Mind Games

Sunday afternoon I felt as though there was a wall between Sir Steve and I.... it's difficult to explain... I just felt separated from him despite the fact he was sitting only a few feet from me.

By dinner time I had given up any hope of adult time -- either play time or just plain sex.  And my heart felt heavy and my mind...... oh god where my mind went....

'no wonder he doesn't want to play with me -- what reward did I deserve considering the stress this week -- and it was all my fault of course -- I could have tried harder to keep the stress from him -- tried harder to reach the lil one -- not lost my patience.  I didn't deserve a reward'.

Later in the evening Sir Steve wandered into the bedroom and began laying out toys on the bed..... I could barely watch..... why was he doing this??!!  I was sure he didn't really want to play ... he was doing it just for me.... 

And when he pointed to the bedroom..... I even asked if he was sure.....

as I walked past him I stopped and asked for a hug..... I needed reassurance of some sort... the games my mind was playing  - le sigh

I stripped and lay down on the bed ..... cuddling my pillow...... ready .... and sort of willing........ 

Sir Steve has a 'pattern' to spanking... warm up.... intensity increase.... intensity increased more... then cool down... 

This session was no different...... his big hands spanking my ass cheeks felt so damn good... I thought to myself 'I wish he would do this all night long........ '  But then the other toys came into play -- a leather paddle -- the braided rope 

-- the quirt

-- the big heavy flogger and the crop.

The blue braided toy makes me wince and whimper and wiggle and cry "ouch ouch" ... but I do love it......... at the beginning I can feel each inch of my ass that it touches .... as the play time progresses it feels as though it's covering my whole ass completely with each hit........ 

The quirt -- now that toy stripes my ass and feels so very much as though it is cutting through the skin......... and dear god I love it !! Sir Steve knows the rhythm to use to make the pain so sensual that I cannot help but having an orgasm.... 

It all felt so good you know?!  BUT every so often my silly brain would whisper reminders that I didn't deserve this play time...... and the tears would come and trickle down my cheeks..... and I would feel miserable.

FINALLY the endorphins kicked in.. or it was all feeling just so damn good ... my mind stopped playing games and I relaxed and just thoroughly enjoyed it all......... 

My ass got a good whooping -- and I had deep tissue bruising (if you don't know what that is ...... hard rocks of muscle/tissue in the ass that pulse and hurt and are ohhhhhh so wonderful)

Last evening Sir Steve thoroughly enjoyed poking at my ass making me yelp and jump and call him names....... 

Life is good when you can get past the mind games and just enjoy......