my grandson's soccer team (well it was their final tournament of the season .. what is a granny to do!??) By the time Sir got me home i was a dripping, sniffing, blobbering (yes yes crying is not advised when one's nose and eyes are runny and itchy!! but insanity also comes along with the allergy!) limp rag doll of a subbie.
However we did discover there is one side of my personality that is not affected by pretty yellow flowers.. not even one little bit... and that is my desire for pain. So.. last evening i was sitting absent mindedly playing with the new rod bundle Sir picked up at camp... slapping it against my thighs while Sir was watching television..
i looked up rather dopey at one point and said.. "no bruises" sort of pouty like.. to which Sir responded "you aren't doing it hard enough" and taking the rod bundle in hand, He proceeded to whallop my thighs... i was soon screeching and yelping and bouncing up and down on my pillow, laughing and begging Sir to stop. i even tried a trade-off.. my breasts for my thighs.. thinking He would find my breasts more fun than my thighs. Guess What!!?? Sir decided to do both .. thighs and breasts.!! Every so often He would lean down and ask me .. "am I having fun yet??" to which i would gasp.. "i sure as hell hope so Sir!!"
After dinner, in my allergy induced stupor .. (Sir was using the rod bundle on my ass now..during the advertisements on television - just sort of to pass the time) i heard myself asking if i might have permission to fetch the cane!!? Now that just proves i am suffering from more than blurry vision!! More like blurry fuzzy brain! So the cane was fetched, and the rod bundle put away for the time being. Every advertisement had me up on my knees - tshirt pulled up around my neck - ass exposed.. and Sir enjoying laying on more than a few with the cane.
Sir finished off the evening with a nice hand spanking ... just before He tucked His totally blurry .. sniffling subbie into bed for the night..............
does anyone know WHEN the first major frost is?? sighhhhhhhhhhh
Thursday, August 24, 2006
When we were at camp...... Sir bought me this button.. and i loved it and laughed over it.. everyone laughed over it.. BUT today i was doing some thinking about "stuff"....... and i realized how blurred the lines have become.
Over 5 years ago Sir and i sat down and went over limits.. what i wanted to do.. what i NEVER wanted to even think about doing... what i wanted to try. (and yeah.. Sir had limits too.. though we didn't actually discuss them).
Now 5+ years later i am sporting a badge that declares i don't remember asking for this... and know what ?? i don't. The lines have become blurred... the "i want to try that" and the "i NEVER want to try that" and the "i LOVE to do that" have all blurred together and i am left wondering is there anything i won't try??? And i bet even Sir's lines have blurred somewhat over the years.
In the beginning i think it is important to have limits and lines.. but i also believe after time it is right that they should become blurred. For Sir and i, living this lifestyle is not a game.. it is not reserved for the bedroom and some kinky sex.. it is about protocols and whips and chains and raising the bar constantly. Sometimes i wonder why raise the bar?? If i am doing well at this level .. what is it that makes me crave more.. is it the challenge?? What makes Sir want to raise the bar?? And i wonder where will it all end??? the hair brush experiment really made me sit back and question myself... and the limits..
if i scrunch up my eyes real tight.. i can almost make out those lines that were there 5+ years ago...... almost.....................
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Life kinda got in the way of finishing both the task and the blog entry.. Here it is Wednesday already........ i did manage to purchase the hair brush and came home actually excited to try the exercise.. If kaya could do it .. so could i.. was my thinking.. i was even so sure of myself.. i asked Sir if i might have permission to cum................. He said .. "ok BUT just this time!"
Welllllllll, let me tell you something.. orgasm was the farthest thing from my mind as i tried and tried to coax that sucker into me. i pushed i pulled i spread i scrunched up my face i even used KY and there was no way that hair brush was going all the way in!! i believe i got it one third of the way in when hope died. It just wasn't going in any further!! Now i am wondering did i wimp out or did it just not fit??? i am pulling for the not fitting answer... i said to Sir in my email report that i am sure i am turning back into a virgin!!!
So kaya..... my hat's off to you .. you take the hairbrush challenge hands down .. as far as i am concerned.. (now what Sir has to say about the whole issue is a completely different kettle of fish)...
Sunday, August 20, 2006
At camp last weekend Sir purchased this little teflon paddle from Master Cal. Master Cal said it wouldn't take much umph to use it... it had a nice little OUCH factor without the umph... Master Cal doesn't lie. This simple lil teflon paddle held a whole lot of OUCH factor when Sir used it on Friday evening. So much OUCH factor that it had me in tears - tears that stopped the minute the paddling stopped - something i still haven't figured out.. it still hurt so why did the tears stop so suddenly - only to resume again when the paddling resumed?? And much to my surprise and i think Sir's it bruised me...
Sir was proud or happy - i am truthfully not sure.. and yeah i was happy too.. BUT this morning - Monday morning before i head off to work i am wondering why is it we both were happy my ass was bruised??
Back when having my ass spanked/flogged/whipped and paddled was new.. i marked so well that there were times i couldn't play for days afterwards - so black and blue was i..... Yes this paddle marked me.. on Friday night.. but it didn't mark me when Sir used it again on Saturday and again on Sunday... not one lil mark... now what is that about?? !!! It used to be .. in my silly subbie brain.. some sort of gold star - the bruising.. i had taken what Sir gave out and i had the marks to prove it. Sir is not going easier on me - if anything quite the contrary - so why don't i mark anymore??? AND why is it so important to be marked??
i proudly wear Sir's permanent marks on my body - a tattoo and a piercing.. so why do bruises count?? why are they sought after like some Holy Grail??? i am beginning to believe we are gonna fill walls and walls with toys that are guaranteed to leave marks only to be disappointed. Maybe my ass just won't mark anymore........ pointe finale.
On Sunday afternoon Sir used the teflon paddle in a way He has never used any toy.... and it excited me. He had me lie on my tummy on my pillow on the floor and He sat beside me.. wrapping an arm around me to hold me in place and i wrapped an arm around Him just to feel Him close to me.. to be able to soak up His scent.. to feel His heart beating... and then He went to work on my ass with the paddle.. light teasing taps that gradually built and built and built until He was laying on 2 or 3 or 4 real good whallops before stopping and using the cool edges to tease my sensitive spots - like the small of my back, the crack between my ass cheeks, when i was moaning softly and actually lifting my ass up for the next soft stroke .. Sir would start the tap tap tap light strokes - building building building to the last 2 to 4... sharp... hard...rock me to my very soul strikes .. the type that took my breath away and left tears streaming down my face. and i loved it.. i was dripping wet and wishing that i had a vibrator or His hand inside of me.. deep inside of me where the heat builds...
This morning .. despite all the paddling... i have no new bruises.. the one from Friday is fading.. (and yeah Sir paid particular attention to IT on the weekend - trying .. i am sure .. to enlarge it) but more important than bruises on my ass.. i have a warmth deep inside of me and an image of Sir holding me close .. of His smell and His heart beat.. as He teased and tickled and beat me... that is an image that will not soon fade...
so why the need for bruising??? for welts?? for marks?? do they show how good Sir is at beating?? do they show how good i am at receiving?? are they really important??
Friday, August 18, 2006
Saturday morning - after breakfast - Sir tied me up into a rope harness - as we were scheduled for a sketching session with a local BDSM artist around noonish. Now Sir is known for the tightness of his rope work......... and in just over an hour i was feeling the chaffing of the ropes on my private pink bits.. i kept saying over and over in my head - "i can't wimp out...... i can't wimp out".. But just around noon i did.. i went to Sir with tears forming and explained i couldn't take it anymore.. my ass was so sore it felt like it was cut and bleeding. i was so sure Sir would just remove the ropes and then the sketching session would have to be altered (The artist wanted me in ropes) BUT no!!! Sir surprised me and just undid the ropes enough to loosen up the offending knots and put it back on .. it felt so nice to have the ropes cocooning my body without them biting into me.
Then because of a small conflict / confusion with scheduling Sir and i were due for our volunteer jobs (Sir as DM.. me as first aider ) at noon, so the sketching was put back till 2 ish......... As no one had any major first aid issues i was pretty much left to wander around .. like a lost soul.. until a Top requested that i put the corn into a bucket of water in preparation for dinner.. .. Now i am not adverse to a little kitchen work......... BUT people!!!!!!!! did you know worms live in corn?? Did you know that when you submerge said corn in water, the worms float to the top??!!! i thought i was gonna have a fit.. ugly wiggly slimy white grubby looking worms... i still shudder thinking about them.. (remember i am a city girl - i do NOT expect to find bugs or worms in my food!!) And as a side note.. 3 men at dinner found cooked grubby worms in their corn when they opened them.. trust me when i say i skipped the corn part of dinner..
Ok.. ok.. back to the day's schedule.. at 2 Sir and i were at the artist's tent .. i was laid out on my side (thankfully only naked from the waist up - as it was still a bit chilly when the sun went behind the many clouds) and Sir laid along side me resting his head on my tummy... we had to hold this position for about an hour! Do you have any idea how long an hour is when you are lying on your side propping up your head... trying not to get too bored.. and not allowed to move a muscle??? the only good thing was .. Sir had to lie as still.. so he got to experience the same muscle cramps and boredom..
Ok.. now to the fun part.......... right after dinner Sir took me into the play tent... He decided to have a big session before the camp fire.......... and what a great idea it was .. no sooner had we set up... then the masses started flowing into the tent looking for equipment to play on. This evening Sir selected a large frame meant for suspension mostly i guess.. but He strung my arms up to the chains.. after Friday's session in the stocks i felt positively free!!! He had brought the whole toy bag into the play tent.. and our gorean whip which i love was taken out and given prime space on the table.. i knew that it was gonna see a fair amount of use on Saturday evening.. i had stripped off the sweat shirt.. and at the last minute Sir dropped my trousers again ... and they lay puddled around my ankles (there is a reason i mention that.. ) and then He went to work on me... now i was feeling fairly feisty.. and up beat.. and it didn't take long for our usual playful interaction to start up.. me stamping my foot, using kaya's safe words .. every one i could think up and then some.. and of course my laughing out loud..the fates had aligned themselves and it was a perfectly good night for a session. A number of folks stopped to watch the "show"... and were laughing along with Sir and i.. (sessions don't always have to be serious and ouchy and things to "endure" sometimes they can just be good fun!!!) It did not take long for the endorphins to kick in.. and take me high higher highest. i honestly felt like i was flying.. i was swinging on those old chains .. doing a BDSM version of the Irish jig and thoroughly enjoying myself...
Sir decided towards the end of the session to have a little sexual play (shall we say??) and He came round front of me and started to fuck me with His hand.. and it felt ohhhhhhhhh so good.. lots of pent up horniness was ready to explode out... when i realized two things 1) people were watching!!!! MY GOD people were watching.. and 2) i was terrified i was gonna ejaculate.. and that is never a pretty sight.. at least not to me.. if i am lucky it just pours out of me.. if i am unlucky it squirts out of me and Sir loves to try and measure how far it went this time!!! AND as i looked down at Sir's hand working its magic .. i saw my nice clean trousers puddled around my ankles and for whatever stupid reason.. all i could think of was .. "DON'T GET THEM WET!!" it wasn't like i didn't have dry warm clothes in the tent.. but for some weird and wonderful reason i didn't want to mess these pants... sub space what can i tell ya!!!!
So i started doing this little wiggle dance trying to get my pussy angled out OVER my trousers instead of pointing straight down........ the heat was building fast .. and i knew i didn't have long to find a solution.. when i heard the words spilling out of my mouth... "please Sir may i cum??!!!" and god love Him He granted permission .. and i did cum.. but fortunately did not ejaculate gallons and my trousers were saved!!!!
After tidying up the space we ambled outside and curled up in front of the blazing fire.. and later.. well that is where i started this story a few days ago.. .. when Sir was chatting with friends and i was watching the young submissive being fisted or fucked or something on the table beside me..............
What a weekend... what an experience!! i can't wait to go back next year......
oh yeah one last thing... kaya .. to answer your email question about how come i got to meet Master Cal and j and n .. seeing as i am from the Great White North.......... well Sir belongs to a Vermont BDSM group.. and they haven't as of yet closed the border to us Canucks.. soooooooo we do occasionally travel south of the border for events.. and guess what Master Cal and j have actually travelled up here to see Midori.. which is when i first met them!!!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
We had a trial run on Friday afternoon.. Sir just had me try it on for size so to speak. i made a BIG mistake by showing Him that i could pull my wrists right out of the holes (nice to have small wrists!!) . You could almost see Him making mental notes.
Friday night when we entered the play tent .. as fate would have it.. the stocks were free. It was also freezing cold.. so cold you could see your breath !! even though they had propane heaters going full blast. Sir had me strip off my sweat shirt and put on my cuffs. Then head in the hole.. wrists in the other holes and down came the bar. OUCH!! now with the cuffs on, the overhead bar didn't quite fit properly and i got a nasty pinch on both wrists.
Once Sir had me fastened in tightly.. He reached around and unbuttoned and unzipped my pants... and let them just fall to the ground. While He was busy doing that.. and the goose bumps were rising like erupting volcanoes all over my body.. i was trying to sort out the mess i had gotten myself into. i tried to lift my head - forget that !! tried to wiggle my wrists - forget that one for sure!! Sir had clipped the cuffs to an O ring on the opposite side!! i tried to turn my head to look for/at Sir and of course i couldn't. i was securely fastened in.. and scared to death.
i remember Sir starting with a flogger. GOD!! He was swinging that flogger and the breeze He created with the falls just about froze my ass off. And i thought a flogging was supposed to warm you up??!!! with teeth chattering i endured. That is the best way i can put it.. i endured. The stocks were my nemesis and i was going to have to come to terms with them. i knew in my heart i could let the panic overcome me and Sir would have had me out of them in a flash.. but something inside me made me perservere. A few times when a stroke went astray i tried my damnedest to signal to Sir..... i banged my wrists/fists up against the cross bar. A couple of times Sir came and stroked me and made sure i was ok.. a few times He came around the front of the stocks to talk to me.. all i remember was endurance. i was NOT going to let a set of stocks break me.
And i did it!! i got past worrying about the cold and the awkwardness of the stocks and really got on top of everything that Sir was dishing out.. and it was amazing !!! Even the cold seemed to melt away. When Sir was finished He pulled up my pants Himself and managed to button and zip them before letting me out of the stocks. Good thing too.. cause as i remember it.. i don't think i would have been able to stand too well on my wobbly legs.
One other thing happened on Friday night before Sir took me off to bed... a Top who had been playing with Her sub earlier, got talking with Sir.. showing Him Her toys. There were 2 items that had caught both Sir's and my eye. One was a small wicked looking whip and the other was a triangle strip of leather, that also looked very nasty. The Top volunteered to show Sir how each worked and was demonstrating on Her sub. i was wiggling and drooling .. So with permission i replaced Her sub and She had a go at my ass with the whip. At one point i said to Sir "can You have Her go a little harder please??" And both Sir and the Top laughed and wow did She go a "little harder" She raised some real nasty welts on my ass - but all i remember was the glorious feeling!! It started deep inside my lower belly - a heat that just radiated downwards making me drip. i whispered to Sir later on, that i could have cum just from the whipping.
She also used the leather triangle on me as well. i rather liked that one, as She kept one hand on the small of my back while She was using it. And the small of my back just makes me go weak kneed.
It was an amazing experience for me... to have a complete stranger have a go at me.. and to Her credit She made me feel very safe and relaxed the whole time.
Shortly afterwards Sir took me off to bed............ and i had butterflies anticipating what would happen on Saturday.................
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
"we interrupt the regularily scheduled programming to bring you this news flash..........."
Contrary to popular opinion i am human... i make mistakes.. i screw up.. i am not perfect.
i have lived my life .. well 90% of it.. worrying about "would haves" and "should haves" and "could haves" .. i am trying very hard to break that bad habit. So yeah sometimes i screw up.. BUT .. my screw ups are never ever intentional.
Should i have communicated better with Sir during my sub drop period?? of course i should have.. could i have ?? no not a chance.. why?? because damn it.. i didn't know what was wrong... pointe finale.
Should i communicate better in other aspects of my life.. with Sir.. with my family.. with my friends?? of course i should. Do i?? not all the time no.. why?? because i am human and sometimes i just plain screw up!
now.. as my grandmother used to say frequently.. "ye who is without sin cast the first stone" no one is perfect.. all any of us can do is try and improve.. strive for perfection. i am learning from my mistakes.. this is after all just a journey.. not the destination...........
now we return you to your regularily scheduled programming which will resume tomorrow - with more tid bits about our weekend camping trip..
(for your viewing pleasure i have posted some pictures to the photojournal - see link on right of screen)
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Sir and i played hard on the weekend.. (and i DO promise to write more detail another day) but we played Friday night, Saturday during the day and again Saturday night. It seemed almost as though i never completely came down from the endorphin high. And then all around me at all hours were heavy play sessions, i could hear the whimpers, the cries, the shrieks of the submissives. I could feel the electricity in the air - it was a tangible thing! AND there was no where to go to find peace and quiet.. and i crave peace and quiet at the best of times....
There is one scene that i remember vividly - it had a strange reaction on me...... (first i have to explain - i am NOT a voyeur.. i do not normally spend much time watching other scenes - especially if they involve sexual interaction. i always feel like a peeping tom) Saturday night .. late.. Sir and i were standing with a group of friends in the play tent chatting... well they were chatting .. i was off in some la la land... listening with my mind's eye to all the noise of play going on around me. Right beside me was a massage table. On it was a pretty young female submissive. Her Top was standing beside me - partially blocking my view of what it was He was actually doing - which is probably why i was able to be drawn into their play.... i was watching her face.. she had a beautiful face... i watched as her eyes became dreamy .. almost glazed over and then i realized that her ass was going up and down as though controlled by strings. Her Top shifted a bit and i realized He was hand fucking her.. maybe even fisting.. i did NOT look that closely.... i watched as her fingers clawed at the leather table top... as her head dropped and her mouth opened and soft gentle moans emanated from her, i found myself getting lost in her body .. her expressions.. the smell of her.. the excitement coming from her. i wanted to reach out and stroke her face.
And then.. it was Sunday morning and Sir was saying we were going out for breakfast with another couple. i have absolutely no memory of anything after that lil subbie being fucked. The diner we went too had a reputation of being a "Mom's" place.. not a Mom and Pop place but a MOM place.... the woman who owned and ran the diner was just like the strictest Mom you can think of.. and i remember feeling the urge to cry when i asked for milk for my coffee instead of cream and she gave me THAT look only Mothers can give....
Then i remember being back at the camp and desperately wanting to be alone.. to find quiet.. to find my center .. Now yes i should have gone to Sir .. i should have told Him what was happening inside my head.. the only problem is.. i couldn't identify what was going on in my head!! i felt so lost and alone....
Later on Sir found me standing beside the car and He swooped me up in His arms and cuddled me and kissed my forehead and kept asking me what was wrong.. and all i remember saying was "don't ask me .. don't ask me".. it was like i couldn't put two words together and make any sense... i melted into Him and the tears started to flow..... BUT just then this other person we had more or less been saddled with to bring back home showed up in my face.. ready to leave. i pulled myself together, put on the tough old bird act... and went to say my goodbyes.... inside of me was this huge weight.. it felt like i had swallowed a boulder. i know i said virtually nothing of consequence in the car coming home.. all 4 hours of it.. i know i couldn't make up my mind what i wanted to eat when we finally got home and had the car unpacked... i know i just wanted to shut down.. find some quiet and find my center.. and i couldn't.. and i couldn't turn to Sir for help....
Yesterday.. after Sir left me.. after i had manically run around doing messages here there and everywhere i came home and dissolved.. completely and totally dissolved.. cried and cried and cried till there wasn't a tear left. Then i curled up on the sofa with my blanket and my "cuffs" (a teddy bear Sir gave me a couple of years ago) and just vegetated... then i was able to make some dinner and i began to feel i was coming out of the fog i had been in for god only knows how long.....
Now i am scared - plain scared - that Sir is angry with me. i have so little memory of anything after Saturday night.. and He seems so distant from me right now... i know He feels lost too.. He was holding me on Sunday thinking He had done something wrong.. and i couldn't do or say anything to make Him understand what was going on.. HELL !!! i didn't know what was going on..........
tell me please......... have you experienced sub drop.. anything that sounds like what i went through?? have any of you ever experienced such an emotional roller coaster ride??? i think we need to get some information pooled together on sub drop.. what it feels like.. what it looks like.. what makes it better.. so that other submissives and Doms alike can read and have the light bulb click on and say.. OK!!!! that's what's happening...... cause it can be a pretty lonely place...............
Monday, August 14, 2006
'The time has come,' the Walrus said, 'To talk of many things:
We are back from BDSM summer camp. And my mind is a whirl with everything i saw and experienced this past weekend. i am not even sure that i can do justice to the event in one post - i am sure many other things will sort themselves out and become clearer over the next few days.
BUT i do have to say that i felt a little bit like Alice through the Looking Glass - from Friday afternoon until sometime this morning. i am not new to public play parties.. nor am i new to BDSM summer camps. But the scenes i saw this weekend blew me away. (sorry there just isn't any other way to describe it) Most of what i am accustomed to seeing are "fashion shows" which tend to annoy me and frustrate me. And yes yes i know .. "stand and show" folks have as much right to this lifestyle as do the rest of us. But for someone who cut her BDSM teeth on floggers and whips and chains - oh my !! Fashion shows tend to leave me shaking my head in bewilderment.
This weekend i saw scenes that involved knives and needles and tens units and catheters whips and chains and fistings. i saw more than my mind can process. i was surrounded by people who understood, lived, and breathed the type of BDSM that i live. There was only one actual demo - on cunt casting - but the scenes themselves were living breathing working demos.
i saw a woman on her back on a four poster spanking bench, her arms tied securely to each of the head posts - her feet to the bottom ones. i watched as her Top dressed in a "fashionable" vinyl nurses outfit used a tens unit on her breasts, clit and vagina. i watched as she called yellow - whispered something to the Top - watched as one hand was loosened and an asthma pump was handed to her. i watched as she used the pump and her Top stood waiting. Then the pump was put back and the scene continued. i watched her writhe and wiggle and scream and everyone sat mesmerized. No one cried "foul" .. No one was shocked or frightened by what they were experiencing.
i watched another scene with a very young .. very new .. male submissive who was handed two stakes to hold in his hands while he was secured into the stocks. Watched as needles (and not my nice almost painless acupunture needles might i add !!) were inserted into his back and ass cheeks and into his testicles. i watched as clamps with weights were applied to each of his nipples. i listened to his screams. i watched as the Domme took out a long wooden stick and proceeded to - quickly - hit each side of each thigh six times. i watched as the welts from the hits formed and reddened. i watched as She went to work on his nipples with the same stick. The DM (dungeon monitor) watched over him carefully standing just off to his side - within his vision. i watched as - at one point when the young sub was crying - as the DM leaned down and said to him "if you have had enough drop the stakes" and i heard the young man say "NO". i watched as the two Dom/mes shook their heads and She went back to work on him.
i was shown another submissive's catheter inserted and the end pinned to her belly with needles. Saw the other needles skewering her labia. And admired the smile on her face as she proudly walked around behind her Master being shown off to this one and that one.
i saw more than one fisting........ more than one sexual scene and by Saturday was not averting my eyes but gobbling up the scene.... the sounds the smells the electricity.
Oh yes......... this weekend was educational and an eye opener. It left me gasping for air and a longing deep inside of me that it could go on forever. It will definitely go down in my books as a weekend to remember!!!
(i will write about my own time in the stocks and the other equipment another day...... for now this is all i can sort out intelligently )
Thursday, August 10, 2006
1) organise and pack clothes for the weekend
2) change the bedding on the bed before Sir arrives - i like Him to have fresh sheets each week..
3) run to the grocery store to buy last minute food items
4) run to the dollar store and find HUGE bowls for the salad i am bringing to camp - to feed 100 people??!!! do they make 'em that big???
5) organise sort and pack toys that we will be bringing to camp
6) run to the bank and try and decide how much money i will need for the weekend and if that much is in the bank to take out... (sick cats and check up appointments at the vets for said cats put a BIG crimp in the budget .. trust me!!)
7) run to Cloud's and pick up His toys to store here..
8) shower and do all the stuff needed to do to one's self before one's annual check up - why .. WHY.. did i schedule that just before going away??????
9) go to the funeral parlor and visit with dear friend and his family - and try very hard not to weep
i KNOW once i get through today that things will improve.. Sir will have us on the road tomorrow at the crack of dawn... we will get to camp and we will have an adventure.. i know once Sir gets here everything will be under control .. and if it isn't He will make it so. Simple as that!
Oh yeah.. one bit of good news for me .. Sir has decreed that i only have to do one entry per week in the fictional journal from now on...... only one.. gee lucky me... never mind i had totally and completely run out of themes / ideas.. and absolutely no one is giving me any starter ideas.. no one has any fantasies they would like to see me play with???
ok ok.. now.. i really do have to start tackling the list of "to do's" so... while we are away over the weekend.. everyone play nice.. share.. and take care of each other.. i will be back Monday with a review of the camping weekend................
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
This morning i posted to my fictional journal... what i am half hoping is my last daily post for the summer. Yup .. summer's over kids! well almost over - next Wednesday will find me back in the swing of things again.
After posting the story i went to drag up all the camping gear. Sir and i are off on Friday for our yearly BDSM camping excursion. (though this year we are heading south of the border instead of west ) And i felt a surge of excitment at the thought of a weekend away camping in the woods with other BDSMers..
BUT in the back of my mind was our dear friend Cloud....... he has been ill - seriously ill - for a little over 2 weeks now. He is finally home from hospital but has requested no phone calls - no contact. He is just too sick. Last year he made the journey with us to camp.. and each item i brought up from the basement brought back memories of last year's trip.
Then i heard that a dear dear friend lost his dad this morning. What words do you send to someone who has suffered such a loss?? i cried as i wrote the letter. i can only pray to the gods that be to hold him close during this painful time.
Then i decided i really needed to sit outside in the sunshine and read. Quiet time in my secret garden. The phone rang. It was Cloud - his voice so weak i barely recognised him. The infection is running rampant through his body and the miracle drugs just aren't working their magic. He wants me to come tomorrow and pick up bags ......... all His BDSM toys so that .. in case.. god forbid.. his family won't have to deal with them. i didn't miss a beat.. didn't pause once.. agreed to pick them up tomorrow and keep them safe here until He once again is up to using them. (god let that day come quickly!!)
And the song goes on......
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Po' 'ol country boy Buffalo wanted an explanation of fetishes... seems despite his world travels.. despite his being a 'biker' .. despite his living as long as he has..despite his tremendous grasp of the English language... somewhere along the way he missed out on FETISH. And he is a po' 'ol vanilla boy ... and i do tend to take pity on the vanilla folks.. 'specially the po' 'ol country ones...
So without further ado... here is my "Thesis On Fetishes" - 'specially foot and shoe fetishes.... (and thank god for wikipedia!! )
Sexual fetishism is a form of paraphilia where the object of affection is a specific inanimate object or part of a person's body. It was first described in these terms by Alfred Binet in his "Le fétichisme dans l’amour", though the concept and certainly the activity is quite ancient. The term arose from "fetish", a term used in anthropology for an object believed to have supernatural powers.
Now Freud has an interesting theory on the subject...
As Sigmund Freud described it, sexual fetishes in men are the result of childhood trauma regarding castration anxiety. According to this theory, a boy curious to see his mother's penis averts his eyes in horror when he discovers his mother has no penis. The inanimate object on which the boy focuses when he averts his eyes becomes the fetishized object. Later in life, the fetishized object must be present in order for the man to complete orgasm.
Now in my humble opinion Buffalo has shown through his blog entries a higher than normal interest in women's "strappy sandals" and "painted toe nails". And in Manitoba, Buffalo just opened up and moaned about the lack of strappy sandals and painted toe nails.. He said:
"I’m sorry to report that I didn’t see one foot that was wearing strappy-toed sandals – or that had painted toenails. No, indeed I didn’t. "
Now with further investigation i discovered what it is about feet that might just drive a man to .. well .. have a fetish..........
Another theory is that the shape of the human foot is visually similar to that of the curves and cleavage found on the body of the human female, particularly the female hips and buttocks. The average foot is composed almost entirely of curves; the top of the foot, the tips and bottoms of the toes, balls of the toes, instep, heel, ankle, soles, and toenails are often all curved, making the foot one of the curviest parts of the human body. In much the same way that breasts, buttocks, or hips are often considered attractive because of their curves, so too can the foot be regarded as an object of sexual desire.
And that dear friend Buffalo.. is what fetish is all about...........
Monday, August 07, 2006
First off i have to say that needle play was NOT on Sir's list of things to do.. neither was it on mine. However at play party eons ago a Dom demonstrated the use of needles on my breasts and i was immediately won over. It is difficult to explain the sensations.. sometimes (especially in the breasts) it can be a bit painful........ but most of the time i find it completely relaxing and a sort of euphoria develops. (Sir has been known to do a lot of needle play on my ass on Fridays after a particularily stressful week because it seems to release the stress and totally relax me)
It is not nearly as bad as it looks.. honest !!!
The total length of the needle (including the handle which you can see in the photo) is just over 2 inches long.. the handle being one inch and the needle bit which is inserted one inch. Sir purchases needles that are pre-sterilized acupunture needles official size is 0.22x25 (whatever that means!!).
Once removed from the packaging they are in a clear cyclinder that is placed against the skin, the 'handle' extends a wee bit above this cyclinder .. and Sir then uses one finger to "tap tap tap" against the top until it is firmly embedded in the skin. Then He tends to 'screw' it in even further until only the handle is exposed.
i tried to take a picture of a used needle (notice it is slightly bent - something i was never aware of.. that they bend.. either going in or coming out!) You can sort of see the handle versus the needle in the above picture.
searabbit also wanted to know if i bleed.......... not usually.. there are from time to time drops of blood that appear when the needle is removed (see below picture) and from time to time the skin will seal itself around the needle making removal a little more difficult. We attended a needle play workshop a couple of summers ago and the animator assured us this wasn't anything to worry about.. in her words "if Your sub is a masochist - just yank it out - she will thank You!! Otherwise just keep twisting and turning it gently until the skin releases"
Sir and i have been quite content to remain at this level of needle play. (though to be honest i have been wondering and questioning Sir on piercing the skin.. that is running the needle in one side and out the other so that it lies flat against the skin) BUT He has forbidden me from trying it.. and has warned me that the needles we use are not the right type for play piercing..........
i have been very fortunate to see a number of demos on play piercing and needle play.. i watched in awe one evening as a Dom carefully placed groups of 3 needles down each breast of His submissive (the in and out style) and then carefully - just before removing them - He set the tip on fire and pulled it through burning.... even i "ouched" !!! Another time i was able to see the finished product of a 'corset' piercing... and to this day i still say "WOW". i have no idea if Sir and i will ever move forward to harder limits with our needle play...... i do know that i am very content with what we do now.. and only occasionally wonder what it would feel like to do some play piercing.. or the in and out style ...
Sunday, August 06, 2006
This was not what Sir had in mind when He decided to gag me....Sir likes drool.. and doesn't much care if i like the rubber taste or not....and doesn't much care for the fact that i could push the damn gag out... so He purchased a ring gag.. there was only one problem with the ring gag.... the very first time that Sir used it for real (not a practice run or a does it fit properly run but an at a club gonna play run) i had a crisis. The club was very smokey.. VERY .. and the smoke drifted in through the hole and down my throat.. in no time at all i was gagging, coughing and choking badly.. nearly puking up my dinner. The ring gag was quickly removed from my mouth.... water was brought and i consumed nearly a full bottle choking and gagging right the way through it.......... After that, every time Sir came near me with the ring gag, i would start to choke and cough and gag.. so it was back to the ball gag - at least it looked nice.. even if i could spit it out to save my dignity.............
Recently Sir purchased a bit gag............ now i was none too fussy on it.. it had that ghastly rubber taste.. and i seemed to be drooling again.. the tongue trick didn't work quite as well as on the ball gag........... It needed some adjustments.. like a much smaller leather strap on each side so that it could be fastened up nice and tight.. spit proof so to speak. About a week ago Sir picked up the bit gag from Il Bolero where the adjustments had been done.. and today was the first real play time with it......... my evaluation (like that counts one little bit !!!) is a definite 3 YUCKs.... it tastes worse than the ball gag.. has no spongy quality to it so it doesn't second as a decent chew toy...... and the very worse part !!! When it is firmly planted between my teeth/lips i feel as though it is drawing my mouth up in some sort of caricature like grin. awful!!! my jaw hurt .. but so did my lips drawn up like that.... i kept picturing horses with a bit like that in their mouths with leather strips attached to the rings leading to some Master's hands.. turn this way turn that way.. no bloody wonder they obeyed!!! AND then horrors of horrors i wondered if my Sir.. my dear sweet loving kind Sir was actually thinking of getting into pony play!!!????
Now one last thing before i end for today........ searabbit asked me about needle play and i do intend to post an entry on it.. needle play for beginners (so to speak) But also dear Buffalo - the po' ol' country boy - wants an explanation / definition of fetish... so i will get to both next week.. promise !!!!
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Friday afternoon Sir arrives and go figure i don't want that kind of pain anymore... not that i usually have much say in it... BUT i did point out to Sir when He thought it would be a good time to go downstairs.. that it was almost dinner time.. and i really do hate trying to make a meal with only half the jets firing in my brain....
So He let me make dinner.. i guess in a weird sort of way i was hoping the need for pain would suddenly materialize during the process of barbquing dinner.... guess what.......... it didn't... after dinner.. it was digest the food process.. while watching TV... somewhere along the way.. Sir mentioned it had been a while since He had needled me.. i - being the fast talking brat of a sub that i can be - said... that there were a lot of things that hadn't been done in a while... and of course then my jet firing revved up and i had images of clamps on pussy lips .. sweet delicious pain in the nether regions...
After a bit of TV watching .. just a bit cause i do get so bloody bored watching TV.... i got up and found the needles.. and lo and behold the clothes pegs were in the same box with the needles .. (just a quick word here.... most of the time i have no idea where certain "toys" are.. Sir tends to keep toys in most of the rooms in boxes or cupboards etc.. so i am never too sure where to actually look for one specific toy.. ) i looked from the clothes pegs to Sir back to the pegs and then back to Sir.. i do believe i even mentioned that i would love to have the pegs used on me.. (forgive me all good subbies who never crave and never ask....... )
i brought the needles and containers for needles and bags of clothes pegs back to the living room and put them at Sir's feet, snuggling up on my pillow awaiting the moment.... THE Moment....
Sir obliged me by putting clothes pegs on my pussy.. more and more and more pegs... final count was somewhere around 27 pegs.. who knew my pussy lips could hold that many??!!!
Then Sir slipped the sarong off.. exposing my breasts and put 4 needles in.. nicely spaced .. i was just getting ready to hold my breath.. my pussy was burning... my breasts were tingling.. and then .. wicked wicked Sir .. put clothes pegs on my breasts - between the needles !!! my mind went WTF??!! it felt weird.. weirder.. weirdest!! Through foggy eyes i looked down to see the pattern He was creating.. and i knew.. KNEW.. this was gonna be a photo op.. oh yeah.. most definitely a photo op........ The camera came out and Sir leaned over my pussy snapping pictures this way and that.. i was warned not to breath.. more pictures.. and i am wondering if He knows how hot my pussy is?? so hot it has moved from burning hot to burning cold....
My breasts on the other hand are itching like a thousand mosquitoes are biting away on my tender flesh....
And then i am thinking how weird it is.. my pussy now feels like it is made of wood... like it won't bend or move .. stiff as a board (and yes the pun was intended!) When Sir started to remove the needles and pegs i honestly truly had no idea when it was over.. my teeth were chattering and i swore i could still feel the pegs and needles.... Sir ran His hand over all my sensitive pricked and pinched parts showing me i was free ........... i remember rolling on my side.. remember Sir pulling the comforter up and over me... and i remember thinking...
"tomorrow after the Irish wake........... maybe Sir will hang me from the rafters and beat me senseless........... " i guess i just needed a little reintroduction to pain and pleasure...........
And talking about pleasure........ for your viewing pleasure.. needles and pegs......
Friday, August 04, 2006
For some strange weird reason i have been thinking about high heels.. strappy high heels and painted toes. i have been reading a blog entitled Buffalo’s path......... this vanilla-ish chap (forgive me Buffalo - but this how i see you) packed up everything in the spring and headed out on his Harley to hit the back roads and travel through America. It has been an interesting.. some times amusing, sometimes thought provoking journel of his travels. BUT the one thing that stays in my head from all the words / themes he wrote about .. is strappy high heels and painted toe nails.. go figure !!!
Most of the time i do NOT wear high heels. For the most part i find them uncomfortable, wobbly and frivolous.
There is a girl i work with who wears just such shoes.. strappy high heels with painted toes. Now i can't say they do much for me.. and i have been known to question her ability to interact with the kiddies appropriately in strappy high heels. But she has proven herself more than once ready willing and able to keep up with the kids even in her strappy high heels. *i* on the other hand have always worn "sensible" shoes to work.
Once upon a time i was married to a man who stood 6 feet 8 inches tall in his stocking feet, i stand a mere 5 feet 6 inches. He, needless to say, liked me in very high heeled shoes. i had a cupboard full of them. But truth be told .. i prefered to go barefoot.
A week ago we had our new friend from Texas over for dinner. She noticed and commented on my painted toes (i was barefoot at the time) . Now most of the time in the summer i DO paint my toes... whatever colour hits my fancy - anything from bright pink - to muted mauves. i do NOT paint them in the winter cause who sees 'em under thick thermal socks and boots??
i guess i would paint them if it mattered to Sir. Quite truthfully i have no idea what He thinks about strappy high heels and painted toes... maybe i should ask Him.......... i do know i have what i call my "geisha" shoes which are rather high platform shoes that i wear on occasion. i love them but can't walk particularily fast in them. i do know i used to wear high heels when Sir and i were first together, but i don't seem to anymore. They hurt .. they make me wobble, they do seem frivolous. i would much prefer being bare foot.
Now.. i have been thinking.. IF this chap Buffalo should accept the invitation that both french maid and i have extended .. to come to Quebec for a visit, will i actually fish out my strappy high heels and make sure my toes are freshly painted....... probably not... if Buffalo has a shoe / toenail fetish.. i will leave it to french maid to sport the strappy high heels.
(and yes i have posted to my fictional blog... )
Thursday, August 03, 2006
This morning magdala (of the corn husk fame) wrote about apples and oranges.... i kinda took that post and the post by swan about why she blogs .. and the post from kaya about being a parent.. and it all came together in my head.. sorta like some exotic juice ... a blend of many different flavours...
And whether or not we are all "real" (a great debate that rages on ) or half real.. or all fiction.. does it really matter?? we pick up a little bit of information here.. a smile there.. a tear over there...maybe even a major temper tantrum in another area.. it is all (in my opinion) stimulants for the brain.. the legal kind.. thought provoking .. make me think.. make me feel..
and i have been reading a couple of blogs by newbies.. by submissives looking for a Dominant.. and struggling with their search.... wading through all the apples and oranges.. looking for just the right blend for them.. and it made me remember my own search - many long years ago........ and how i wistfully wanted what so and so had... i longed for what that one had. or that one...
In the beginning (a good place to start) Sir and i both struggled for what fit us! a little bit of this.. a little bit of that... years of blending and mixing .. adding and subtracting.. et voila .. here we are 5 years later with a mix that fits... sometimes it needs a little revamping.. a little dash of this.. a little bit of that.. but still we are where we need to be right now.. and isn't that all that really matters in the end result........
life is a journey (yeah yeah i know i have said that before.. and trust me i will say it again) and the important thing is the journey......... the lessons we learn .. the growth we experience.. the people we meet.....
apples and oranges and kiwis and mangos and bananas.. and every other blend you can think of........ that is what life is about.. what makes it exciting !!!!
(another entry to the fictional journal some time today...... and i do believe it is time to add a couple more pics to the photo journal.... just click on the links in the right hand column)
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
The storm was ugly (in my opinion). There wasn't a break in the lightening strikes.. the sky was an ugly colour .. the wind howled... trees went down.. roads flooded and of course the power went off... i survived.. or at least i thought i did...
This morning i had power but no air conditioning and no television... i had this eerie feeling that the crash i heard last night on the roof was my satellite dish disappearing. Now who ever heard of a satellite dish disappearing!!?? It was just my imagination right??? Wrong........ being me i couldn't shake the feeling there was something majorily wrong so i went outside to take a look... no dish on the roof.. now do not ask me where the hell it is .. cause i have no idea!! i am hoping against hope it is just lying flat and that is why i can't see it. BUT the problems don't end there.. i called the tech line and told them my problem... (this is the same company that has owed me a credit for over 8 months and trust me when i say i am fighting mad !!) i managed to get a tech who was having a bad hair day.. and i am guessing (forgive the expression) someone peed in her cherrios this morning.. cause she was none too helpful.. snippy even... ok ok she was downright rude. The best she could do about getting me a tech to take look was a week......... a week!!!!! Hang on a minute here... a week???!!! It took less time to come and install it .. then to come back a few months later and fix the original installation... grrrrrrrr.. my blood was boiling.
Sir had the name and phone number of the Vice President of the offending company. i was on my last nerve so i wrote a nice firm letter explaining ALL my problems and asked quite politely why i shouldn't switch to their competitor. Then i called him.. then i asked for his fax number.. then i went out to find a fax machine... then i came home and called him again 'cause his fax line wasn't working!! i asked for his email (why i didn't do that at the beginning is beyond me!!) i sent the email... i went to buy groceries in heat that is building to another storm.... then i came home.. then i got a phone call from some executive or other .. who said he would fix all my problems... do i feel comforted??
Now the tech will be here Friday morning to fix the satellite dish (hopefully if it is there) and my long overdue credit will be on my next bill (i will believe it when i see it)... However i did get the air conditioning working and the house is finally liveable again..
Oh yeah.. did i mention i went to work on the web site for my private business and royally messed that up???? It is now 4:30 and i haven't written an entry to the Fictional Journey yet either...
did i mention last night i should have hid under my bed???
i HATE storms...
(off to write yet another entry in the Fictional journal... otherwise i will have Sir to deal with and that is worse than power blackouts, lost satellite dishes, web sites that get screwed up AND summer heat!)
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
i was supposed to text message Him every time i went out, and when i came home... if i wanted to buy something on the spur of the moment i had to phone Him... (Sir loves cell phones!! i tend to find them annoying) .. and that was another punishable offense.. if i forgot my cell, had it turned off, or the battery wasn't charged. i had to be available to Sir at all times. The list was quite long of do's and don't's so my punishment list tended to be quite long as well..... at least until i got the hang of it..
Sir always tried to fit the punishment to the infraction.. it wasn't always easy and sometimes it was just as easy to bend me over the chair and use the "board of education" on my ass until i was in tears and promising to never forget again.
i remember once i changed purses and didn't have my panties in the zippered pocket .. Sir and i were out to dinner and He opened my purse just to check........ my stomach sank cause i knew what He was looking for.. (oh yeah.. see i wasn't allowed / still am not allowed ...to wear underpants but always had to carry a pair JUST in case!!) The punishment for not carrying a pair with me was the next day i had to wear a pair of thongs backwards .......... all day long! By the time i got home from work i was climbing the walls.. underwear is NOT supposed to be worn backwards - trust me !!
Now i don't believe i have blogged much about punishments... mainly cause now they are few and far between (hells bells - eventually i had to get IT! ) On a blog i occasionally glimpse at.. there was an entry about punishments and how phoney subs are when they don't write about what they are thinking when they are being punished.... i went WTF when i read that.. but it did make me stop and think.... what do / did i think about when i was being punished???
i think mostly i just gritted my teeth and endured.... sometimes if i felt the punishment was unfair i would be wording (carefully) my entry for my private journal to Sir (which is my "free time" to discuss respectfully whatever is on my mind) about how unfair this punishment was. Mostly i think i was glad of the punishments.... i had broken a rule and i wanted it over.. i hate having things hang over my head... i desperately wanted the punishment. Once i remember .. the fates had lined up that Sir and i had a couple of weeks of no private time.. and the punishment list was growing.... longer (if memory serves me right) by the day .. the longer we were apart. Finally i was a puddle of tears.. i wanted the list cleared!! Sir actually made a run out to the house JUST to do the punishments so that i could relax ...........
Rules / protocols and punishments - for me - are ways that Sir shows me He cares about my well being.. my welfare... and that He loves me..... Now i am seldom punished - (oooooops i can see Sir frowning at me ) ok ok.. there is a new rule (well not SO new - but being enforced) where i must stand quietly and wait for permission to enter a room.. i tend to forget frequently - especially if i am 'on a mission' ........ the "board of education' is getting quite a work out again.... but slowly it is coming... this new protocol has all sorts of potential for bringing out the brat in me.... but mostly i do try very hard to toe the line - so to speak.......
If there is a best part about punishments.. it has to be the forgivenness i feel when it is over... Sir always pulls me into His arms, holds me close as i sniffle and the last few tears roll down my cheeks.. i thank Him quietly for correcting me... and He kisses my cheek and forgives me.. and we start again with a clean slate...
(for those of you who have been following the Fictional Journey (see link to the right) the new week has begun - again!!! i have posted a rather tongue in cheek story today... )
We have been honest with the lil one about what I am going through and she has been amazing........like last week I wanted to dust the liv...
BUT be warned this post might be the things nightmares are made from......... So I have finished this round of radiation...... and if I co...