I have encountered a couple of interesting phenomena in the last month of being a "free woman" ..........
The first is this freedom to play with whomever I wish.
At first I was very shy about the whole idea. Again I equate the whole phenomenon with dancing. After so many years of dancing with one partner I was shy about dancing with someone else... what if I stepped on their toes?? What if they didn't dance to the same music as me??
But over time I have become a bit more daring.... and have agreed to play with a couple of folks. Most by now have watched me play with S&S and are fully aware of what I am looking for in a play session. Some have even changed their wording from "Want to play with me ??" to .. "Can I warm you up?" (which I find rather amusing)
Sunday afternoon is a good example. A Dominant I know quite well - for many years - approached me with the warm up invitation. It is nice to know that even Dominants know their own limits. I joked with him - when he started with a rather nice hand spanking, that 4 hits was not a warm up!! And he was quite welcome to continue until his hand hurt. (cheeky grin)
The other phenomenon is how many Dominants seem to think that because I am no longer owned, and am willing to play with others.... that I am also open to sexual play.
It amazes me how many Dominants seem to think it is perfectly ok to have a bad case of the "wandering hand" syndrome.
Now I don't get that........ honestly I don't. I negotiated for a spanking not for a spanking with sex thrown in as a side dish. I think sex and sexual touching should be negotiated separately. Just because I say "yes you may spank me" does not automatically mean I am open to be fucked. Let's clarify the slut word.. you can call me a "pain slut" but don't ever try calling me - or thinking of me as - a slut.
If your hand has problems with traveling beyond the negotiated areas - you are gonna be told firmly to stop. If you don't understand the word "stop" trust me - that is going to be the very last time you get to spank me.
It all seems very simple to me... I am a masochist. I get sexual fulfillment from pain. I don't need anything else thank you very much.
Some day down the road - I may start looking for full service Dominant (cheeky grin) but for now I am happy in my role of masochist.
hya, I found you through Kaya's site, and just wanted to tell you how relieved I am to find someone else who sees the masochism as totally fullfilling without the sex being attached.
ReplyDeleteI am in a long term relationship (marriage) with my Master, and he doesn't get it, realy he doesn't. In his head if I need to play then sex needs to be part of it. It is the only wrinkle in other wise perfect harmony.
Another reminder of the rich variety in lifestyle and interests. Of course, as you mention in your post, communication is the key. Since you are dealing with people who may not know the limits, it seems you should be the one to make it clear up front. Maybe you should paint the off limit parts red!
ReplyDeleteNeo Dom Tom
ReplyDeleteI am very clear - I said I negotiated for a spanking only.. that does not give anyone the right to extend the negotiations.
If you ask a woman to dance does that give you the right to run your hand up under her skirt?? I don't think soooooooooo....
morningstar