Urges

I have this tremendous urge to write this morning........... but then maybe it's just because it is a rainy day and I told Warren I was going to clean the house today and I HATE cleaning house (I love how it looks after it's cleaned - but the process - nah not so much!!)

The last couple of days have been a bit hellish.  Miss Ashes (my lil cat) was - to put it mildly - lethargic over the weekend - well more lethargic than normal.  Then on Sunday she stopped eating.  

On Saturday Warren and I went to a Mistress's house for dinner (if you are checking out my 365 blog - you have already seen one of the pictures from that dinner with more to come) and I splurged.  Splurging these days is not in the least like splurging in the pre-op days.  I had a salad (god I have been craving a good salad) and half a glass of wine.  Monday I felt like I was back at square one - cramps and the runs.  Tuesday wasn't much better.

On Monday I had to call the vet's.  Miss Ashes still wasn't eating and she kept coming over to me - looking at me with her big eyes - and crying.  I couldn't stand it.  So back to the vets I went.......... one month after my last visit to them when I had to put squirt down.  They had just taken her for xrays - and I was pacing in the parking lot envisioning another verdict of "let her go" - when Warren drove into the parking lot !!  You have to understand - it's not like he lives in the neighbourhood - it was a good 30 minute drive to come and hold my hand.

They kept her in overnight and force fed her .......... and gave her all sorts of pills.  Then Tuesday morning called me and suggested I come and get her.  She was trying for a jail break every time they opened her kennel door and when they locked her back in she laid with her ass against the door and cried.  It was breaking their hearts.  So home she came with 3 bottles of pills and a HUGE syringe to force feed if necessary.  

The minute she got in the door she flew downstairs to the litter box.. then gave herself a bath...... then went looking for food.  All she did on Tuesday was ask for.... cry for.. beg for food.  I decided she probably didn't need the appetite stimulants they sent home with her.  

By Tuesday night my physical ailments had subsided again....... and she laid on my stomach purring like mad... every once in a while rubbing her head against me and crying.  I think she was so glad to be home she couldn't keep back the tears (sort of like when I came home from hospital - like mother like daughter) 

As much as I would like to say she is fine today - that the vet's call that it was probably something similar to colic...... But honestly I can't.  Today she is being a picky eater... a mouthful here a mouthful there.... and sleeping in between.  I am thinking the appetite stimulant might not be a bad idea - maybe not twice a day but definitely once a day.

Yesterday I went to the drugstore and bought fiber pills for myself.  I finally remembered that when I left hospital on an almost "no fiber" diet they had told me to start introducing fiber again after 3 weeks.  I have not had much success with eating 24 grams of fiber a day - so a supplement seemed a good idea - one that had been recommended.  It is hard to eat 24 grams of fiber when there are so many foods I am still not able to tolerate.  Today I think I feel a wee bit better.  But honestly folks - every time I have had my pills changed or diet changed I do feel better for a few days - even a couple of weeks and then slide back down hill.

I'll just keep my fingers crossed .......... and count off the days to June 8th when I see the new specialist.

Besides the urge to write ........ I have this urge to do something exciting......I am not sure what....... but exciting...... every once in a while I am overwhelmed with the urge to be over the ottoman bare assed and having Warren flogging/cropping/whipping till I have no idea what day it is or where I am.  And then to be fucked silly and left in a gooey puddle to float away with my fairies (if my fairies remember where to find me - it has been sooooooooo long)

But the urge to write is slowing down........... and the house is still not cleaned.  And though I have no "urge" to clean house I will get off my ass and go do it........ keeping the final outcome clear in my mind so that it is easier to accomplish...........