Wednesday, April 28, 2010


There are a whole lot of "labels" in the BDSM world - i am sure i don't have to tell you.......... from slave to submissive to Sir to Master to Dominant to bottom to Top to switch and on and on it goes.

There is also my humble opinion......... a certain amount of snobbishness and clique-ness that goes with each of those labels.

In my world the submissive was always lower on the food chain than the slave. The Top lower than the Master/Sir. And the poor switch - well no one could ever quite figure out where to stick them... but boy oh boy they sure did treat them with a considerable amount of disdain.

During this time of transition for me (from collared to free) i have maintained my status of submissive. i have wrestled with the question of "can i be submissive without having a Dominant in my life" and had no problem at all answering YES. You see i am submissive in my heart. i can't be anything else but that. Submissive is my nature.

i have struggled with the thought that i was doomed to a solitary life until such time as i found a new Dominant / Lord and Master to rule my world. If you read yesterday's post of advise that i have been given over these last many weeks, you would have noticed more than one mention of "adventure".

Now yes i am fully aware you can have all sorts of adventures with a Dominant in your life.......... but boy oh boy the adventures that open up to you when you don't have one is boggling my mind.

Last week i started to roll the term "bottom" around in my head. It didn't taste too badly .......... no bolt of lightening came out of the sky and struck me dead. On Saturday evening driving home from the party with my "party buddy" we were discussing my "situation" and he was listing off the advantages to being a "bottom"........ he was teasing me about being a slut - NO NO not that sort of slut!!! - but a pain slut. He was pointing out the advantages of playing with different people and getting my fix for endorphins and discovering the many different styles and methods out there that i have been more or less isolated from. (did you all follow that run on sentence??!!)

The last couple of days i have been thinking long and hard about this "bottom" idea. It was a whisper of a thought.......

Then my "play buddy" contacted me and we talked .. i know he was feeling me out. The Domme that had played with him on the weekend comes complete with a HusbandDom.......... who at this point in time does not seem to have any one bottom to play with publicly

It was suggested we might all go out for dinner on Friday evening and get to know one another better. Seemed like a plan to me.

Well as plans go ....... it got changed. Instead of dinner on Friday (or maybe i should say "as well as dinner on Friday") we went out for coffee yesterday. We four talked and talked and talked - for hours.

The three of them spent a good bit of time explaining to me how this could work.. and i slowly came to the realization that being a "bottom" can have some major advantages.

First - i get to go to play parties with a fairly good chance i am gonna get to play.

Second - i will have a "chaperon" so to speak during these parties.

Third - there are no expectations of anything other than a fun social time - my life is my life.

The term "leather family" keeps rolling around in my head....... but that might not be the right term. (can you guess i LOVE labels and terms??!!)

But for now............... whatever the label or the term........ i think i may have found the answer to my dilemma .......... i am gonna be a " bottom" for the next little while.... taste the forbidden fruits that have always dangled just out of reach....... and enjoy myself.

Hell i am gonna have an adventure !!!


ummmmmmmm - does this mean the title of the blog changes again..
from "Healing Journey" to the Adventurous Journey??


  1. Maybe "Awesome Journey"?

  2. I would change the title, it seems you have healed nicely...

    Hope the Doctor gives you a clean bill of health today..


  3. Glad to hear you have found a comfort place! It sounds like this group is just what you need. Perhaps the name of the blog will eventually just be Journey?

  4. Seems to me everyone would be a lot further ahead if they would toss the rule book and the truck load of labels.

    One of those "it is what it is" or "a rose by any other name ..." things.

  5. Anonymous2:51 pm

    I still remember reading several people on Fet saying that a submissive was "in training" to be a slave. Like being a slave was something to aspire to and the poor backwards sub just wasn't "good" enough yet, or hadn't gotten that far yet or something. And it just ticked me right off. First, because the word "slave" as a workable day-to-day relationship dynamic has no meaning for me. I'm glad others find it fun or fulfilling or whatever, that's great. Knock yourselves out being all slavey-slave, if you're happy, I'm happy.

    But it's not something I personally aspire to be. Not at all. I don't realistically feel remotely like a slave nor does it sound at all appealing. For one thing, we tried that kind of relationship briefly early on, although we didn't use those terms; still, he was supposed to have 100 percent control and we were both very unhappy. I mean, it was soooo much work. For both of us. And you know what? There are times I argue and times I don't feel like being submissive and there times where he just doesn't want to deal with being all Dommier-than-Dom, too. Sometimes he wants to just let it all go and sometimes so do I. Plus, I have limits. Lots.

    So the term "slave" is meaningless for me, unless it's for fantasy play. Now, I *totally* understand being a slave in sexual fantasy, the idea is very hot and I wouldn't mind using it for play except my Dom dislikes the whole "Master/slave" dynamic for similar reasons. He doesn't think it's feasible or in any way realistic. So it's impossible for him to buy into it and since he dislikes fantasy play, for the most part, it doesn't work for us.

    He frequently tells me he owns me and he does own me, he also enjoys dominating me and I enjoy his domination over me but he is not my "Master" and I'm not his slave. I'm his sub. I like to compare our relationship more to that of an owner with his pet. Pets are not our slaves, they are obedient and loving but not slaves and they are quick to let you know if you cross certain boundaries. That's much more how we relate to each other.

    But I sure as hell don't think it makes us any less than anyone else.

    So please, for the love of *god*, I wish certain know-it-all types in the "lifestyle" or whatever you want to call it, would stop telling people who are bottoms that maybe one day they'll become a sub and a sub will one day grow into a lovely little slave. Because that's just bullcrap. ARGH!

    Thanks for the venting space, morningstar, lol!

    And being a bottom sounds wonderful, you go and have fun being a bottom all you want to. Sounds great! :)


  6. Sounds good to me :-)

  7. It seems like a good plan to me. Enjoy the journey, wherever it takes you. Have some fun and see what does and does not fit...

    hugs, swan

  8. I agree with Buffalo, ditch the labels AND the rule book.
    Every person, situation and relationship is unique unto itself.
    Do what makes you happiest,
    Be what makes you happiest.

    I myself am just beaming hearing you gush so (pun intended)!


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