Wednesday, March 31, 2021

Note Worthy!

 


 Over the last year I have noticed some minor changes in the lil one's body....
It started with a couple of pimples on her face.... I pointed them out to her and suggested she start washing properly with soap and water.  (cause we all know kids tend to slap some water on their face - run their hands under the tap and call it done!)

Then I noticed - occasionally - that she seemed to have some 'budding' happening in the breast area.......... though it was minor and not that easy to spot..... I wondered.

Then I noticed this spring that she seemed to have grown a foot!  mainly cause the seat on her bike needs to be raised..... the legs are much longer and the body shape is changing.

I decided Sir Steve and I needed to talk...... at first he had that look Dads get when they think their daughters may actually be growing up..... then he agreed .. and we agreed it was probably time to start having THE talk.   BUT I wasn't so sure I wanted to be part of this......... I (silly me!) actually thought the mother might want to have THE talk.  BUT because of a number of things.... Sir Steve said he would rather this learning be initiated here........so the teacher in me suggested we find a book.. .an age appropriate book.  (Amazon is my friend!)

The book we ordered is "Celebrate Your Body" - a body positive book



It arrived over the weekend and Sir Steve and I took a look at it.  We were both really impressed with the chapters and the philosophy behind it.

Yesterday when the lil one finished school - Sir Steve brought out the book to show her.  I was expecting shyness... push back.. anything but what she displayed......... EXCITEMENT!!  

So yup - she's ready to start having THE talk :)  We read the first chapter together... I wanted to take a back seat in this discussion - cause ya know - not the mother mentality... BUT as fate would have it - the garage called for Sir Steve to pick up his car mid way through the first chapter.  He left and I sat down and finished the first chapter with her.

I was so impressed with the way the book tackled the subject of puberty... straight talk - proper terms.. stressing how one should never compare their "puberty journey" to anyone else........ and for me the best part was when they said 'notice how we don't use the term beautiful? or pretty? cause what's on the outside of your body is not important - it's what's on the inside - kindness and love and caring - that's what's important!

Towards the end of the chapter they suggest that 'you find a trusted adult - someone you can talk to'.  I stopped the reading and asked the lil one "who could be your trusted adult?" She immediately answered "Daddy and you".  (pat answer right?) So I said 'what about another trusted adult - someone else?" and she hummed and hawed and finally mumbled "maybe grandma" (mother's mother) the words just kinda hung there for a minute - I was wondering if she would add "mommy" but the next words surprised me...... She blurted out "but I would really rather just have you and daddy".  I brought up mommy and she just shook her head and said "nope".  So we settled on Daddy and S would be her trusted adults.

Later as I was preparing dinner I was feeling warm and fuzzy...... the lil one labelled us as 'trusted adults'..... HER trusted adults........ it felt pretty good ya know?  affirmation that we're not so bad as parents - that *I'm* not so bad as the wicked stepmom.

Life is good when your role is validated :)

16 comments:

  1. Hi Morningstar, you are anything but the wicked stepmom, the lil one is blessed to have you in her life.

    Wow, they grow so quickly! Puberty is a tricky subject and I'm glad you found such a wonderful resource to share with her.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz - the wicked stepmother reference actually goes back to my first summer with Sir Steve and the lil one... the lil one announced that here with us was the "happy kingdom" with a whole lot of references to fairy tale characters... I was the one who said "and I'm the wicked stepmother" ... we all laughed and it kinda stuck... most of the time it's a loving nickname.. most of the time!! (grinning)

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  2. Good morning, Morningstar!

    Ah the blissful stage! Sigh! I'm sorry your lil one is not so little. I love the books they have now to explain things...so much better!

    That warm loving feeling of being her safe space. Sweet. Why are you surprised though? She has trusted you enough to give vent to all her feelings. Kids are amazingly smart creatures and instinctively know which adults to trust. You are that adult.

    Hugs
    Boo

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    1. Boo - when you first made the comment about her feeling safe with me to act out I smiled cause I remember telling parents that every same thing when I was teaching... I have to admit now I am on the receiving end it's kind of cold comfort (grinning)

      BUT yeah - knowing we are her 'trusted adults' does feel very good!! and it also eases our worry about mixed messages from her mother's house.

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  3. Good for you for initiating this extremely important talk - especially as she is growing so fast. The reality is kids today seem to be maturing (physically, not necessarily mentally or emotionally)- so fast these days (truthfully, think it is partially due to the hormones in our meats in particular). My second child was 9, almost 10 when she got her first period - poor kid. However, WHEN she did, I made it a celebration! She got an afternoon off school, we went out to lunch together and celebrated another phase in her life. I really tried to make it a positive thing rather than, quite frankly, the bloody (speaking figurately here!) pain it is!

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    1. I remember eldest daughter moaning over the fact she hadn't had her first period when her friends had had theirs.... in her bedtime prayer she asked God why he was testing her by NOT giving her her period........ all I could think was ' the test is having to deal with a period !!

      I'm not sure the lil one is developing faster than others -- she may still have a couple of years before her period arrives -- BUT I want to make sure she has the correct information to prepare for it

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  4. Bravo to you both for handling this so well, she clearly trusts and feels safe with you so you have every right to feel pleased with yourself.

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  5. What a delightful and heartwarming post to wake up to.

    Boy things sure have changed - for the better. I remember my Mom telling me 'there are some maxi pads under the sink if/when you might need them". I didn't tell her when I did, but obviously the garbage can did. Lol.

    It's a smart idea to get a headstart on information so the two of you can fill her head and build that foundation for the 'interesting' years ahead.

    My sister in law was my go to person. I was and am so grateful she was. She has always been kind, open minded and accepting with just the right soft laugh. I have no doubt years from now your little one will look back with such fondness of your times together.

    The book looks wonderful- much more age appropriate than 'Our Bodies Ourselves ' which had a whole lotta picture and drawings for my 11 year old brain to process. Lol

    willie

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    1. LOL when I first thought 'let's get a book' the only one that would come to mind WAS Our Body Ourselves ... thank god Amazon had many age appropriate books ....... hardest part was finding a body positive book - with little emphasis on body shape/nutrition.

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  6. This is great and I envy you. My daughter WOULD not discuss this with me. Nothing. I tried to be opened and approachable. We're always been close - but the closest we came to a 'discussion' was a note I found on my pillow one night. It said, "I started my period, don't make a big deal out of this.' I'm really glad she has you guys. She's lucky.

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    1. oh PK your daughter sounds like my youngest - she wouldn't talk to me at all!! would stick her fingers in her ears and sing "lalalala" until I stopped. she got a book too !! eldest talked to me about everything - and at times I was cringing and thinking 'TMI' but I gulped my way through it...

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  7. This is so sweet, MorningStar. I was just grinning the whole way through your story. You and Sir Steve are raising a smart and intuitive girl who knows it's you guys she trusts most and who she DOESN'T trust. Happy for all of you. Hugs, Windy

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    1. nodding yeah Windy - this episode made me feel so much better after the hell she and I have been through lately. Things are looking up - again - for now! I know it can and will change -- but times like this are what I hold on to (or try to) when the tough times rule the roost :)

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  8. A difficult time in life. It is good to see that she has people that she wants to help guide her through it

    Prefectdt

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  9. So glad this conversation went so well for you. I shared a book with my daughter at that age too. She wanted nothing to do with it. :-) And was very quiet. Now, at 15 we have all sorts of conversations. :-)

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  10. I think thats wonderful. And may I say, at any point in the future when / if / should you feel any doubt about how you're doing as a guide / teacher / mother / mentor to the lil one, READ THIS POST. *Claps*

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