Nj wrote a blog entry "Not Myself" where she discusses how conflicting it can be to live a Ds lifestyle that you have to hide from the vanilla world.
Oh the memories that post brought back for me!! I remember how much I wanted to live a 24/7 D/s life...... at the time I was living 24/7 on weekends -- shutting the world away really ..... and being such a good submissive..... kneeling and serving and being beaten... and wearing chains and collars... I thought it was the 'be all to end all'. I moaned and whined about not being able to live freely and openly all the time ....... the 'world' out there would never understand -- how I wished there was an island / or community where we could live with no judgments ... no shocked neighbours!
I was lucky in many ways... there was a very active BDSM community in our city and weekends often found us going to dinner with other like minded folks -- going to play parties where we could get our kink on.... and even had camping trips in the summer where we could live for a few days the life I dreamed of.......
When I retired I followed my then Dom to another city -- with high hopes -- really high hopes of living 24/7. After all we were in a city where no one knew me.... we made new friends in the BDSM community.... mostly our lives could be D/s.
Except.........
when I found out that he had tried to make a contract with a lawyer -- a real lawyer -- that listed me as his 'slave'. Finding out the lawyer's reaction -- I remember feeling sick to my stomach. Finding out how he had spoken to my doctor and told him about our D/s relationship....... ughhhhhhhhhh it was scary ...... and then waking up one morning discovering my life was out of control -- realizing I was miserable and scared and so far from home - from family. I began to realize one cannot honestly live D/s 24/7 and damn the rest of the world. Can't be done. It was truly all a fantasy.
Now
I guess in a lot of ways I have grown up..... I realize this 'lifestyle' that I once longed for.... (and probably drove more than a few people crazy with my chasing it) can flow through my life without being the main part of it. At one time I felt a lot of shame over more than a few of my needs/desires ....... now not so much. IF someone should ask about our life together - Sir Steve will make sure they really want to know the answers.. so far no one has really wanted to know (small smile). And so we continue to blend our lives with the outside world -- cause ya know...... you never know if the person beside you isn't living a similar life
Life is good when you can balance your kink and not feel like you're living a double life.
we dont live together; but He collard me.. a "real" collar, locked and un-removable by me or anyone but Him (he let me choose it, i could have chosen a more "vanilla" looking one if i had wanted to) wearing it to work the first time ... i was nervous... and nothing happened ... no one noticed ... after the first 4 days a co worker who knows.. asked if it was a "collar" ... then again nothing .... no one in the stores, at work , anywhere has ever said anything more about it .. its been a year ... hiding in plain sight :)
ReplyDeletewe are D/s 24/7 even tho we dont live together, im not always naked and on my knees, hes not ordering me around ... its subtle and probably looks very vanilla to the outside world ... but we know whats what and thats all that counts to us
sugarsack
Hi Morningstar,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your perspective and experiences. The lawyer contacted your doctor?? That would have totally freaked me out!
I love what you said about blending your life with the outside world. Finding the balance between kink and vanilla is something we all struggle with.
Hugs
Roz
Thank you for this, Morningstar ... I appreciate your perspective on this issue ... and I love your closing where you defer to Sir Steve's offer of an explanation ... only if one really wants to know :))) ... nj ... xx
ReplyDelete