Quietness

So many good things have happened around here this week -- it boggles my mind!!  And truthfully I am almost afraid to put them into words in case they vanish like a puff of smoke............ 

BUT........

Last year my eldest daughter sat here with the lil one and I colouring........ I watched and thought I would never have the patience to do that!!
Fast forward one year and I asked eldest daughter if she had something I could colour over the summer............ God bless her !!  she brought me a huge colouring book (mandalas) and beautiful coloured pencils.  This past week with the lil one we have been colouring.  Today the lil one went back to her mom and I pulled the colouring out and have been sitting colouring ever since.

I may have found a way to help with the emotions/stress/anxiety....... this is sooo soothing (though it probably helps I am doing it out on the deck in the beautiful sunshine with bird songs to soothe )

Life is good when you can use the whole box of colours 

The Truth about Fairy Tales

Possibly a Fairytale - continued

chapter 5

I feel a little like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz -- I'm so close - so very close - I just have to click my heels together to be home..........

LLF is very much like the Prince Charming from the fairy tales.  He has kissed me awake.  He is reminding me -- showing me -- what life should be like.  He leaves me little messages on facebook that cheer me up -- encourage me on -- and give me hope. He pushes me gently to leave the past lessons behind.  He hushes the voices in my head sternly.  

He has reached deep inside me and slowly one by one - removed each brick that completed the wall around my heart..... leaving me feeling quite naked and vulnerable.

He has chased away some flying monkeys -- and like a Knight of ole he has promised to do battle to keep me safe.  He is a man of honour.  He is in no rush.  He left me a note the other day on FB 

This tale is far from finished.......  we will write it chapter by chapter together....... There is just one thing left to do -- one thing I have left to do

click my heels together -- and I am home. 

 AND it is done!

Tomorrow arrived

Wellllllll my 'tomorrow' arrived -- yesterday.  

My body was back to normal -- my mind was bright and clear.  

I went shopping in the afternoon and spent forever looking for ........... wait for it........... 
Christmas gifts .. even found a couple!!

I even handled the notification that they have moved my cancer retest up by a month with hardly a flutter.

Oh yeah -- and I was cheeky with Hands -- though HE called it 'bratty' but everyone knows I am NOT a brat (devilish grin)

Yesterday WAS a good day!

Stripes

Years ago I went to a workshop on caning.  As it would happen the 'demo dolly' didn't show up and some good "friends" volunteered me to take her place.  

Before the demo - canes scared me badly - they just plain hurt and for some reason it was a hurt I couldn't get on top of.  So yeah I was really nervous doing this demo.  But - as is supposed to happen when you take courses - I learned something.  Caning could be good hurt!!

It's been years since that workshop - and no one has been able to take me to "that place" since with a cane.

Then I met The Sadist.  And He loves canes.  In fact he loves them so much that he broke 3 (I believe it was) on my ass................ 

So when I got the cane back - I "gifted" it to him.  

He came to visit me yesterday....... and of course the cane was used - well used!!  

I can testify that in the right hands the cane is a beautiful instrument of amazing pain! 

(note - for a larger view of the pics - just click on the thumb nail pic)

And  the stripes it leaves - that the Sadist leaves - make me smile.

And The Sadist whispered "I'm pleased I could help make the cane yours again"  

I wear his stripes proudly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Sadist asked me to post day after picks of the stripes -  I did warn him I don't do "selfies" and trying to take a selfie of welts is even harder.. the quality isn't the best - but I do follow orders :)

Play Date

My Daddy Dom came for a play date yesterday.  At one point I was laughing and wiggling and shrieking and I said "I know exactly what I am gonna write in my blog tomorrow"!!

But now ....... not so much.

Oh there was a lot of spanking - I even have pictures to prove it  

But pictures don't tell the whole story - only a part of it.

There is something sensual and tender in our play together.  Relaxing and exhilarating at the same time.  Soft and tender yet firm and hard.

It touches something deep inside of me - and allows me to feel in a way I had almost forgotten.

It's special and each "play date" we have I find I want to hold it close to my heart - and treasure it and not share.  

BUT I feel a need to acknowledge how Daddy Dom touches my soul and leaves me feeling whole and complete

 

Finding Positives

There is one event that has always raised my spirits - and that is Christmas! 

For some reason I have always "aligned" myself with Grinches/Scrooges........... and nothing I did ever changed them.  (make note - you can NOT change someone) 

This Christmas I am really truly on my own............. I am free to celebrate with all the joy and enthusiasm I have tucked away inside.  

I have started my lists - not for Santa - but for me - things I want to do - things I want to make - parties I want to have - decorating and baking and the best of all - traveling down to Montreal to spend not one day - but DAYS with my grandkids!!  

I have little craft projects already started - and others tucked away in the cupboard till the time gets closer - wait till you see!!  I will share everything with you all as the time gets closer.  

I have planned out in my head where all the decorations are gonna go - especially the tree - and then taken it all down and done it again ........ and again.  

I have already made my guest list for my New Year's Day open house - and a temporary food list ........... 

I have made a list of things to take to Montreal - like a gingerbread house that the kids and I can decorate on Christmas Eve to help fill the day with memories.

I have already started making my own Christmas cards - something I used to do all the time - embossing them and adding sparkle and heartfelt words on the inside - my words from the heart.

Kids can't wait till Christmas Eve - I can't wait till the 1st of December when I can start dragging out the decorations and turning my home into a festive holiday space that will warm my heart and bring joy (I hope ) to all who visit ............... 

Only 14 more days till I start ............ I can't wait !!!

 

 

Found my Wings..

Sitting here this morning I am desperately trying to find the words to describe the amazing adventure I had this weekend............. I do feel very much like I have found my wings again!

I was invited to spend the weekend with friends.  This wasn't the first time.  I have been before.  It was a time for me to de-stress - to laugh and chat and just be myself for a few hours.  It was in a sense my saving grace.
 
Over the last many months I have been in limbo I guess.... figuring I was going back to vanilla - knowing the last thing I needed/wanted was another D/s relationship - the last one just drained the soul out of me I think.  I had very little interest in playing - I would try to pull up the old desire - but honestly I just couldn't find it.  It was gone.

But over the last few weeks I had started to perv porn again (ok ok you can all close your mouths now - yes sometimes I DO perv porn!!) and the fantasies started to dance around the edges of my mind ... tickling me... and then slipping away again like a mist over the lake... but never gone for long - drifting back - reminding me of who I am at my very core.

I started to wish I could try pushing some of my HARD limits - find out what I was missing - if indeed I was missing anything........ wouldn't know till I tried right??? but then those thoughts would mist over and float away.....

And then - there I was driving to my friends with my imagination working in over drive.  I tried to push the thoughts away - after all - these are friends - with a capital F.  We really hadn't even discussed playing..............What the HELL was I doing!!??

And yes - you have figured it out - smart people......... we did play on Friday night AND again on Saturday night.  I wonder if they saw the need burning inside me - a need I still did not want to acknowledge ...  

Today I am sitting with fairy marks on my thighs and ass that make me smile.. that leave me feeling tingly and warm and right about myself again........ Hopefully in the next few days I will find the words to describe in more detail how so many walls came tumbling down - from flimsy fall over in a soft breeze wall - to built of mortar and bricks strong.  

For now I just need to sort it out - take it from wisps of memories that dance naked in my mind - to grown up intelligent words that make sense ........... For now be happy for me as I have found my wings again.............  

"Murder Most Foul"

To quote Monty Python - "and now for some something completely different"......


Last night W took me to a murder mystery dinner at a local restaurant.  I was so excited!!  It had been for EVER since I went to one............W had never been to one... it was an adventure !!!!

If you have never been to one - let me explain how it works - well at least how this one worked.  

Ever been to theater in the round?? where the action takes place all around you - well that is pretty much what this was like.  The premise was we were all workers for the Goodgreen broadcasting company - the year was 1928 - and this was their Christmas party.  The President of said company - his sister and her drunken husband (who played Santa Claus) the Vice President and the President's secretary sat at the head table.  The President had received death threats which meant a detective from the local police station was on hand.

As dinner progressed - the characters created the story line through dialogue with each other and with the "workers" (us)   Between the main course and dessert - dear old Santa Claus (sister's husband) was poisoned and died a rather dramatic death under the Christmas tree.

They posted a clue board outside of our dining room - and we were invited to try and solve the whodunit.  

It was all good fun - and though our table believed it was the secretary who did it... I firmly believed the sister killed her husband.  Unfortunately I couldn't back up my suspicion well enough to sway our table................ but in the end I was right !!  Yay me!!!  all those mystery shows I watch on television and all the mystery books I read paid off... LOL

 The  cast - pictured above - did an excellent job of laying out the plot - confusing us - and making us laugh.

All in all it was an excellent evening - and a nice break from all the thoughts/work of Christmas.  

I am such a lucky subbie to have a Sir who spoils me with spur of the moment adventures like Murder Mystery Dinners.

Sunny Day

Was a sunny day
Not a cloud was in the sky
Not a negative word was heard
From the peoples passing by
Was a sunny day
All the birdies in the trees
And the radio’s singing song
All the favorite melodies

Paul Simon

 Yes today is indeed a "sunny day".  And it came about because of a spanking.... yup a spanking!!  weird eh??? 

Well I find it weird.  I was thinking yesterday afternoon - after the spanking and 2 orgasms - how weird it was.  How a spanking can change my mindset drastically.

First I had worked hard to trash the feelings of not being a good subbie - over the dinner episode - by myself - and I had done a good job.  And I had  that warm glow that comes from serving W and knowing my place.

BUT

add a spanking and it's as though my position as W's submissive is re-affirmed.  It's as though a spanking  re-affirms that W sees me as his submissive.  It's not me myself and I doing this - but it is a combined effort - the two of us. 

shrug - ok - it probably all sounds a bit weird - I admit it - but weird or not - it gives me warm fuzzies and an "all's right with the world" kind of feeling.   

Weekly - biweekly -  hell daily spankings sound like a GREAT idea to me.. keep me grounded - keep me in my place - keep the sun shining and no clouds in the sky !! 

Troubling Tuesday

Well yesterday was my "blue day" - the weather even matched my mood - cloudy overcast skies and a chill to the air. 

But that didn't stop me from curling up in my secret garden and reading..... loosing myself for a few hours in the world of fiction (I have finished 50 Shades and happily moved on) 

Just after lunch time the doorbell rang.  No one ever rings my bell - well except for Jehovah's Witnesses ...... I almost ignored it - but something made me unwind my legs and go answer the door.

Standing there was this whistling chap holding an amazing splash of colour  called azaleas.   Once inside I tore open the card - Oh I knew who they were from - but W almost never sends a card.  I figured the card would have one word on it "Breathe" ..... but no - it said "This isn't blue and you shouldn't be either".  I stood there smiling and crying and thinking "THAT MAN!!!  What am I gonna do with HIM!!"  and I knew what I was gonna do - the same thing I have been doing for years now - LOVE HIM.

And so the sadness lifted a little - and I know - thanks to all the wonderful people who left me inspired comments - and to this man who sends bright pink flowers on a blue day - that this next year will be a time indeed of goodbyes - but all those goodbyes are just paving the road for all my new tomorrows - filled with adventure.

 

Lucky lucky me!!!!

Just like a halloween spooky story....... last evening i was curled up on the sofa - tv going - playing my games on my laptop... feeling warm and comfy and slightly better health wise.......... 

WHEN........ (insert spooky music here)

miss ashes woke from a sound sleep - ears back - head cocked to one side - listening... I listened too but didn't hear a thing..... she got down and wandered to the edge of the sofa beside me - looking up at me ........ 

WHEN ....... (insert spookier music here)

I heard the front door opening - the alarm announcing "Front Door" and I nearly jumped out of my skin........ 


It was 7:45 pm - and no one should be breaking into the condo at that hour!!!!!

There was a brief moment (that felt a bit like a life time) of silence and then I heard "Don't freak - it's ME" 

Me being W.......... ughh slap that man upside the head!!  He was supposed to be at his train club .... he was not supposed to be breaking into the condo giving me post halloween frights


I figured he had come to check out the sickie .... i figured .... actually now I am not sure what I figured... W announced he had just come to drop something off... 


After my heart started beating again... and we had hugged and kissed (DAMN spreading my germs!!)  He handed me a box....... and said "it is your birthday present AND your Christmas present" ....... 


And I knew immediately what it was...................  

an Ereader - in colour yet !!!  


When I was in hospital last year - eldest daughter always came to visit with hers.... I wasn't all that talkative most days and often dozed off to sleep while she was there... she would pull it out and read till I woke up...... She read on the bus - on the train - anywhere and everywhere.  She sang the praises of an ereader.. light weight - convenient -  I wasn't convinced.  I am a book snob (I think I have confessed that here before) I thought I would miss the feel and smell of a book............ 


BUT the last time W and I were in the States I looked at one of the ereaders - had a salesman do a good sales job - even had a woman in the shop do an even better job of selling me on one....... and I was nearly convinced....... 


BUT ........... it wasn't something I HAD to have...... and so I elected to wait till I had some mad money hanging around - not ear marked for corsets (cheeky grin)


Well W decided no waiting necessary - and he bought one for me!!!
It is in colour - and I spent the rest of the evening ignoring the TV and the computer games - learning how to navigate the Ereader.... By the time I went to bed - I had downloaded two books........ 


Now I just have to figure out how to disguise it as part of work environment so I can read and play on it (still got all sorts of things to figure out ) 


I am a very lucky me...... very luck indeed!!!!

glowing

I know on this the 10th anniversary of  9 - 11 it is probably bordering on sacrilege to feel this way.......

BUT .... 

I just have to say that my heart is so full and absolutely glowing today.




Tomorrow I will post my "monday report" ...