Friday, July 08, 2011


Last spring I pooh poohed protocols... walked away from them seemingly with great ease.  I have heard submissives and dominants alike tell me that they don't have protocols.. they don't believe in them..... they just supported my belief that protocols were a useless waste of time.

Over the last few weeks I have found myself - more and more - relapsing back into some of the protocols we used to have in our relationship.  ( W has been saying to me - and I deserve it -  "I thought you had no use for protocols")

Yesterday it all sort of came to a head - in my head !!  I went out shopping for a new sofa for the living room.  After 3 shops where no one.. and I mean NO ONE .. wanted to serve me.. I stumbled tired and discouraged into the last furniture store.  Lo and behold there was a salesman who understood his job.. and he offered to help me.

The long and short of it is .. I found a sofa.  BUT I could not ........ physically impossible .. to close the deal.  I kept thinking 'I have to get W to come and see it and approve the purchase'.  So I reserved the sofa with the understanding that my "friend" would come with me over the weekend to see it.  

That shopping episode got me doing some serious thinking about protocols.  

Before I go too far with this 'essay' on protocols... I decided to find a real life definition of what a protocol actually is............

pro·to·col  n.

a. The forms of ceremony and etiquette observed by diplomats and heads of state.
b. A code of correct conduct: safety protocols;
in my interpretation it is simply social skills taken to another level. (and I LOVE social skills - hell I teach social skills!!)


There are protocols that make sense (to me) and protocols that make no sense (to me)

I believe that protocols must keep in mind hard limits of the submissive..... 

let me give you an example.....

I am not into humiliation in any form... it upsets me.. makes me either cry or throw a hissy fit... therefore any protocol that seems humiliating to me is not going to work.  One of the protocols we used to have was my being naked under my clothes.  Well I HATED it.. I was humiliated by it.  I am not a perky 20 something anymore.. the breasts sag.... . I wanted to have support .. wanted the 'girls' looking as perky as is possible...I wanted my clothes to fit properly and trust me .... most clothes assume the breasts are gonna be perky and 'up there'..... so naked under clothing was a protocol that didn't work for me..not one little bit.

Then there was the protocol that I should never leave or enter a room without permission.......... do you have any idea on how many levels that allowed me to brat it out.... Time to close the curtains.. ok .. leave the living room to do the dining room curtains.. do one curtain ask to come in the living room to close the curtains there... close one.. ask to go back to the dining room... ask to come back to the living room... then decide the pleats have to be adjusted in the dining room..... yup.. permission asked for ad nauseum.. 

Now one of the first lessons W taught me was that submissives should be 'invisible' how invisible is a submissive who is always interrupting something to get permission to enter a room / leave a room/ sit /stand???? 

Ok .... so protocols were irritating......... and hells bells .. have too many of them and either W or I would honestly forget them........ 

So I walked away from them.. condemning them all equally.... 

BUT now .. I am rethinking the idea of protocols... at least the ones that make sense to me ...

It makes sense to me to have a protocols that:
1)  has the submissive invisible - at least while doing tasks ......
2)  has the submissive serving the dominant in all ways 
3) has the submissive checking with the dominant before making large purchases - shopping together if possible... 
4) has the submissive notifying the dominant when going out and when coming home
5) for the most part - has the submissive putting the dominant ahead of themselves
6) has the submissive keeping track of events and making suggestions for attendance

I thought I might come up with 10 .. but I seem to be stuck on 6........ 

BUT they are 6 that I can live with (for now) and this list is not engraved in stone.. I am sure I missed something!!!  BUT the list can be added to........ especially if the protocols make sense, aren't humiliating, and add to social amenities.....


  1. you know i love protocols but they must be wanted by the sub or slave, and have a purpose and the Dominants must enforce them always not just when they feel likeother wise they are useless . Great post

  2. I never really thought of these things as "protocols." Interesting... I will have to go away and think about this ;-)

    Hugs, swan

  3. i think having mutual protocols are such a must - well for me - cos they only help the relationship along. all the best x

  4. Isn't it like most things in life; good if you want them and not so much if you don't? Or, maybe, silly as hell if you don't and satisfying if you do.


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