Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Lost the Battle

I work very hard every single day to control my OCD - every single day for my entire life.  I fight to keep my world orderly.  It's not something that is easy to explain to someone who doesn't have OCD.... it was part of the reason for my eating disorder getting so out of control.

The last two weeks have been a major battle.  My lil home was under attack -- attack of painting and cleaning and prepping...... and it isn't done yet.  There isn't one room in the entire house that is finished.  Some rooms are worse than others -- like the kitchen and the bathroom.

Yesterday I sat here waiting for the delivery of rugs and I had hoped bedding for the spare room (didn't come -- hopefully today).  I painted the rest of the kitchen cupboards... and put the handles back on the ones that were done.  This morning I put the handles on the ones I did yesterday.  I dragged all the paint tins to the basement and got them organised on a shelf.  

BUT the door handles have to be put back on each of the bedrooms -- the bathroom is in pieces -- the washer dryer is stuck in a corner of the kitchen waiting to be installed -- the curtain rods have to be hung and dear god my curtains have to be delivered STILL !

There are so many unknowns right now -- so many things I have no control over -- so many things that are swamping me -- so many plates spinning in the air -- and I know -- KNOW -- I am gonna start dropping them......... 


The OCD battle won today -- I gave up -- or was it gave in?? -- and took a pill to quieten my heart and head........ 

I will win this war but I lost the battle today......

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