Human Nature

 (not too sure if this gonna make sense to anyone -- but it's a post that's been rattling around in my head for awhile now......... )

Now I live in a community that is - for lack of a better term - a little rough around the edges.  At first it felt strange living here... I felt a little out of place I guess.  You see I come from the 'other side of the tracks' for the most part.  And had this bias drummed into my head.......... always strive to be better ...to have more and more... it felt very much like I didn't know the rules to this game called life... I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.

Let me give you an example...... when I got married (god some 40+ years ago) we bought a home....... my father said 'it's a good starter home... in a few years you'll sell it and buy up'  I did not understand... why would I want to sell our home just to buy another one?!

I spent the better part of my life feeling like everyone else knew the rules to this game of life .. everyone except me.  I did all the 'right' things ya know........ had the 2.5 children .. a house in the burbs... made all the right friends .. joined all the right groups.... and was terribly miserable.

All the way through my life I kept meeting people who did all the same/right things.. lived in all the right neighbourhoods.. joined all the right groups.. said all the right things... and tried to impress each other with how much they earned... how much they paid.. how big a holiday they had...  I thought I was doomed to this artificial 'keep up with the Jones' life.

Until I moved here.

I kept to myself at first..... but honestly these people in this neighbourhood are warm and friendly and tend to band together......... OH there are some strange characters that wander the streets...... but they mostly just move on past keeping to themselves.

What I have realized is ..... no one wears a mask here.. no one stresses over trying to impress ..... everyone just lives life the best way they can...... no judgments no comparisons live and let live really. 

I am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin.. I know what I am doing now.. I know this is home.... 


Life is good when it all feels right.

Be Warned -- TMI monday

Saturday evening Sir Steve pointed to the bedroom and said ' bedroom NOW'.
(damn I love it when he orders me)

As I climbed into bed I realized I was in 'a mood'......... just  a little bit cheeky with a side of bratty thrown in for good measure.  

My hand had a good hold on his cock... he's a typical male at times ya know..... grab his cock and he kinda sorta turns to putty (cheeky grin) I wiggled down the bed until my mouth was just above his cock... he couldn't see but I was grinning... ohhhhhh how I was gonna torment him!

I ran my tongue up and around his cock... barely breathing on it... feather touches -- totally and completely enjoying the torment I was creating....... 
I lowered my mouth over his cock - making sure he could feel my warm breath against it... but never closing my mouth -- keeping the torment going......... 

OH I was so enjoying it....

Suddenly I felt his hand on the back of my head....... and he pushed me down over his cock till I was chocking on it as it hit the back of my throat...... and I knew the time for being cheeky and bratty was  over....... oh yeah it was over...... 

And that was the beginning of the longest "fuck" session we've had in a long time....... He gave me orgasm after orgasm until I was done.... limp ... not focusing... 

BUT he wasn't done yet.......he held me tight -- on my side -- him behind me -- pounding into me over and over... at one point I thought 'he is using me -- I am just being used' ........ and I realized it felt AMAZING!! a little humiliating but a whole lot hot!  and for the record it was so hot I had another couple of orgasms........

Life is very good when ya know who's actually in control!

Sunday Sentiments

This...........

because some friends who have 'disappeared' from my life have been on my mind

Exhaling...........

I am sitting here drinking my coffee and feeling my body relax... It feels like I am exhaling for the first time in ages..... like I have been holding my breath ...... and exhaling feels so damn good!

This weekend is - for me - the official end of winter.  We have our last family birthday this weekend.  To explain why this marks the end of winter -- we have - believe it or not - a birthday OR a holiday celebration every month from September through April.  (and some months 2 celebrations/birthdays)

Next weekend is the official opening of the campground.... when we slip past the gates into the trees ... to peace and quiet...... 

But before I can enjoy the life of leisure in the country I have one last birthday cake to make.... lists to make and shopping to get done .... and camping gear to organise

Life is good when you remember to exhale.

 

 

Too Old

I like to believe the above meme has always been my philosophy in raising my kids and in my teaching style.

BUT this past weekend youngest daughter made a couple of snide comments about how I was dealing with things with the lil one -- my expectations.

Then yesterday she posted this to FB.....

and I just broke... the lil cracks that have been there since the beginning just started to crack more -- to open... till I felt like everything was broken beyond fixing. 

And it isn't just about the lil one.. it's about my own girls ya know?!  I raised them old fashioned I guess... I had high expectations for them... I expected a lot of them... not perfection just their best.  

Maybe I expected too much of them.

Maybe I was a lousy mother.

Maybe I didn't do as good a job as I thought.

Maybe I should just retire to the rocking chair in the corner -- keep my mouth shut -- and watch as they all figure it out for themselves............ 

maybe.

Responsible Parenting?

The above is a picture of the birthday cake that the 'family' bought for the lil one's aunt's birthday.  They celebrated it on Easter Sunday...... with the lil one.

Sir Steve and I were shocked -- then sick to our stomachs -- then angry.  A WEED cake in front of a 6 year old.  All the adults excited over the gorgeous cake... and the lil one is seeing this as a good thing.

I finally realized (hoped) that the lil one wouldn't get it...... she would just see it as a fun birthday cake that made her aunt happy right?? Dontcha think that is what would happen?? She's 6 after all.

Well if you thought that like me -- you'd be wrong.  When the lil one got off the bus yesterday the first thing she wanted to tell me was about Aunty Em's birthday cake... "it had WEED on it S.... it was so pretty and was so good!!"  I'm telling myself to breath she couldn't possibly know what WEED is right?? So I said "WEED ?!  really??!!  what is WEED ?"  She knew what it was -- "you smoke it S"

I thought my head would explode!  I still think my head will explode!!  This is responsible parenting/grandparenting for sure!!!!  

Let's teach the lil one all about the joys of WEED BUT let's not do her homework with her... not help her learn her math or her reading....... that's what responsible parents/grandparents do right??  GEEEZ it seems I need to get my priorities straight!

Colour me pissed! 

Setting the Mood

On Saturday afternoon/evening Sir Steve and I were binge watching a show on Netflix.... in the early evening Sir Steve told me 'after this show - bed room'.  

I couldn't resist -- honest I couldn't -- the devil made me say it.......... 

'After the SHOW?!' (insert cheeky grin) ' how many episodes left in this SHOW?' (insert cheekier grin)

He gave me that look -- with a smirk -- I do love to find 'loop holes' and play word games with him (made even more fun and interesting by the fact he is a worthy opponent!)

I can't remember for the life of me how that episode ended.... ya see I was sitting there picturing all the evil wicked things coming my way..... my pulse quickened ... my heart did flip flops... and my ass started wiggling........ 

The evil wicked things turned out to be Sir Steve's knives.  AND oh my !  he does know how to 'tickle my fancy' with them!  Early on in the play my mind did a check of what I was gonna wear the next day -- and almost asked him to be careful not to leave any marks that could be seen....... didn't want my kids to think I was doing 'self harm' ya know.  BUT the blade kept teasing my other erogenous zones -- especially the dip at the bottom of the spine...... ohhhhhhhh yes -- that spot!  and I soon couldn't focus long enough to worry about what I was gonna wear the next day!

Life is good when the brain is engaged first !

Celebration

We had a busy run up to Easter Sunday........ when the kids and grandkids were coming for brunch .....

Friday morning I baked my easter cupcakes -- and hunted down and organised all the serving dishes needed ......... 
Then Sir Steve suggested we take a run out to a small town down the highway and visit a friend's wife's gift shop.  I bought a lovely stained glass window decoration for the new trailer -- it's gonna go in the master bedroom window.........

(not the best picture but it gives you an idea)

Saturday morning was a morning of baking (cheese danish), decorating (the easter cupcakes - I put mini M&M's in the middle ... and then Sir Steve and I vegged for the afternoon. 

 Saturday evening I was told to go to the bedroom after the TV show we were watching was over..... for a little Easter fun and games ..... I might write more about that later this week.....

Sunday morning was a bit of a hustle and bustle .... I made an egg and sausage casserole while Sir Steve cooked up some bacon and pancakes... the table was laden with pancakes.....bacon.........ham.......egg casserole.... fresh fruit...... hot cross buns ... cheese danish and easter cupcakes.  Everyone ate till they were near bursting... with lots of laughter and chatting.

Unfortunately Sunday ended with some stress and worrisome news.... maybe a blog entry of it's own....... 

BUT all in all it was an excellent Easter weekend ! 
 

a kinky sort of Easter

Small Revelation

Last evening Sir Steve had to drive the lil one up to her mother's - as apparently - they just couldn't possibly pick her up from swimming class.

It was a typical drive - lil one talking her dad's ear off.. rambling about this and that.... and he eventually just tuning her out and doing the parent 'smile and nod' a lot.  

But as they got closer to mom's lil one got quiet...... Sir Steve figured she had drifted off to sleep as she had said she was tired from swimming class -- but when he checked in the mirror she was just staring out the window....... he checked in with her to make sure she was 'ok' and she said yes....... 

BUT 

when they got to mom's and Sir Steve was getting her out of the car - the lil one filled up with tears ....... when he asked her what was wrong she said she was going to miss him!  He gave her the pep talk one gives when one is following the court orders.... and said she would have fun... and he would see her on Tuesday.  She nodded and went off into the house.

When he told me this story..... I felt my heart beat a little faster... felt a wee bit happy... and may god forgive me for that!  But sometimes it feels as though she can't wait to get to her mom's where it seems there are no rules -- definitely no homework and no chores.... and what kid wouldn't prefer that over our house?!  BUT this time she stated she was gonna miss us.. miss the routine and the rules..... and I wondered if maybe - just maybe - routine and rules really can win out over freedom ...... maybe?
 

Mops

Have you got a favourite mop?? a GOOD mop?? a mop that actually works without adding stress to your cleaning routine??

I do not!

The mop pictured above is the mop I inherited from the 'mother' .... she had to have it... the latest gimmick if you ask me.

It is the bane of my existence on cleaning day....... I pop it in the bucket of hot soapy water ... twist it to get rid of the excess water....... then try to mop........ wanna see what it looks like when it is mopping??

Anyway -- yesterday when I was thinking about washing the outside of the house -- all the vinyl siding and front door -- I had it in my head to use this 'lovely' mop and the job would be done in record time.......  

I filled up the bucket with hot soapy water -- grabbed the 'blessed' mop and went out to wash.............. the minute I tried to lift the mop to wash down the siding high up ... the rope thingies separated and left me with just the mop handle scraping along the vinyl........... GAH!!  I threw the damn mop to the side and went and got an old cloth and the ladder and spent the rest of the morning going up and down washing and scrubbing and rinsing........... 

Did it need to be done??? You tell me............ 

Icing on top........... Sir Steve called at noon and when I told him what I had been doing all morning -- he made a crack about " my having fun" .......... I toyed with the idea of hitting upside the head with the bloody mop when he got home....... fun indeed!!  (of course I didn't - grinning)

Today I am going to clean the house (without the damn mop) getting it ready for Easter weekend -- the girls and the grandkids are coming for brunch on Sunday ..... I'd like everything spic and span for the celebration

Life is good when the house sparkles!

Spring Time

The calendar says "spring time" - Mother Nature not so much.  The sun is shining today which is something...... though I am still wearing my winter coat and hoodie to take the lil one to the bus in the mornings.  This morning when I got home from bus duty -- I made myself a fresh cup of coffee and the dog and I went to sit outside on the front deck.  We didn't last long -- it's just too cold, even in the bright sunshine, to sit for too long.  

But while I was out there I looked at how dirty the front of the house is.... the windows are disgusting!  And so I decided - once it warms up a little bit -- I am gonna fill up a bucket with hot soapy water and wash the front of the house including the windows.  

While I was sitting outside in the morning quiet.... I was thinking about what I would write today on The Journey.   I wonder if anyone else finds it difficult to find a topic.... or realize how  much time it takes out of the day to sit down and knock out a blog entry.......... though maybe some of you have an easier time coming up with topics and the words just flow for you....... 

I started this blog almost 14 years ago!!  my god 14 years!!  In 14 years I have written over 4000 blog entries...... dear god you'd think I would have run out of words by now wouldn't you?!  But it seems I haven't.  

Over 14 years there have been 3 major changes -- leaving my Sir of 15 years -- living alone for the first time ever in my life and the struggles that brought on -- and then moving here to live with Sir Steve (the one change that I was sure would send bolts of lightening out of the skies to strike me dead) 

It's the one good thing about this blog...... my daily (almost daily) ramblings of life and love ...... I can go back and read my history.... the good, the bad, and the ugly for sure...... lessons learned.

For today though the house needs cleaning so it can sparkle in the bright spring sunshine......... 

The Count Down Begins

In three weeks -- 3 short weeks -- we will be opening the trailer at the campgrounds!

Saturday was a sunny spring day and Sir Steve suggested we take a run up to the campgrounds and check on the trailer -- and do an inventory of what needs to be done.

It was a lovely walk from the front gate back to our site -- no cars allowed as the ground is still very wet and boggy.

There has been some shifting and sagging this spring...... our deck has heaved and there are a couple of floor boards that are wonky...... the trailer has sunk down on one side and needs to be levelled again before we can actually go in and open the slides (the bits of the trailer that slide in for the winter and slide out for the summer creating a much larger living space)

The big news is -- last fall we bought a new trailer - 11 feet longer than the old one.. complete with a separate bedroom for the lil one.  YAY!!  In the old trailer we would convert the kitchen table every night into a bed for her and I would convert it back to a table in the morning (no easy job let me tell 
you !)

I have plans to turn the bedroom into a dreamy lil girl space complete with ballerina comforter and fairy lights around the bed.  With all her toys and art supplies tucked neatly into bins that will slide under her bed.

We had tried keeping the trailer a secret -- BUT -- the mother and grandparents went up to the campgrounds a week ago and have done nothing but announce that we are trying to 'keep up with the Joneses' (big sigh).  They never learned the "if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing" 

On the way home Sir Steve wanted to run some messages and pick up some things we are gonna need for this new trailer -- like another set of king size bed sheets for our bedroom.  The lil one got her own room and our bedroom nearly doubled in size switching from a queen size bed to a king size bed !!  We also found the ballerina comforter and sheet set complete with a ballerina pillow! for the lil one's dream room.  (I have some laundry to do in the next 3 weeks -- all the sheets and new towels)

Saturday evening we decided to use the certificate for the free dinner I won a couple of weeks ago at our favourite restaurant in town.  The owner welcomed us like royalty and on top of our 4 course dinner we also had a glass of lovely white wine with our meal!!  

Both Sir Steve and I had the shrimp cocktail to start.......... 

Sir Steve had the tuna steak in orange ginger sauce for his entree

I had the chicken cordon bleu for mine 

Then we had the cheese course ...... and lovely cheesecake to finish....... 

Lemon with blueberries for me........ 

Chocolate for Sir Steve.

Sunday was a quiet day for me -- all that tramping through the wilds put a strain on my bad knee ...... 

Life is good ( I think ) when there's 3 weeks till camping season

A Sunday Smile

The Ritual

He stops my bedtime chatter with "it's sleeping time now".

I roll onto my right side and wiggle backwards against his body... I lift my left arm and hold it up until.......... 

his hand slides across my body and grabs my left breast firmly tightly in his big hand.

He whispers "good night -- I hope you sleep well -- I love you".  I whisper back "see you in the morning -- I love you too -- muchly" 

As I start drifting off to sleep -- I feel the warmth of his body against mine -- his cock resting against my bum -- his hand firmly holding my breast ...... and I know my world is right -- and I sleep.

I Made It !!

I did indeed make it -- to Friday.  It was kind of a rough week..... my knee drove me crazy ...... and Sir Steve seemed quiet and off colour this week too.

I just put the lil one on the bus.. came home and got cleaned up and am off to a hairdresser appointment.  Hopefully a fresh new hair cut will help improve my mood.  Hopefully my improved mood will improve Sir Steve's mood -- OR -- make it easier for me to accept his mood -- and not blame myself.

This is our last weekend alone together till May!!!  till May!!!  And then it's opening the trailer and getting set up for the summer (le sigh) ...... moving one house to another house ....... it exhausts me just thinking about it.  Remind me how much I love it once we're all settled in !

But for today -- hair cut and run messages -- maybe I can even find time to give myself a manicure.

Life is good when you make it to Friday!

Double Life

Nj wrote a blog entry "Not Myself" where she discusses how conflicting it can be to live a Ds lifestyle that you have to hide from the vanilla world.

Oh the memories that post brought back for me!!  I remember how much I wanted to live a 24/7 D/s life...... at the time I was living 24/7 on weekends -- shutting the world away really ..... and being such a good submissive..... kneeling and serving and being beaten... and wearing chains and collars... I thought it was the 'be all to end all'.   I moaned and whined about not being able to live freely and openly all the time ....... the 'world' out there would never understand -- how I wished there was an island / or community where we could live with no judgments ... no shocked neighbours! 

I was lucky in many ways... there was a very active BDSM community in our city and weekends often found us going to dinner with other like minded folks -- going to play parties where we could get our kink on.... and even had camping trips in the summer where we could live for a few days the life I dreamed of.......

When I retired I followed my then Dom to another city -- with high hopes -- really high hopes of living 24/7.  After all we were in a city where no one knew me.... we made new friends in the BDSM community.... mostly our lives could be D/s.  

Except......... 

when I found out that he had tried to make a contract with a lawyer -- a real lawyer -- that listed me as his 'slave'.  Finding out the lawyer's reaction -- I remember feeling sick to my stomach.  Finding out how he had spoken to my doctor and told him about our D/s relationship....... ughhhhhhhhhh it was scary ...... and then waking up one morning discovering my life was out of control -- realizing I was miserable and scared and so far from home - from family.  I began to realize one cannot honestly live D/s 24/7 and damn the rest of the world.  Can't be done.  It was truly all a fantasy.

Now

I guess in a lot of ways I have grown up..... I realize this 'lifestyle' that I once longed for.... (and probably drove more than a few people crazy with my chasing it) can flow through my life without being the main part of it.  At one time I felt a lot of shame over more than a few of my needs/desires ....... now not so much.  IF someone should ask about our life together - Sir Steve will make sure they really want to know the answers.. so far no one has really wanted to know (small smile).  And so we continue to blend our lives with the outside world -- cause ya know...... you never know if the person beside you isn't living a similar life

Life is good when you can balance your kink and not feel like you're living a double life.

 

Rest, Ice, Elevate

The freezing rain never materialized yesterday -- just straight rain -- so I had an uneventful drive to the doctor's.  

He seemed surprised at the pill dosage I am down to ....... apparently he has been talking to some doctors about me -- and they thought he might have pushed the withdrawal a little quick....... when you think about it..... I have been on these pills almost longer than he's been alive !! (he's terribly young) I do have a plan to be completely off them -- done with the withdrawals -- by the time we move to the campsite for the summer - so 2 more months.  I did voice a nagging thought I've had........ I wonder what it will be like / what it will feel like to have no pills to take at bedtime.  The doc told me he is going to give me a "pill in my pocket" (I love that expression!!) for emergencies.  He said he is very comfortable doing that as I have been so determined to come off these pills he isn't worried I'll start up again.  He added it's a bit of psychological thing -- IF I have a pill in a pocket I won't be stressing / worrying about what 'ifs'.  Just knowing I will have a safety net ended my anxiety over stopping the pills completely. 

Then I told him about my knee.  He immediately turned to take a look at it.. and when he hit the sensitive spot he got all apologetic (made me smile... he's one of the few doctors I have seen in my life who apologize  for hurting you)  He said he's pretty sure it's a muscle/tendon thing...... told me to stop taking Sir Steve's naproxin because it doesn't interact well with my blood pressure meds - just take a tyelnol when I need it and rub Voltaren on it...... he's a BIG believer in this Voltaren.  Back in the 'old days' we used to use Ben Gay the only smelly liniment available.  I like Voltaren as it doesn't really smell....... When I asked how long I would be hobbling about -- he grinned at me and said....... 'well you should be resting it, icing it and elevating it.....knowing you that's not going to happen' ..... he's right I don't have time for that... I will rest it as much as I can during the day.... and it'll heal later than sooner I guess.

Best news -- he doesn't want to see me for 4 months......... BUT added I knew how to reach him if I had any problems...... 

Life is good when the withdrawals are almost over.......

Gimpy

Well Saturday's twisted knee on the stairs episode created a bit of a twist on our weekend plans.......... there was no sex... no play....... no dinner out.... 

We did drive to visit my youngest on Sunday -- she had a bird nest issue in the roof and a leaky sink in the kitchen and Sir Steve went to help out........ I got to sit on the sofa for the whole time with my leg elevated bored out of my every loving mind!!  Sir Steve fixed the bird issue and a couple of loose siding boards... and he jerry rigged the kitchen faucets/sink so that her sink can limp along while youngest and hubbie find a new sink and new counter top.

We got home around dinner time -- ate left over Chinese food from Saturday and got ready for the new week.  Today I am supposed to see the doctor (my bi-monthly check up visit) and I will get him to take a look at my gimpy knee...... IF I can manage to get there.... there is freezing rain forecasted for mid morning UGH!!  (and snow for tomorrow GAHHHHH will winter never end??!!) 

Life can be good even with gimpy knees and winter weather right? (le sigh)

UGH

We went to the home show today....... we were looking at new trailers.... 

Guess who blew out her knee on the trailer's steps..............

Me

colour me done like dinner.

This 'n That

Got little bits of this 'n that - thought I would put it all together in one post and bring everyone up to date ...... 

abby of 'finallly finding me' left a comment on "Mind Games" ...... 

 I can sympathize with you..only instead of mind games..we call them my voices
 
 I used to refer to 'the voices in my head' all the time..... but honestly Sir Steve has quietened all those voices -- helped me be content in my own skin -- so I can't call them voices anymore -- just one voice ....... my insecure voice that still occasionally wonders if I am good enough.........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On Friday when I put the lil one on the bus -- I asked her to find the 'reset' button and push it so that when she came back to us on Monday I would have MY lil one back!  and we could have a 'happy kingdom' again (she labelled our house that about 2 summers ago).

I will admit I was holding my breath when the bus pulled up Monday afternoon.... her little face was pushed against the window watching for me.... when she saw me she grinned a big huge grin!!  She flew off the bus and hugged me around the middle so tight!!!  She held my hand on the walk home as she was telling me about her weekend -- and she added "S I found the reset button and I pushed it really hard!"  We've had a wonderful week -- lots of laughter and hugs and 'I love you's' again..... 

So things are good again ----- until the next time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I cut back my drugs again on Sunday night.  I am now counting down the months till I am clear of them...... 2 more months!!  The doctor warned me in September it could take up to a year to fully get me off the drugs...... I don't think there are too many of us who have been on this drug for 20 years.

I keep thinking the withdrawals are improving -- but they're not.  This month besides some nausea and a low grade 24/7 headache -- the muscle cramps have been a killer.  Tuesday night I hardly slept for the pain.  I couldn't find any spot in the bed that didn't press against the aches.  Yesterday I spent the day in a fetal position on the sofa barely able to move.  Sir Steve came home from work and hugged me and it felt as though my ribs were broken.... yeah it hurts that much!!  I won't even get into the emotional roller coaster I am on.........

Back in September I thought I would lose a whole mess of weight cause the nausea was pretty awful and I could barely eat.  Yeah well that passed ...... and now I am hungry all the time... not for meals but for munchies....... and more munchies and more munchies.   I have to admit I gave in....... and munched my way through December January February and March -- 10 pounds worth of munching ....... colour me sad and disappointed.  Truthfully I am not even promising myself once this withdrawal process is over that I will lose those 10 pounds or more .... I just can't face that now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And on a final note -- a very positive note........ 

We've had a really lucky week......... Sir Steve and the lil one won the draw at her dance school for $100.  Her last month of dance class is paid for AND there was enough money left over to buy her a purple hoodie with her name on the sleeve and the dance school logo.   

AND yesterday I won a dinner for two - a 3 course meal at our absolute favourite restaurant here in town!!  

Those two on top of Sir Steve's raise last week and we're pretty excited about our good luck!!

There's no school tomorrow so the lil one heads off to Mom's tonite and I have one extra free day to limp towards the weekend.........

Life is good when you have a mix of good and not so good....... 

Mind Games

Sunday afternoon I felt as though there was a wall between Sir Steve and I.... it's difficult to explain... I just felt separated from him despite the fact he was sitting only a few feet from me.

By dinner time I had given up any hope of adult time -- either play time or just plain sex.  And my heart felt heavy and my mind...... oh god where my mind went....

'no wonder he doesn't want to play with me -- what reward did I deserve considering the stress this week -- and it was all my fault of course -- I could have tried harder to keep the stress from him -- tried harder to reach the lil one -- not lost my patience.  I didn't deserve a reward'.

Later in the evening Sir Steve wandered into the bedroom and began laying out toys on the bed..... I could barely watch..... why was he doing this??!!  I was sure he didn't really want to play ... he was doing it just for me.... 

And when he pointed to the bedroom..... I even asked if he was sure.....

as I walked past him I stopped and asked for a hug..... I needed reassurance of some sort... the games my mind was playing  - le sigh

I stripped and lay down on the bed ..... cuddling my pillow...... ready .... and sort of willing........ 

Sir Steve has a 'pattern' to spanking... warm up.... intensity increase.... intensity increased more... then cool down... 

This session was no different...... his big hands spanking my ass cheeks felt so damn good... I thought to myself 'I wish he would do this all night long........ '  But then the other toys came into play -- a leather paddle -- the braided rope 

-- the quirt

-- the big heavy flogger and the crop.

The blue braided toy makes me wince and whimper and wiggle and cry "ouch ouch" ... but I do love it......... at the beginning I can feel each inch of my ass that it touches .... as the play time progresses it feels as though it's covering my whole ass completely with each hit........ 

The quirt -- now that toy stripes my ass and feels so very much as though it is cutting through the skin......... and dear god I love it !! Sir Steve knows the rhythm to use to make the pain so sensual that I cannot help but having an orgasm.... 

It all felt so good you know?!  BUT every so often my silly brain would whisper reminders that I didn't deserve this play time...... and the tears would come and trickle down my cheeks..... and I would feel miserable.

FINALLY the endorphins kicked in.. or it was all feeling just so damn good ... my mind stopped playing games and I relaxed and just thoroughly enjoyed it all......... 

My ass got a good whooping -- and I had deep tissue bruising (if you don't know what that is ...... hard rocks of muscle/tissue in the ass that pulse and hurt and are ohhhhhh so wonderful)

Last evening Sir Steve thoroughly enjoyed poking at my ass making me yelp and jump and call him names....... 

Life is good when you can get past the mind games and just enjoy...... 
 

Adventure Weekend

We had such a good weekend!

Saturday Sir Steve suggested (despite the cloudy gloomy wet day) that we climb in the car and take the back roads to a small town near us where he heard there was a good butcher.  We have been looking for a good butcher since we bought our freezer -- buy our meat in bulk from a good butcher... cheaper and better quality we hoped.  It was a glorious drive -- even through the rain.... just being together in the quiet countryside was what the doctor ordered.

We found the butcher -- bought some steaks and some bacon and wonderful looking hamburger... then tootled back to town picking up a quick lunch to have at home.  

OHHHHHHHHH I almost forgot -- before we went off on our back roads adventure we stopped at the School Board's science fair.  We had been informed that the lil one's science project on Energy sources had been selected to be displayed at the Fair.  WOW !!  This had been an in-class project and we had not seen it or heard that much about it.  We were surprised and proud that her project had been selected and there was no way we were gonna miss it....... even if she was with her mother and not going with us!

Sir Steve had mentioned there was a restaurant he wanted to try on Saturday evening -- down more country roads in another small town.  We had a quiet afternoon -- then I showered and got gussied up for our date night.  We didn't leave till quite late ...... along the roads we saw (much to our amazement) a huge herd of deer -- grazing in a field.  DAMN I wished I had brought my camera -- I have never seen so many deer in one place at one time!!

We parked the car in the restaurant's parking lot at 7:45 -- and the hours posted on the door said they were closing at 8:00 -- ooooooops!  We went in and asked if they would feed us -- and the serve staff laughed and said of course!  

The restaurant was like time travel........ it was an old fashioned 50's style diner........ 

We had a delightful dinner (though quick) and we were out of there and soon back on the road home.

Sunday we ran messages and napped and had a quiet afternoon -- and I was feeling a little disappointed that yet another weekend was almost finished with no adult time........... little did I know............ 

more on that tomorrow.