Are you ready???????????

 

Believe it or not - tomorrow is the 1st of December.  W hasn't let me turn on any lights - or really put up any decorations cause it isn't the 1st of December.  ( There may be some method to his madness - I am now chomping at the bit to get the lights on and the decorations up!!)

Anyway................

In the past, on the 1st of December, I have decorated The Journey for the season and tried (operative word being TRIED) to write an entry every day from the 1st to the 24th.

So ............... my question to you (my readers) are you ready??

It's time to start the CELEBRATIONS!

"Murder Most Foul"

To quote Monty Python - "and now for some something completely different"......


Last night W took me to a murder mystery dinner at a local restaurant.  I was so excited!!  It had been for EVER since I went to one............W had never been to one... it was an adventure !!!!

If you have never been to one - let me explain how it works - well at least how this one worked.  

Ever been to theater in the round?? where the action takes place all around you - well that is pretty much what this was like.  The premise was we were all workers for the Goodgreen broadcasting company - the year was 1928 - and this was their Christmas party.  The President of said company - his sister and her drunken husband (who played Santa Claus) the Vice President and the President's secretary sat at the head table.  The President had received death threats which meant a detective from the local police station was on hand.

As dinner progressed - the characters created the story line through dialogue with each other and with the "workers" (us)   Between the main course and dessert - dear old Santa Claus (sister's husband) was poisoned and died a rather dramatic death under the Christmas tree.

They posted a clue board outside of our dining room - and we were invited to try and solve the whodunit.  

It was all good fun - and though our table believed it was the secretary who did it... I firmly believed the sister killed her husband.  Unfortunately I couldn't back up my suspicion well enough to sway our table................ but in the end I was right !!  Yay me!!!  all those mystery shows I watch on television and all the mystery books I read paid off... LOL

 The  cast - pictured above - did an excellent job of laying out the plot - confusing us - and making us laugh.

All in all it was an excellent evening - and a nice break from all the thoughts/work of Christmas.  

I am such a lucky subbie to have a Sir who spoils me with spur of the moment adventures like Murder Mystery Dinners.

Limping forward.............

Though I said the other day that Christmas this year makes me sad.......... I don't want anyone to think I have given up on the holiday completely.  

Nope no way...

There is a little bright star inside me that every so often twinkles just a little brighter.

Many years ago I used to make all my own Christmas cards.  I realized this year I have all kinds of time to go back to that ............ and so ... for the last few weeks I have been making a few cards every morning before I start my day (so to speak)   On Monday I finished the last one - I had made 30 cards (give or take a card or two ) for W and I to send out to friends and family.

Here's a sample of the cards...............(you can click on the pics for a larger view)

 
Yesterday the snow helped make that lil star shine just a bit brighter.  AND W agreed that I could turn on the reindeer last night...........

Today I am going to pull out the Christmas boxes - gonna find the decorations that will work/fit into our little home ............... I think I might even put up the Christmas tree that I have been grinching about.  It just isn't Christmas without a tree.  Where would I put all the presents??!!

and oh yeah - I have finished all the Christmas shopping too................

So maybe - just maybe - Christmas will limp right up and fill this house with the holiday spirit................ maybe. 

Before Sunrise - EDITED

Check the end of this entry for later pictures - after coffee and after the sun came up
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Sometimes - like this morning - I just can't sleep.  

Most times I lie in bed counting sheep - trying................

This morning I got up 


to this.................

The neighbours were pretty sure they lived next door to a "nut case" -- but after this morning they are positive of it!!!  

Outside winter coat over pjs - camera in hand - snapping shots of snow laden branches...............

HEY!  I don't have to drive to work!

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  our little street

neighbour's tree

berries on our little tree

Another Sad Christmas

Over the years I have had my share of "sad" Christmases - from the one the year my Dad died - to the one after I was divorced - the one after my mom's death - yeah there have been more than a few sad Christmases.

The best advise I got after my Dad died was to change Christmas.  Well not Christmas per say - but how I celebrated it.  Because Christmas could - would - never ever be the same again.

So I changed it.

And I changed it again after my divorce  - that was a major change cause my ex and I had to share the children 

And I changed it again after my mom died.

And now I am looking at yet another Christmas that needs changing.  It is truthfully next to impossible to duplicate even parts of the Christmas celebration after a major upheaval....it's never the same.

I have been struggling with being so far away (ok ok it IS only 3 hours away) from my kids and grandkids and close friends.  I have changed Christmas so many times - so many different ways - that - honestly - I have run out of ways to change it..............short of disappearing until it is all over.

The first decision I made - a long while back - was no Christmas tree this year.  We are going to go to Montreal for a couple of days (at most) - the 24th and 25th - so why go to all the fuss and muss and struggle of putting one up???

And despite W and youngest daughter trying to figure out how to import my grandsons for their "decorate granny's house" event early in December - I think I am going to have to put my foot down................ it won't be the same - it won't even be close - so let's not try to duplicate a good thing ......... that will just be sadder than not doing anything at all ................ let's just move on ok???

So what new traditions was I gonna find for this year??? 

Well last Saturday W and I went to the Santa Claus parade..  First one EVER for W - first night time one for me.  It seemed like a good idea at the time..............BUT it was so cold - a whole mess of families left before the Santa float even got to us........... W said "I was cute" hopping around in the cold trying to keep warm and yelling "Merry Christmas" to all the folks on the floats..............reminded myself of my mother - god how she would get into the spirit of the parade - every single year!!

I am going to cook up a mess of food and drag it all down to eldest daughter's house so we can have our traditional Christmas eve dinner all together and have Christmas day at youngest daughter's house - in all the confusion of two families crammed together pretending to get along for one day................... 

And then we can come home to our quiet lil house...............

Maybe next year will be easier - just this year - it seems right now - is filled with memories that are making me sad.............. 

And being sad is ok -  Christmas can be a sad time of the year with all the ghosts of Christmases past.
 

Sunday Sentiments

A little pussy torture

Yesterday - after two weeks of pinched nerves and too busy schedules - W sent me to find the purple butterfly. I thought he was "nuts".  We were on our way to the meat market - the butterfly to go to the meat market?? nuts definitely nuts.  But that is what I have always loved about W - his being nuts

So with the butterfly on - and vibrating.....

no wait vibrating doesn't describe it.  It has different pulses... it doesn't just vibrate - it pulses!!!  and the pulse W picked went something like this .............

vibrate.....vibrate......vibrateeeeeeeeee .......vibrate .. vibrate ......vibrateeeeeee.

Before I even got settled in the car I was wiggling.  How distracting!!  When we got to the meat market - right there in the parking lot - W put his hands between my legs - found the button on the purple vibrator - hit it - and went to ....................

vibrate .........vibrateeeeeeee....vibrate........vibrateeeeeee.
 
It was a whole world of distracting..............  

Once we got home W turned it off (can you see me pout??) then he told me to fetch some toys.  Being the brat that I am - I didn't just fetch SOME toys - I fetched the whole big toy bag!!

W had me kneel up on the sofa - well sort of leaning over the back of it - and before he started in on my ass - his hands reached in and turned it back on - to one longgggggggggggg very strong VIBRATE!!

I can honestly say having my clit being stimulated during a rather intense flogging session was AMAZING!!  Even when a few of the floggers found their way between my legs and slashed at my pretty pink woman bits - it felt amazing!! 

Then W fucked me till I was panting and soaked and just to keep life interesting and challenging - he wiped all the juices up and spread them over my ass to make it all wet - in time for the leather two thonged flogger - I thought the skin was being shredded........but truthfully didn't give a damn!

When it was all over and I was kneeling at W's feet the only words I could find were "amazing Sir - amazing!!!"

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Ok - sometimes D/s can look a whole lot different from vanilla - a whole lot different !

 

What's in a name?

Over the last couple of weeks I have been involved in a couple of discussions that involved trying to explain terms.......... Top/Master submissive/slave/bottom Bisexual/pansexual Gender fluid............. all till my brain spun out of control (of course the brain spinning thing could have been the meds I was on )

Back in the day if you asked for a definition of BDSM you would probably get something like this:

Roles seemed to me (but we all know about "my world") pretty straight forward - You were either a Master/Sir or a submissive/slave.   Then along came Tops and bottoms.  and for the life of me I didn't get it................... well that is until (for a short period of time) I became a bottom.  Nothing like learning first hand about the differences.

Today it seems that there are so many new folks flocking to the BDSM community with their own needs AND ideas of what it should mean - the waters are getting a little muddied.

Now it seems to me (sitting here on the sidelines watching all the commotion) that Tops don't really know what a TOP is - bottoms don't really know what a BOTTOM is....... the lines are getting blurred and fuzzy.  And along with the lines getting fuzzy so are the people trying to find their way.

There are Tops that believe they have the right to their bottoms 24/7 ............ and bottoms who believe they have sole ownership of the TOP. 

ahem - excuse me - BUT sole ownership - or 24/7 rights to - is not Top/bottom - that is Master/slave in my world.

Tops and bottoms (used to) work like this................. the Top has a need to play - be it with ropes or floggers or both.  The bottom has a need to play in ropes or with floggers or both.  They "hook up" for an hour or so every once in a while to play.  Nothing more nothing less.  Whatever limits they set are only for the play time - once finished - POOF those limits disappear in a puff of smoke (OH they can be  re-established another day or time if both parties decide to play again - BUT - the respect, the limits all of it only last for a short period of time and they revert back to vanilla friends - or even husband/wife)

Now Master/slave relationships - complete different kettle of fish.  Limits and rules are set down once.  AND those limits rules and respect flow through their lives every day for as long as they are together......... 24/7 (even if they don't live together 24/7)  There doesn't seem to be "set" play times - it happens when it happens......... the rest of the time there is a service side to the relationship.  This service side - which I have alluded to in past writing - looks pretty damn vanilla and is pretty damn boring to those looking in............(which is why D/s relationships don't get a whole lot of publicity - boring doesn't sell)

I do believe IF we are going to alter the definitions of already established roles - everyone needs to understand the new definitions and be on board............. cause lordie it does get mighty confusing for some!!!

AND I am NOT saying we don't need a re-vamping of the roles.  Much like SSC has gone the way of the dodo bird and been replaced by a multitude of different acronyms - my personal favourite being R.A.S.H. (risk aware - shit happens) perhaps the roles folks assume need to be redefined.  BUT good lord folks - if you are gonna redefine it would be nice if the rest of the populace were informed!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's an idea ........................ we should have an international BDSM governing board that sends out emails to all participants/groups when terms and definitions are changed........... maybe even have a vote on the changes..... umm maybe even elections to sit on this governing board??!!  yeah that would work !!!
 

Challenges............

My photography teacher has decided that I like to take patterns - repeating patterns and linear shapes.

She's right of course.  When I went back over my shots I realized that even my grave yard shoot - where I took a picture of a pot of yellow mums -  was really a picture of nice neat lines of gravestones.  (le sigh)

So this week our assignment was to go to Portsmouth Olympic harbour and shoot. 

(not my picture)

I could have easily taken multitude of pictures of lines - the fencing - the docks - the flagstaffs and I am pretty sure that is what she is expecting of me............... 

BUT I wanted to break out of my predictable mold.  I want to start taking pictures that challenge my OCD brain.................. 

I spent a couple of hours yesterday down at the harbour............ at first I took nice straight lines.............

But then I caught myself................... and decided not only was I not going to take linear pictures - I was NOT going to take the obvious ............. push my limits... find chaos - find soft - find anything but nice straight safe linear shots................

Then I discovered rope..... lots and lots of rope............and knots............... and I thought F*#K what she expects............. let's have some fun!!!

So here's some examples of MY view Portsmouth Olympic Harbour..............

(suspension over the side of the dock anyone?)

  

or maybe an anal hook suspension??

or maybe suspension over the side of a sail boat?

But then my linear side won out............ I had leaned up against the break wall - and suddenly had all the seagulls joining me............. how could I not take a picture of this!!!?

Tonight we are going out with some friends to a neighbouring town to experience their Christmas light display.  Saturday night we are going to the Santa Claus parade!!!  I am so excited about a night time parade - I have never EVER been to a night time Santa Claus Parade!! 

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It would seem this blog has become a photography blog - - but honestly D/s life is quite boring from the outside looking in - looks just like vanilla..................

Two Faced Princess

In my world (and oh lordie how often do I discuss "my world"??!!)  People say what they mean and mean what they say.  Everyone can be trusted.  People do not deliberately hurt other people.

Yeah that's in my world of fairies and unicorns and perpetual sunshine.

In the real world that belief isn't even close.

When I moved here - I spent a lot of time sitting on the sidelines watching people - getting to know who was who and what was what.  Oh lordie there were a whole mess of people who wanted to fill me in on folks - who I could trust - who I couldn't/shouldn't - that sort of thing.  BUT I wanted to find out by myself.

The only thing is - there was one name that came up over and over and over.  Didn't matter who I talked to - their opinion was always the same.  This one - she wanted what she wanted and don't get in her way.

BUT she always seemed quite pleasant to me.  She even invited W and I to her house for a dinner party.  She supports the sub group I run and almost never misses a meeting.      But I have to admit - there was just something - under the surface that made my red flags flap - and the warning bells go off....like maybe how she tried to get an invitation to our collaring ceremony - and how she seemed to sulk when she wasn't invited.

She is a bottom and plays with a married Top. (and it's all above board cause the wife knows)  This married Top had other bottoms.  Slowly in just the few months I have been here all the other bottoms have disappeared.  Now he only plays with this particular bottom. 

Oh I have heard his explanations and they all make sense - timing - and attitude - like I  said his reasons all made sense.

BUT I kept hearing how this bottom made sure the Top didn't get too involved with anyone else.   To the point that the wife now won't be in the same house as this bottom.... leaves them to their own devices and comes home only when she is gone.  (and yes I have a very strong opinion on that - and have diplomatically told the wife my opinion) 

Once a month W and I go to a meeting of rope enthusiasts.  It is organised and run by this Top.  The bottom is always there.  She pretty much runs the show.  And yes it has been grating on my nerves..................but I controlled my irritation by reminding myself this is not a D/s relationship - only a Rope Top and rope bottom.  "bite your tongue"

Only thing is............... she has been making quips against W both on line and in person.  This has been her MO - to belittle and gossip and whisper behind people's backs.  It has been irritating me.............. and building - like a pressure cooker.  And you all know what happens when the pressure cooker has too much pressure built up inside.............

Last Friday night W and I went to this rope meeting.  She was in rare form.  She started making snide comments directed at W almost immediately.  I kept watching W.  My blood pressure was mounting.  He seemed to be shrugging the comments off.  

But then she said something - honestly I don't even remember what it was - and the smoke started to spill out of my ears.  I said - through gritted teeth - that I was going out for a smoke.  Another subbie came with me.  She hugged me almost as soon as we were outside.  She had heard the snarky comments - she had pretty much the same reaction as I had. 

I managed to limp through the evening.  But since Friday evening I have wondered about my attendance at further meetings.  NO ONE stands up to this bitch .....(and her TOP - bloody deaf and blind if you ask me!!) ........ I wonder if it would be unseemly for me to defend my Sir.... well actually would it be unseemly for me to rip this bitch a new one period???  I have had just about all I can take from her...............



Some days ........... I just want to cast a magic spell around our little home - lock the door and disappear from all the ugliness that lies just outside.

Sunday Sentiments

Pushing Limits

Last evening I was having an excellent discussion with a friend (do I need to add submissive?? well she is)  We were discussing my photography classes - catching up so to speak.

I was talking about how this course may not be up my alley.  How I like my pictures sharp/in focus, colours true - image life like - and how this term my instructor is pushing us to take over exposed, out of focus pictures.  

My friend commented that perhaps she was pushing me to look at things differently - to explore an unexplored territory. 

As we talked I thought more and more about how this is pushing my limits.  And hell I am not a newbie when it comes to having limits pushed!! 

My assignment this week irritated me too.  No clear directions.  Hell hasn't my instructor learned by now that I am the OCD one - the one who needs - no demands - clear cut directions?! 

My assignment this week was to take photos of repeating patterns.  I don't take patterns (small stamp of foot) I take pictures of life - what I see around me.  So I went back and looked at the pictures I have taken thus far............. and went back further and looked at pictures that I have taken because they "looked good" or appealed to me.  And what did I discover - patterns - repeating patterns!  

From the razor wire at the prison

to the headstones in the grave yard ..........

to the light fixtures on the skywalk................

I won't even try to explain what I thought I was taking - now I see I was drawn to the patterns - the orderliness of the lines and curves.

I went back and looked at the pictures I took for this week's assignment - that were taken grudgingly and without much joy............... and as I looked I realized I liked what I had taken!! 

I even discovered that a little out of focus can and does create a completely different picture....................

Picture 1 - the roof over the climbing equipment 

Picture 2 - same roof - just a little out of focus and with perhaps a little more interest....

and so it is that the discussion with my friend opened my eyes to the fact that pushing limits can be more than a BDSM 'thing'.  Pushing limits - pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone - may be exactly what is needed to widen our horizons - open our eyes - challenge us - and lead us to live more adventurous lives!
 

  

They Lied

They lied - the medical people - they lied - honest true they did !!

They told me that the muscle relaxants and pain pills that I am taking for the pinched nerve in my neck, wouldn't affect my daily life..............that I could still do everything - including driving a car.  

They lied !

The combination of these pills is giving me flash backs to the good old days of smoking pot........... back in the hippie days of the 60's.  Pretty colours, paranoia, mood swings all the good stuff - gahhhhhhhhhhhhh  Not so good now that I remember

I am taking it easy - at least trying to.  Yesterday I went out to the local kid's park to complete an assignment for my photography class.  Remember I said I wasn't sure if this "creative" photography class is for me - with all the spiraling colours and out of focus pics??? Well sh*t - if I stay on these pills - I will be turning in all sorts of out of focus - spiraling coloured pics.  (le sigh)

At most I spent 45 minutes at the park and barely made it home!!  My whole world was spinning out of control - and when the world spins my stomach turns.  Ain't life grand??!!

Anyway - all that to say - I am trying to create and make Christmas cards.  Using the embossing tool was hard to do before the pills - it hurt to draw with it and I didn't have as much strength as I should to press down hard enough.  Now I am on the pills I probably could press down hard enough - only problem is the damn pattern I am trying to work on keeps slipping and siding and rotating all on it's own - which makes me more dizzy than I normally am (on a good day!!)

(and I am noticing as I proof read - that I can't write worth a darn either - leaving out words and mixing my metaphors - le GRAND sigh - time to call it a day me thinks....)

Oh except... one last thing - last night I "threw" the Chinese fortune sticks to see what is in store for me (something I haven't done since I got here ) and they told me that the "illness" I am suffering through won't be serious and will be gone soon - and my financial fortunes will stay the same goodie - maybe there is a bright spot ............. the neck will improve and I'll still be broke (cheeky grin)

 

What Fun !?!

I wish I could say it was "epic boobs" that has pinched this nerve in my neck - but it isn't.

On the weekend I decided to crawl (literally) into the crawl space and find the Christmas decorations that got stuck in there in July when I moved here.  How to describe this space ??? You can't walk in - well you can but you have to bend at the waist and kinda duck walk ........... I found the boxes all neatly stacked one on top of the other with the BIG box holding the tree in front of them.  

I dragged kicked moved the tree box off to the side.  Then I hefted and moved the boxes around - tearing the packing tape off them and peaking inside to remind myself what was there and sort of / kind of decide what I would use this year.

In no time at all my back hurt - my muscles were screaming - I wanted to stand straight so badly !!!  I got a so/so idea of what there was - jammed the boxes sort of / kind of back in place and duck walked backwards out of the crawl space keeping my head bent low to avoid smashing it on one of the beams.

The next morning I awoke to the world's worst pain.............. at the bottom of my neck that spread down one side of my spine and up again into my skull.  If I moved a certain
way I got dizzy (well more dizzy than I normally am) and nauseous - wonderful !!!  I was really feeling the Christmas spirit now !!

By Monday afternoon W put his foot down and made me call the doctor.  I went to the clinic yesterday.  I have a pinched nerve - probably pinched by a couple of discs - and probably have pinched the main artery that supplies blood to the brain.  Not serious - just take the drugs they gave me - do neck exercises 3 times a day and in two weeks or so I should (operative word being SHOULD) be better.

UGH!!!  Merry Christmas to you too !!!

Tuesday night W drove me to my photography class - for the second semester.  This class is called "Creative Photography".  I am not entirely sure if this class is for me........ le sigh.  The teacher wants us to experiment with light and movement................. the examples she showed us on Tuesday night resembled anything BUT a photograph.  I did a couple of experimental shots............. tell me what you think..............

This one is a picture of the stairs leading up to the bedrooms - believe it or not........ 

 
   
this one is a picture of the stair railing..............

and this last one is a picture of 3D flowers on the wall................

Life - yeah what fun!

What more can I say?

 

Honestly what more can I say to all my "lurkers" who came out from the shadows to leave a little comment - but - THANK YOU


You have no idea how you all made my day!!! From the "real lurkers" who I didn't even know were there - to my regulars - and a special thank you to Ordalie who made me go looking for a post back in 2011 (I write and write and don't remember what I write - cheeky grin)

This was the BEST "Love Our Lurkers" day ever!!!

Thank you thank you thank you !

It's Backkkkkkkkkkkkk

What's back you ask????

LOL day - Love our Lurkers!! Organised by Bonnie - over on "My Bottom Smarts" 

I have participated for a number of years now.   I have tried all sorts of gimmicks to get folks to leave a little comment on The Journey with rarely any results.

So this year I am not using gimmicks - or begging - or whining - or stamping my feet to get my quiet visitors to say 'hello'.  

I am just gonna say I am glad you pop by occasionally. You prop up my numbers (which I swear I am trying to ignore - but can't.  AND the numbers are dropping)

If you gather some bit of information here (even if it's only that I am a bit of a nut case) If I can make you smile some days (like I said I am a bit of a nut case) Or bring a tear to your eye - then I am pleased

This is your day!!! a Celebration of all who come, read and quietly slip out........... have another cup of coffee - on me...... or a drink - whatever you fancy............... and accept my sincere thanks for stopping by to read......................

Will You Remember?

 

I don't know why - but I never thought our little cemetery  would have a "field of honour".   Imagine my surprise when I was wandering around the cemetery a week or so ago to find rows upon rows of grey headstones and realized I had wandered into a field of honour.

I stood there for a long time mesmerized by the neat rows .. row after row .... of headstones.  I think it kinda brought home how many die in the name of freedom - for their country.

I took this picture not so much because of the rows of headstones so neatly lined up - but because of the pumpkin pot of yellow mums.

You see - as I walked down the pathway that led to the field of honour - there was this big sign that declared to one and all "no plants or flowers - real or plastic - allowed "  The powers to be had spoken.  When I read that sign it raised my ire.  IF I had a loved one buried here I wouldn't want any "chief of staff" telling ME that I couldn't place flowers - a bit of colour - a token of my love - on a grave. 

Then I spotted the bright splash of yellow against the grey stones/ grey sky and I smiled.  Someone had defied authority - and not only was it a pot of mums it was in a bright orange pumpkin!! GO TEAM!  

Honestly I can be quite irreverent when it comes to the military and their rules.

BUT I have a great amount of respect for the men and women who have served - and still serve in the ranks - who protect our country - our way of life.  

LEST WE FORGET

11/11/11

 

Sunday Sentiments

Snap snap

Tuesday night was my last photography class 101.  As we had all finished our assignments and there wasn't much else to do the teacher suggested we all bundle up and go do a night shoot.  

I have never done a night shoot - well not without a flash.  And the teacher taught us with the right magic (well it all sounded like magic to me) we could take night pictures without flash.

I wanted some of that magic - I wanted it soooooooooo badly I overcame my fear of driving downtown - at night!!!  - finding parking and wandering around in the dark.

My "magic" is still very new and definitely not fine tuned - but here's a couple of the best pictures.................

It surprises me a little bit - how bitten by the photography bug I am.  It used to be if W and I went off somewhere I hardly ever took my camera - whereas he almost always took his.

Yesterday we took a day trip to the States.  I brought my camera.  I realized that I would probably only get shots out the car window - but hey I love a challenge!!  Here's a couple of examples of what can be shot out a car window ..................

before smart phones - these used to be called "rest stops" 

    I was fascinated by the cloud formations.....

after a day out of the house I came home re-energized and with a brighter outlook on life in general 

(there was never anything wrong with my outlook on life specifically )