Tuesday, July 12, 2011


For some weird and wonderful reason this past week or so I have received a couple of emails from submissives wanting advice on a variety of different problems.

I am not entirely sure what prompted me to start answering them........... at first I was hesitant  - then with the next request I became quite proud of the fact that people were looking to me.. lil ole me ... for advise.......... In fact a dominant even suggested to his submissive that she contact me for advice.  Was I becoming the new Ann Landers of the BDSM community????

And I worked hard on answering these emails - put a lot of thought into them... gave it my best 'professional' attitude..................

and then last night I was thinking..........

Honestly who do I think I am to give advice to anyone??!!  Me who is just barely keeping her life on track.. barely keeping her head on straight...... who am I???!!!

And I realized how easy it is to believe the hype........sometimes hype of your own making...........  how easy it is to be seen by some as an expert (on any damn subject) especially in the BDSM community - where there are no certificates or degrees given .. where there are no text books or university courses to follow.......... 

For a very brief time I joked about hanging up my "shingle" ........... of making myself available ............. of being some sort of "expert"............. 

(the pffft is me blowing raspberries for those of you who haven't seen that net abbreviation)

No I am not expert...... yes I have life experiences - a whole helluva lot of them considering how long I have been here........... 
BUT for the most part life experiences add up to a nothing more than a hill of beans... 

I am NO expert.

I refuse to accept or believe the hype......... mine or anyone else's.  
I am just ME...... struggling to find my way through a maze of emotions..... struggling to make amends for mistakes made......... and knowing - even as I sit here typing - I will make many more.
So no - I am no expert.  I do listen well.  I do offer hugs and shoulders to cry on and an ear to listen.  BUT I am no expert.

Ok - so now we're clear on that ........ let's move on.


  1. I think it is good to remember this and to remind ourselves that we are all learners... I know of some who do set themselves up as "experts" or "gurus," and then actively encourage people to seek them out to offer advice. It is an interesting gambit -- full of ego and arrogance in my view.

    I've been told that some of what we've shared over the years has helped someone here and there, and I am glad for that. Shared experience can do that, but I still don't think it ought to be construed as expertise. That is a whole different thing.

    I'd say that as long as you keep living, keep learning, and keep offering that for what it is worth, you will help many more than you will ever be able to count.

    hugs, swan

  2. Anonymous10:51 am

    I would like to say that having your amount of experience with BDSM does count for something though :)

    You live the lifestyle, where somebody like me only wishes I can live it beyond the occasional spanking. When I first started blogging a few months ago, I didn't know what direction I was going to take or how to express what I want to my husband. Through reading wonderful blogs such as yours I have learned a lot or at least gained knowledge I didn't previously have and now I can build on it.

    I have, on occasion sent similar emails to others seeking advice or asking questions about the lifestyle. I did so because I felt truly lost and completely alone and didn't know where else to turn. It has helped me find my footing and given me a piece of my sanity back.

    And while, yes you may not think you are an expert, you have helped me (I'm mostly a silent lurker)...by posting your pictures of dungeon toys, explaining what they're for, etc. Thank you!

  3. It's all subjective. When it comes to life and living none of us are experts. We know only what we've experienced and how we reacted to them. We share those experiences, allowing those with whom we share them to reach their own conclusion. That surely ain't a bad thing.

  4. Anonymous7:48 am

    Perhaps you do not feel as though you are in any position to advise one but I have been reading this blog for sometime and have to say that your experiences are wisdom are very helpful...


Popular Posts