Monday, January 16, 2006

on gettin' old

i have had a major rant rolling around in my head for the past few days... Actually i have TWO rants rolling around... and then maybe there are a couple of other things rotting my socks too........ sooooooo hit delete or move on by if you don't want to suffer through a rant ......cause here it comes!

Why is that Doms and subs or slaves... or whatever the hell you wanna call 'em ... throw caution to the wind when they are first getting to "know one another"??? Why is it that they get all caught up in some sort of frenzy to get it all done NOW?? Hasn't anyone heard of safety first???? Why in god's name would anyone agree to meet up with someone they don't know (other than online - which i am sorry is NOT knowing someone! not REALLY!) and agree to be tied up and played with ... in PRIVATE??!!! What the hell happened to safety first???? Am i so old.. so out of the loop .. that somewhere along the line people decided safety didn't have to come first and forgot to tell me???? What the hell happened to coffee dates.. and more coffee dates..and a munch or two.. and safe calls and more safe calls... and NO playing until you really know someone.. have checked them out??? What the hell has happened??? Somewhere in the last 5 years of being safely collared and off the market .. things seem to have changed....... and no one told me.. i can't decide whether to pout (that i was left out of this major change in the rules of the game) or stamp my foot and refuse to be party to a lifestyle that used to cherish their submissives and a community that worked hard to keep both Doms and subs safe.

Please please someone tell me.. (PLEASE i am serious!! use the comment section) are submissives/slaves now proclaiming they have no limits .. no safe words.. to every Dom that appears in their email??? This is ok now???

and oh god...... if all this IS true .. if i ever find myself uncollared.. trust me when i say...... i will NEVER be collared again........ because there is no way in hell i would throw caution to the wind.. just to try and win a Dominant! What i have to offer.. (my submission for those of you not too sure) is worth something to me... and it had better be worth something to the Man who wishes to collar me........ cause it ain't gonna be handed over easily.. it is gonna be hard fought for and hard won....

And another favourite bitch/rant of mine are "stables".... i am sure if i look back on this blog i am gonna find at least one that rants about "stables".......... for those of you not too sure what the hell a stable is.. or how i define a "stable".. it is one Dominant who has many submissives......... and they are all collared to Him or Her... i have always asked HOW can one person be responsible for more than one submissive/slave??? HOW can ONE person meet the needs of many - all the time?? HOW can there be a bond of any sort when the Dominant is torn this way and that between submissives/slaves??

In a stable does the sub ever win??? It seems to me.. in my silly lil subbie brain.. that a stable is set up to be a win / win situation for the Dominant...... He ALWAYS has someone ready to play.. to fuck.. to whatever........i pity the submissive who wants/needs the play but it isn't her turn. AND what about the every day life that tends to sneak up and slap us upside the head........ and the Dom is busy - too bad .. handle it yourself. What an attitude!! i for one want to know that my Sir will be there when i need Him.. and i want to know that *I* will be there for Him when He needs me! i don't want to worry about who's bloody turn it is!!! Maybe i am too selfish to ever be in a stable.. cause trust me when i say.. it had better bloody well be MY turn every time!!!

i was thinking of ranting about "what it is we do" again.. BUT because i KNOW i have done that one before.. the car wreck mentality.. i will spare you that one...... just please know .. that while some are very comfortable posting pictures of their bodies and their play sessions.. i am discovering i am NOT comfortable with it..... and i also know it is something i am going to have to discuss with my Sir - who tends to post more pictures of me than i do.......i think i was trying to be something i am not - by posting pictures .......... i am most definitely thinking it is time to re-evaluate what i write - about what we do.........

i am finally running out of steam....... please know .. dear readers.. that these are my opinions.. and only my opinions...... i may not like stables.. i may question the sanity of those involved in Dom frenzy or sub frenzy....... but god i will fight till the death to protect your right to do what the hell it is you do !!! Just sometimes i feel out dated.. old.. out of the loop.... and like my elders that have gone before me.. i wonder about the "new fangled ideas"...........

i will now go off and find my rocking chair.. pull it into the corner.. pull my shawl around my shoulders .. and watch from afar all these goings on...........


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. CLoud said...

    Stables again. OMG not again do we have to hear about stables yes I have one yes it is fun yes they are treated well and have fun. MAsters have always owned more than one look at history . NO slaves do not have the right to more than one Master unless the Master is willing to share.(exhausted) It is merely a matter of choice not everyones cup of tea but it is some's.

    As is extreme play no safe words if we do remember I attended camp with no safe word yes with friends but still it was a thrill it was a rush and again some love the rush that they throw caution to the wind and hope they find the joy they look for. Sometimes it will end really bad and sometimes really great but that is the choice we make as individuals it is consensual.

    There are no rules on what is sane or safe each of us will define these words diferently and rightly so . IF we all had the same understanding of sane and safe politians would not have a job. The key word is consensual if both parties agree on what is safe and sane between themselves is that not enough or must big brother be watching everything. Must we only play by one set of rules. As far as subs winning I do not understand. If they are played with and treat fairly and their needs are taken care of is that winning or is serving the one they have given themselves to, winning?

    This of course is the opinion of the owner of a stable and not those that occupy the stable they are free to give their comments with out repercusion.

    mornigstar I still love your writings and enjoy the ideas you put forth you stimulate conversation and make some think that did not before. I look forward to every post that contains the stable word I hope you know I will respond.
    I hope you are well and stay as fiesty as always

  3. about safety: i can't stop laughing when i read slaves and submissives who says they always have a txt file ready to be sent where they list what they can do, what they will never do, what they like and dislike. HOW can you do that?? How can you tell someone you accept to be strangled if you don't even know who's in front of you?! i don't know. i think i won't be collared again in my life if Master decides to free me. With all my previous Doms i could do nothink but kinky sex, i was playing like a slave but i've never been really. Now i know what it takes to be a slave...and i don't think there's any future for me, as a slave, without Master.

    About stables...i really don't know. Master says He's not interested nowadays in owning more than a slave, just because He thinks owning, educating and taking care of ONE slave is hard enough :) Honestly... i really don't know how He could find the time in His day to follow another girl and train her to be a good seems He needs all His energies to teach me to be a good one already :)) But this is true for Him (and for me as a consequence) - i'm sure other D/s relationships (with other needs, other aims, other people) can work in stables. What can make you happy and don't hurt anyone else it's good for me :) It can be distant to my point of view...but no matter :)

    hugs :**

  4. schiava -
    you have a wonderful way of words (even in English) it is like reading poetry :) Thank you so much for your comments... they have helped me focus .. and to feel not so alone in my thinking...

    Cloud: yeah i know OMG again!! some days things happen that rile this stupid lil subbie.. You know me.. You know this!! it is all part of who and what i am.. my temper... my opinions.. my will...

    BUT i am rethinking the content of my blog.. the sharing of my views .. trust me.. i AM rethinking it..

    morningstar (owned by Warren)

  5. morningstar, I agree 100% with your post... You are right about the fact that security is gone and this is dangerous...
    When we met and He showed interest for tying me... it took something like 4 months before I accepted...;-)
    Well... I had a very bad experience in that area and I was scared as hell... and when He told me that He was meeting females accepting and even asking for it at the first encounter, I was more than horrified... And... this work both side...
    Sure, the bottom can be abused, but also the top (many stories of sub calling a rape and making those poor guy going through a hard time)...
    Stables??? I know well this is not for me... because I will never submit to someone I'm not in love with... and when I'm not in love, I top...;-)

  6. Have a friend that was going to take off with a mutual friend of ours - she had had no contact with him in MANY years- to have a session with the friend and an unknown male in a dungeon in a unknown location, no safety calls, no nothing.

    I hit the proverbial ceiling and it was a high assed ceiling.

    I convincened her it wasn't a good idea unless I was provided with names, locations, phone numbers - all of which would be verified by me before she went - and that I would receive safety check phone calls.

    Since she is a sub I told her to lay it all off on me. The mutual friend refused to comply. I told him to go piss up a rope, I wouldn't allow her to go. He told me that I had known him long enough to trust him. I told him I had lived long enough to trust no one.

    Cost me a long time acquaintence, but my lady friend was definitely safe.

  7. buffalo she's like to have a friend like you. indeed.

  8. littleone,

    this isn't just happening in canada and the states, its happening over here in the UK too. it seems to be caused by the great influx of people into BDSM, people who, through the internet, are figuring out that they are "different" and have different needs and trying to find a partner accordingly. i know at one time it was much harder to find information about this, but the upshot of it was that the scene was much smaller; women were looked after, time was taken, dominants were known. That world has gone now, and yes.. with it has come all the dangers of bdsm being more widely accepted, which you've ranted about.

    it also seems to be caused by the ever growing desire by people for instant satisfaction, the whole "now now now" generation. i was a part of this generation too, the top end of it anyway, and am only now starting to learn the benefits of time, that some things *cannot* be rushed. a fine wine, a garden, a relationship, all being examples.

    what the answer is, i do not know. There has to be balance between chaos and order; too much order can be stifling, too much chaos, and .. pffft.. the world blows up. It seems that the victorian times and pre WWII were periods of order.. WWII started an avalanche, swinging the pendulum the other way into chaos.. and i believe for a while, the world has to desend there, before the pendulum swings the other way.

    sorry, a bit of a depressing answer.. big hugs anyway, and i hope you feel a bit better for your rant *S*.



  9. Anonymous11:49 am

    little one,

    your rant is right. Care for each other should be the first concern. Surely it is enlightened self interest?

  10. Anonymous9:19 pm

    yes yes yes...I agree so much with this most...*hugs* :)

  11. The one thing that I have learned about BDSM is that is takes many different forms, and despite my views I always have to keep in mind that someone else may enjoy it.

    I don't think that the rant is wrong, I think that you have valid concerns about how YOU would enjoy being in a stable. I know that I can understand where CLoud comes from, I believe that in this case you may want to bring up the debate about submissive and slave.

    Slaves are by definintion property... so why could a Master not have more than one slave? Maybe he has many needs/desires? Perhaps he wants one slave for bondage, and another for flogging... etc etc... like there were slaves that cleaned the house and slaves that did the outdoor chores. Thier needs would never factor into this, as they have no rights...

    As for the safety aspect of your post. More and more people are being less careful, even in the vanilla world. Talk to someone online, and then have sex the first time you meet. Never very "sane" in my opinion. It is really about finding the right person either way, and perhaps informing others about the dangers of meeting people for play right away. Once you have outlined the possible dangers (which are outlined on most vanilla dating sites - as I am sure they are on kink ones as well) you have done your job in informing other of the danger.

    Maybe it is the danger that they want. Maybe that is thier kink. Personally I like my fuzzy pyjama kink with a partner I trust... and maybe a slave of our very own... :)

    Just my thoughts - for what they are worth

  12. ahhhh...but....I thought you WERE collared........

    Did I miss something here?

  13. An opinion is a fantastic thing and it should not be held back. So I hope you do not re-think your blog content too much

  14. I'm late here, but going to jump in anyway. Two things you are ranting about:

    Safety -- the issue of safe calls and getting to know each other before meeting and playing privately and becoming collared and all that stuff. You are so right. People have lost their minds. We've forgotten, in a world of 'cyber' relating that real life relating is different and potentially more dangerous. There is no way to eliminate risks, but there are well-tested ways to help minimize those risks. We've many times insisted on safe calls with friends and acquaintances. And on occasion, embarassed those who didn't follow through on those arrangements, but T has a real life horror story of her very own, so we don't mess around with this part of the scene... People can and do get hurt when they don't pay attention to knowing who they are going to play with.

    As to the issue of "stables," it is possible for there to be multiple submissives or slaves committed to a Dominant or Master. Our family is an example of such an arrangement. It isn't for everyone, obviously. All relationships work differently. I know that many people are sure they could never live as we do, never be happy in a relationship like ours -- and for us, it is just our life and doesn't seem odd at all. I think that is one thing that is hard for people to imagine -- that life can be quite different from what you might imagine, and yet be quite good and happy and fulfilling in the event.

    As you rethink your blog, don't change too much. Write what is IN your heart and your head and it will all be OK.


  15. Do you knit while you're on that rocker? If so, would you teach me to knit? I'm DYING to learn!

    I'm with you on the safety thing. People just seem to rush into whatever might bring them instant gratification. I've been met with very strange glances when I've suggested safe calls to people.


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