Details

 

 

This morning when Sir Steve was kissing me good-bye - his hands were massaging my bum..... and I yelped.  Apparently I have 2 hard bumps on my ass - deep tissue bruising.  And it brought back memories of Sunday afternoon hanging from the rafters.

It started off like any spanking starts I guess..... BUT then Sir Steve had the blue suede flogger and he deliberately wrapped it - making sure to catch my nipples - both at once - and I gasped......... I had forgotten how accessible my body is to him when I am standing....  He used to have to kick my legs apart - but now it is instinctive... I stand with my legs wide apart - making sure he has access to all parts of my body (if you get my drift).  And the floggers would hit between my legs catching my clit jewelry making me yelp and stand on tippy toes... and of course the flogger kissing my breasts/nipples... but it also allows Sir Steve freedom to grab / pinch / pull any and all parts of my body...  

He used to have to say 'assume the position' which meant bend and stick your ass out ... now it too is instinctive... legs apart ... ass out... partially bent.... hanging... feeling the strike of the paddle or the flogger or the quirt.......... melting into each hit....

AND the familiar tingling in my belly - feeling the tingling build... feeling the pattern/rhythm of the strikes... feeling those hits building the orgasm......... then like a wave hitting a beach - the waves of an orgasm wash over me.........

When Sir Steve unclipped my wrists - the pain!  shooting down my arms... then pins and needles - and then trying to find my legs.... all details I had forgotten from before... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monday was an off day - I ached and felt a little sad.. and had no energy... what was wrong with me??!!  Later Monday evening when Sir Steve and I were sitting on the back deck having a cigarette - I asked him "do you think I have sub drop"  and he assured me that was exactly what I had...... sub drop.  It had been so long.... I had forgotten the signs/symptoms...... AND even sub drop felt amazing!  Familiar ... and missed...... part of the cycle of a masochist.   

All amazing details........ love is definitely in the details!

"These are a Few of my Favourite Things.........."

And trust me - these are not the same 'favourite things' of Mary Poppins' song .....

As a lot of you know - I am a product of public BDSM play....... I think I have tried (at least once) every imaginable 'toy' available to BDSM players...... Over the years I have whittled down the list of 'toys' to a handful of favourite ones........ 

Here are some of my favourites............

Floggers -

 

Specifically Sir Steve's BIG BIGGER BIGGEST flogger ....... it thuds so nicely  ..... and hasn't been used in over 5 years - cause like I said - it's big and there's no room in a house...... 

Canes/crops -

 

There's something unique about crops and canes (I kinda lump them together cause the pain and marks are almost identical......... 

Paddles -

I am pretty sure Sir Steve loves our wooden paddles - probably because they are my least favourite..... If I get a say in which paddle - I tend to lean towards the leather ones... 

Knives -

We both have our own knife collection - decorative gorgeous shiny bits of silver that leave some intense marks........ nothing brings me to the level of anticipation/fear like our knives...... 

Needles - 

I used to be a BIG fan of needle play - nothing really compares to the endorphins released from needle play.  Sir Steve will NOT do needle play (cheeky grin) he can be such a wimp sometimes!! (he HATES needles!)

Before I go any further - I want to add that back in the day - some 30 years ago - BDSM was not as main stream as it is today.  The clubs were private (I've talked about this before) There were actual workshops to teach 'newbies' or those that wanted to improve their skills - in almost every aspect of kink.  I remember taking a cutting/knife play workshop that was taught by medical workers (nurses.. emergency techs etc) Sir Steve for example took many workshops (for lack of a better word) in floggers and paddles - instruments of pain and pleasure.  I rarely if ever played with someone who was untrained (back in the day) ..... after all I wanted to make sure I would be as safe as possible - not some toy test dummy for inexperience.

And finally 

Whips - 

which is to be honest what prompted this blog post today.  Yesterday Spankedhortic posted his 'animated Trasher Thursday' ....... there was something bugging me about the way the whip was being thrown.  I couldn't put my finger on it........ last night I showed the gif to Sir Steve - he frowned at it and like me knew it looked wrong but couldn't quite put his finger on it...... between the two of us we decided she was using the whip like a flogger.......... and I cringed.  There is something very special about the kiss of the whip...... it should feel very different from any other toy....... it can be very sensual - just kissing the skin - or painful with full on strikes.  I went looking this morning for a whip video that would best describe the whip...... OMG!  I wanted a 'how to' video and most of what I found were porn clips....... GAH!!  no just NO!  After way too much time - I did find this video..... and I have to admit my knees went weak watching him..........I have a small circus whip (appropriate for play indoors) and honestly I can NOT wait till we are moved and have our loft bedroom to play in  - it's been wayyyyyyyyy too long since Sir Steve and I satisfied our Sadist/masochist side.

  

  And that is my list of " my favourite things"

Kink

 

 Unlike many who read here - we (Sir Steve and I) enjoy pain for pain's sake.  There are no punishments - no resets.  I was explaining to Baker this morning, spankings for us are more like being horny for sex...... we crave pain and set out to satisfy that need.  (that's how it works with a masochist and a Sadist) 

AND the pain doesn't have to come just from spankings....... we have in the past used knives and clamps and other 'instruments of torture' to fulfill those needs.  For the last year or so we haven't really indulged in spankings - because our space isn't truthfully conducive to pain play.  (though we are looking forward to our new home with the huge bedroom/play space) 

We've adapted and modified........... we find our pain release in sex........ 

Last night was spectacular pain fulfillment.  His hands around my neck tightening ...loosening.... tightening again.  My hand on his cock stroking keeping the rhythm all the while I am feeling his strength on my neck... my heart pounding. His hands tugging on my clit jewelry.  Then he rams into me - no gentleness - just wham bang thank you Ma'am sort of entry.  I gasp - trying to wiggle around to ease his entry - feeling myself stretching to tearing .....  and loving every minute of it.

Sometimes you have bruises and discomfort after a spanking..... the morning after an intense session with Sir Steve - I am sore and stretched and feeling the after effects.  I can close my eyes and feel his hands on my neck - can feel the ache deep inside me..... and I smile.  The need has been filled.  All's right with the world.  I am loved!

Spare Hand

 On Sunday over on Spankedhortic's blog he posted his Sunday Swishing post.  BUT in the comments Roz asked the question-  "What is with all the spankers with hand on hip?"
and a conversation was started!

I often times read blog entries to Sir Steve,,,,,,,so when I read this conversation I turned to Sir Steve and asked him " when you are spanking me - what do you do with the hand you're not using?" He frowned at me.  He scowled at me.  He finally said "I use both hands!" (which is true - he often switches hands) BUT I persisted "what do you do with the hand NOT being used?" and he answered (sounding more than little exasperated) "It's just there!"

We went back to watching the movie.  Suddenly he blurted out - "my spare hand is just there ya know"  and he proceeded to demonstrate how it hangs... or flaps about. I couldn't help but laugh........ the answer to my original question was obviously bugging him...... what DID he do with the other hand?

I thought about it some too......... discovered most of the time I DO know what he does with the spare hand.......... 

he'll rest it against the small of my back ...like this...

OR sometimes he'll distract me a little bit (cheeky grin)

 OR it'll just flap about (for balance maybe?)

 

OR he'll make sure my hands stay out of the way

 

OR he'll just use both hands and take my breath away

 

Imagine My Surprise.....

 

 About a week ago I received an email asking me if I would be interested in writing an article for some BDSM website.  

My initial reaction was "yeah right.......... it's a scam .... do they think I would fall for this?"

BUT then I decided to answer the email...... and ask a bunch of questions. 

AND they answered them..........

AND I got to check out the website (to make sure it actually existed)

They want me to write about knife play.  Certainly it's something I know about - in fact I have even taken 'classes' on how to do knife play safely.  They don't want fiction - they want a "how to " article.

I'm still on the fence about this offer....... is it sincere? is it above board? I'm still asking questions..........

BUT ya know
it might just be what the doctor ordered to keep me busy and yeah it would be nice to be able to bring in a little extra cash.......... after all we do want to buy a house....... 

I've got my fingers crossed...............

Is It Nature or Nurture?

 

I probably should have written this yesterday when I knew what I wanted to say - today......not so much (le sigh)

I think I am struggling with the whole idea of being submissive.  Is it a character trait - or is it a learned thing?  could you learn to be a submissive?  See I'm wondering if I was ever submissive.  OH I like to please... I like to make my lover happy...and will do everything in my power to make them happy....... BUT submissive? I'm not sure.  I like to think I'm an intelligent woman.  I like to think I am a strong woman.  It takes a lot to be a submissive if you are a thinking person.  I mean - come on... some of the rules I have seen submissives living with just didn't make sense to me..... like for example..every night this submissive I knew came home from work - he had to strip at the door and then do 15 jumping jacks.  I asked why? The answer - cause it made his Mistress happy.  REALLY?? What the hell is the point to that?  (the jumping jacks I mean - not the making her happy) I had a slew of stupid rules like that too... I followed them cause to not follow them would have challenged my dominant - and put my relationship at risk.  and a good submissive didn't challenge her dominant.  (another stupid rule if you ask me)

IF there are going to be rules then the rules had better be intelligent rules.. make some sense.  I used to feel like I was 'dumbing' down in order to be a 'good' submissive.  And that just annoyed me. I remember the rule of always having to call my dominant "Sir" I asked why - and was told because it showed respect.  I pointed out that there were many ways to show respect without using an honorific... to prove my point I would say "YES SIR" and mumble 'no sir - 3 bags full Sir' ....... not very respectful was it?

When I left that last D/s relationship - I promised myself I would never ever give over complete control ever again........ I realized I needed a relationship that was intelligent - that challenged me as an intelligent being....... not as a cowering simpering being giving blind obedience. 

 

So tell me - what does submissive mean to you? What does it look like??? What is it you are all working towards ???? 

AND finally 

WHY?

Just (another) Little Tease

 

 Guess what?  I have another appointment this morning.......... but like last week I have a blog rolling around in my head.......... 

I'm gonna ask some tough questions - well I think they may be tough......... 

I want you to think what makes you feel submissive?

We'll talk.....................

Let me ask you this..........

 

 So let me ask you this....... 

do you have any 'spanking equipment'?? I don't mean paddles, crops etc I mean furniture to spank over....... like a spanking bench - or a St Andrews cross.  

At one point -  when I was in Montreal and had a 'dungeon' downstairs - I had a St Andrew's cross

  a spanking bench

 

oh and a ' pony'

 

They made for some great parties....... let me tell you !!  (fond memories of my New Year's Day parties)

All of this came to mind because - believe it or not - THIS came across my feed on Facebook.

 

 

So - yeah! - tell me - would you buy this second hand 'bedroom furniture'??  When I showed it to Sir Steve - he said "IF I saw THAT from one of our neighbours....... I'd go shake his hand"  (grinning)

Just a Little Tease.........

 

I had a blog rolling around in my head this morning.... BUT I had an appointment this morning ......... which means my anxiety was working over time.. which means now all I want to do is rest with my eyes closed.

 Sooooooooooooo 

Tomorrow I have plans to write a blog with a BDSM theme entitled 'dress code'.
Think about it...... do you have a 'dress code'?    We'll 'talk' tomorrow ......

A Little History

 

Many of you are new around The Journey - or missed some of MY history.  As some of you know I have been working on a follow up to our TTWD...... There is a draft I have been working on...... and I was thinking it would be ready to post this week.   BUT I am thinking that at least some of my back story should be posted now.......... 

I honestly didn't realize how much my history was affecting my now.....  There were some posts in blogland that were triggering a guttural reaction in me.... and I reached out to  willie.  She was great at guiding me through my own personal nightmares.. what I called my TPE (total power exchange) hell. So let me give you some of my history - hoping it might explain my future TTWD blog.

Many years ago when I first started to dabble in D/s - BDSM... I met a man.. just a man... and for whatever reason we started playing together... I enjoyed it... he enjoyed it... we started to explore D/s together.  It seemed a good pairing ya know - two people learning from square 1 together.  You'd think working together would create a bond / a TTWD relationship that fit both of us perfectly right??   

We moved from dabbling in D/s to full on TPE.  BUT at that time he wasn't living with me during the week - I was working .. he had responsibilities... it was only on weekends.  I realize and accept full responsibility for some of the damage ... not all but some.  Red flags should have been raised - but they weren't.  We went through some bumpy times - but eventually we did actually move from Quebec to Ontario...... and I retired from work.  We were now living 24/7 TPE ...  He got deep into my head... I was made to feel responsible for everything that went wrong - including how much snow we received (yeah yeah I know - how stupid could I be!!?? but I felt guilty)  He started making it awkward for me to see my family... he controlled who I talked to at munches/parties... he seemed to have no boundaries - often humiliating me in public.  

Honestly I didn't 'see' how bad things were.. how much *I* had disappeared.  I felt very isolated and very alone.  He would come and go as he pleased (as it turned out seeing other women  - playing with other women - lying to me and to others) 

Then friends in this new to me community banded together ......... they got me alone .. and they told me it was time I moved out - took my collar off and got free.  They told me bluntly what they thought of this man who was my Master... they offered any and all help to get me out - to get me safe.  Yes safe !!  that's how bad it was.  and I did it...... and it was hard.......... it nearly broke me.  I had to learn to live alone - to find my way and OMG it took so long!!  I landed up in the doctor's office a blubbering mess ... he got me into therapy.... it was a long long road back to normalcy.  I couldn't have done it without those friends .......... 

Did this man - this ex sir - disappear ? leave me alone? nope..... he would post on his blog his angst.. his anger towards me. He would mail me threatening letters... He tried demanding money from me...  It scared me.  It scared folks in the community who kept a close eye on me.  I didn't think I would ever be free ........ 

So I started to plan yet another move.  A move out of his city.... was looking westward .. my daughters weren't happy - they wanted me closer not further away.  

It was at this point that Sir Steve was on the edges of my life.... we were talking.... renewing our friendship.  He suggested I move to his city - move east  -- putting me less than an hour from both daughters.  It made sense..... closer to my family... much MUCH lower rents... so I found an apartment and moved.  I didn't give anyone - ANYONE - my contact information. (I have to add here that those friends who helped me - they knew how to contact me.. and some of them even came to visit - to check out how I was doing - small smile - they are GOOD friends)  I finally felt safe.  

Time passed.  I felt safer.   IF ex sir tried to post comments on here and they weren't appropriate I would simply delete them.  BUT being me - every once in a while I would allow a decent comment from him to be posted.  Then this ex sir went through a really rough patch. There was a serious episode this past year.... non BDSM related - but demonstrating yet again how lucky I was to be out of this relationship.  even still I tried to be a 'friend' to him.  (ok ok slap me upside the head!) I thought that perhaps we could now be just friends..  (ok ok slap me upside the head again!)  Cause this morning Fondles sent me a message telling me this ex sir had left a comment for me on HER blog!  WTF??!!! She described it as 'passive/aggressive'.  So things haven't changed.  not one bit. He's still trying to get to me - to push my buttons.

Thankfully I have Sir Steve.  This poor man probably has had more than he originally bargained for.... he has helped me heal .. he has helped me stand on my feet again.. to feel good enough... to feel special.. to feel loved. 

History is important to our stories....... it is what makes us who we are.... 

A Rose by Any other Name........

 

 

When we are interacting online - only online, never having ever met - we become (I think) our nicknames...... like Windy and Boosghost and Hermione and willie and PK and so many others.... and of course morningstar.

I for one create a persona based on the nickname...... and then flesh it out through comments and sometimes from the blogs you write.  Today I am curious to know how you settled on your online name........ there must be some story behind it right?? 

 

I'll tell you how I came up with morningstar.
I have always been an early riser - often getting up before the sun... one morning I was outside and there was one star in the sky... one lone star.  I thought 'ahhh a morningstar'.  Every morning I would look up and feel comforted (for some reason) by the morning star shining down.  Sooooo when I first logged on to my first BBS (Bulletin Board Services - wayyyyyyyy before the internet) I needed a screen name... because I only ever logged on first thing in the morning I decided on morningstar. 

Way back then I had no trouble with morningstar - it appeared I was the only one using it!!! No "that name is in use" messages.   Now however if I sign up for something new - the 'that name is in use' pops up frequently.  Lately I have been receiving emails for some Morningstar charity..... their email is morningstar@..... .com whereas mine is morningstar@....ca  I don't know how many times I have contacted them - forwarded emails to them ........ le sigh

So tell me how did you pick your online name? any interesting stories behind it???

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

quiet peace in the early morning......with a hot cup of coffee 

Influence?

 

 

There has been a fair amount of discussion about TTWD - how it works.. how we wish it worked... how to make it work.......... lots of discussions..........

BUT my question this morning is......... what first influenced you ? What made you even look into TTWD?

Wayyyyyyyyyyy back when - almost 50 years ago - I read a book The Story of O

 

I bought the book - I bought the DVD...  Back in the day I believed it was all fiction and often thought how nice it would be if such a lifestyle actually existed.  Imagine my shock - my surprise when I discovered there was a lifestyle that embraced a lot of the principals in the book!!!

There was something HOT about being a taken sexually -  the dress she wore - no underpants - always available to a male's whim......... omg that was stuff my fantasies were made of......... 

Then there was her piercing............. that haunted my day dreams and my night time slumbers........ to have a genital piercing .. 

And her branding - now that was something I could not imagine........but still it drew me in....influenced me.

My life went on normally despite my love of the book.. despite my research into this alternate lifestyle... As I grew up (translate to matured) I realized there was some aspects of the book I would never/could never EVER consent to......... the sex slave thing......... shaking head - nope it couldn't happen - for a number of reasons but mostly my belief that sex was something intimate that was only shared with someone you 'loved' ..... someone who valued you and someone you valued.  (hell I was a virgin when I got married - so yeah sex slave was NOT for me)

BUT fast forward to my 50th birthday - and a whole new life ahead of me - recently divorced  - feeling a freedom for the first time in my life....... I decided to get my first tattoo........ symbolic of my new beginnings........ 

 

Things moved fairly quickly from that point on............. 

I got my second tattoo ... at the top of my left thigh............... the next best thing to being branded (in my opinion)

And then...............
after much research .... and soul searching... I went and had a genital piercing.... 

I have to say it was the MOST painful thing I have done to my body  -- and to my horror - I orgasmed right there on his paper covered table.....
It also lived up to it's hype.. (for me anyway) it makes my clit much more sensitive and enhances any sexual experience.  It was the BEST modification I did to my body.  

And then ....... the last tattoo I got ... about 10 years ago - when I was with Sir Steve the first time........ 

I find I have to explain this one - it's more iconish than real........... it's a view of the back of a geisha carrying a parasol....... and it's on my ankle.

Over the years I tried many different facets of the Story of O....... and slowly pieced together what works for me.........and now what works for me and Sir Steve... 

So tell me - what first influenced you?? What first drew you in?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a quietness and peace in my mind.

 

An Amusing Story

 Before I tell you my amusing story -- I want to thank everyone for your comments filled with advise... kind words.. even funny anecdotes.  It brightened my day and made my hobbling a little less painful.  I am pleased to report that the swelling is way down and the knee is bending much easier today and is supporting my weight......... BUT... ugh  - just to keep my life interesting my sciatica decided to act up at 2AM ...... driving me from our bed to pace and curse!  Because my knee was so bad - I kinda ignored the headache and sore back from my fall.  Today I am seeing the bigger picture of my fall...... BUT I am feeling positive - the headache is gone!... my knee is better (it was my good one!!) and I have suffered through sciatica before and know I won't die from it (grinning)

Now ..... on to the amusing story I had intended on posting yesterday - 

 

Over 10 years ago - when Sir Steve and I were 'playing' together - we were invited to a private house party.  It was one of our favourite parties to attend because it was semi private -- at a house in the country -- it involved barbeque dinners and hours of socializing and playing.  Because it was a house party - we could incorporate extreme play ........ which in our case meant the knives could come out.

 

I decided before this party to treat myself to a new thong.  When we played I would often strip down to my corset and thong only.  I found a gorgeous black lace thong and ignored the price tag 'cause come on!  a sexy thong that fit comfortably was just what the doctor ordered (grinning)

Ok - so - we had already played with whips and floggers and I was flying nicely on the endorphin high when Sir Steve called me to come to the play room.  On the table he had laid out his knives........ I was aroused immediately.  A few friends gathered to watch the knife session.

There was one knife laid out with the others that made me grin.............. it was Sir Steve's pride and joy - his grandfather's Scout knife!

 

It was (is) the smallest knife in his collection - and definitely not very threatening to look at.  Sir Steve pushed me down over the table -- and started the knife play.  I loved how if I wiggled or tried to lift my head - his hand would push me down roughly and hold me still.  He would growl at me to 'keep still'.  

The session went pretty much like the one this past weekend ......... and (according to some of the folks who watched) it was HOT!  I was still bent over the table trying to catch my breath .. Sir Steve was showing folks his knives.. and he was proudly showing them his grandfather's Scout knife.  

At that point my foggy brain kicked in... and the 'brat' came out to play .. and the brat announced loudly - 'THAT knife is so dull it wouldn't cut butter'.

There was a pause ...... a silence........ and then Sir Steve pushed my head down hard on the table and growled 'wouldn't cut butter eh??? Let's see' and I felt the knife slide under one side of the thong and felt it slice through the lacy material.  I started laughing (god only knows why!!)  And said 'You DIDN'T just cut my thong?!'  Sir Steve pulled on the cut thong and then for whatever reason sliced through the other side and pulled the thong off my butt!!!  

I dropped like a stone off the table onto the floor laughing like a lunatic....... I couldn't believe he had cut my underwear off!!!  I was NAKED!!  (well except for my corset) Everyone burst out laughing. I pulled my skirt on hoping against it hope it would cover my naked ass - it didn't.  BUT nobody really cared - it was just one of the stories that would circulate around the community of how a bratty toy could be put in her place.

Life is good when years later a small innocuous knife can bring back fond memories of play time!

 

After

just a little warning - explicit content today

For clarification - before I start - I tend to use the word spanking as a generic term for any 'beat the ass' process - be it hand spanking, caning flogging etc

 

 Yesterday I was over on Heart and Soul and ronnie posted an interested piece on being caned and not getting 'after care' (immediately following said caning).  It was a very good piece (in my opinion) on how one can feel following a spanking

When Sir Steve and I first played together (some 10 years ago) we would always have 'after care' immediately following the session.... it was a bit of a joke between us that my after care involved going outside with him ... having a drink of water and a smoke.  Other girls were being wrapped up in blankets and carried to a sofa to lie down....... me - I was outside leaning against the wall to hold me up while I had a smoke. But I didn't need to be coddled -  I just needed to feel him beside me - needed to feel a little protected and a whole lot grounded.  Then the day after Sir Steve and his wife would often come over to my place and have coffee with me in the afternoon.... a kind of debriefing and check up...... was I ok - physically and mentally ?? Was I grounded?? Was I functioning?  Back in those days I rarely if ever had a serious case of 'sub drop' (which manifests itself differently for different folks - for me it usually involved crying jags... feeling anxious .. questioning my sanity) The 'after care' - the afternoon coffee visits helped keep the sub drop in check.......

One of the things I was SO looking forward to when Sir Steve and I reconnected... was playing together and omg!  having sex immediately following the play session.  See I always get extremely 'horny' when I play -- and I just assumed everyone else did too and needed some sort of sexual release.  (even if I had a couple of orgasms from the pain I wanted the more aggressive / invasive type of orgasm) 

BUT except for once - Sir Steve never initiates sex following a play session. le sigh. Maybe the next day - but never immediately afterwards. And it's not something we have talked about for some reason.... maybe one day.

BUT for the most part I still got after care in the form of going outside leaning up against the deck railing and having a smoke together.  It felt normal ya know - felt familiar - so it was ok there wasn't sex afterwards.  The last couple of months though, I go outside by myself for a smoke....... and I have to admit I miss Sir Steve standing with me... 

There have been a couple of times when just as Sir Steve starts beating me I get the inexplicable urge to cry and need to have him hold me and kiss me - I'm usually mumbling something about loving him...... it's weird........ 

My question today is........... do you need/want/get after care?? Does it take a different form from sex?  Do you ever have a moment of doubt when the spanking starts?? Ever need to feel reassured that you are loved??

Shocked?

 

 

Last week I spent a lot of time trying to describe my life style choices.. what it looks like.. what it feels like it.. what it sounds like. I had hoped to inspire some  conversation... some participation.  That didn't happen.  When the week was over my brain hurt.... I waffled on putting up the pictures on Sunday... do I?? don't I?? I had a pretty good feeling I was gonna shock some folks.  Windy put it best in the comment section  "when I was brand new to blog land, I landed on your blog and got the poop scared out of me and thought what did I just sign up for?"

I am sure I might have shocked more than a few folks...... cause ya know... most of the days on here I am writing about home schooling an 8 year old - cleaning and cooking and these days covid ........ I think I come across as Suzie Homemaker complete with the mop and the apron.

BUT ya know -- that other side of me .. the kinky side is still part of me.. the Suzie Homemaker me.  Some days I get really fed up with the picture people have of me - in real life I mean - they see this prim and proper older lady........... GAH!!  There are days I want to scream - 'wanna see my tattoos, my clit piercing?!" Just to shock them.  BUT I won't - I was brought up a "lady".

and as I am writing this - I realize I shouldn't have agreed to the planned discussion between Windy and PK - there is no way in hell a 'masochist' should expect to be understood by those that aren't masochistic or Sadistic....tolerated maybe but understood - nope not gonna happen.

So after last week's fiasco (or what I think was a total fiasco) I am going back to Suzie Homemaker entries with a side of implied play. 

 

 
 

Sunday Sentiments

Today's post is most definitely Adult Only X-rated...... you have been warned.
you can click on the thumb nails to view them enlarged - for the details

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A New Series -- part 4 the final submission

 

My relationship to pain....... 

 Again this is MY opinion and your mileage may vary.........

This is the comment from Windy that got me started on this series of posts.....
Wait, really? You never think of being bad/naughty, having broken a rule as the reasons for being spanked? What in the world am I missing? Would love to hear more of your reasons and views on this

Back in my late teens I discovered erotic Victorian novels that featured spanked young ladies....... OMG !!!  Masturbation fodder!!  The whole idea of a male taking what they wanted was a HUGE turn on for me... I hadn't separated the feelings yet - just had this overall horny reaction to the books.

Fast forward many years and my first entrance into a BDSM club in Montreal... watching all those semi naked women on crosses, bent over tables, positioned on spanking benches and I was overwhelmed - but wanting me some of that! AND when I want something I go for it.

There was no sex attached to the spankings....... no punishments attached to these spankings.. it was simply spankings/floggings/whippings for pain sake.  AND I discovered I loved it!!  loved the pain - loved the endorphins.  My god!  the endorphins were the best!  I became hooked on them....... needing them regularly .. wanting them... craving them.. jonesing for them!  For me - it honestly was an addiction.

I played with more than a few folks in those first months....... settled on one man - my Dominant..... continued for many months/years attending public play parties having my ass spanked/flogged/whipped regularly........ getting my endorphin fix.

AND then 11 years ago I met Sir Steve and his then wife Kira and became their play toy........ going out to clubs .. parties sometimes twice every weekend........ I have vivid memories of how good it was with them.. with him.  Things I had never noticed before... (before the play times were mostly inside my head - MY getting past the pain stage to the pleasure stage.. MY white knuckling it.. MY pulling myself over that edge into the endorphin high.)  BUT with Sir Steve there was an order - a rhythm - it was a dance we two performed together.  It was US getting me over the pain to pleasure - it was US bringing out the endorphin high........... 

I remember so vividly the feel of Sir Steve's strong big hands stroking the growing welts... feeling the cool touch of his leather pants against my thighs... feeling the tightening in my belly .. feeling the wetness between my legs ......... and Sir Steve could - almost every time we played - bring me to an orgasm just from the pain.

BUT there was more than whips and chains and floggers oh my!!  I loved (love) knives and anything sharp............

the wartenberg wheel tracing patterns across my well flogged ass and back...

 

 

 

or feeling the bite of a knife tracing patterns - finding delicate bits - feeling the tip bite in... holding my breath ............

 

and every once in a while there was wax play...... there was something soothing about the heat hitting the delicate bits... my world would dissolve in a brilliant flash of heat and light......... 

 

(the worst part of wax play was the clean up afterwards - trying to get all the bits off my skin - trying to pick up all the bits that went astray and settled into the rug)

AND there was a period where I became a pin cushion - loving needle play..... even had a corset similar to the one below

Now.......... now things have settled down I guess - I am no longer jonesing for endorphins (well not much) ......... I am not seen out in clubs anymore in my corsets and collar ....... now - now I can be found naked bent over the bottom of the bed with Sir Steve spanking me ...  the feelings haven't changed I love the total surrender of play - - of the strong sense of submitting to his will ........ it makes me feel loved and cared for and needed.  

Life is good when it all comes together.......

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tomorrow in place of my usual Sunday Sentiments - I will be posting erotic pictures from my private collection.......