Monday, July 11, 2011

Knotty problems

Yesterday I was having one of my "philosophical"  'how many angels dance on a head of a pin' sort of day.............

Believe it or not - it started off with laundry................... I was taking a load from the washer and putting it in the dryer............... and I was sorting out - untying - all the knots that had tied themselves in my clothing during the wash cycle.  Pink tops wrapped and tied to straps from purple tops.......... sheets enveloping underwear - you know the sort of mess that happens ........... and I can never figure out how it happens or why......... I am very careful when I put the laundry in the machine - carefully sorting out the colours - and putting each piece in separately - distributing the weight - not just taking the laundry basket and dumping it all into the machine helter skelter.   And yet the clothes always seem to tie themselves into near impossible knots........... most frustrating.  Some days I wonder if I wouldn't just be better to dump everything in........... it certainly couldn't be any worse.

And what about the age old question of missing socks??? Honestly has anyone figured out where the odd ones go??? I am very meticulous with the laundry - I KNOW I put in pairs of socks - but every once in a while I will be left with one odd sock.  Now I wonder ... is that one sock missing it's pair - OR - perhaps this one odd sock has magically appeared from some great unknown laundry void................

And so the questions came and went .......... and mostly I didn't find any answers....... but the knots in the clothing got me thinking about how tied up in knots relationships can get....... oh you do your very best to sort it all out and lay everything out neatly - but somehow or other - somewhere down the line - it all gets tied up in knots.......... and naturally there are odd bits missing that you swear were there when you started........... 

Mostly I hate trying to untie knots.......... but somedays .. sometimes.. I have more patience - and I find the one end that is loose and start there and begin to unravel the mess.............. 

That is what I have been doing recently with W - over our relationship.  Trying very hard to find the loose end - and work it through all the other knotty bits until it straightens itself out .... and maybe with any luck I will find those missing bits (the odd sock here or there)......... 

I think W and I are in a kind of knotty limbo - not Sir and sub........ not really Top and bottom.... not really boyfriend and girlfriend.........and me ...... being me........ I need to straighten it out....... need to know where I am ...who I am ... where I am going...... where WE are going............ 

It started in earnest last week - after my post about "Protocols".  W didn't really agree with my post  (for that matter neither did drakor.  W and drakor are more on the same page - it seems to me - than W and I ) which got me to thinking could I be that wrong??!!

So I have been surfing through the net looking for definitions of protocols - other peoples' definition of protocols  (and yes yes I know - that is what got W and I in trouble in the first place - basing our relationship - our lives- on what was written on the net - taking it like some great stone tablet from the Mount ) BUT this time was different - I wasn't so much looking for a definitive answer to my question - but more looking at other's opinions.......... after all I did say I could be wrong on my definition of protocols.

Well it turns out - I really wasn't wrong on the definition of protocols - or what they are - or how they work.  (and no I am not going "neener neener neener" to W and drakor).  I think - I honestly believe - it is all a definition thing.  

Protocols - the ones I set out in my blog - were dead on.   As W said to me in an email - "that's as it should be" or " I can't argue with that"............ 

I took another look at the loose end I was holding in my hand - I had unraveled it a bit .. but now I had come smack up against a ball of knots and couldn't figure out where this bit in my hand was supposed to weave in and out of...........


That was the big knotty problem.......... rituals.  The things W and drakor talk about are not protocols ........... they are rituals.  (the loose end slipped through a hole in that big knot and another piece loosened up) 

Easy - now all I had to do - was find a list of rituals written in stone - handed down from the  great BDSM Mount.  Pick the ones that I thought might work - offer them up to W - ask him to add subtract and divide it ........ and the whole knotty ball which is our relationship would unravel - like magic before my eyes.


there are no list of rituals - engraved in stone - handed down from the Mount.

In fact - the best advice I found on the net for rituals - the best definition I found - was ....... one size does not fit all. 

So I am still sitting ......... with a ball of knots (not nearly as big or frustrating as before) called rituals.  

I will slowly and methodically start unweaving this ball of knots and offering up each straightened out bit to W for his input............. if nothing else has come from my desire to untie all these knots ....... W is trying very hard to answer my questions - to offer his opinion......... to work with me to solve the problem of the knots.

Who knows one day - maybe - the "Knot Master" and I will have straightened out this ball of knots and be able to move forward.......... who knows?!


  1. I'm thinking you make life a whole lot harder than it need be.

  2. Perhaps we should partner... it seems that you and I are intent on capturing some sort of wisdom on the nature of "our kind" of relationships, and then leaving that out here where someone else might find what we wish we could find for ourselves.

    All the best to you and to W as you work your way along through the knots.

    hugs, swandershm

  3. Ordalie11:25 pm

    I think your urge to unravel knots and clarify things in your private life is linked to your professional life: isn't that what you're expected to do as a teacher, trying to make difficult things clearer so that children can understand?
    It seems to me you are conditioned by your job (I hope it's a good translation of "déformation professionnelle").
    By the way, I used to be a teacher myself.

  4. Ordalie12:29 pm

    Will you answer me?

  5. ordalie - yes i will answer you... sorry i didn't think your comment required an answer....

    yes i am a teacher (or was) and yes i loved to help the children unravel problems

  6. Ordalie11:10 pm

    I'm very sorry, Morningstar, I didn't mean to be rude. I just wanted to know if my comment was a possible explanation.


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