Saturday, July 02, 2011

Ingredients of a Dominant

For me! 

I am serious.......

Everyone's recipe for a dominant will differ from mine in one way or another - the same as anyone's recipe for soup will differ from mine in some ways.

I have been giving this a lot of thought over the last week or so......... what's important to me...... 

Is it important that he wear leathers and carries a big stick at all times???
Not even close.......

Is it important that he be this BIG intimidating bruiser of a guy - who screams dominance by his stature and appearance???
God no !!!  Some of the biggest strongest guys I have seen are the biggest teddy bears when their submissive snaps their fingers.......(and truthfully - it was a bit disappointing)

Is it important that he always knows exactly what he wants and is always in control ?
No absolutely not - who amongst us can be in control 24/7 - who amongst us doesn't need some down time............who amongst us knows that what we want today we will still want a year from today??

Is it important that he be some "expert" on some facet of the lifestyle - an icon that people look up to??
Good grief charlie brown - not close at all......... after all - in my experience - most of these icons have feet of clay.

So what ingredients do I want in a dominant????

The main ingredients - the meat and potatoes so to speak - are:
1)  I want someone who knows my worth - and treasures it and me  - above everyone else
2)  I want someone who validates my efforts to please - though sometimes I may fall short of the mark
3)  I want someone who tells me (each time) when I make him proud
4)  I want someone who nurtures the good in me
5)  I want someone to stand beside me on this road of life - my cheering section - who knows I can do IT (whatever the IT is at the time) and lets me know that no matter what happens he will still be by my side when the dust settles.
6)  I desperately want someone who defends me - not the world around us - but me!!  who will stand by me and make me know and feel that I am the one who counts!

And the spices for this "soup" - the added extras........
1) I want someone who loves to beat me - to push my limits
2)  who is willing to learn new things and try them on me - so that our world does not become boring and dull and drab
3) I want someone who will push past my shy areas - push past with a gentle hand - with an understanding that I think I will DIE of embarrassment but knows I will NOT.. and will hold my hand tight in his the entire time....... not laughing at me - but supporting me.

I want to wake each day and be thankful that we have - together - created a great pot of soup............ for us......... uniquely for us.


  1. What a nice idea:)

  2. Anonymous10:49 am

    Great list! :)

  3. Not only is it a "good list," but it is an important contribution to the conversation. It is way past time for us to start mentioning the things that really do matter -- we've been too long, as a community, willing to be defined by the show and glitz. Many of us form real relationships of substance, and the things that matter to you are the building blocks of those relationships.

    Hugs, swan

  4. Wow. This is such a thoughtful and thought provoking list. Thank you for sharing - definitely food for lots of thought. All the best x


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