Saturday, December 17, 2005

weekend blahs.....

my body aches today.......... it was a physical day yesterday.. with all that shovelling and baking and cleaning the house.. and wrapping gifts.... ummm i did say i was gonna have a whole day to myself yesterday didn't i??? so why didn't i pamper myself - spoil myself??? probably cause that is not who i am or what i am about... yesterday was a gift - a chance to get more things done/organised for the holidays.... once the holidays finally DO get here.. i will be free to enjoy them.... welllllllllllllll that's my plan (today)!!!

but my body aches for another reason... i can feel it .. deep inside.. a need... THE need. One extra day of taking care of myself.. of being vanilla... and i can feel the rebellion.. i can feel the need to be taken and put in my place.. and i KNOW i am gonna balk at it........... weird .... one less day with Sir ... only one more day this week of vanilla independance .. and yet i can feel the rebellion......... in my mind's eye i can see this weekend in its entirety and i don't see a repeat of last weekend... and i can feel myself pouting.. i was good this week !! i did everything i was supposed to and more !! so why can't i have another full weekend of pain and pleasure and decadence??? and why have i already decided what will happen this weekend??? why can't i just turn over the event planning to Sir and trust that He will fill me up and center me and focus me and give me what i need to get through the next 5 days without Him??

ughhhhh sometimes i am an impatient subbie... a greedy subbie... a needy subbie.. a high maintenace subbie......... and i HATE it !


  1. It might be a subbie flu seems to be hitting here and in the Western states. I have used a chinese method of anal control that seems to have worked with ling would you like for me to give the prescription to Sir so that he can administer it?

    Always happy to help you know. Enjoy the minutes, the days and weekends will come afterwards

  2. CLOUD!!!!!!!!!!!! don't YOU dare share any prescriptions.. don't YOU DARE !!! (giggling)

    see Ya tonite

    morningstar (owned by Warren)

  3. Just passing thru...........kiss............

  4. (((hugs))) lilone. I know that need well... all too well. Unlike yours though, mine never gets filled. Sighs. i'm sure your Sir will make it all worth your wait, as well as His own.


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