I have had another outbreak of my "tummy problems". It started on Monday and just won't give up.......... despite my going back to clear liquids and soda crackers. Despite my NOT having (really) cheated on the strict diet.
The pain is probably the worst part - it doesn't matter how I sit - or lie - or stand - or walk - the gnawing pain in my gut is always there. I have doubled my meds - again! and despite having had virtually no solids for 48 hours I still have tummy problems.
I am discouraged.
W and I have a party to go this weekend - actually two parties. I kept thinking what a great way to celebrate the end of the year............. but now I am faced with this - again!!
I certainly don't think I could bear wearing a corset for an evening -steel boning pressing into my lower gut - BUT ... I can't come up with any alternative.......... it's where my mind set is I guess........ corsets = play party. What the hell did I wear before I had corsets??? god only knows
I did some research - colds/viruses can aggravate the problem - so can Tylenol - stress can aggravate it...... so maybe it isn't something I ate this time.......
And because I am me..... I can't help but feel W is getting damaged goods :( and it seems so damn unfair - ya know. He deserves more - WE deserve more - we have waited so long for this time........ and now ....... damaged goods.
What a great way to start my summer holidays........... discouraged
Back in the day I joined a number of online communities........ Now I belong to two - sort of - FetLife and Facebook. I say "sort of" cause honestly I almost never log on to them. Granted June is my busy month - and I hardly have time to answer my private emails never mind reading all the drivel on those sites, but still it just isn't something I miss.
This past weekend W sent me some emails he had been exchanging with a friend on FL. I made a passing comment about not knowing what was going on... W responded with "well then go on FL".
So yesterday afternoon I decided to wander on over and take a look at what had been happening..........
There is a new group (could be more than one - but I found one) that is running around pointing out fake profiles. Really??? and you need to do this because??? AND more importantly - you are surprised by this because???
Then I found a discussion about how FL administrators (or greeters - or whatever the hell they call them) handled a "fight" between two users. I read the rant - I read all 70+ comments. And all the time I kept thinking ' oh my god !!! sounds like a school yard fight'........ and I couldn't help wondering how some people have lost the good sense god gave them - to simply log off........ instead of running around like Chicken Little declaring the "sky is falling", creating all sorts of unnecessary drama. AND then the icing on the cake was ........ the greeters or administrators or someone told the wounded parties that they couldn't talk about the other person on FL anymore and the other person couldn't talk about them....... and if they did ........ their posts would be removed forth with! OH MY GOD!! They need referees now???
Then I read all the drivel about who's doing whom....... and whose feelings are hurt.. and who's going where with whom - and who's not going where because of who's going...........
I have one word for it all.............. CHILDISH
Have you seen the car ad (don't ask me which car - I don't know!!) where a teenager is talking disgustedly about how she got her parents signed up for facebook and they only have 19 friends. She has 600and some odd friends. She is sitting in her room typing on her laptop........ they cut away to her parents out bike riding with friends - having a ball.............. that pretty much says it all for me..........
When internet communities become your life - when you live eat sleep and breath them it is time to turn off the computer....... or maybe time for an intervention.
Cause you know folks - there is a big wide world out there - full of real people and real adventures !
Normally W and I can go weeks with nothing to do on the weekend - except amuse ourselves.
This past weekend however was not one of those weekends...... 1) I had been invited to a "girls only" barbeque - Saturday afternoon through evening 2) W and I had been invited to a birthday luncheon for a friend on Saturday 3) There was an impromptu munch virtually down the street from me for dinner on Saturday evening.
OR the other really big choice was..........
I could lie in bed with the "sharing is caring" bug (youngest daughter named the bug that - after the kids shared it with me last weekend) and die.
Despite this being a democratic society - I didn't get a vote. Even W's dominance didn't come into play ............. the sharing is caring bug won out. I spent the weekend blowing my nose and coughing up a lung lying in bed (or on the sofa).
If I hadn't been so damn sick I might have felt a wee bit sorry for myself. All these weekends have gone by with nothing but boring vanilla stuff going on.... so much vanilla I have almost forgotten what BDSM feels like - looks like - sounds like. My Monday morning reports are a "snore fest" .......... le sigh.........
On the brighter side - I have 3 1/2 days of work left - and surely in THAT time this sharing is caring bug should be gone......... and then the Monday morning reports might just have a little something interesting.............
Well at 1:00 p.m. yesterday the last school bus pulled away from the school - horns honking.
During the morning hours I had had my fair share of kiddies coming to hug me - some even to cry a little. I thought about it after. Usually I find the last day of school emotional........... but not yesterday. Probably because I have only really been there for one full year and have not formed strong attachments yet to the school or the kiddies.
Well that's not entirely true...... I do have my lil guy who screams at the top of his lungs every time someone gets into his space. And I do have my lil girl who crawls into my lap when she gets 'too scared' and I hold her while she whispers in my ear her fears of mommy going to heaven......... but funny thing is - neither of them sought me out yesterday - which is a good thing.......... they were centered and focused and enjoying the last few hours......... no need for the "stern teacher look" or the big comfy sharing chair......... and that is a very good thing !!
I did however think about next year.............. about what I will change and what I will do differently.
I have come to realize this past month - that there are so many things that should change............ but I have no interest in trying to change them. It is true what they say about folks heading into retirement............. they don't seem to give a damn. I find myself looking at changes that should be made - and I think (with a mental shrug) what's the point???For 30 years I have fought the system - and nothing much has changed.
Oh I have changed - I have grey hair and worry lines and high blood pressure ... and the system still ticks along like it always has.
So I take back all the nasty thoughts I had about folks in their last few months before retirement - I get it now ........ I truly do. As much as things seem to change - they really stay the same.
Next year I think I will mark off the days remaining till retirement - mark off the days till I can say with total glee "No more school - no more books - no more nasty dirty looks!"
Yesterday was the day before the last day of school.
It was hot.......... so hot the vets were on the radio warning folks not to walk their dogs on the pavement because they might burn their paws.....so
hot the weather people and doctors and all manner of health officials
were warning people to stay inside and drink lots of water.....so hot that the minute you stepped outside your clothes stuck to you like they had been vacuumed bagged on .......... so hot that the 6 ice cubes I put in my glass of water melted - completely and totally - before I finished downing the water..... so hot you could see and feel the heat rising off the ground ..........so hot you didn't want to even move ......
It was that hot!
Heat has a way - this much heat anyway - of bringing out the worst in people. I watched a mother and son get into a fight on the street corner - it came on sudden like - and escalated into a whole lot of arm waving and stamping of feet and mouths flapping.... I had a mother at school call me the "wicked witch of the west" (where the hell did THAT come from!) I watched kids snap at each other and staff barely be civil with each other.......... it felt as though i was watching the world slowly melt into a puddle of anger and frustration and emotions before my very eyes.
And in the midst of all this emotional melt down - two of my staff called my office phone and asked me to come outside to them. Were their brains fried?? come OUTSIDE ??? But I did............ and they stood there like two proud kids grinning at me... and they thrust a HUGE gift package at me ........ there in the middle of the parking lot - heat rising off the pavement and bouncing off the walls of the school.......... and like the dummy I am I stood there in the glaring sunlight and opened it.. balancing it precariously on the trunk of my car (cause of course I hadn't brought my car keys) and they were chattering about how they wanted to give me something to thank me for a wonderful year.. how it was a themed gift... and because I guess I was all thumbs and going too slow - they both started helping me pull gifts out of the gift bag.............
The first gift was a white porcelain picture frame - and I was told to put a picture of "our" new home in it......... to remind me next year what I am working towards.......
And then they pulled out a piggy bank .. a big polka dotted porcelain piggy bank - they said it was for my retirement fund......
And they pulled out a room diffuser to help keep the house smelling sweet...........
And I cried.
They blindsided me ........... after a year of staff back stabbing and running to the Union and doing everything in their power to drive me crazy - these two quiet women - showed me that there are some that appreciate what I try to do........ some who support me.. some who genuinely care...........
I hardly noticed the heat - life suddenly looked a whole lot brighter - on the Day before the Last day of School
There had been an offer on W's house two weeks ago - I was doing the happy dance around the house.
Then - as would happen - problems arouse. There were problems with the building inspection.
W ranted (a bit) that he was selling the house "as is" didn't people understand what "as is" means??? I spent a week holding my breath. Would it sell ?? or wouldn't it sell???? I kept reassuring myself that if they didn't like what the building inspection said (which wasn't good by my calculations) they would have withdrawn their offer. They didn't. They asked for yet another inspector to come in and look. I held my breath some more.
This contractor/inspector came in on Monday evening ............ the decision had to be made by 9:00p.m. Tuesday night. I figured they would wait until 8:59 Tuesday night. I wasn't sure I could handle the suspense.
But as I was leaving work late afternoon on Tuesday the email from W came in. The house was sold !!!!!!!!!
Now plan B goes into effect. And for some reason - I feel like I can help more with this part. Plan B is - find a new home in the Kingston area.
I have been searching the web looking at all the houses in our price range... checking room sizes - does it have a garage - does it have room for a garage (if there isn't one) is the asking price low enough to build a garage - does it have central air - how much would it cost to add central air (if there isn't central air) is there room for the train set - is there room for an office - for 2 guest bedrooms - for a dining room - does it look cute?? (can you tell where the list of needs/wants switches from W to me?? LOL) Oh yeah and I have to find a sensible real estate agent who actually has our best interests at heart.
Oh and maybe I should add.......... we have just over 60 days to find a house and get W moved. No stress !!
The minute I finish work - June 29th - the house hunt starts for real - in earnest.
Yesterday was our last "celebration" of our countries that we have visited over the last 180 days. We have been in Hawaii (and yes I know Hawaii is NOT a country) since the beginning of June. Yesterday was our luau - a very non-traditional luau. The kids made ice cream sundaes - and added pineapple and tropical fruits - my acknowledgement of local foods.
I snuffled and coughed and sweated my way through setting up tables - organizing the fruits and marshmallows and chocolate sauce and caramel sauce - the leis - and the ice cream and the bowls and the spoons.
when it was all over - except for the cleaning - I shooed the kiddies
outside to run off the sugar ...... left a few staff to clean up the
mess - and I dragged my sick body home to bed.
Now it really is wind down time....... hold the roof on until Friday .... finish up last minute paper work - visit with the kids some - go to the Grade 6 graduation exercises (tonite if I can hold up long enough) go to the Kindergarten graduation exercises tomorrow (don't get me started on graduation exercises for Kindergarten!!) and set my sights on Friday June 29th when I lock my office door and walk out of the building and start my summer vacation!!!
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling like crap - with a capital C. Baby grandson had had a snotty nose on Saturday and being the loving child he is - shared it with me. (IF he felt 1/2 as bad as I do - it's no wonder he was cranky)
Anyway - it was Monday - and Monday I was scheduled to put an hour in at school (6:30 - 7:30) then head off to the Island to empty out my Prek classroom. So I ignored the sore throat and achy bones and off I went.
By the time I got out to the Island it was like 30degrees. There is (of course) no air conditioning. I opened the door to my old classroom and memories came flooding back. Just under 30 years ago I opened that door for the first time. And here I was coming to clean out the room for good.
I went to work in the same way I always do - like gang busters. In no time at all I had filled box upon box ..... and stacked them by the door. Then once the kids were in their classes in the "big" school - I moved my car around and started loading up the car. I knew W was coming out to help me .... but I just kept pushing on. I stopped once and opened a binder filled with my lesson plans........... and I stood there mesmerized ,... it was like looking a memory right in the face. A multitude of voices and faces swirled around me... I slammed the book shut and stuffed it in a box.
By the time W got there - virtually everything I was bringing home was packed and loaded in my car. The only thing left was a HUGE toy box filled with neat wooden blocks. I had a pop up tent in the back seat that I intended to drop off with the grandkids. And a box of supplies that I intend to use at my"real" school next year.
W helped me carry the heavy box of blocks out to the car and the last box.... loaded up we headed down the road to drop off the tent. The grin on baby grandson's face was worth it.
Then we headed back to town. Driving down the highway I realized I was feeling more than a little shitty. My body was aching - sweat was pouring down my back (despite a/c in the car) - my limbs were shaking. AND I still had to unload all these boxes at school. W helped me drag them out of the two cars and up the stairs to the door. W basically carried them all in.. I was sitting in my office. W got me some tylenol and water and I downed them. Then I looked at W and just started crying. I was so tired!
But I realized when I got home and settled that the tears were for a project I started 30 years ago... a project I believed in.. loved... a project that grew beyond my wildest dreams... and that is now gone. Forever
The supplies/lesson plans are going to a brand new daycare that a young girl has opened on a wing and a prayer and not much else. My toys will be played with by a whole new generation of little ones. My dream of making children laugh will continue..... and that is quite some legacy I think.
Baby daughter called me in a bit of a panic a week ago. She and hubbie had to work on Saturday - and the other grandma had plans. Could I .. would I .. come out and babysit from early morning (9:30) to evening (8:00)
There was a party W and I usually go to planned for the same day. BUT considering the Mother's Day meltdown and the subsequent guilt feelings I had - I said I would come out and babysit.
I don't just go out and "babysit". Nah .. that's not my style. I like to keep kids busy and entertained. So I started to plan the attack.
First - home made ice cream (vanilla) ........ then make some shark tooth necklaces (out of plastic ) .. then make ice cream sandwiches with the home made ice cream.... I had some hermit crabs in shells (plastic) that once submerged in water - start to grow ... throw in swimming and pizza for supper...and I figured I had the day covered.
W had asked if I needed help?? ME??? need help with 3 kids?? gimme a break !! I told him it was ok - a) I figured he could use a quiet weekend (it's been a rough couple of weeks with the sale of the house - and it isn't over yet ) b) it was a bloody long drive for him for a few hours - and I didn't *need* him.........
So I arrived just after 9.. got the kid's schedules - especially the baby's.. nap time etc.. and shooed Mom and Dad off to work. The kids were watching Saturday morning cartoons - which sounded like a plan to granny who was downing her second cup of coffee.
Once the cartoons were done.. Granny suggested making the ice cream (schedules and all that - it takes a few hours for the ice cream to harden ready for cookie making) ..... so out came the bowls and measuring cups and ingredients. The three boys gathered round the kitchen table and we got started. It was fun.. even the baby got to stir the mixture, with his 2 big brothers breathing down his neck. Ice cream machine was turned on.. and the older boys trickled off to play some computer games and the baby and I settled down to watch some more cartoons and play with cars and weebles.
is it ready yet granny???
While he and I were playing I saw a red car slow down outside the house. I realized W had shown up to help babysit. I was so happy to see him !!! ( I was glad he didn't listen to my "stay home and relax I'll be fine" I lie a lot)
The boys came upstairs.. we dumped the ice cream from the maker to a container to the freezer.. I made lunch.. and then the baby went down for his nap. Then the big boys went out for a swim.
Even W (thank god ) agreed to put his swim suit on when the baby got up - cause it was just too cold for granny !
Then granny brought out the supplies for the shark tooth necklaces. Apparently I was told yesterday morning - that pigpen (the middle one) slept with his necklace on!!
We dumped the hermit crabs in containers of water - ate pizza and ice cream cookie sandwiches and before I knew it the day was over .......
Sunday was a lazy slow day for me. I did manage to get the laundry done... but mostly I spent the day in my pjs.. being lazy.
I don't remember when I learned the song "I am slowly going crazy" but I did... and I taught it to more than a few kiddies over the years.
Last night I was thinking about the month of June so far.. and the rest of the month still to come and I wondered if I would make it to the end sane. (well ok as sane as I have ever been)
I have 6 more days with the kiddies - then 4 1/2 days of paperwork - and then summer!
In these last 2 weeks of June - I also have.... babysitting the grandkids tomorrow.....emptying the Prek classroom on Monday (as well as working at my regular school) .... my last celebration with the kids on Tuesday ... my last night meeting on Tuesday night...and a meeting with the bookkeepers to close down the PreK complete with government forms etc. on the last Friday of the month.
AND to make it really fun and challenging and interesting - the temperatures are going up to 30+ degrees.
The lyrics to that song I mentioned go like this
"I am slowly going crazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch Going crazy slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch" repeat .. going faster each time till you collapse.
For the last few weeks I have felt as though my life has been upside down - out of control - whizzing past my eyes. I was beginning to think that sleep was a thing of the past. My stomach has been tied up in knots. My head hurt. I have been close to tears or explosion all the time. There has been virtually no BDSM .. no D/s.... no pain. And - I didn't miss it.
It has not been a good time.
Definitely upside down !!!
Then this morning - sleep still in my eyes - first cup of coffee steaming beside me - I opened an email from W. The first line read "Good morning little me" and the signature said simply "Sir"
And my world stopped whizzing - and my head stopped hurting and the knots in my stomach loosened. Everything IS going to be ok.
Because W is in my life and W will take care of things......... the important things....... and I can just follow along.
This past weekend was W's BIG garage sale. I have done one garage sale in my life... I was ready for this one. Weeks ago I bought loads and loads of price stickers - I reorganized my schedule so that W could pick me up at 1:00p.m. on Friday - giving me the whole afternoon and evening to price his items. I went to the bank and got gobs of change.
For the past two weeks I have been going through my house finding all the little things that I thought I would sell at the garage sale. I cleaned everything... I priced everything and packed everything neatly into boxes - ready to be transported to W's,
Oh yeah I also stressed all week that it would rain...........
W picked me up at 1:40 - already running late according to my schedule. We had to stop at the bank for W - and when we got to his house finally - friends had dropped by to help. There were boxes and boxes of "stuff" for the garage sale... some in the garage - some in the house. Immediately I was a little overwhelmed. Nothing was clean... none of the electrical appliances (from old radios - to older fry pans) had been tested to make sure they actually worked..nothing had been washed down so it sparkled - the enormity of the job nearly overwhelmed me.
About an hour into sorting/setting up / and cleaning - the heaven's opened and it started to pour rain!! We quickly threw a tarp over everything and went into the house. It rained and rained. Finally we decided to go out for dinner.
Over dinner W said he didn't get the need to clean and price - just throw everything on the tables and "negotiate" with the customers. My image of a nicely organised - smooth running sale went out the window.
Saturday morning I was smug - I admit it "SMUG" - my things would sell and W's wouldn't. I would make the most money. W would see that organization is necessary.
Well by 7:40 a.m. people were already collecting around the tables poking through all of W's stuff..... stuff thrown out in boxes - piled on top of each other. mounds and mounds of stuff. My neatly organised sparkly clean table barely got a once over. W was selling stuff like hot cakes........... my neatly organized sparkly things were barely touched.
The crowds kept coming - W kept selling - I was in awe. By the end of the day W had sold almost double the $$ that I had sold. We cleaned up and collapsed in the living room. W said "Well did it once - not ever doing THAT again!" which pretty much echoed my sentiments. Though I was thinking more along the lines of cleaning and testing and pricing....... next time (NOT) I will simply throw my stuff on tables and let folks poke through it all............
Oh yeah - AND - the sun shone brightly all day long..................
There are mornings when I sit with my coffee at the pc before school - and my heart pounds and my mind whirls and spins and buzzes - and I realize I am fast approaching overload.
June is always a bad month........... always....... for as long as I can remember. I have come to see it as the month of endings.......... and endings are always a bit sad - no matter how natural.
This June is no different....... I have paperwork to finish off (mountains of paper work) I have paperwork to organise and get ready for August (mountains of paper work). I have kids clinging - wanting every ounce of attention I can give them before they wander off into the great big world for the summer without the security of school....... of the routines.. of me. I have staff chomping at the bit - wondering if they will have work next year. I have more openings opening up than there is staff in the whole BOARD (god bless the Board for preparing for all the retirements coming up - NOT)
Then I have my little school out on the Island that I need to close down. I need to pack up 20 plus years of teaching in that one little room and get it out (to where god only knows - just get it out) ...... I have paperwork to get done to shut it down forever - and companies to call hoping against hope I will get some sort of refund for closing down early.
And then............ W's had an offer on his house...... it should / maybe / probably will close by the end of next week. And our dream starts to become a reality. And my mind is filled with thoughts of finding a new home for both of us - of finding a home with LOTS of room ...... and wondering how in god's name we will combine two houses filled with years of memories into one house without LOTS and LOTS of room. I look around my lil home and honestly I fill up with tears - all the things that have come through so many stages of life with me....... so many things that I can't imagine living without - and I wonder which ones will be sacrificed for this new life adventure........
This week I sold 6 items that have been with me since my first home...... things that came from Olive's house (those of you who have read here for any length of time have heard about Olive) I sold them to friends - cause I convinced myself that having those family heirlooms go to friends makes it a little easier to say goodbye........ but I lied to myself. I walk through the house and the holes created by their going bring tears to my eyes......... gone forever.. and there are so many other things that must go.........
And June marches steadily along to completion and I wonder if I will get to the end - without a meltdown and without pushing the "overload button"
There have been many changes in the BDSM community/lifestyle in all the years I have been in it. And as with everything some changes have been good .. some not so good .. and some downright confusing.
But I thought I had a pretty good handle on the basics - terminology. After all terminology is the common thread that sorta/kinda keeps us all on the same page - no?? Terms like Top, bottom, Master, Dominant, submissive, slave. Words that help explain who and what we are and what we do.
Obviously there are a whole mess of other "words" that we use .......... and I have felt pretty secure that I understood what they meant.. the good words and the bad words....
BUT I must have missed the memo changing the definition of one term..... "breaking a submissive". In my day that was a very bad thing. Breaking a submissive meant taking her very soul and tearing it into little bits and scattering them to the four winds. This was not a good thing.
Yesterday I was reading some blogs and came across one entitled "Breaking Me" on the Monkey's Journey. I get what she meant by the term (at least I think I do) she was referring to having her limits pushed beyond her comfort zone. BUT my concern came when I realized she was defining a term for a relative newbie.
That is a big problem in my opinion - newbies looking for and asking for definitions (and more) from blogs. How do you know (as a newbie) that you have received the correct information. Perhaps you have only received that one person's opinion.
Even here on The Journey - some days I write with great authority - and afterwards worry that someone is going to take my words to be the ABSOLUTE truth. Not so!! It is the absolute truth for ME. and W. They shouldn't be the ABSOLUTE truth for anyone else.
Example - what if warm up for W and I involved knives and cutting and then needles and piercing and I said that it is the only way to do a warm up.... for everyone. Excuse me??!! There are a whole mess of folks who won't even watch knife play and needle play - now what happens?? Do they land up feeling they are doing it all wrong??? based on my words??? good lord!!!
I have no problem with monkey saying she is being broken by her Dominant - none whatsoever - as that is what it feels like to her..........I do have a problem with the term "broken" being used to describe pushing limits to newbies. How scary is that??? For most people something that is broken - is just that BROKEN. As broken as the chain at the top of this entry. It can't be fixed.
Something that can't be fixed is very scary to me.......... especially when we are talking about people....... and their psyches. I had to comment on the monkey's blog... I thought I did it gently and diplomatically (though admittedly I am not known for my diplomatic skills) I worry about newbies - I worry period about anyone basing their knowledge on a blog........... yes even mine !!!
So I am not here to say "broken" is a good thing OR a bad thing......... cause ya know that would defeat the purpose of my "preaching" this morning. I AM saying to the newbies - or even to those not too clear on the principal - to read and read and read some more - get many definitions - get many opinions......... then form your own. Educate yourself - protect yourself - and rely on your gut instincts for what is right for you and what is wrong.
W and I had plans for the weekend. He was going to come over and get me and bring me back to his place and we were gonna organize all the stuff for his garage sale which is next weekend.
However Saturday morning I was dragging my ass a little bit.... just feeling like my battery had no charge whatsoever. Then W's emails sounded a bit the same ....... so W decided that he would come over and take me out for lunch - then we would veg out together for the afternoon.
At some point mid afternoon I guess - W got up and said he wanted to play. All I could think was - "damn I just don't have the energy to take a beating" but beating was not what W meant.
He went upstairs and found my hitachi..... my favourite - 'oh my god orgasm' - vibrator.
However he did not bring down the attachments - and I always use the attachments. I mentioned to W that he "forgot" the attachments - but he just smiled and turned it on.
At the first sound of the whirring motor my pussy started twitching. Talk about Pavlov's conditioning!!!!
I was on the lazy boy chair - with it tilted back - offering easy access to W and the hitachi. Suddenly I started having fits of giggles.......... ya know how I have always said you can't spank yourself - can't give yourself the right amount of pain cause you will stop reflexively first??? know how I have always said that there has to be an element of the unknown in playing?? but when you do it yourself you KNOW what's coming next??
Well it was the same thing with the hitachi.......... when I use it on myself I will move it off the tender bits when it gets too intense.. or I will adjust the speed - or lift it off completely for a breather ........... Well the giggles hit when I realized that W had no intention of pleasing me in the shortest time possible and stopping, OH NO.. W had every intention of playing.......... and in our definition play = pain.
W concentrated all his energies on my clit jewelry - focusing the high speed spinning vibrating head of the hitachi on the jewelry - or lifting the jewelry and sliding the head just underneath to cause the most intense sensations on the most sensitive bits.
I was becoming a bit frantic - the sensations were so intense - to the point of being painful - and knowing that I never cum only from clit stimulation ......... Then I felt it - a tightening in my belly - not a big one - but before I knew it the orgasm had washed over my body. Just a small one - but it relaxed my body enough to get into this play time with W.
After 3 or 4 more little ones - W had me "eating out of his hand" so to speak - I didn't care what he did or how.. I was right there with him. And then suddenly - without any warning or tightening - nothing - an earth shattering orgasm hit..... full blown - squirting - shaking orgasm......... and I collapsed back into the chair ............ exhausted spent and smiling.
Over the years of being in BDSM I have heard many times the phrase "Boot Blacking". I have seen workshops offered on it... I have heard of submissives/slaves listing off the joys of Boot Blacking - I have even heard of competitions for Boot Blacking.
I often wondered what all the fuss was about.
When I was growing up my father used to polish his black leather shoes every Saturday night - before the hockey game - to get them ready for church the following morning - and for work the following week. When I was old enough he started to teach me how to "polish shoes" .......... because in my day we wore black oxford shoes to school and they had to be polished/shined every Saturday night - in preparation for school for the following week.
For years (well for 5 years) every Saturday night I would polish my black oxfords beside my father. He would watch how/what I was doing and correct me if I did something wrong. He would point out areas I missed. I remember once when I decided I would (god only knows why) polish the bottoms of my shoes!! I learned a fast lesson on the evils of shoe polish all over my mother's hard wood floors.
Polishing shoes - to me - was just another chore that had to be done. So when my girls came along and went into white leather baby boots - they got polished every Saturday night along with any boots that needed polishing. Some times the kitchen counter would be covered with various pairs of shoes/boots waiting to be done.
Fast forward - the girls stopped wearing leather shoes - and the boots would be polished once or twice a season and coated with some waxy stuff that prevented the salt from eating away at them........... and Saturday night shoe polishing became a thing of the past.
So honestly I wondered what all the hoopla over Boot Blacking was about...... seemed to me - unless there was some kinky stuff - like bondage or spankings thrown in - it was all just a regular shoe polishing with a fancy title.
A year or so ago W bought himself a kilt - a utility kilt. They are / were all the rage for Dominants. And to be honest I love to see W in his kilt. The only problem was - he really didn't have appropriate shoes to wear with his kilt. I kept thinking a nice ankle high black leather boot would look amazing.
The last time we were in Kingston - we wandered down the main street - popping into shops - checking stuff out. Lo and behold didn't Kingston have an army surplus shop. (Now that shouldn't be a big surprise as Kingston is a military town) W found a really nice pair of ankle high black leather boots for an excellent price. And a week or two later the shoes showed up here with shoe polish and brushes for polishing.
The bag with the shoes has sat on the kitchen floor since then. Every once in a while I will hear the bag rustling as my miss ashes climbs in, sticks her head into the leather shoes and purrs madly. (miss ashes has a serious shoe/leather fetish)
This morning I decided I would polish up the boots. See if I got any different feeling from polishing now that I was officially "boot blacking". I spread the polish and worked it in - getting polish all over my hands / arms and the kitchen counter. (now I remember why the Saturday night polishing was done in my father's workshop in the basement)
Then I polished.......... and wondered if I should really actually spit on them so I could say they were "spit and polished" but decided against it - as a lady never spits! The boots are done and sitting waiting to go back to W's ............. the kitchen counters are cleaned up - my hands and arms are scrubbed clean of polish............
I am here to report that Boot Blacking - is - in my humble opinion - absolutely no different from polishing shoes! I guess it just sounds sexier saying "boot blacking".