Monday, January 30, 2006

Public Play

A friend asked me in an email to discuss going out to BDSM clubs... and i guess public play. To be absolutely honest..... i am not too sure what it is she is looking for. But i thought some folks might be interested in what public play involves..... at least for Sir and i.

The important thing to me is finding a club that "fits"...... some clubs just don't feel right.. i am sorry i can't explain it better than that.. it's just that the atmosphere at some clubs makes me feel like i have "come home" - others... where there are lots and lots of "beautiful" people parading around in all their finery - or fet clothes.. make me feel out of place and awkward. i do not DO fet wear.. i DO BDSM and in my case fet clothing does absolutely nothing for me... not to wear or to see or to touch.

For me...... playing at a club is why i am there........ but there are lots of people who just come to observe. The worst scene Sir and i ever had was at a club where the "observers" were not very polite .. or scene savy. i was on the cross and Sir was trying to warm me up before moving on to the whip and some of the harder toys. The cross happened to be positioned right by the doorway to the room. A group of people came to peak in.. and stood talking in the doorway. Talking - not whispering.. but talking loud enough that i could hear everything they said.. in fact.. i could have joined into the conversation.... This made it very difficult for me to focus on Sir and where He wanted me to be. Finally i opened my eyes.. looked right at them.. and said "EXCUSE ME?!" They then ducked out of the room.
That same night.. in that same scene.. Sir was ready to use the whip.. He looked around at the observers and asked them politely to move a bit.. (they were creeping into His space - so to speak) ... They shifted a little bit.. but not nearly enough.... Sir moved the whip back .. and then let it crack! That moved the curious observers back to a safer distance. You see - the first rule of observing public play is NOT to interfere with the scene in progress. Do not get into people's way.. do not stop the Dom to ask Him questions... do not touch His toys.. OR the submissive.
BUT observers are most welcome......... i mean .. if i didn't want observers i wouldn't be playing publically.. and yes most of the time the Dom and the sub are more than willing to answer questions you might have.. AFTER the scene is over.. not during.

There is a definite thrill about playing publically.......there is a mind game going on from the minute Sir and i walk into the club. We stand and observe the scenes going on... Sir usually asks me which piece of equipment i would like ..... then i usually stand and watch the different scenes going on...... listen to the sounds... the cries of the subs.. the soft slap of a hand.. the crack of a whip.. the swish of the floggers.. Then the moment comes when Sir orders me to pick up the toy bag and move to the equipment........ most times the walk to the equipment makes my knees go weak....... and there is always a bit of a ritual once there.. the laying out of the toys.. Sir putting the cuffs on me.. fastening me to whatever piece of equipment we are using.. then i take a BIG breath and hold it for a second or two....... and then it starts.... sometimes if Sir doesn't blind fold me.. i peak to see if anyone is watching... that makes my heart pound.. to be watched!! Sir says it is the exhibitionist in me.... (who knew ?? ) Once i remember being laid out on the rack...... and being flogged ...... and a female Dom came over with Her male sub.. and told him to watch .. closely.... i remember feeling prickly heat .. pounding butterflies... and ohhhhhhhh such a wonderful contented feeling... it isn't something i understand.. and it most definitely isn't something i crave or need very often..... but it is a small part of who and what i am.......

There can be a fair amount of socializing as well as playing.. contacts made .. new and old friends visited with....... there can also be some learning that goes on........ it was at a semi public play party that Sir and i learned needle play..... Some clubs offer demos..the club actually sets up stations.. a spanking/flogging station.. an electricity play station.. a bondage station... and you can move from station to station and try out the different activities if you wish.... it was at a demo night that i first experienced electricity play .. and discovered it most definitely was NOT my cup of tea.

Most public clubs insist that the genitals be covered.. that there be no insertables.. no sex... no blood scat.. no golden showers... it is always best to check with the club to find out what their specific rules are. Breathless up in Ottawa has a "hard play" night once a month.. where anything goes.. including totally nudity. But most clubs i have been to have fairly strict rules about what can and cannot be done.

i have done my best to describe both what i like about public play and dislike about it.... i think i have touched on the etiquette of public play.. as well as some of the draw backs to it... BUT please.. if i have missed something.. or you have any other questions.. please ask them!! If there are enough questions.. i will gladly do another separate blog and try and answer them to the best of my ability....... i do NOT claim to be an expert on public play.. or for that matter on any aspect of this lifestyle..... these are just my opinions.. my observations.....


  1. Thnak you for all those informations... It is needed, I think... and quite rare on the web... I don't mean about the etiquette... but what is going along one evening...
    I wonder how, as newcomers, we could be receive in such a club... Do we have to be introduced? If we know nobody or just a little, is there someone who take care of some presentations? How do we know when it is time to move on?... Are the play areas reserved? and how to let know that we would like to use one or another?
    And many many other questions that are not coming to my mond right now... but for sure will show up once I hit 'Publish'...
    Even for people into D/s, as a private lifestyle, the lack of accointance makes it hard to imagine what and how it is at those events... and it can be quite intimidating at some point... like every unknown... until you know it well...;-)
    Thanks again!!

  2. i've never gone to a BDSM club, but you know...i'm really curious about that!!! :)
    i know what you mean talking about exhibitionism... i often tell Master i'm a "shy exhibitionist", that sounds weird but it's the truth :)))))

  3. Interesting. Thanks.
    Do people normally take their own toys or use ones that are there?
    Do you have to worry about the cleanliness of the big equipment?

    Is there drinking as well?
    If not, how do the clubs make money?
    Is there a cover charge?
    If there is drinking, how often does that, um, cause issues or trouble with too much drinking?

    Since you don't wear fetish, what do you wear? Do you wear street clothes?
    Do you strip down to your underwear for the play?

    Do the clubs have to deal with a lot of legal issues? I mean enough so that it effects your enjoyment as a patron there?

    If you need any other blog ideas, I'd like to see a sample schedule of a typical day for you. Maybe one mid-week and one weekend. Or did you do a weekend day already?

    Also, unless it is too personal, I've been wondering why you and Sir live apart. Have you ever talked about it?
    You two seem like the perfect couple.

  4. I so love public play. I so miss it. In Denver there was a club that my partner and I played at regularly. Here, there is no such place -- at least not a place where we feel comfortable. So, we make do with our annual trips to events like Thunder and OLF.

    In response to searabbit's concerns, I usually find that good clubs, and most events, have some mechanism for welcoming and integrating those who are new to the scene. All of us were new at some point, after all... We all had that first time when we were full of questions and felt awkward and out of place.

    Along with you, the whole business of scene etiquette is a big one for me too. Our great good luck is that when Master and I play, T usually guards our space and our perimiter, charmingly (or not) managing the onlookers and keeping things tidy and sane around the edges. One of the great benefits to poly is having three in the dungeon...


  5. Anonymous12:56 pm

    Having been a DM at the Sanctuaty in Dallas, one of the Main functions of a DM is indeed "Crowd" control, to keep people Out of play spaces and at a safe distance, and to keep them from disturbing both the Top,and bottom with conversation or other distractions, they are simply Observers, and actually have few rights when it comes to just viewing a scene in My book.



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