A month ago i couldn't see beyond that day and that pain and those tears. But i have survived the short haul - with the help of good friends and family..... and here it is one month later.
That tangled web of emotions has been more or less sorted out...... and in the next few days and weeks i need to start winding them back into a more orderly ball ... and as i do that .. i need to examine carefully my feelings then...... and my feelings now......... which i suppose will give me a whole new set of criteria for myself in the terms of BDSM. Hell i might even have a decent hard limits list !!
But ....... the other day..... for whatever reason...... i decided to take a look at those sites that one tends to run to when one is uncollared and unfettered and wondering what the future holds.
One of the sites i went to was "Collar me.com" .............. the name itself should be enough to put me off totally........ collar me?? sounds an awful lot like a meat market for submissives doesn't it??
Anyway.......i opened a free account .. and wrote up my profile........ putting down quite clearly that i was just out of a 9 year relationship - as a collared submissive - and that the most i was looking for was someone to chat with .. i was NOT looking to jump right back in........
Sounds clear enough dontcha think?
Well obviously it wasn't.
But that isn't really what amazed me the most..... i was sorta expecting that sort of 'swarm the newbie' mentality. What amazed me was reading the Dominant profiles.
After reading - i don't know how many for my area .......... i came to the conclusion that most of them need a lesson in picking nicknames and writing profiles.
Now i enjoy a play on words as much as the next person - maybe more so. i have a frequent visitor here on the blog who goes by the nick of Mr Upton Ogood... that one still makes me smile (and if i have to explain it to you ..... i won't)
But on collarme there are nicks like ...... are you ready for this?? i am not making this up!!
InfernalBastard, Dragontongue69, Justameanbastard, Sirwoode, wantsmeat, Needstosuckle. ughhhhhhhhhhh what are they thinking?? Serious intelligent women are gonna fall all over themselves to meet someone with such a nick?? Do they honestly think those nicks scream DOMINANT??!!
And my other beef - their profiles. Some sound as though they haven't graduated from elementary school....... can't put three words together and make an intelligent sentence. Others are ........ how to put this ........ 'expert' at everything. Oh yeah?? somehow i doubt that.
Other profiles are asking for "discrete" encounters - screams married right??
Other profiles are asking for online encounters only - either they are scared stiff by their fantasies or they too are married.
Other profiles ask for a Dominant woman or a submissive woman..... they can't make up their mind what they are. (and i have nothing against switches - except they aren't for me!!) and should NOT be identifying as Dominant.
And on and on it goes........ i have a feeling my untangled ball of emotions is more appealing than all the creatures on Collar me. i might miss "the ONE" .. but somehow i doubt it.
And for the record - if anyone is keeping count.... i am now on my 4th day of Vicks therapy .......