Feeling like Crap

 

 

A few years ago I was feeling crappy - just a bunch of little things. So I went to the doctor and complained.  He sent me for blood tests.  I got a phone call telling me I needed to go on B12 supplements.  Why I asked ? cause I virtually had NO B12 in my system.  My extreme fatigue, my achy body, my dizziness, my forgetfulness all of those minor symptoms were because I virtually had no B12.

Fast forward a few years and I move here - find a new doctor and get sent for more blood tests.  This doctor tells me I don't really have a B12 deficiency.  It was low - so cut back from 1200mcg a day to around 250mcg.  So I did.

Life sputtered along.  Sir Steve insisted I start taking a multi vitamin (cause eating disorders ya know) At some point I stopped taking my B12 supplements.  It's been at least 2 years since I stopped.  I started to notice this summer fatigue and loss of appetite (but that's not that odd - cause ya know eating disorders) Then in December I was forgetting stuff - and feeling anxious - body aches for no apparent reason.   Then since Christmas I have noticed a much higher level of anxiety......... a fair amount of nausea (again eating disorders so who pays attention) achy muscles ... and in the past couple of weeks dizziness and losing my words.

Then I had an eureka moment............ B12.  Could it be possible?? I tried to remember the last time I took a B12 - couldn't.    It crossed my mind to call the  doctor but as he still isn't seeing patients and even if he was he'd just send me for blood tests....... I grabbed the B12 bottle and started taking my supplements.

It'll take a couple of weeks (at least) to see any improvement - if I don't THEN I'll call my doctor.  BUT for now - I'll take extra B12 and keep my fingers crossed - cause ya know - 5 weeks till we move - I just don't need to be sick.

10

  

 

Alive but barely............ 

I've had so many of you contact me to see how I am / where I am ... I was so moved!  BUT I haven't been doing well at all.. and not up to sitting at the pc typing anything... 

If you remember 10 days ago I took a fall outside on the ice...originally I f*cked up my right knee - but within 24 hours I realized it was more than that!  much more.  I had excruciating pain on the left side of my bum that ran down my left leg to my foot.  It's a burning pain.  It's an electric pain.  It's a make me sick to my stomach pain. I knew it was my sciatica.  So - heat / ice - tylenol - Voltaren and grit my teeth till it improved.  

I am ok during the day - sort of ok - but by midnight I am in excruciating pain - I can't lie down I can't sit up I can't walk - there is no relief at all!!! AND that level of pain drags on for hours - often till 9 /10 in the morning. Then it subsides to a dull roar.  I have been averaging 2 hours of sleep a day for a week ......... and that 2 hours is not in one stretch - but more in cat naps when the pain subsides.  The pain is making me nauseous and I have no desire to eat.  Not eating is making me shaky.  The pain is making my blood pressure go up and down like an elevator.

Monday I called my doctor.  I couldn't talk to him thanks to covid.  I did get a call from a Nurse practitioner .  She was very nice.  She went through a check list with me.. had I lost control of my bowels or urine? NO..... did I have weakness in my foot? NO.... did I have saddle pain? (whatever the hell that is!!  though the name gave me a mental picture) NO......... ok then.. so you have sciatica. WOW thanks I didn't know that!  (sarcasm) She gave me a website to download exercises to do... she told me to take tylenol and use heat and voltaren.  She told me if it got worse to go to the emergency department of our hospital.

RIGHT - emergency department of our hospital.  It's filled with covid! 

Last night I rocked all night long in pain.  I even thought of calling an ambulance.... but covid ya know?!  that scares me more than the pain.  

We do however have a walk in clinic affiliated with the hospital.  I called them this morning ... I explained my symptoms - explained my fear of covid - asked what could I do?? OMG!  the nurse was so nice.  She said we'll give you an appointment.  IF you can come in for 8am we will give you the first appointment of the day.   

So Sir Steve will work from home tomorrow ... I will go see a doctor ... and dear god hopefully I will get some relief.

Sickos

I know the news is full of the Covid virus...... but honestly we have the plague in this house !!

It started in October with all of us coming down with a cold...... my cold stretched into November and morphed into bronchitis.... worse bug EVER!!  by Christmas we were all on the mend - with just a hang on cough.

By the end of January the lil one brought home another cough......that cough is still hacking through the halls......... 

Monday Sir Steve started coughing....... it got worse and  worse - he barely slept for the coughing....... yesterday he came home looking like death warmed over (only I think death would look better) ........ 

The medicine cupboard looks like a pharmacy........ I feel like we should quarantine the house for 14 days........ it's time for these bugs to take their leave - at least from our house. 

Under the weather

For the last ten days I have been feeling 'under the weather'.  It's a chronic condition that was diagnosed 9 years ago and involved nearly 4 weeks in hospital.  I haven't had too much trouble since then -- oh the occasional twinge -- but this time it's seems to be a bigger deal.  On Sunday I bit the bullet and put myself on a liquid diet.  I am on day 3 ....... I am as weak as a kitten and the pain is not much better.  In the back of my mind is the thought I might have to actually give in and go see a doctor...... colour me not thrilled with that idea.  BUT they (medical people) do say that 7 days of liquid diet (broths jello juices) can heal this problem.  I am hoping.

Yesterday was yet another strike day .......... and the lil one was home for the day.  Sir Steve took the day off to allow me to rest .......... he even took the lil one grocery shopping!!  When they came home they brought this for me - in the hopes it might cheer me up......................

Then this afternoon I came to sit on the couch and there on the table was this note from the lil one

Life is good when loved ones take care of you.............


 

Keeping Promises

So I saw the doctor yesterday -- it appears I have bronchitis and low levels of oxygen in my blood - which explains a whole lot of problems I've been having.  I was sent home with two prescriptions and a stern lecture about taking care of myself 

OR

I would land myself up in hospital.  I do not want to land up in hospital!  
I promised the doc and myself that I would take it easy for the next 10 days - take my meds and drink loads of water........ and in 10 days be back on my feet. 


BUT

I had made another promise ....... to the lil one.  and I intended to keep it... the Christmas tree was going to go up last night. 

Before leaving for the doctor's I had emptied the spot where the tree was going and found the new decorations we had made and purchased.  I had emptied the shelves in the hallway ........ All in preparation for the decorating. 

When Sir Steve got home he put the tree up -- our new 7 foot tree!! It is wonderful to have a full size tree again!! and he dragged all the bins of decorations up from the basement.

Then when the lil one got home we started decorating........ 
my job was to sit on the sofa and pull the decorations out of the bins/bags and direct the lil one and Sir Steve where to put them. 

The lil one said more than once how this was the BEST night ever!!  
Once the tree was up and decorated and the rest of the house sporting its touches of Christmas I popped a bunch of chicken wings/potatoe skins and sausage rolls in the over for a 'buffet finger food' supper.  We all munched away while watching our first Christmas movie of the season "The Christmas Chronicles".

 Here's a couple of pics of our new decorations (fyi our theme this year is Christmas in Denmark)

Danish woven baskets the lil one made 

 straw ornaments from Denmark

Today I am on the sofa in my pjs resting and drinking water..... Sir Steve will take the lil one to the bus till the end of the week and a neighbour will pick her up and bring her home......... 

Life is good when you keep promises

This 'n That

THIS............

my doctor was able to fit me in yesterday afternoon - I have a 'bug' - geeeeeee who knew?!  BUT he did give me prescription nose drops and antibiotics and hopefully I will start being my cheeky self soon.............


THAT.........

next week is the annual LOL day -- well days -- on Thursday and Friday.  I have always participated in LOL days and this year will be no different ....... pencil the date in and come visit ...........

Surrender

I had such hopes for this weekend............... plans

They didn't happen

Because I feel like crap 

Still.

This morning I am gonna try and get an appointment to see my doctor  -- obviously I can't beat this bug on my own............. 

Life gets in the way.....

On October 5th I hosted a birthday party for the lil one....... it was a 'baking' party.... the kids made mud pudding and decorated cupcakes...they played games and wore their chef hats and aprons...... they had a blast!  One lil guy was coughing and sniffing the entire time........... On Sunday I noticed my throat felt scratchy..... by Monday I was down for the count ......... 

So down for the count that there were 3 days I just couldn't do bus duty and Sir Steve and a neighbour took over........ I laid on the sofa and declared I was dying.

On the 10th I had my cancer screening -- I still felt like crap and felt even worse when it was over........ By the 13th I self diagnosed bronchitis.  ( I can do that cause I get it just about once every fall or winter)  Life couldn't get worse in my mind.  And I started to feel very sorry for myself............ 

Then I felt sorry for Sir Steve -- I wasn't good for much of anything and sex and fun stuff was non-existent!

So it has been almost 4 weeks since we had any form of sex in this house... hell it has been 4 weeks since we snuggled or kissed or fondled never mind sex......  

I am still coughing BUT come hell or high water I have adult fun time on the agenda for this weekend........ or I am gonna die trying!!

I HATE when life gets in the way............ 

Yuck Season

I have a cold.. complete with aching bones, runny nose, cough and headache.  Anyone want the germs before they kill me?? I am quite willing to send them off to you via email .. or 'cold-a-gram'......... I am not a good patient -- not a patient patient ya know?? I can handle being sick for maybe 2 days then I want to be over it !!  Unfortunately the bugs aren't on the same page -- and seem to drag on forever !!

Last night Sir Steve came home to pick up the lil one to go to dance class -- he took one look at me and said 'I'll order pizza for supper on my way home'.  God bless that man!!  I honestly wasn't looking forward to having to create some sort of nutritious meal ............ so we had pizza... then I laid on the couch blowing my nose... taking my Tylenol... and dying.......... 

Today I don't feel much better -- but I do have an appointment for blood tests this morning and we do need some essentials from the grocery store........ THEN I will come home and climb back into my comfy clothes and die.............. 

I HATE being sick !!

FFF

On a bright note -- cause I have to find one!!  I am at the weight I wanted to be for my daughter's wedding!!  AND I still have about a month YAY!!  who knows I may lose some extra weight by then.

On a health note -- I haven't even been off the antibiotics for a week and the tenderness in my left side is back........ UGH!!  and I have the lil one starting after lunch today and all next week........ I honestly don't know what I am gonna do.....

Hanging In..........

So I went to the clinic on Monday and saw a super Doctor (isn't that half the battle? finding a doctor who listens to you and is re-assuring?) 

7 years ago I spent almost 3 weeks in hospital with a ruptured abscess in my stomach (it took them 4 weeks prior to admitting me - to figure out was wrong with me -- and in the process I nearly died).  They gave me a regime of IV antibiotics and a fairly strict diet to follow and since then I have been fine.... well fine-ish

Then about 4 years ago I had a doctor poo-poo the diet I was following.  He said there had been medical studies done that proved the diet wasn't necessary.  YAY!  So I went back to eating like a normal human -- seeds and grains and fruit and all sorts of normal stuff.

Well about a month ago I started to feel 'off'.  Couldn't exactly put my finger on it.... then everything fell apart.  Google is your friend when you hate doctors -- so I followed the advise I found on there...... and convinced myself I was improving.

Until a week ago when I ate cantaloupe....... and everything went to hell in a hand basket.

This wonderful doctor at the clinic spent time listening to me -- and also explained how medical studies work........ about the majority of patients falling into the 'no diet necessary' group .... but - as he asked - what about the ones who didn't fall into that group??? 

So he gave me 2 prescriptions -- one I was to fill immediately and the other one I was to fill on Wednesday or Thursday if I wasn't feeling better.  Simple enough instructions right?

Except........
The side effects to the first prescription are gas, bloating, diarrhea (which is what my symptoms are ) PLUS a lovely metallic taste in the mouth, nausea, and dizziness.  How the hell do I know if I am improving or if I need the 2nd prescription???

I am opting to wait another 24 hours before making a decision on the 2nd prescription....... and hoping against hope that come Friday I will be packing the car and heading off to the camp grounds for the summer......... healthy (or healthy-ish)
 

Scared

For the last 3 weeks I have tried to pretend that there was nothing seriously wrong with my body.......... 

have I told you I HATE doctors?

For 3 weeks I have tried all the home remedies that have worked in the past..... 

have I told you I HATE doctors??

For 3 weeks I have lied to myself that I was getting better....... 

have I told you I HATE doctors?

This weekend I had to admit I wasn't getting better -- I feel like crap.

have I told you I HATE doctors? 

This morning I am going to the clinic......... 

AND

I am scared ....... really scared.

Long Week

It's been a long week and it's only Thursday!!

I have been existing on less than 800 calories a day -- liquid diet -- so I can rest my body and let it heal.  It's been rough..... very rough.

More than once this week I thought if I lived alone this would be so much easier -- no one would worry about me -- I wouldn't push myself so people wouldn't worry -- AND I wouldn't have been cooking yummy food that I don't dare touch.

I can't talk to Sir Steve about any of this .......... cause I can't.

So I wrote him an email that he'll stumble across probably tonite...... 

and hopefully by next week -- as I slowly add foods to my diet and increase my calorie intact -- my mood and my energy will improve.......... 

STILL !

This bug I picked up over Thanksgiving is still hanging on......... Honestly I feel like shit

So this morning I am going to a walk in clinic -- hopefully they will give me some magic pills that will start the healing process.............

UGH!

Yup I'm still down for the count with this bug........ and to make life really interesting Sir Steve messaged me on Friday and said he was coming home cause he now had the 'plague' too 

So needless to say nothing much of interest happened this weekend......

Saturday Sir Steve did manage to make his infamous turkey soup from all the leftovers.......... and it WAS yummy!!

Then Sunday morning I got a phone call from eldest daughter.......  

She was teasing me about my low fitbit scores for the week -- but soon stopped when she found out I was down for the count with fever and aches and pains..... 
Then she told me about Sunday morning brunch her 'man' made for her, complete with chocolate covered strawberries.......... 

AND.......... 

an engagement ring (see this mom smiling from ear to ear?) 

IF I could have selected a husband for her,  I couldn't have picked a better man.  She certainly deserves to be happy .......... 

And now I think I will snuggle under the blankets and binge watch some TV with Sir Steve....... hopefully we'll both surface sooner than later all healed and feeling feisty again !!

Chugging along.......

This bug has zapped my energy -- my patience -- and my good humour !!  I have done virtually nothing this week......... well other than moving one of my bookshelves here -- and my printer.  AND re-configuring my printer cause it refused to recognise my computer here.  OH yeah -- and the day I moved the book shelf here -- I just dumped everything on the bed in the room -- when the lil one came home -- she gave me quite the lecture about keeping the house tidy (smart assed kid!!)  Next day I tidied up the spare room and put everything away.  The lil one gave me an "awesome job " when she got home from school (grinning)

Re the continuing saga of the ex and custody -- she is trying to get spousal support.  I nearly had a stroke!!  I know too much about this woman before she even met Sir Steve -- her desire to find a man who would support her for life ...... (can you hear me growling?) Well Sir Steve and I sat down and filled out reams of forms regarding his financial situation.  Ain't no bloody way the courts are gonna grant her spousal support which makes me VERY happy!  (cause I'm a bitch like that)

AND the court sent her a 'final notice' letter giving her until this weekend to remove all her crap out of the house.  IF she doesn't (and I don't expect she will as she's had 16 months to do it) then Monday Sir Steve can give it all away or sell it.  (see me doing the happy dance?! - cause I'm a bitch like that)

Now I have used up all my daily dose of energy - back to the sofa for a nap....... 
 

Field Trip

Sir Steve came up with the brilliant idea to go to 'Pumpkin Inferno' in Morrisburg at Upper Canada Village on Saturday evening with his parents.  I have only been once before - in the rain and damp.  This Saturday was gorgeous  -- a clear night and so very mild that we didn't even need a sweater!

(and because I am still under the weather with this bug) I thought I would share some of the photos I took on Saturday evening.  Keep in mind that every single 'sculpture' is actually constructed of multiple pumpkins !!  You really have to see it to appreciate the work and the beauty.........



The entrance way..............  

 There are different themes inside -- the first one was dragon's lair............ 

This picture of the rainbow (reflected in the lake) has to be my favourite.......... 

There was a section of trees from each province -- I am sharing only a couple of the ones I took...........

There were sculptures of Canadian culture.........

and an actual art display.......  

AND 
it wouldn't be 'Upper Canada Village' without a cannon or two............

What an amazing time we all had!!  Now Sir Steve has plans to go to their Christmas display "Light at Night"..... I can hardly wait !!
 

Post Thanksgiving

Saturday morning the Thanksgiving feast had started to come together.... Sir Steve's parents were arriving mid afternoon -- everything was on schedule.

Sir Steve ran some messages and came home with a gorgeous orchid to brighten up the house (and me)

 

Sir Steve's parents arrived on schedule -- but Sir Steve's dad had a dreadful cold.  All I kept thinking was 'what a good sport he was to make the long drive to us for Thanksgiving feeling so awful'.

Sunday was our Thanksgiving.  By noon I had a stubborn headache and I put it down to stress -- stress of trying to have everything perfect.

Eldest daughter and her boyfriend arrived late afternoon armed with wine and flowers.  The party got started. 

By dinner time the left side of my throat felt like I had swallowed a cheese grater.  The dinner went off without a hitch -- but I felt so overwhelmed by the dishes and the people and my head kept pounding and I kept feeling like crying.  Fortunately Sir Steve and eldest's boyfriend tackled the dishes while eldest daughter kept me on the balcony away from the mess (then she switched with Sir Steve - grinning - they didn't trust me not to sneak back in)

By 10 Sunday night I was tucked into bed -- wanting sex -- but just not having the energy.

Monday morning Sir Steve's parents headed off early -- very early.

I felt tired -- drained -- but put it down to our first Thanksgiving dinner -- melded family and all that.  We did very little -- binge watched TV and relaxed.

By dinner time Sir Steve asked (out of the blue) how I was feeling -- I said 'ok' but my face was red and Sir Steve took my temperature -- it seemed I had a low grade fever.

I slept like the dead on Monday night -- had some wicked dreams and woke up feeling like my chest had a tight belt around it -- and every breath I took burned my throat and in my lungs.  The cough started.  The head hurt.  The Tylenol came out.

Sir Steve went to work after getting me to promise I would have a quiet day......... and I will  (don't have much choice) ....... maybe tomorrow will be a better day......... maybe?

 

Summer Bugs

Yeah summer bugs and I don't mean mosquitoes!  I managed to catch some mystery bug this week.  Let me tell you -- if you are gonna have the flu -- have it at home not in a trailer!!  UGH!  I was fussing cause Sir Steve and I have a 'date' in the city this weekend AND I wanted - needed -- demanded I be better by Friday!!

Fortunately (for all my fussing) it was only a 24 hour thing -- 24 hours of hell -- but at least I am on my feet and feeling feisty again! (big cheeky grin)

Hermione asked the other day on "Pillow Talk"  
 I'm glad you two are getting some private time together. Just wondering, though, aren't you worried about people in nearby trailers hearing you? They must be curious.

worried about the neighbours hearing us?? Yeah I was at first .... I can be a bit vocal during sex.... and at the beginning I used to swallow my moans and "oh gods" till my throat hurt and I would land up having a coughing fit.  As for playing here -- we really haven't done any spanking up here so it hasn't been an issue. I have relaxed considerably since that first night of love making -- and don't much care if the neighbours hear my moans... (cheeky grin).. let them think what they want.

BUT 

we hadn't played up here till that night when Sir Steve started to spank my ass.  At first I was shocked -- did a mental inventory of who was up (the campground gets pretty deserted during the week) and realized there was no one on either side of us and no one across the road.  IF the slaps and moans carried further so be it. 

 Hermione - I told Sir Steve about your comment tonite at dinner and he said if he was worried about the neighbours he would have closed the windows.  

At one point during the spanking I 'listened' to the sound he was making and grinned to myself thinking "one handed clapping".  It wasn't much more than a hard spanking.  For a masochist (and the Sadist) it was like an appetizer of what is to come this weekend.  The whole house to ourselves for 48 hours.  What a treat!!

A little Blip

Well I had a little blip on the weekend.  Saturday I woke up with a small tiny sore throat.  I told Sir Steve "I am not sick -- it's just a small tiny cold bug".  

We went off to the munch/barbeque and had a great time.  Sir Steve got to meet a lot of new people -- we stuffed ourselves on salads and hamburgers and sweets. We watched the fireworks.  And......... I got cold... colder... coldest!  By the time we got in the car to head back to Kingston I was frozen!! When we curled into bed we snuggled and I passed out - dosed up on Tylenol and cold medicine.

Sunday we got up and loaded up my car as planned and headed off to the trailer.  I didn't have much energy -- but I just kept repeating it's just a small tiny cold -- I am NOT sick.  Sunday night at bedtime we snuggled in bed and I passed out again from the Tylenol and cold medicine.

Monday -- truthfully - I felt like crap!  My bones ached -- my sinuses ached --  and I had absolutely NO energy.  

We loaded up the cars and came down the highway to Cornwall.  I barely got my car unloaded before I climbed into a nice hot bath.   I had to admit the small tiny cold might just be beating my ass.  (insert BIG sigh) 

It wasn't quite the way I imagined our first 'forever' weekend together....... but it is what it is..... Sir Steve made me coffee -- and made tortellini for dinner and made me stay on the sofa and relax.  

My imagined first 'forever' weekend wasn't what I expected -- but we've got forever to make up for it.............