Wednesday, June 09, 2010

More Sex

I was having a chat last night - about how things are changing at BDSM play parties.

Play seems to involve (in a lot of cases) a whole lot of sexual touching, sexual play. Now I am not a prude (ok ok I am a little bit of a prude) but that isn't the driving factor behind today's post.

What bothers me is the total lack of "protection" that I am also seeing. Doesn't anyone remember the 60's and 70's and the sexual freedom along with the consequences???

What I am seeing at parties is ......... vibrators being used on multiple partners with no protection. Hands moving from these pink bits to these pink bits without gloves - never mind even a good hand washing!!

Don't people remember the virulent spread of HIV and other less scary STD's???

Is the BDSM community becoming the new "gay" community (of the past) where anything goes and damn the consequences???

Honestly it scares me to death.

Good people playing recklessly and with total abandon.

When did BDSM become all about sex?? I used to cringe when I would go to a play party only to discover it was the new s/m (stand and model) ... Then I got discouraged when I discovered more and more people were happier playing at home or at swingers clubs..... Now I am gob smacked by BDSM becoming all about sex - public or otherwise.

I went to a play party recently where I was a little excited because a Dom I once admired for his "hard" play style was going to be attending. I thought I would have something entertaining to watch.

What I saw left me disappointed for days. This dom came in .. stood with hands on hips and his submissive knelt at his feet and gave him a blow job - in front of everyone. My reaction was "good god !! couldn't you have done that BEFORE you got here??!!"

Am I a dinosaur?? Am I the only one who thinks BDSM is about floggers and whips and paddles oh my !!! I feel like there are a whole new set of rules to this game called BDSM and someone forgot to give me the rule book.

And I am worried that this beloved community is in for an influx of STD's and worse.

Doesn't anyone else feel this is unsafe play?? am I the only voice crying in the wilderness???


  1. For many, it always more about sex than play. "Sure I will spank you, but I want a BJ". Sounds like your group has migrated to one end of the spectrum.

  2. Don't you think that this is two-pronged? There is that "we are invincible, and will live forever," almost impossible to comprehend sort of insouciance, but there is also a social phenomenon that is about the falling away of once valued social norms and boundaries. The same boundaries that cause people to ask first -- "may I?" or "would you mind?" or "by your leave?" used to keep us from trespassing on one another's turf. Those are the boundaries that keep the roving hoardes of HNG's from taking over every social forum, and those are the boundaries that would once have caused a needy, I-just-gotta-get-myself-spanked wannabe bottom from an all ahead full and damn the torpedoes trespass into other folks' intimate lives to get what he/she "needs." Those boundaries would have defined polite and mature and dignified ways for your former partner to have handled the recent dissolution of your relationship and precluded the ugliness that has been so apparent to all of us. Those same understandings keep people in some sort of civilized relatedness in a wide variety of settings -- and that includes dungeons and play parties.
    It used to be that the BDSM world had very straight forward and generally adhered to protocols and conventions. People respected one another, did not make assumptions about each other, kept the lines between lifestyle and vanilla clear, understood the notions of experience and seniority and standing and moved relative to those when approaching and meeting one another. Some of that was perhaps stiff and too conventional, and perhaps there were good reasons to evaluate all of those social guidelines, but I wonder if we haven't lost some very functional tools for dealing with one another in the event. It is one thing to be "alternative" in one's life choices, it is another to use the moniker of "alternative" to justify behavior that is crass, rude, and ignorant.
    We don't get out much anymore, but I can't imagine that we wouldn't find much of the same sort of foolishness here that you find there. There are reasons that cultures create rules and customs. Where our community has dispensed with those boundaries, we have perhaps done our "culture" a great harm.


  3. I do claims for a MAJOR insurance company. The claims I work are for a Medicare program, so I have alot of senior-types. Yesterday, I did a claim for a woman who was experiencing headaches and went to the emergency of the tests they did was for syphilis. Guess, in advanced stages, it can cause headaches....she was 89.

    Protection is protection people. What is so damned hard to understand? After someone sweats all over a piece of equipment in a dungeon, we are clean and sanitize for each other's protection. If you don't want to handle my sweat, I don't want to handle your USED toys.

    Geesh! Get a grip!

    Rantin' T, signing off.

  4. I prefer to watch at the play parties, and some of the things I see, make my very strong and non-novice stomach turn. I prefer to watch PLAY, and not sex. I want to see the spanking, the teasing, the eyes of subs pleading, and worshipping their Masters. Also, whatever happened to BDSM ettiquette? Wash your hands and your toys. It has come to the point where I am afraid to shake hands when I walk into the party, and I don't want to be rude. Let's not even mention the chips and dip...don't even go there. *snerk*

  5. Anonymous12:52 am

    I say this hoping you understand I am not very experienced.

    I find the description of dangerous play in this post to be quite disturbing and scary.

    As for sexualization of public play. It sounds intriguing and hot. For me, the game we call "BDSM" is very much about erotic and sexual feelings; these feelings could be enhanced by sexual stimulation.

    I must also add that humiliation is an important part of "BDSM" for me, being naked, touched and controlled sexually is awesome.

    All that said I hope there are places where sexual play is acceptable and sexual play is not acceptable. I would want to have both available to me as I imagine they are quite different.



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