Connection

 

We had a pretty good weekend ........ 

The sex was 'hot' - Sir Steve went to put his hand around my neck and I had my usual reaction (inexplicable actually) I burst into giggles.... it took him growling - 'Fuck stop your giggling'  - for me to relax and then he was restricting my breathing.... and my heart was pounding.. my ears pounding .... and then AIR ........ and then hand tightened again... 

Then I was servicing him - feeling his cock sliding deep into my mouth .. swelling... chocking me - thrusting down my throat.. there's something hot about servicing him.. my needs barely acknowledged - all about him....... yup very HOT

I thought it was all over - all our adult time.  I had teased him that I needed a spanking - and he had said there's still Sunday ...... but Sunday was a busy day of this and that... and by supper time there had been no move to spank my cheeky ass.  I was feeling a little down... feeling a little too needy - maybe a little too high maintenance.. BUT at 8pm he stood over me - pointed to the bedroom and said 'naked - bent over the end of the bed ...... NOW' !  I didn't even hesitate...... Sir Steve didn't pull any toys out... just used his hands......... I was purrring.... he has THE best hands!!

AND now it's Monday.  and I am feeling connected to Sir Steve - to our relationship.  I am feeling like I belong to him.. like he sees me as a woman... his woman... 

This connection is so necessary to my peace - to my calm.... this connection validates the other side of me - the woman side - it says "I see you as more than 'nanny' .. more than 'housekeeper'... all those sides are pulled together in a ball and tied tightly with the woman ribbon........

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 
 connections made.

2018

Back a few months ago Sir Steve's parents invited us to visit them over the New Year weekend.  He didn't answer them immediately and I thought about it a lot.  One night in early December I told him that what I would really like to do New Year's Eve was order in a mess of Chinese food and binge watch Netflix and make love and play.  Sir Steve agreed we would spend our first New Year's Eve together -- alone.  (the lil one is with her mom till next Sunday) 

And that is exactly what we did......... ordered in a mess of Chinese food -- which lasted us 3 days YAY!!  so no cooking for me......... 

On New Year's Eve Sir Steve wandered off to the bedroom and I knew he was laying out some toys -- my stomach knotted and I had butterflies (it's been a long time since I had that reaction).  He came back to the living room and lifted my skirt and thrust this  ( this picture does NOT do the handle justice -- it is HUGE)

under my skirt up to my pussy.  It was bloody cold and made me squeal and jump and wiggle around.  Sir Steve just stood there holding it tight in place giving me that evil grin of his....... 

Then he had me kneel up on the sofa and bent me over the back -- flipped my dress up over my head and we played -- quirts and his flogger and his lovely knife and paddles ......... and it was amazing!!  Then we sat and watched more Netflix -- ate chocolate covered almonds and drank Grand Marnier and managed to stay awake long enough to watch the ball drop in New York City.  I even managed to send him a text message about 12:02 that said "now I am gonna take you to bed with me -- for real this year!" 

We have spent the last few days making love -- kissing and fondling and teasing -- and watching reruns of old TV shows and loving each other - though we did manage to head out to the movies yesterday afternoon and saw "The Greatest Showman".  

There couldn't be a better way to start a new year -- and that is a very good thing!!

Tuesday Jan 2017

On New Year's Day 2017 I couldn't wait to get home to text with Sir Steve again.  My mind was drowning in him -- in memories of him.

On Monday Jan 2 2017 Sir Steve suggested he take a drive to Kingston the next day and we could have a lunch date.  I agreed hesitantly (cause we had made plans for him to come for a visit on the Thursday ) BUT I told him I knew exactly what I would make -- and what dress I would wear.  He told me no underpants and that made my heart skip a beat and my stomach knot.

He arrived around noon -- and as he walked into the apartment he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me till my knees went weak.  He ran his hands down my back and over my ass -- and whispered in my ear "good girl - no underpants".

I managed to serve lunch -- I don't think I tasted it at all -- hell I don't even remember what I made.  After lunch and some snuggling and kissing - he had me kneel up on a chair and he gave me a small spanking session...... then he took my hand and led me to the bedroom.

In my head the voices were screaming at me -- 'if you do this he won't be back - you aren't supposed to fuck on the first date' and all the other messages my voices like to nag me with.......... I didn't care.  10 years ago I would have sold my soul to the devil for one night in bed with Sir Steve ........ and this was finally my chance.

We spent an amazing couple of hours in bed together...... and as the time for him to leave got closer I started stressing.  'He probably wouldn't come back on Thursday -- he got what he wanted - right?? why bother coming back?' 

Finally I squeaked out "sooooooooo will you still come for the weekend?" Sir Steve looked shocked - and asked why wouldn't he??!!!  

And he did come back on Thursday and stayed till Sunday............. 

We 'made it happen' ...... we really did!!  And as much as it has been a full year we have been together I still get weak knees when he kisses me and being in bed with him is my favourite place to be.......... 

Life is good when your dreams come true.

Status

LLF and I have basically kept our relationship -- well the seriousness of our relationship -- a secret.  We kinda lived our love in the shadows.  

Oh I talked about it here -- but I never used his name -- he has been my "long last friend".  And some folks met him -- but still I introduced him as "my friend from Montreal".

This weekend we stepped out of the shadows into the glaring light of reality.  And we walked out holding hands and danced with joy.

When I got home Monday night, LLF told me he wanted to change our status on Facebook to "in a relationship" !  Boy talk about taking a giant step forward.  Yet I didn't have a moment's hesitation ......... "Yes!" I said "Do it" 

So he changed his status to "in a relationship with____"
which automatically changed mine.

Then we went on FL and added the same information there "in a relationship with ______" 

And it was official!

I don't think I have stopped smiling since........ 

Going with the theme of moving out of the shadows -- the alias "LLF" will no longer be used here on The Continued Journey....... 
from now on I will use his name..........
(drum roll please)

Without further ado -- may I introduce the love of my life
Sir Steve

  

Touch

Your body can get used to anything - I know!  and it can accept anything as normal.  Like my absence of hunger -- at first I felt hungry -- I am human after all -- but I chose to ignore those feelings.... that empty ache in my gut.  Soon those feelings were integrated in with all the other feelings one has in a day.... they didn't indicate hunger anymore -- they were just another common sensation.

My body craved human touch (not just in the last year or so -- but for a very long time).  At first I would ask for a hug -- or a beating -- just so I could feel human touch.  But like with the hunger -- I learned to ignore the feelings -- to chalk them up to some generic feeling.  Not important.

The first time that LLF took my hand -- the first time LLF put his arm around me just to hold me close -- was like shock treatment.  It dragged the 'generic' feelings out of hiding and put a name to them.  Human touch -- I craved it....... and like someone starving I gobbled up every single touch...... reaching out and touching him -- gorging myself.  

The very best touch of all is when I crawl into bed beside him - naked - and feel his whole body pressed against mine -- like two puzzle pieces that were meant to fit together.

Touch has become as necessary to me as breathing...

 

 

"Murder Most Foul"

To quote Monty Python - "and now for some something completely different"......


Last night W took me to a murder mystery dinner at a local restaurant.  I was so excited!!  It had been for EVER since I went to one............W had never been to one... it was an adventure !!!!

If you have never been to one - let me explain how it works - well at least how this one worked.  

Ever been to theater in the round?? where the action takes place all around you - well that is pretty much what this was like.  The premise was we were all workers for the Goodgreen broadcasting company - the year was 1928 - and this was their Christmas party.  The President of said company - his sister and her drunken husband (who played Santa Claus) the Vice President and the President's secretary sat at the head table.  The President had received death threats which meant a detective from the local police station was on hand.

As dinner progressed - the characters created the story line through dialogue with each other and with the "workers" (us)   Between the main course and dessert - dear old Santa Claus (sister's husband) was poisoned and died a rather dramatic death under the Christmas tree.

They posted a clue board outside of our dining room - and we were invited to try and solve the whodunit.  

It was all good fun - and though our table believed it was the secretary who did it... I firmly believed the sister killed her husband.  Unfortunately I couldn't back up my suspicion well enough to sway our table................ but in the end I was right !!  Yay me!!!  all those mystery shows I watch on television and all the mystery books I read paid off... LOL

 The  cast - pictured above - did an excellent job of laying out the plot - confusing us - and making us laugh.

All in all it was an excellent evening - and a nice break from all the thoughts/work of Christmas.  

I am such a lucky subbie to have a Sir who spoils me with spur of the moment adventures like Murder Mystery Dinners.

Mea Culpa

I made a mistake.  I admit it.  I should have read between the lines of Sir's blog entry more carefully than I did.  I should have paid attention.

And for all my commenters who told me (bluntly and otherwise) to TALK to Sir rather than blog about it....... I did.  Actually I did that the day I wrote the blog entry.

Just for the record - I am human - I do make mistakes - AND I do acknowledge them and apologize for them when made.

My heart is so full..........

I saw W today - for lunch and an outing - yeah in the middle of "Irene".......... but more on that another day.  


Over lunch we were discussing life - you know a little bit of this and a little bit of that.   I brought up a touchy subject - an old topic - a ghost from the past that is also in the present.  


We were hashing over the details - sharing thoughts and W said something that touched me to my very core........... He said (and yeah yeah I am paraphrasing) "I had to stop it - it is what you do for your partner".


I think I have been waiting 10+ years to hear those words - or the idea behind those words........ I come first... FIRST.  It made my heart swell and beat a little faster.  


We truly are "partners" working hard to fit all the puzzle pieces together and come together stronger and better......... It is an amazing feeling !

Knotty problems

Yesterday I was having one of my "philosophical"  'how many angels dance on a head of a pin' sort of day.............

Believe it or not - it started off with laundry................... I was taking a load from the washer and putting it in the dryer............... and I was sorting out - untying - all the knots that had tied themselves in my clothing during the wash cycle.  Pink tops wrapped and tied to straps from purple tops.......... sheets enveloping underwear - you know the sort of mess that happens ........... and I can never figure out how it happens or why......... I am very careful when I put the laundry in the machine - carefully sorting out the colours - and putting each piece in separately - distributing the weight - not just taking the laundry basket and dumping it all into the machine helter skelter.   And yet the clothes always seem to tie themselves into near impossible knots........... most frustrating.  Some days I wonder if I wouldn't just be better to dump everything in........... it certainly couldn't be any worse.

And what about the age old question of missing socks??? Honestly has anyone figured out where the odd ones go??? I am very meticulous with the laundry - I KNOW I put in pairs of socks - but every once in a while I will be left with one odd sock.  Now I wonder ... is that one sock missing it's pair - OR - perhaps this one odd sock has magically appeared from some great unknown laundry void................

And so the questions came and went .......... and mostly I didn't find any answers....... but the knots in the clothing got me thinking about how tied up in knots relationships can get....... oh you do your very best to sort it all out and lay everything out neatly - but somehow or other - somewhere down the line - it all gets tied up in knots.......... and naturally there are odd bits missing that you swear were there when you started........... 

Mostly I hate trying to untie knots.......... but somedays .. sometimes.. I have more patience - and I find the one end that is loose and start there and begin to unravel the mess.............. 

That is what I have been doing recently with W - over our relationship.  Trying very hard to find the loose end - and work it through all the other knotty bits until it straightens itself out .... and maybe with any luck I will find those missing bits (the odd sock here or there)......... 

I think W and I are in a kind of knotty limbo - not Sir and sub........ not really Top and bottom.... not really boyfriend and girlfriend.........and me ...... being me........ I need to straighten it out....... need to know where I am ...who I am ... where I am going...... where WE are going............ 


It started in earnest last week - after my post about "Protocols".  W didn't really agree with my post  (for that matter neither did drakor.  W and drakor are more on the same page - it seems to me - than W and I ) which got me to thinking could I be that wrong??!!

So I have been surfing through the net looking for definitions of protocols - other peoples' definition of protocols  (and yes yes I know - that is what got W and I in trouble in the first place - basing our relationship - our lives- on what was written on the net - taking it like some great stone tablet from the Mount ) BUT this time was different - I wasn't so much looking for a definitive answer to my question - but more looking at other's opinions.......... after all I did say I could be wrong on my definition of protocols.

Well it turns out - I really wasn't wrong on the definition of protocols - or what they are - or how they work.  (and no I am not going "neener neener neener" to W and drakor).  I think - I honestly believe - it is all a definition thing.  

Protocols - the ones I set out in my blog - were dead on.   As W said to me in an email - "that's as it should be" or " I can't argue with that"............ 

I took another look at the loose end I was holding in my hand - I had unraveled it a bit .. but now I had come smack up against a ball of knots and couldn't figure out where this bit in my hand was supposed to weave in and out of...........

Rituals 

That was the big knotty problem.......... rituals.  The things W and drakor talk about are not protocols ........... they are rituals.  (the loose end slipped through a hole in that big knot and another piece loosened up) 


Easy - now all I had to do - was find a list of rituals written in stone - handed down from the  great BDSM Mount.  Pick the ones that I thought might work - offer them up to W - ask him to add subtract and divide it ........ and the whole knotty ball which is our relationship would unravel - like magic before my eyes.


EXCEPT


there are no list of rituals - engraved in stone - handed down from the Mount.


In fact - the best advice I found on the net for rituals - the best definition I found - was ....... one size does not fit all. 


So I am still sitting ......... with a ball of knots (not nearly as big or frustrating as before) called rituals.  


I will slowly and methodically start unweaving this ball of knots and offering up each straightened out bit to W for his input............. if nothing else has come from my desire to untie all these knots ....... W is trying very hard to answer my questions - to offer his opinion......... to work with me to solve the problem of the knots.

Who knows one day - maybe - the "Knot Master" and I will have straightened out this ball of knots and be able to move forward.......... who knows?!