The Ex - a bit of the back story

Yesterday Sugarshack asked me this question:

 question : not to bring up old wounds, but since you and SirSteve knew each other years ago with "W" does "W" know about you two ? has he contacted SirSteve at all ? does it even matter if he knows or contacts SirSteve ?

And yesterday I received an email (teasing me I hope) suggesting I stop writing like a love sick teenager....... 

So I thought I would kill two birds with one stone (so to speak) get off the love sick teenager kick and give you a little back story from 8 years ago.

8 years ago -- W was seeing other women behind my back -- playing with another woman behind my back and defending her outrageous  behaviour towards me.  I took my collar off in a fit of anger.  I disappeared from the BDSM scene and spent a couple of months licking my wounds.  

A dear friend finally convinced me it was time to move out of the shadows and got me to go with him to a play party - where he promised me 'I would meet the hottest woman EVER!'  She was "hot" trust me -- but it was her husband that caught my eye...... and it was her husband I played with.... that husband was Sir Steve.  Back in the day when I wrote about them I called them the "2 Sirs".

Back then W knew about my involvement with the 2 Sirs -- in fact he showed up at a huge event that we went to -- and stood watching Sir Steve beat me.  BUT there was no real interaction between us all -- and certainly the 2 Sirs knew of W but weren't friends with him.  

When the marriage between the 2 Sirs ended we all drifted apart. I went back to W because I was alone and missing someone in my life -- and W was familiar and I was sure we would make it work this time.

And that brings us up to September of this year when Sir Steve contacted me on Facebook.

I can't say for sure that W knows about Sir Steve and I -- but I do know he comes here to read -- and he knows my history well enough to put two and two together..... Also enough common friends have commented on our status change both on Facebook and Fetlife that I would be very surprised if W doesn't know by now.

W has not contacted Sir Steve -- I am not sure why he would - to be honest.  And I do know for certain that Sir Steve would not be all that patient with W should he contact him.   Neither Sir Steve nor myself much care if he knows -- and should we bump into him at an event (which isn't likely as W seems to have stopped attending anything) we would be courteous but nothing more.  There's just too much water under the bridge ya know.

When Sir Steve and I were pushing that reset button -- he said something about my going back to W after we parted ways....... something to the effect that he wasn't that surprised.  Some days I feel like a slow learner (small smile) -- it took me two readings of the same book to figure out the ending would be the same.  Now this 'book' I am reading will have a very different ending....... of that I am sure :)

Overload

There are mornings when I sit with my coffee at the pc before school - and my heart pounds and my mind whirls and spins and buzzes - and I realize I am fast approaching overload.

June is always a bad month........... always....... for as long as I can remember.  I have come to see it as the month of endings.......... and endings are always a bit sad - no matter how natural.

This June is no different....... I have paperwork to finish off (mountains of paper work) I have paperwork to organise and get ready for August (mountains of paper work).  I have kids clinging - wanting every ounce of attention I can give them before they wander off into the great big world for the summer without the security of school....... of the routines.. of me.  I have staff chomping at the bit - wondering if they will have work next year.  I have more openings opening up than there is staff in the whole BOARD (god bless the Board for preparing for all the retirements coming up - NOT)  

Then I have my little school out on the Island that I need to close down.  I need to pack up 20 plus years of teaching in that one little room and get it out (to where god only knows - just get it out) ...... I have paperwork to get done to shut it down forever - and companies to call hoping against hope I will get some sort of refund for closing down early.

And then............ W's had an offer on his house...... it should / maybe / probably will close by the end of next week.  And our dream starts to become a reality.  And my mind is filled with thoughts of finding a new home for both of us - of finding a home with LOTS of room ...... and wondering how in god's name we will combine two houses filled with years of memories into one house without LOTS and LOTS of room.  I look around my lil home and honestly I fill up with tears - all the things that have come through so many stages of life with me....... so many things that I can't imagine living without - and I wonder which ones will be sacrificed for this new life adventure........


This week I sold 6 items that have been with me since my first home...... things that came from Olive's house (those of you who have read here for any length of time have heard about Olive) I sold them to friends - cause I convinced myself that having those family heirlooms go to friends makes it a little easier to say goodbye........ but I lied to myself.  I walk through the house and the holes created by their going bring tears to my eyes......... gone forever..  and there are so many other things that must go......... 


And June marches steadily along to completion and I wonder if I will get to the end - without a meltdown and without pushing the "overload button"