Reality

Yesterday W and I went grocery shopping.  I was not prepared for Christmas decorations and Christmas “stuff” to be lining the store shelves.  It was like someone kicked me in the gut.

You see – I have always loved Christmas – always loved the excitement of the new decorations – the buying “stuff” for my family and friends – the decorating the house from top to bottom with lights and greenery and candles and Christmas smells.

I had set some money aside for my usual Christmas shopping sprees.   

Until……….

An old debt had to be paid off, the car needed new tires AND new rims, the cat got sick and other small but necessary bills depleted my bank account.  I have never in my entire life felt so broke as I do now.

AND yes I know I am a helluva lot better off than many.  And I should hang my head in shame.  But I can't.  like a petulant child I want to have the Christmas I am used to.  

BUT my reality is I am on a fixed income now.  I have to tighten my belt.  I have to learn how to tighten my belt.... I haven't had to do that for years and years and years.  

W spoiled me yesterday.  He bought me the garland I was lusting after for the stairs to the bedrooms.. and he bought me the Christmas crackers that have always adorned the Christmas Table for as long as I can remember  And I cried.  W hates Christmas - but quite obviously loves me enough to try and make my first retired Christmas miles away from my family as special as possible.

Maybe it's time for me to remember my all time favourite Christmas show and the ending that goes like this:

Grinch: How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes, or bags!

Narrator: And he puzzled and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more."