Do's and Don'ts

I mentioned yesterday that W and I went to a munch on Friday evening.  I think because we are new - we are still 'trying on' the different groups in the area - looking for the right fit - or close to right fit. 

We have now attended munches/sloshes/discussion groups and I am feeling pretty much caught in the middle of a maelstorm.  

It would seem that at one time there was one group and only one group.  Then someone came along and was feeling their power and their testosterone and their dominance - and then there was some back stabbing... some nasty rumours ... and then there was the second group.

Now there were 2 groups in the very tiny town of Kingston.  The first group started to flounder ..... and the second group started to flourish.  People flocked to the new group and the new leader with something akin to hero worship.  And this new leader quickly ate up the attention - the power - the adoration.  As his power grew (and power grows because we give these people power) rules started appearing - rules for everything.... and I do mean everything.  And it would appear (to this newbie) that everything is HIS way or no way.  The very first event I attended hosted by this second group - I felt the tension.  Don't break the rules ........... cause if you break the rules you are first humiliated publicly - then you are banned.  People were whispering in my ear - do this  - don't do that.........

Then someone in that group did something terrible - horrible - awful !!!  And publicly they were humiliated and banned.  (though no one quite knows/understands what the hell they did) and so this someone and their partner started their own group.

And now there are 3 groups in the tiny town of Kingston.

Friday evening's munch (hosted - for those of you trying to keep track - by the first now floundering group)  there was a whole discussion about the 3 groups and some of the history.  There was a WHOLE lot of talk about the second group and it's leader.  Seems he loves rules (duh !!)  But doesn't necessarily follow his own rules.  Now I have a problem with that !!!  Why don't the dissatisfied people just walk away??? (that's what I wanted to know) BECAUSE - when it comes to play parties - this guy and this group is the only game in town.

I am trying to understand that.  Here in Montreal there are far more than 3 groups - bigger town - more interests - more groups (I won't talk about the need for power and adoration) BUT the play parties are organised by separate individuals.  They  generally don't have anything - ANYTHING - to do with any of the groups.  So no  one feels a need to stay with any one group.  They can attend any damn play party they want to........ and unless they do something really really bad at a play party (and I still haven't seen how bad someone has to be to get themselves banned - and I have seen a lot !!  much that would have the Kingston groups reeling) if they have the entrance fee they attend.

Anyway back to the Kingston mess - I am still a newbie - hell I am not even living there yet.  I will continue to watch - and read (the second group has more emails flying around then any other group BDSM related or not) and bide my time.  

I honestly believe the answer is someone needs to run the play parties - someone who has NO affiliation with any one group.  Run the play parties as separate entities.  Then folks will be free to pick and chose what munches/sloshes/discussion groups/ and groups they wish to join, with no fear of losing the right to attend the one and only play party.  

But that's just me.  and I am new so what do I know.  I will sit quietly on the side lines and watch - maybe while Rome burns ?!