Friday, November 22, 2013

What's in a name?

Over the last couple of weeks I have been involved in a couple of discussions that involved trying to explain terms.......... Top/Master submissive/slave/bottom Bisexual/pansexual Gender fluid............. all till my brain spun out of control (of course the brain spinning thing could have been the meds I was on )

Back in the day if you asked for a definition of BDSM you would probably get something like this:

Roles seemed to me (but we all know about "my world") pretty straight forward - You were either a Master/Sir or a submissive/slave.   Then along came Tops and bottoms.  and for the life of me I didn't get it................... well that is until (for a short period of time) I became a bottom.  Nothing like learning first hand about the differences.

Today it seems that there are so many new folks flocking to the BDSM community with their own needs AND ideas of what it should mean - the waters are getting a little muddied.

Now it seems to me (sitting here on the sidelines watching all the commotion) that Tops don't really know what a TOP is - bottoms don't really know what a BOTTOM is....... the lines are getting blurred and fuzzy.  And along with the lines getting fuzzy so are the people trying to find their way.

There are Tops that believe they have the right to their bottoms 24/7 ............ and bottoms who believe they have sole ownership of the TOP. 

ahem - excuse me - BUT sole ownership - or 24/7 rights to - is not Top/bottom - that is Master/slave in my world.

Tops and bottoms (used to) work like this................. the Top has a need to play - be it with ropes or floggers or both.  The bottom has a need to play in ropes or with floggers or both.  They "hook up" for an hour or so every once in a while to play.  Nothing more nothing less.  Whatever limits they set are only for the play time - once finished - POOF those limits disappear in a puff of smoke (OH they can be  re-established another day or time if both parties decide to play again - BUT - the respect, the limits all of it only last for a short period of time and they revert back to vanilla friends - or even husband/wife)

Now Master/slave relationships - complete different kettle of fish.  Limits and rules are set down once.  AND those limits rules and respect flow through their lives every day for as long as they are together......... 24/7 (even if they don't live together 24/7)  There doesn't seem to be "set" play times - it happens when it happens......... the rest of the time there is a service side to the relationship.  This service side - which I have alluded to in past writing - looks pretty damn vanilla and is pretty damn boring to those looking in............(which is why D/s relationships don't get a whole lot of publicity - boring doesn't sell)

I do believe IF we are going to alter the definitions of already established roles - everyone needs to understand the new definitions and be on board............. cause lordie it does get mighty confusing for some!!!

AND I am NOT saying we don't need a re-vamping of the roles.  Much like SSC has gone the way of the dodo bird and been replaced by a multitude of different acronyms - my personal favourite being R.A.S.H. (risk aware - shit happens) perhaps the roles folks assume need to be redefined.  BUT good lord folks - if you are gonna redefine it would be nice if the rest of the populace were informed!


Here's an idea ........................ we should have an international BDSM governing board that sends out emails to all participants/groups when terms and definitions are changed........... maybe even have a vote on the changes..... umm maybe even elections to sit on this governing board??!!  yeah that would work !!!

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