Sunday, April 18, 2010

The good submissive

i think the internet plays way too big a part in our definition of "the good submissive" ( yeah yeah i can hear most of you going "DUH"!!)

But seriously folks - which one of us hasn't at one time or another read a blog and thought "so that's what a good submissive is/does"???

As you can probably guess - i have been doing a lot of thinking about how good or not good i was a submissive. One of the problems with that is that you can land yourself on a merry-go-round ........ it was all my fault.. it was all his fault.... it was all my fault.. and round and round ya go.

i have had more than one "Master" .. trust me you don't get to be my age - and been in love with this lifestyle for as long as i have without trying out a few "Masters".

And they each taught me something different..from my first, Lula.. all the ones in between, to my last, W.. and each taught me and shared with me and gave me the gift of their Dominance .. things i will cherish till the day i die.

But this journey i have been on............. when i stop and really look at it......... has been a learning experience. i have tried this kink... tried that kink... i have had my world expanded and opened and have been given much to weigh and value and see if it "fits" me.

And along this journey, i have met others with different view points and different ways of doing things.. and they have planted seeds in my head. Helped me to see that there are many different ways of doing this "kink" .. ways i had never before even imagined.. never mind tried. (and i hang my head - because with some of those different "ways" i tended to respond with knee jerk reactions like "i could never ever do THAT")

And yet here i sit on a sunny Sunday morning thinking - if i had said "never ever" over the last 20+ years i wouldn't be where i am today. And that wouldn't be a good thing. i like where i am today...... i am thankful for where i am today.... and i am almost ready to move to the next stage .. the next leg of this journey ..where ever it may take me

Have i found the secret formula for the "good submissive"?? Hell no .......... but i like to think i am close.

First off there is no secret formula - trust me on this one .. there isn't. And there most certainly is no "one way fits all "........... forget all the Old Guard stuff... if i remember rightly i heard someone say once upon a time.. who IS the Old Guard ??? aren't we now the "Old Guard" for the new ones?? And why stay stuck in the past.. time moves on.. and so should we........ let's not stay mired in the old days....... in the way things were.. remember how frustrated you were when your parents or grandparents would say "when i was young...................." It is time to remember the past, honour the past and let go of it........ move forward .. find new ways.. better ways.. exciting joyful ways to celebrate our submissiveness and our uniqueness.

Each coming together will produce a relationship of it's own.... with it's own needs and wants and desires...

Each coming together will produce ways of doing things that we can learn from

Each coming together will bring us closer to the "right fit" .. maybe a cinderella story - where the prince comes with the shoe.. and magically "it fits !!" even if it is the least expected coupling ever.. the shoe will fit

If we try ...... as hard as we can..... to find the right fit.......... to be joyful in the fitting.. to cherish each day / each moment we have together.... to celebrate the fun and the good times of each coming together........ And if the time comes when we must move on to find our way in this world ........ what better way of exemplifying a good submissive than by singing the praises of all we have learned.. and how we have grown....

And though we may bend in the moving on.. we will not break.. for we are made of strong stuff...... yes we are..we are SUBMISSIVE and that makes us strong stuff indeed !!


  1. You've laid out the "secret" of living a good life -- to go forward with joy, and to look back with gratitude for each person and each experience that has shaped us and brought us to this place and this time.

    We can, each of us, point to times of pain and difficulty in our past, and in our various relationships. The larger question, and I don't think it applies only to submissives, is what sort of person have we grown to be in the wake of all of that.

    hugs, swan

  2. You could (and probably should) give seminars with the words/thoughts you've shared in this post.

  3. thank you anna... but as you know.. i have been there .. done that.. got the tshirt and have thrown it away...

    now i will write what is in my head and heart... and they can "find" me :)


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