It's Complicated

For as long as I can remember I dreamed of a "Norman Rockwell" Christmas... like the ones I enjoyed as a child .......... 

Reality has taught me a couple of things... first there probably was no "Norman Rockwell" Christmas when I was a child...... and it's next to impossible to create a "Norman Rockwell" Christmas in the present.

Christmases got complicated way back when I got married and had 2 families to celebrate with.......... and feeling conflicted over the celebration schedule

Christmases got more complicated when I divorced my husband........  

Christmases got a whole lot more complicated when my girls grew up and started families of their own.... with in-laws to accommodate...... 

For a long time I have played an ostrich - hiding my head in the sand - ignoring what my inner most feelings were telling me......... the youngest daughter always has to hold all holiday celebrations so she can have her in-laws.  IF she came to me -- or her eldest sister for the holidays she wouldn't be with her in-laws.  I won't lie -- when I lifted my head from the sand and really looked -- it tore me up.... BUT bury those feelings for the sake of "family" ...for the sake of the illusive "Norman Rockwell" Christmas.

I thought I had found a perfect solution -- Christmas Eve with Mom and family -- Christmas Day with youngest's extended family and friends (which spells noise confusion and most often hurt feelings)

Then things got more complicated between my eldest daughter and her father and younger sister.  For whatever reason father is - basically - shutting the eldest daughter out...... from not answering her phone calls/texts to not telling her about his need for open heart surgery........ 

I can stay out of that particular situation as it is between eldest daughter and her father......... why father seemingly favours youngest daughter is anyone's guess -- and it does make my blood boil -- but still not my problem to fix.

Now the proverbial shit has hit the fan............ father is not coming on the 24th - his one time to visit with eldest daughter over the holidays......... eldest daughter had a melt down....... Norman Rockwell's Christmas is melting a way like a snowman in a rain storm..  

It's definitely time to re-organise family celebrations -- especially Christmas.  (not this year though!!!) IF it comes down to Christmas with one daughter or the other I feel like it is going to tear my family apart.... and that breaks my heart.  But the truth of the matter is........ a quiet loving joyful Christmas with eldest daughter is more appealing than the 3 ring circus that my youngest hosts.........